The Deal

One of the duke’s guards led us to a private room connected to the audience chamber we were just in. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it was just as tacky as everything else in the capital. I always thought money could buy everything, but apparently not class. I took a seat on one of the gilded sofas and directed the others to do the same.

Why was I acting like I owned the place? Well, my new outfit made me feel like I should be the well put together type of character. Waiting for them to make the first move would have clashed with my whole aesthetic.

“I take it you’ve got a good idea of what I wanted to ask you about?” I didn’t know for certain that we were all on the same page, but I doubt they would have been so willing to come have this talk unless they had some idea what I was going to ask. Clearly they didn’t want me bringing it up back in the audience chamber in front of everyone.

“First, I’d like to thank you for continuing to speak Theran. Duke Lyebault conducted our encounter in Theran for Her Majesty's sake, but both of us are capable of speaking Valierian. If you would prefer, we could switch to your native tongue.”

“That is quite all right. While I am also able to speak and read many languages, let us stick with Theran. As a gracious host, it is only natural that I speak in a way that makes you comfortable.”

One of these days I really should learn a bit of Valierian. Fortunately it seems like Theran is the main language in Aizus.

“You have our thanks. And as for your questions, I have my suspicions, but I’d like to hear what you have to say.” The chamberlain was the one to answer me. Was Elysa just the quiet type?

“Oh, I get it. You don’t want to say anything until you learn the full scope of what I already know.”

“I wouldn’t have put it so plainly, but your assessment isn’t inaccurate.”

“Well, that’s fine. This isn’t a negotiation or anything. Besides, I already know everything, so I have no reason to try and be sly with you.”

“Is that so?”

“Yup. And it’s not even that I’m judging, or even that I care that much, I'm mostly just curious about why Elysa. . .” I paused for a moment. It seemed like he already knew, but could I really talk about Elysa padding her chest with him while she was in the room? Wouldn’t that be way too embarrassing for her? “As to why Elysa is faking it.” I decided to keep my words vague in an effort to save her from the embarrassment.

“Faking what exactly?”

This guy had no class! Did he really want me to say it?

“Listen, I’m sure you’ve smashed your head against plenty of doorframes, but try to use what’s left of your brain. Elysa definitely knows what I’m talking about, and I think you do as well. I’m purposefully not trying to say it out loud. Think about the implications of me actually saying it. Don’t you have any delicacy?”

“I appreciate your concern for others listening in, but without confirmation we can’t continue this conversation.”

“Fine, but I’m whispering it to Elysa.” I stood up and approached Elysa. Her chamberlain attempted to get between us, but Elysa held up a hand to stop him. I leaned toward her ear and whispered quietly enough for only her to hear. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you’re padding your chest? It might look impressive, but I’ve seen the real deal. Your disguise didn’t fool me for a second.” After spending so much time looking at Eris I was practically an expert on the topic.

After delivering my message, I moved back to my seat.

“So, what do you have to say, Elysa?”

“It is as you expect, Dimitris, she knows everything.” Elysa was speaking to the chamberlain. I guess his name was Dimitris. “She could tell I wasn’t the queen at a glance. Apparently she’s met the real one before.”

“So you can talk for yourself?” I wasn’t sure what she meant about being the queen, but that probably had something to do with Selini’s message about the queen being dead. I wasn’t particularly interested in that though. More importantly, I was glad that she finally decided to speak for herself.

“The current situation often calls for me to remain silent, but under more normal circumstances I’m often told that I can be rather verbose; although perhaps not in quite so many words.”

“This is the worst case scenario. Of all people, it had to be her to figure it out.” Dimitris held his head in his hands.”

“Hey, I should take offense to that. I’ll have you know that I’m widely considered an incredibly thoughtful individual.”

“Thoughtful enough to ignore the reason we came to Valieris? Or had you already forgotten that we came here to see you punished, only to learn you already know our biggest weakness?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess you did come here for something like that.”

“You had seriously forgotten?”

He was the one who brought it up, why was he so surprised?

“What I remember and what I forget isn’t important anymore. If you’re worried I’m holding anything against you, don’t bother. I’ll gladly accept the emotions of you humans, whether it's blame or praise.” Sure, I liked praise more; but I’d already decided not to let anyone else take credit for killing all those people. “And besides, it’s not like I wanted to have this conversation to try and blackmail Elysa or anything. I was just curious as to why she was faking it.”

“Why? Isn’t that obvious? We don’t have another choice.” Dimitris answered me without giving much of an answer. The amount of passion he seemed to have over Elysa padding her chest was starting to creep me out.

“Look, I’m not judging or anything like that, but she certainly had a choice. Besides, I wasn’t asking you. Honestly, I don’t think you even have the right to weigh in on this. I wanted to hear Elysa’s reason.”

“I suppose that’s fair enough. And you’re right. Despite what Dimitris believes, there was a choice, there were many choices. And while I always made the most logical choice given the information available to me at the time, that doesn’t make me immune to review by those given only the final product.”

What?

“Yes, very well. I shall strive to answer whatever questions you may have. What did you want to know? Why am I sitting here across from you? Why indeed. Depending on how far back you wish me to go, the reasons are more plentiful then we have time to discuss. Given that, I imagine it would behoove us to momentarily ignore the reasons related to the political issues that plagued Aizus, and instead focus on the issues that lead to your involvement more directly.”

Again, what? I’m starting to regret trying to talk to this woman. Dimitris might have had a head that reached the clouds, but at least he spoke in a way that made sense.

“Are you familiar with soul’s bane? I imagine not. It’s a poison, an incredibly potent one at that. You may have gathered from the name, but unlike most poisons it doesn’t target the physical body at all, it damages the soul directly. That makes it impossible to treat using any normal means. Once one is inflicted with soul’s bane they will fall into a comatose state while the poison slowly eats away at their soul. Elysa, the real one that is, was given such a poison. Unable to accept losing her without trying, Dimitris searched for any possible cure. Eventually that brought him in contact with High Bishop Sacrés of the Holy City. The High Bishop claimed to possess some tonic capable of curing any illness, and was willing to give us a dose. Personally I don’t like the idea of investing so much into a potion produced through mysticism and magic, but I digress. His price was our farcical invasion of Valieris. Given how things turned out we were unable to claim our reward and found ourselves in a dangerous position with few options. That is why we came here in an attempt to salvage things.”

Seriously, what is she going on about? I just wanted to ask about her pads, and she went off about a bunch of stuff that I don’t understand at all. And what’s up with her starting to refer to herself in the third person all of the sudden? Is she trying to act cute, or what? I mean, I guess it’s sad that she was poisoned or something, but that’s no excuse to refer to yourself as ‘the real one’. Besides, she looked perfectly healthy to me.

“Wait a minute, did you say you were going to get a potion from the Ciel?” Something about that sounded familiar.

“Indeed. High Bishop Sacrés wouldn’t have been my first choice, but where else would one look for such a powerful potion?”

“I know right? I was just telling one of my party members about how I wanted a super powerful potion from Ciel, and he tried to tell me that I wouldn’t be able to find something like that there. I mean, how ridiculous is that? When you think of souvenirs from a holy city, the first two things that come into your head are immortality potions and torture equipment. And get this, despite him trying to tell me I was wrong, he actually did end up finding one. The magic potion that is.”

Now that I think about it, that was probably pretty lucky on my part. None of it was my fault, but things have transpired in a way that will probably cause Ane some trouble. It’s for the best that she doesn’t get her hands on any new equipment when she finally gets her hands on me. When I initially brought it up with Sanson I hadn’t considered how effective torture equipment from Ciel would be on an undead like me.

“Be that as it may, I doubt it is as powerful as the one we were seeking.”

“Hey, don’t badmouth my potion. Sure, looking at it puts me in a bad mood for some reason, but this thing is the real deal.” I grabbed the potion from my pocket and held it out so they could see it. I’d already used a few doses, but it was mostly full. “Sanson stole it from the High Bishop himself. Someone really needs to talk to him about his kleptomania. And his exhibitionism. Honestly, that one bothers me a lot more. Anyway, I’m sure this potion is way stronger than whatever watered down version you were going to get.”

Dimitris momentarily lurched forward, but he quickly remembered who was sitting across from him. He clearly wanted to take it, but he knew there wasn’t a chance he’d have been able to get it from me.

“I still have my doubts, but if that is indeed a potion capable of curing Elysa of the soul’s bane, the Kingdom of Aizus would very much like to acquire it.”

Why was she still worried about that poison of whatever? I’m not a doctor, although I am as smart as one and given the time to have Selini fill out all the paperwork I definitely could be one, but Elysa seemed perfectly healthy to me. She was probably just using some minor illness as an excuse to use the kingdom's money on buying an immortality potion.

“I can’t give you the whole thing, but I’m not opposed to selling you enough for one person.” Elysa was definitely some kind of tyrannical ruler or something, but I liked that about her. She had the confidence to spend her kingdom's money on frivolous things like immortality potions and pads for her chest. That’s pretty cool in my book.

“That is perfectly acceptable, and we would ask for no more. What is it that you would require of us?” Dimitris asked a pointless question.

What I want should be obvious: gold, silver, jewels; those kinds of things.

Too simplistic? No. Anyone who disagrees with me just hasn’t given gold its proper respect. Whatever scheme the egg heads in Ciel thought up could have been much easier accomplished by bribing the necessary parties with the gold Aizus would have been willing to pay for their healing potion. Simply getting paid is always the best option because you can accomplish anything with gold.

Besides, it’s not like getting an immortality potion was even that hard. If I ended up running out, I’d just go find a new one.

Wait, maybe I was rushing things. Gold is definitely the most important, but sometimes you can make more gold in the long run with deals and scheming. The guy who didn’t want to give me my glasses loved gold just as much as I did, and he was trying to scheme. What was his end game? Based on what I remember hearing in the audience hall, his family had some kind of deal worked out to get some grain.

Why would someone like him, like me, want grain? Grain is practically useless.

Unless. . . Bread!

How could I have forgotten the splendor of Selini’s perfect gift to me? I haven’t had the chance to eat bread or cheese since then, but that experience was after-life changing. He who controls the grain controls the bread. And if I get my hands on some cows that means I’ll hold all the power.

I still didn’t see how having a bunch of bread would make me any gold, but I’m sure things would work out.

“Whatever deal you had in the works to supply grain to the Foucherie family will instead go to the Blanche family. And moving forward you won’t make any deals with the Foucherie. Any food you sell to Valieris has to go through me.” That way I could make sure they don’t steal the cheese out from under me.

“Given that we were already prepared to increase the percentage of our grain exported to Valieris that can all be easily done. Honestly, as the one stealing a deal from your fellow countrymen I imagine this change will cause you more trouble than me. Although the people may find making such a deal with you is much harder to stomach than making it with the Foucherie family. How do you propose we rectify your current image as our kingdom’s biggest threat?”

“Listen, are you the chamberlain or am I? How should I know? You figure it out. Now are you going to take the deal or not?”

“Yes! It’s a deal” Elysa and Dimitris answered simultaneously.

“Good. Now back to the main idea, what’s up with the pads?” Being subtle just made her talk about a bunch of nonsense, so I decided to be direct.

“Oh, that? Anyone like you who had met with Elysa before would have remembered her having a larger bust than I do, so it's a necessary part of the disguise.”

So basically she padded her chest in the past, so now she had to keep doing it. If she ever stopped, anyone who met her in the past would notice right away.

“Sounds rough, but I don’t feel particularly empathetic. It seems like you made this problem yourself.”

“I can agree with that. In the end, Aizus caused its own problems.”