I Reach My Breaking Point

The beast growled, its foggy breath adding to the blizzard. Every step it took on one of its four legs shook the ground around me. Its rows of eyes blinked at me, blood pouring from its wounds.

It shook its head, ice shards shooting out of its collar. I parried a few of them, moving fluidly to avoid the ones that passed through my defence. A huge steel-shadow cleaver swung from underneath the monster. It somehow dodged it, the blade grazing and shortening its ice tusks. Tch. I summoned my shadows back and threw my spear.

The Mamotimus crouched and launched forward underneath the flying weapon, running straight at me. I took off in the blizzard, quickly taking off my coat. I threw it in the air and speared it a few meters away, sprinting in another direction. Take the bait!

I hid in a crevice in the ground, holding onto the thick layers of snow to avoid falling through the ice trap. The Mamotimus stepped close to me, sniffing the ground before heading off in the other direction. Here's my chance.

I pulled myself up and summoned back my weapon, throwing it at the creature's chest. Got you!

SNAP!

The Mamotimus' clamtail caught the spear as it whistled through the air, wiggling it around as it tried to break it in half. The head looked at me, opening its mouth wide, a tunnel of teeth revealing itself to me. Blue flames poured out, giant ice spikes following its path. It's not fire?!

My grip on my shield loosened as the cold spread onto the round surface, forming tiny shards and sticking to my skin. A giant ice shard rose straight from my feet, cutting a deep notch into my cheek. That was close! I pulled my hand away, ripping away some skin, and broke through the surrounding ice with my longsword. I looked up to a pile of fur and long ice shards. Crap.

The mad beast rammed me, mouth wide. I stood on its face, battling not to fall into its belly. Chew on this! I stuck my spear down its throat. The weapon dislodged as the creature expanded its mouth faster than I could increase the spear's size. It looked at me, smug.

I ducked below the clamtail, grabbing it, and shoved it straight into the monster's eye, popping it. It yelled, an ice wall forming behind me. Oh boy.

“UHMPH!”

I got rammed through the sheet of ice, crashing on the snow. Aghhh. My head was dizzy, my arm bleeding from a deep cut at my triceps. I had to hold my weapon in my left hand. It's been a while since I've had to do that.

Is that the best you can do? Pathetic!

Like you could do any better! You're stuck in a sword, shut up!

The creature and I circled each other, carefully stepping around. The cold bit into my exposed skin, turning it blue. Adrenaline kept my blood warm and my nerves numb, my hand tightening its grip onto the sword's handle. The creature's tail twitched.

I rushed forward.

The monster's belly grew exponentially, before it opened its mouth wide and spat a single dented, razor-sharp ice shard at least five meters long and half a meter thick. The missile flew at the speed of sound at me.

My legs gave out underneath me and I slid onto the ice. Wind burst in my face, so cold the liquid in my eyes froze. I let my weapon get swallowed by the shadows, reappearing behind the Mamotimus to cut off its clamtail. The limb flew in the air, the creature flipping around growling, expecting another adversary but finding nothing instead. Confused, it looked back at me.

I drove my spear from side to side in its thorax. The Mamotimus stumbled, blindly swinging at me, its claws scratching against my shadows' dense shield. It rasped in the snow, dragging itself away from me before it finally collapsed, surrendering its last breath in a pitiful growl. 

"Ugh, I can't believe I actually survived this!"

CLING! CLING!

Ah, for fuck's sake!

A tall obsidian glass knight emerged from the blizzard, an extremely long sword rested against its shoulder. Is that a claymore...? This thing looks like it's three times my weight!!

It walked confidently towards me, towering over me by a good meter, and swung its massive sword at my neck without an ounce of hesitation. Vortices formed at its tip, air whistling through the cut.

So fast!

I barely deflected the attack with my shadow sword, the metals shrieking and sparking as they slid against each other.

I jumped back, refusing to let the massive knight's hand grab my head and squish it to a pulp. I squinted my eyes, my enemy's every micro-movement clear as day to my sharp eyes. The unrelenting living armour stepped forward again and smashed the ground, sending snow powder flying into space. I dodged the thick blade by millimeters, feeling the air blast past me.

I feinted an attack at the creature's knee and kicked its sword into its own leg when it bought the fake out. It fell to a knee and picked up snow, electricity cackling as it turned into an ice dagger. That's bullshit!

The knight thrust forward.

I jumped onto its arm and flipped above the knight, my sword flicking in the air and slicing the creature through the neck. Its head dropped to the ground, its body shattering into tiny crystals with a fading yell. I smirked at the defeated beast.

Damn! Anyone see that?!... Oh. Right. I'm alone.

I leaned over my knees, coughing, my throat burning with the cold air penetrating my lungs. A thin layer of sweat covered my body, exposed to the freezing air. I really need to find shelter. I wandered as quickly as I could through the thick blizzard which only seemed to grow denser by the second. If only I had a faery friend who could've helped me in this situation. Oh wait, I did! She just wandered off on her own because, why be cautious in a place like this?!

I smacked a barrier of snow-covered rocks, the powder flying off. Obsidian bricks were stacked on each other. It's a wall!

I searched for the entrance for hours, but couldn't find anything except ice and more snow piled up along the fortress' immense curtain wall. At this rate, I'm going to collapse. My teeth were chattering again, my hands turning blue. 

My mind was hazy, I stumbled left and right, falling in the snow.

Where am I…? My head self-soothed like a baby. I'm so tired… I was about to plant my face back in the snow when the sound of groans reached my ears. I opened an eye. From afar, two blurry figures fought a third. I blinked and stood up, stepping closer. Why does this feel familiar?

The outnumbered figure wiped out one of its adversaries by attacking it from behind and shoving it against a frozen slab nearby. Oh…No! No! No! NO! 

I ran forward. The figure jumped on the last one like a wild animal, punching and smashing it against the ground.

"NOOO!"

I tackled the blurry, young, black-haired man, pulling him off my husband. I rolled into the snow and grabbed Damien's head, repeatedly ramming it against the thick ice formation beneath him. Blood splattered all over my hands, painting the snow red. Tears ran down my cheeks. Why are you making me do this?!

"WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?!"

I yelled to the skies in search for answers, and found nothing else than solitude.

I looked back down and recoiled. Black blood covered my hands, tainting my damaged nails, flowing down the mountain slope. I retched at the waft of decay that rose from the undead's corpse my hands were wrapped around. Oh Gods… Did I do that?

I got up and blindly walked towards the frost-slick rocks, my eyes rolling into the back of my head every few seconds. It's so hot… I can't take it anymore. I scratched my skin, trying to release the heat.

"Zoe."

I turned around, blinking to adjust my view. The figure in front of me was holding away another knight, which stabbed him repeatedly through the chest. The grey-haired manly shadow smiled at me, blood pouring from its lips, eyes and ears.

"You killed me."

NO! I covered my ears and shut my eyes closed. That's not how it went! Atos didn't say that! He wouldn't!

Yet you know that's what he really thought.

I groaned, turning away, my purple hands shaking. I coughed, blood shooting down on the white snow. The blizzard calmed down? I can even see my boots!

You can't hide from yourself. You'll always be a coward, and a murderer!

I walked under another frozen river archway, stepping in between undead corpses stuck into the ice, their arms sticking out from under the snow.

Remember how you left them all to die?

Screams echoed in my mind, the sound of flame jets burning through houses replacing the blizzard's howl. I scratched my ears. Shut up! I didn't! Oh, is that so?

I looked down. Bodies I couldn't identify sprawled all around me, lying down in the blood-soaked snow. A woman with no face lay next to a little boy with a sliced throat. I threw up, the vision disappearing as I blinked back to reality. Sophie… Max…

Isn’t this all your fault?

You're lying… I didn't do anything wrong! Their deaths aren't on me!

"Not even mine?" a woman's voice called out.

Elyah stood in front of me, clothes torn and worn out, covered in notches and scratches, a blade to her throat. The blue-haired faery smiled faintly at me. She didn't blink once, eyes wide open gazing at me.

"Don't do this…. Please… Don't hurt her! It's me you want!" I crawled on the planks, rusty nails sticking into my fingers.

"You chose this fate. For her, and everyone in your little Rebellion," a dry woman's voice growled.

"Please!" I reached my hand out to grab the hookspear that lay nearby.

"I'm glad w-" Elyah's voice cut off as her throat was slit.

The woman held her neck, gurgling as she fell to her knees. She raised a hand, finger stretched at me… and dropped on the deck. Dead.

I wailed, voice cracking, shaking uncontrollably. My hands clawed through the wood.

"Quit your whining."

Elyah's body was pushed above the edge of the port deck, dropping into the water. She sank until sharks latched onto it.

"Woah! What a show, hahaha!... Gods, you're so pathetic, you dare call yourself a mercenary?!"

A copy of me stood in front of me, a bloodied blade dripping red liquid onto the snow. It smirked at me.

"AHHHHH!!!"

I charged at myself, tackling the monster and shoving it as hard as I could into the hard ice barrier behind it. We went through it and landed on cold, icy obsidian brick stones. I punched myself again and again, growing more furious by the second as my other self just smiled at me, her purple eyes and white iris gleaming in joy.

"What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You!!!"

I delivered punch after punch, ignoring the gradual deformation of her face into something unrecognisable. I stopped only when my knuckles no longer had any skin. I screamed, a ball of anger and misery clamping my chest down, refusing to let go of me.

I HATE YOU! You're a weak,

WEAK

Useless,

USELESS

Pathetic,

PATHETIC

Coward,

COWARD

Complete waste of air!

DIE

I banged my head against the frozen obsidian, crying my heart out as the voices in my mind grew louder and louder, repeating every thought and amplifying every emotion I felt. I lay down on the ground, shivering and moaning, praying to my sword. Give me strength…

"Zoe? Is that you?"

"Sam… help me."