Fireflies and Flowers

The campfire continues to crackle and smoke throughout the night. All except for Bernard headed to sleep, but who is to say whether any rest is being had. I, for one, am amongst the ones who cannot get comfortable as the moon continues to roll through the sky. My eyes just silently stare into the darkness with no sign of shutting.

"Hm?"

Something is visible in the distance, appearing and disappearing as if bringing its own existence into question. One small light turns into many, each floating and flickering like rising embers lost on their way into the sky. Of course, I can tell exactly what they are.

Without making too much noise, I slowly pull myself to my feet.

"Rado?"

"Just taking a little walk."

Bernard doesn't question me any further as I enter the night.

My hands reach forward to feel the passing trees. Brush and some thorns catch onto my trousers, but I continue moving through them. Even the light scratches don't bother me as I move through the darkness. Minutes pass, and the campfire light has grown nearly as dim as the lights that first brought me out here.

"So this is where you all were hiding?"

I pull into a small opening in the trees, one that would likely receive a nice bit of sun during the day. There is no sunlight, but I can still see the space. Moonlight certainly helps, but the ones I should thank are the dozens of fireflies hovering in this space nearly untouched by fallen leaves. They allow me to see the grasses and weeds, as well as wildflowers of various colours. The ones that stick out the most are tall, a disk of yellow petals surrounding a black core.

It's just a small patch, but I see it almost immediately. I find myself right in front of it. My legs took me to this spot without any conscious effort.

"Hey…"

My knees collapse beneath me, resting at the base of the natural flower bed.

"Am I doing a good job, Sunflower?"

The flowers bloom slightly above eye level from this position. I'm looking up at them as I speak, even though there is nobody around.

"I don't know what to do now…but, I'm trying my best…"

For the first time since tumbling down that cliff, I have the time to reflect. I'm not stuck in a state of shock as I was in that cell, and every moment since then has been a nonstop series of activity. Even as I slept last night, I could not see anything in my dreams. Now, nothing stands in the way of the emotions so patiently waiting to be released.

"Why…"

I can't remember the last time I felt so much water in my eyes. When my old man passed away, I was sad. But that sadness did not bring out tears. I had a more important job at hand with him gone, or maybe I simply had enough time to prepare for that moment. This time is different. That event, it should have never happened.

"Why was it just me…"

That question repeats in my mind over and over as I look at these burnt hands, wretched flesh concealed by white wrapping.

So many bright futures, and mine was not one of them. It could have been any of those kids, they all had so much time left. I'm already nearly at the end. It would have surprised nobody if I kicked the bucket within a year.

A light breeze sends a chill onto my stained cheeks. I watch the sunflowers sway side to side in a soft rhythm. Seeing the flowers like this only serves to remind me of the flower that will never move again.

"Father, what is that?"

"Hm?"

I hold my daughter's hand as we watch the festivities that so rarely graced our middle of nowhere. At the centre of the commotion were performers, one of which was holding a small wooden instrument.

"I think they call it a lyre."

"How does it make that sound?"

"Uhhhh…"

Sunflower looked up with such excitement that I had to come up with something. After wracking my brain, I came to the answer that solves most such situations.

"It's some kind of magic! They pull the strings a certain way to cast their spell!"

"Wow! So music is made with magic!?"

"You'd best believe it! How else could something so small make such big sounds!"

For I know, that could actually be how it's done.

"Woah…"

She continued watching the performance in awe. Every little sound made by their instruments filled her with more and more wonder. I've lived with Sunflower her whole life, so I could reasonably estimate what was on her mind.

"Want one?"

"No, I'm alright."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup. It's magic, so it will probably be expensive."

It was always like this. I could never be mad at such a considerate child, but part of me laments at how quickly she concedes to this life we live. Someone her age should be dreaming bigger, no matter how unreasonable it may be.

"How about this? I'll make you one."

"Really!? But it's magic!"

"Leave it to your old man! I'll learn this magic and teach you how to cast the spell!"

Her small hand tightened with unbridled excitement. It's just wood and strings, so it shouldn't be impossible to make. Of course, I would have to pull out some crazy tricks to make it sound right. I was more than willing to, though. It was for her, after all.

"I'll get it to you when you get older! I promise!"

"Thank you, father! You're the best!"

The memory begins to slowly fade. First it's the travelers putting on the show, then it's the venue. Once the village has disappeared, so too does that small bundle of joy and the smile on her face. Finally, the promise we made fades away as well.

"Sunflower…"

Before she even had the opportunity to bloom, it was all over. I would have given every minute I had left if it meant giving her just one more. My entire life was for her. Without her, what do I even have left?

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

I couldn't do anything. All that's left now is this grizzled old man stumbling through whatever time this world is willing to grant him. This borrowed time is mine to suffer.

"Hey, Sunflower? Do you think I've done enough?"

She isn't there, but I want to believe that somewhere, she can see me. I want to believe that I still draw breath for something. If at least this phantom of my daughter approves of my pain, I can finally rest.

"I'm just…so tired…"

Body and mind both are struggling to put one foot in front of the other. A strong enough breeze could likely knock me flat, and I'm not sure if I could pull myself up again. I'm not sure if I want to pull myself up again.

My heart as well is in pain, and I place my hand over my chest to feel those agonising beats. I don't feel it. Something still stands in my way.

"That's right…"

That terrible item that binds me to this terrible quest. Its energy is fully sealed inside the unique cloth, but just its presence keeps me from resting.

"Sorry, Sunflower…"

My hand grasps onto the mask shard and the promise I made. I failed to keep one already, failing another would bring nothing but shame to the ones who helped bring me this far. I wasn't raised to back out once I gave my word.

"Your old man has some work left to do. But, when I'm done…"

Assuming I survive, which is no guarantee, I'll hold true to my desires one last time.

"I'll come join you, wherever you are."

This task of mine has the possibility of ending at any moment. Regardless, I have to at least try to maintain what little pride I have left. If circumstances decide that I've reached the end, then I shall accept it graciously.

"Until then, wait for me. You old man will come home, Sunflower."

The night grows weary, with even the dancing fireflies starting to disappear into the forest. I can hardly make out the shapes of the flowers, but I know that they're present. I know that they are waiting for me.