Doppelganger, Pt. 1

“...but that’s not the only reason I watch you. It’s more like what I came for. But I stayed for you. When you smile or drop those crappy little in-jokes of yours, I feel like… I feel like it cleanses my soul. Like it gives me the strength to live another day. And honestly, I feel like in another life we could’ve… no, some days, I feel like you’re my wife’s reincar-”

Emilija suddenly spoke so loud it poured over the sound coming from my phone. “Oh. Em. Gee. Like, what a total simp.”

She turned towards me, her latte-toned hair almost falling right into her eyes as her lids opened further at the sight of me.. “You crying, Mina? I’m so sorry, oh my gosh.”

Sheepishly, I smiled as I dabbed at my eyes with a tissue from the box on the table. “No, no. I’m alright,” I giggled, “just don’t get messages like that every day.”

Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less about that guy’s voice message. I just wanted another reason to cry.

Irisu let out a comically exasperated sigh beside me as she brushed her pink hair to the side and looked up from her purple latte, staring at the blonde. “Emi! Where’s your heart?! Thought this brunch was all for us to spill the feels!”

“Come on, this has to be a case for a restraining order,” Emilija scoffed. “Isn’t this like, that paranormal thing you keep talking about?”

“Parasocial,” both I and Irisu replied in unison.

I paused for a minute before tapping the “Decline DM Request” button. “You’re right. It is a bit creepy.”

“I guess it’s still better than having to deal with thirsty comments from senior citizens,” Emilija retorted.

“Uh…” I and Irisu spoke in unison, turning to each other with wide eyes, “we get plenty of that too.”

“If you think them going after Mina is weird, they go after my vtuber persona too. You don’t even need to be a real person to be thirsted after,” Irisu continued, “but yeah. At least we have mods that get rid of most of them.”

“Be nice if they had mods on dating apps,” Emilija sighed before turning to me and pulling her phone out. “Oh, right. Mina, guess who I found the other day!”

“I… have no idea?” I shrugged.

“Hold up, you’re gonna LOVE this…” she fiddled around on her phone for a bit before turning it to me and Irisu to show a photo of a man in his 20s. He had this beautiful, yet messy blonde hair, a few strands falling down just above his eyebrow. His lip was pierced, connected via chain to a ring on his earlobe. Stubble peppered his entire lower jaw, giving him this sharp, masculine vibe. His shoulders were broad, accentuating the muscle under his ruffled white dress shirt. One of his eyebrows was also pierced - three rods splitting it. He looked like a total punk, but I could recognize that face anywhere.

Irisu gasped before I could. “Is that Jans??? Why’s he so cool all of a sudden?!”

That’s right. It was Jans - a classmate of mine and Emilija’s back from high school. Calling him just a classmate would be a bit of an understatement as we dated for a few months, but did those three months when we were sixteen really count for much? I didn’t know how to answer myself.

The one thing I did know was that my voice got caught in my larynx at the sight of him. For a moment, those same old feelings flashed in my mind, the sound of his voice playing back to me just once.

“You… you matched with him? Don’t tell me…” I blurted out without thinking.

Emilija retorted. “Wha? No! Who do you think I am? I’d never move in on your guy like that.”

“He’s not my- ugh,” I sighed.

Emilija laughed, but Irisu’s smile faded for some reason. I didn’t ask why. I didn’t need to, since it returned the moment I was about to ask.

“What, you still like him?” She asked.

I put on a fake air of smugness, waving my hand. “Sure, like I would. That was ages ago, girl.”

“But if some other girl matched with him?” Irisu pressed, almost mockingly.

I stammered. “Then I’d… well, I’d probably- I don’t know, honestly.”

She looked at me for a few more moments, her smile fading again.

“I didn’t match with him, but… I did chat him up,” Emilija winked, completely unaware of the conversation she’d barged into.

“You… give me your phone!” I shouted, trying to take it from her hands. She just held it far enough that I couldn’t reach it without climbing over the table.

She laughed again. “Wow, chill. I didn’t ask him out or anything. Just what he’s up to and all. Apparently he’s got a piercing shop now. Should I book you?”

I giggled in embarrassment. “Em, stoppp! Are you trying to rub it in my face that you’re talking to him or something?”

“Well, I told him about you. You should visit him. Catch up on old times?”

“And why would I want to do that?” I barked back.

“Because you totally still like him?” Emilija proclaimed.

At that point, I stopped hiding my smile and anticipation. Although, I couldn’t hide the embarrassment either. “Em, I think I totally want to strangle you.”

Irisu sheepishly giggled. “More than you want to see your Jans?”

“Not you too…” I sighed.

********

“-no, I won’t be half-naked at the con- look, mom, I’m twenty fucking six, I can wear what I…”

My grip around the phone got tighter as my voice started to break. She wasn’t even trying to listen, doing her usual crocodile tear routine again. The same routine every time. Crying about how “normal” I had been, where she’d gone wrong, running through a list of people to blame for me “turning out this way,” how she “won’t have a nice retirement” because of me, the like. My brain couldn’t help but tune it out.

Until she said three words that made me freeze.

“It’s just not you, Wilhelmina.”

My usual string of rebuttals got caught in my throat. Maybe my heart skipped a beat or two. I didn’t want to think I agreed, but-

She hadn’t used my full name like that in years. Even when she’d be mad, she’d still typically call me Mina. I couldn’t remember how long it had been.

I had no idea how to reply anymore.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll think. Mhm, yeah. Love you too.”

I sat on the edge of my stupid expensive gaming chair, staring at my stupid lock screen of some magical girl anime I probably owned too much merch of. One of the girls, Rita-chan, had this outfit that was a mix of pink, white and cyan - something I’d based Tsumiki’s outfit on, even sewing the first iteration from a few cosplay pieces.

I unlocked my PC, intending to just spend the night drinking while doomscrolling Twitter for fanart of me- the other me- her. Whatever. I just wanted something that numbed my mind. Even so-

After a few hours, I ended up on the same old creepypasta site I’d always be on, reading horror stories into the night like I’d be punishing myself by not sleeping. Tired of haunted games and gory lost episodes, I clicked on the “Rituals” section hoping to read more takes on the classic tale of the monkey’s paw. Some stupid stick you’d break in half to grant you one wish, whatever.

“The Money Curse”
…skip.

“The Unending Wish-Granting Road”
skip.

“How to Visit Hell”
Literally why would I want to do that?

Scroll, scroll, scroll. This crap wasn’t even remotely intriguing me anymore.

On a whim, I decided to spam-click “Random Ritual” with zero expectations to land on anything good.

A few clicks took me to a single-page entry titled simply “Doppelganger.”

i am not responsible for what this might cause

u need:
a personal item (smth u really cherish)
an item u associate with a part of u that u want gone (anything u associate with a trait u dislike)
2 mirrors

step 1:
on a table or desk or whatever, turn the two mirrors so that both are facing you
one from the left and one from the right

step 2:
in ur left hand, hold ur personal item
in ur right, hold the item u hate

step 3:
fully turn to the left mirror and hold ur item up

step 4:
say “ this belongs to me”

step 5:
fully turn to the right mirror and hold the other item up

step 6:
look into ur reflections eyes and say “this belongs to you”

step 7:
repeat steps 4-6 9 times

step 8:
the 10th time, repeat steps 4-6 with ur eyes closed

Mhm. Yep, okay.

I can’t remember what I had been thinking then. I was probably drunk enough to attempt it. I had everything I needed anyway, and the instructions were simple enough for a child to do it.

I rode my chair over to my makeup table and grabbed my LED-lit vanity and unclipped Tsumiki's ribbons from the orange-streaked blonde wig atop the fake head. The ribbons were probably what I hated most at that moment. It wasn’t like I hated Tsumiki or anything, those ribbons just sucked. They were super cheap party ribbons and scratched against my cheeks every time I streamed, irritating my skin all the time.

Besides, a set of new ones was on the way already.

With the vanity as the left mirror and my phone with the facecam open as the right one, I began following the steps-

Right. I needed an item I cherished.

I looked around and settled on the orange kitty plush resting against my pillow. It was the only thing I could say I felt something close to cherishment towards. It had been with me since my kindergarten days and has probably seen and heard more of my deepest secrets than anyone else ever would.

Two mirrors, check.
An item I hate, check.
An item I love… check.

I wheeled closer to my desk, setting the stiff ribbons to the side as I held the kitty toward the vanity on the left.

“This belongs to me,” I giggled a little at my reflection. For some reason, I looked incredible when I was drunk.

I turned toward my phone, holding up the ribbons.

“This belongs to you,” I looked at how different my face looked in the facecam. It looked a little rounder and just… off. It wasn’t exactly in a good angle or lighting, though. Looking into my eyes, I could barely even make their color out. Maybe it was the light playing tricks on me, but my right eye - the one that didn’t catch the light from my vanity - looked like an abyss with a single tiny white dot in its center.

Ugh.

I really wanted to hit a few puffs after this.

I repeated the steps, counting in my mind.

This belongs to me. This belongs to you.
This belongs to me. This belongs to you.
This belongs to me. This belongs to you.

…and so on.

Surely I was about to get a clone or something? Someone who’d pretend to be normal around Mom for me?

This belongs to me. This belongs to you.
This belongs to me. This belongs to you.
This belongs to me. This belongs to you.

Spinning on my chair was fun.

This belongs to me.

The plush kitty was so soft in my left hand.

This belongs to you.

Those ribbons were garbage.

This belongs to me. This belongs to you.

That was nine, so I closed my eyes, taking a shaky breath in as I listened to the rain pattering against my metal windowsills outside.

Why was I scared?

This wasn’t even the first stupid creepypasta ritual I’d done.

It was just some stupid way to spend a night.

This belongs to me…

…and this belongs to you.

I set my stuff down, afraid to open my eyes. For some reason, I was thinking of that scene in Death Note where Light first meets Ryuk, screaming and falling off his chair. I wondered if I had been about to see a demon.

Maybe it’d be cool, though.

Or maybe, I’d open my eyes and see-

…

…

…

...a bunch of crap on my desk that I’d misplaced myself. My plush kitty away from its precious spot by my pillow and my vanity about to fall off.

Yeah, all of that was bullshit.

I grabbed my vape, but saw that the pod was empty. Great, I thought.

I stood up and threw on my black jacket, ready to hit the store for some juice.