Solveig the Great, Pt. 4

Fighting. Blood. Ash.

Survival...

Sacrifice.

Survival would be the only word that meant anything to Solveig the next few years.

So many calls had to be made. Many... less than ideal. It cost people's lives. 

It spoke to how dire the situation was when the alternatives almost ninety percent of the time would've been worse.

But Solveig was a hero, and heroes carried burdens.

And the day, the only day she got to cash in on her efforts, was the day Solveig would know no more.

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SOLVEIG

Solveig noticed, idly, that she woke up.

The chanting pressed in from somewhere beyond the walls, insistent, bearing down on her ears. Everything felt numb and on fire at once.

Solveig could feel the bandages on her face, crawling, itching.

She really did it, huh? She saved the world. And she'd be a monster for it, forever, in exchange.

What it took to get there. The choices… The sacrifices.

The demonkin, the ones under her control, her loyal soldiers, she'd thrown them away, just like that.

They could think, you know, in their limited way. They were still abominations, certainly, no doubt about that.

But was the rational, thinking soul underneath their flesh already gone, truly gone, by the time they died?

Solveig couldn't say. It wasn't hers to say.

She wanted to get up. Then she saw him.

Uncle was sitting nearby. Of course he did. He was her personal guardian angel.

"Uncle?”

“Yes, my sweet?”

She tensed. “Is he…”

“Ho, the Demon King’s dead, alright.”

"Hah. I got the last laugh, you villain."

Solveig tried to get up, but she found it rather difficult.

"Uncle..."

"Yes?"

"I'm tied up. Why am I tied up?"

Solveig thought for a little bit longer. The gears in her little head may turn rather slowly, but she got there eventually.

It was rather obvious in hindsight. 

"The Tribe Elders. They told you to do this."

Hrafen faced her. "Solveig..." 

"So this is it... isn't it? I'm gonna finally pay for my crimes."

"Crimes are for people who had choices." Uncle came up close to her face. "Look at me."

She didn't want to. Couldn't bear to let someone this kind and graceful look directly at a wretched thing like her.

"You do not deserve this fate. In fact, I said you cannot deserve this," he said. "The Elders, in their infinite wisdom, saw someone vulnerable enough to pin their own failures on, and they took the opportunity. It is our failure. Not yours; ours. No one can say they'd have made better choices and decisions. You walked the hard road they refused to."

…

"...I did it, didn't I, Uncle?"

"Did what, my sweet?"

"I killed them."

"Plenty of demons felled. Yes."

"I killed Mom and Dad."

Uncle went very still.

"...Why are you saying this so suddenly?"

"I don't know. I'd just like to confess something. Be free before my death."

"Why do you think you killed your mother and father?"

"I... remembered that day in pieces. Flashes. Not everything. But I remember one thing very vividly, losing control of something. My... my magic." Her hands were shaking by her side, fists gripped so hard her nails could chip. "I blew up the village, didn't I, Uncle?"

He didn't answer right away.

"You did."

"Why?"

The words landed like a physical blow.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, weak.

"Because telling you right then and there, I knew exactly what you would do."

"What would I have done, Uncle?"

"You would have punished yourself worse than you already had." His voice cracked. "To kill the Demon King, you would have gotten yourself killed first, whether you meant to or not, subconsciously or otherwise. I knew that the moment I looked at your face. But I also knew you'd keep yourself alive, if you believed someone was there for you. So I told nothing."

Hrafen's tears fell. So did hers, silent, matching his.

"I'm a monster." Solveig said it plainly. "I need to be put down. So no one else gets hurt."

She closed her eyes.

"My whole life has been leading up to this. How better to spend it than doing this, with you, at the end, instead of alone?"

"Solveig." His hands found her shoulders, gripping hard enough that she felt it through the numbness. "You are not dying today."

"Please, Uncle. It's my decision."

"It's a stupid decision."

"Please."

"You will grow old. Older than me. It's better this way, my sweet. You, living. That is the only version of this I can survive with you."

"I want to die with you in my life. Not without you in it!"

"Life is so wonderful, Solveig. There's so much of it you haven't even seen yet. You can be a hero for others."

"But I don't want to be a hero for others." Something in her broke loose all at once. "I'm a selfish girl. You know me, right? You know that I'm a selfish girl. I only wanted to be a hero for you! For the people I actually care about, not strangers who don't give a toss if I live or die. You. I want it to mean something to someone who's still here. Why can't you just see that?"

"Then you will make people care for you. By being the hero you already were, yesterday."

"You think people will care about me?" She knew she sounded childish, bitter, hysterical, and couldn't stop. "I'm ugly. Inside and out. An idiot. A damn disgrace. I burned down the only people who ever did care. How could anyone new even choose to look at me?"

She was wailing now.

"It's okay." He pulled her into him, into the same worn rags he'd worn every day of her life. "It's okay. It's okay."

She sobbed into his chest until there was nothing left in her to sob with.

"I don't wanna go. I don't wanna leave without you. Please, Uncle, I don't wanna go."

She choked on her own breath.

"I'm so scared."

"I will make it so clear to you that I'm still around," Uncle said into her hair, quiet and fierce and absolutely certain. "I won't leave you alone. Not tonight. Not any night after this one either. Do you understand me?"

She didn't answer. She didn't have to.

"For now," he said instead, "just sleep. Sleep."

Sleep was the one thing her body still agreed with her on.

Permanent, maybe. Maybe that was fine.

She wanted to be gone, to simply not exist, and in the very same breath the thought of it terrified her completely.

What a hypocrite she was.

Her sight was going now. Things narrowing. A tunnel, small and getting smaller.

She couldn't see far. Everything blurred at the edges.

This was it, then.

A life like hers. Maybe it deserved to end this way…

Maybe.

Maybe.

maybe...

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Then Cain and Solveig were gone.

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SOLVEIG

Solveig knew instinctively Cain was with her, she didn't need to see; she knew.

They were together in a white expanse. The metaphysics went over her head, but she was relatively sure this expanse was... was like a window to her soul?

Eh. Didn't matter.

She was standing in this void, idly, twiddling her thumbs, as she waited for her verdict.

So she said: "You were there. You saw."

Cain didn't respond for a moment. There was a look of profoundness on his face. His eyes were in awe. “You are Solveig. You are my goddess.”

Solveig sighed. "How can I be? You saw everything, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I wish I hadn't seen some of it."

"It was preeeeeetty brutal."

Cain stood there, not moving. "You had to leave people behind. You had to kill, many times. Cut your losses with tribes that weren't cooperating... But it was either that, or—"

"Everyone else would die. Yes. And I'm a monster for it. You're right. I'm no hero. A hero would have made do and kept everyone alive." Solveig shook her head. "So what are you standing there for? Go."

"...Nah."

...

"...What do you mean, 'nah?'"

"I feel like... I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."

Solveig looked into his stupid blue eyes. "Have you completely lost it?"

"Probably."

Cain let out a slow breath.

"But there's a little bit of me still in here, still thinking clearly, and that little bit has never been more sure of anything in his life. This is where I'm supposed to be."

"You hated me, not too long ago. Called me a fraud."

"Time changed me."

"What, in the span of four weeks?"

"No, just now."

"Oh my gods, since when you this sarcastic?"

"Let me tell you something first. Once, it seemed impossible to me that Solveig the person and Solveig the Goddess were the same person, but now..."

"...Don't say it."

"Your actions were that of a goddess. A hero. Maybe the person underneath it wasn't. And that's okay. What you left behind speaks for itself."

"Okay...?"

"I started jogging, you know. And also those push-ups. And those cold showers you said would 'wake the coward out of me.' I hated every single one of them. Still hate them, actually. I do them anyway now."

He laughed, a little wetly, and scrubbed at his face with the back of his hand.

"It's hard to see before... But you really changed my life for the better, you know. You taught me that you don't have to feel brave to act brave. All my life, I stood there waiting to feel ready, and I never did, so I never moved. You just... acted. Scared or not. And see, that's the part I can't do yet. But here's my first confession to you: when I first met you, I bloody despised you."

"Huh?"

"I thought you were commoner-trash, morally bankrupt and utterly savage."

...

Solveig bit her lip, but she lost it first. "Hahahaha!"

"D-Don't laugh, I'm b-being serious!" But, he too, was failing at that. "Stop laughing, you are m-making me laugh!"

"Y-You got a point, then, Cain? Other than kicking a gal down...?"

"I... I think I need to honest with myself. With my emotions... I think... part of my symptoms was just... not feeling my feelings. So you taught me. To be honest... and it will all work out in the end anyway."

Solveig fought off a blush. "Those pretty words won't stop you from dying with me, Cain."

"...I know."

"I've probably passed the point of no return. You get that, right? This is happening. A big, actual explosion, and I can't stop it anymore."

"Yep."

Solveig stared at him, incredulous. "Do I need to physically shove you out of here? Is that what this is?"

"You won't be able to."

"How the hell would you know that?"

"I have a stronger will than you do."

"No, you don't."

"Then prove it."

Cain took a step closer.

"You know… this shit… all of this shit. It's not your fault."

“What? The Demon King forced my hand half the time. Of course, it’s not.”

“It’s not your fault.”

"...Okay. I know."

"I don't think you do."

He kept walking toward her.

"Cain… This is getting pretty weird."

He chuckled. "Why, you ticklish?"

"No. Wait… maybe.” Solveig grumbled. “That’s besides the point!"

He closed the distance further.

"It's not your fault."

“What’s not my fault?”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Cain, you’re creeping me out…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“What is this thing you’re doing? Am I supposed to do something?”

“You need to realize that it wasn’t your fault… and I don’t think you do.”

"I know—I know that already. Is that you wanna hear? There, it’s out."

"It's not your fault."

"...I…"

"It's not your fault."

"...Don't do this to me, Cain."

"It's not your fault."

"Don't SCREW with me. Not you. Not right now."

"I am going to keep saying it until it actually gets through that thick skull of yours. It's not your fault."

"But it is.”

“It wasn’t.”

“It… It is! I could have done more. So much more. You saw what happened!”

“I did.”

“Then why can't you just see that?!"

"It's not your fault."

"Please stop… Get away from me."

"It's not your fault."

"Please. Cain. Please…"

"It's not your fault."

"I… I can't—... I CAN’T…!"

He pulled her in and held on for dear life, tethering her to her ground, to him, to her own body.

She wailed.

"Oh gods… Oh my gods. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry…!!”

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THE DUKE

"Cain! CAIN!"

The Duke's voice tore through the corridor before he'd even reached the doors, so loud and hoarse not even the night Abel nearly died.

He grabbed hold of Mackenzie by the collar, hauling the old man half off his feet.

"You useless cousin. Where? Where is my son?" His hands were shaking. "How could you let it get this bad?"

Mackenzie didn't even try to defend himself. There wasn't time, and there wasn't an answer that would have mattered.

The Duke released him and ran.

If Cain died here… today…

How could the Duke carry on living?

Guards scattered out of his way. Students pressed themselves flat against the walls, some of them still crying.

He didn't stop running until he reached the doors where the scene of the crime took place.

There was an explosion.

But it didn’t consume the academy?

They hung half off their hinges, splintered wood and twisted iron, the room beyond them dark with settling dust and the dying glow of magic.

There, in the wreckage of the room…

There wasn’t a white light. Why wasn’t there a white light?

Then he spotted the two figures in the epicenter of the minor explosion.

Cain, still holding someone…

Solveig?

Indeed. 

It was Solveig, weeping into his shoulder.

The Duke stopped in the doorway.

His heart stopped, realizing a terrifying, euphoric truth:

Cain had saved the academy.