in which the saintess realizes that she’s babysitting three unstable men

After a warm bath and tea, Pebble regained sensation in her fingers. Because it was so cold and they couldn’t prance around in wet clothes forever, they decided to stay in the shack for the night. Alpherson and Frell and Pebble played card games in the living room. They had more tea. They had cookies. None of them slept well.

In the middle of the night, Frell slipped from his bunk bed. Pebble followed him, of course. Whether he found out or not stayed a mystery; regardless, he left the house, still barefoot, still wearing borrowed pajamas. By then, Topaz’s magic had dissipated, so the rain was warm and disgusting again.

Frell took out that weird metal necklace from under his clothes, clasped his hands together, and began to pray. It took some time for her to realize that he was standing before a tomb—several of them.

Awkwardly, she headed back, only to find Topaz brewing tea for himself. He glanced at her and she glanced at him, and he said, “Want some?”

“...alright.”

She curled on the couch, using a cushion to protect herself.

They drank in silence for some time. Then Topaz ruined it. “So… what’s the plan?”

“Getting three sacred stones to defeat the Demon King.”

“What’s the actual plan?”

“Saving the world.”

“Are you going to recruit more people? I don’t think Alpherson knows it’s a farce, but… I don’t know, seems kind of pointless if everyone else does.”

Pebble found herself nodding, so she shook her head to rectify this.

Topaz’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, which had bags under them. “I could help with that. I have some friends in the capital.”

“Criminals…”

“No…”

Frell walked in. He jumped, surprised to find them awake. The kitchen-diner was that small and that close to the entrance (and not the one Alpherson had created when tearing a hole into a wall). “Take another bath if you want,” Topaz told him. “Might as well use all the hot water I have left.”

“Thanks…” Frell took three steps before stopping. “Is everything alright? Pebble looks pissed.”

“She always does,” Topaz lied at the same time she said, “No I don’t.”

“True.”

“Which part!?”

“I was telling her that I could help find recruits. I still don’t get it, to be honest, but if you guys are serious about this, then having one out of four who believes in the legend is kind of sad and pathetic, so we could find a couple more people to even things out.”

“I don’t look pissed all the time,” Pebble said.

“Ahh…” as Frell trailed off, he approached them. “...yeah, I was thinking the same.”

“Listen to me.”

He leaned his elbows on the back of a chair. “We still have two sacred stones left after all.”

“Stop ignoring me.”

“Speaking of.” Topaz pointed at Frell’s head. “Where’s your crown, Demon King?”

Taking his hands to his temples, Frell gasped so hard he squealed. “It’s—I was just—”

“Ah, I get it. It’s invisible. That’s nice.”

“Yeah no it fell off oh now the god of evil is taking over. Waargh!” Frell stumbled his way to the bathroom.

Once they were alone again, Topaz told Pebble, “I feel like we should leave Alpherson behind.”

“Oh, so now you stop ignoring me.”

“The thing is, I get why you frauds will lead someone else on, but why him? He has a daughter and wife, right? Shouldn’t he be with them?”

Pebble had to admit that it was kind of… strange.

She stared at her empty cup.

At the floor.

At Topaz’s yellow eyes. “...what if his loved ones are also dead?”

He was about to call her a bad word, then stopped. He stared at his half-empty cup. At the floor. At Pebble’s lavender eyes. “...oh.”

“And he’s—”

“Right—”

“Yeah, he’s with us to forget about his past.”

“To give his life meaning, yeah. Oh, shit.”

It was Pebble’s turn to hold her head in her hands. If their theory was true, then Alpherson’s raison d’etre was a farce. They could not—they could not—let him find out about the scheme.

“See? All the more reason to leave him behind, you absolute monster.”

“I-it’s not a farce.”

“I didn’t call it one.”

“And if it is, it isn’t, actually, since the end goal is to save the world. Therefore the method might differ, but not the objective. So it’s… fine. If we leave him behind, then what will happen to him, though? We’d be taking away his coping mechanism. Maybe—maybe he was at the end of his road when we met. Right? Why else would he join this stupid thing? I-I mean our journey. Wait, shit!”

“What?” Topaz jumped when she raised her voice.

“That’s why he said that his wife was cold!”

“Of course his—wait, then who made those steamed buns?”

“Himself, you one-eyed imbecile.”

“Hey. Careful.”

But it was payback for his comment about her face earlier. An eye for an eye, pun intended. “He cooks for himself and pretends like it’s his wife doing it. He also said he picked flowers for me with his daughter, but he probably did that by himself. He hallucinated both of them, I don’t know. Which reminds me, why do you care? Weren’t you going to sell us off or something?”

“No, just ask for ransom.” Topaz turned his scarred side away from her, so now Pebble felt bad. The worst part was that his other side also had a gash on his jaw, milky white against his brown skin. “Though people would probably pay to get rid of you.”

“Yeah…”

The lack of bite made him glance at her for a moment, but then he turned back to the window. “Back to topic: instead of jumping into conclusions, we should, uh… maybe not pry the truth out of him, but… yeah. Actually, yeah. There’s a wind village nearby, isn’t there? We could pretend like the second stone is there or something. Wherever his hometown is.”

“...sorry.”

“If his family’s there, we leave him behind. If—what?”

“Sorry.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.” Pebble covered her face with her hands.

“...you’re scaring me. What happened?”

“Nothing. Yeah. Sounds good.”

“Saint?”

Her face was burning. She should’ve doubled down instead of apologizing. Relationships were naught but weaknesses. To apologize to an enemy was akin to… it wasn’t… it wasn’t nice. And now she’d been silent for too long. She’d made it weird. She had to come up with something. Anything. Anything! “Y-you didn’t hear?”

“Hear?”

“Or smell? I mean see.”

“Oh. Did you fart?”

“NO.”

“So you just smell like shit?”

“Fuck you, I don’t. I’m sleepy. Goodbye.”

“Good…” Topaz trailed off. The word was too heavy and would probably be for a long, long time.

Because her brain loved to torment her, once she actually fell asleep (after using what remained of the hot water), Pebble dreamed about Stormy. It wasn’t anything important or symbolic or anything. They were just practicing. Her dreams involving dead people were often unbearably mundane.

When Pebble told Frell about the plan for the second stone the next morning, Alpherson’s dire situation included, he replied, “Your imagination never ceases to amaze me,” which she took as consent.

After eating and sliding their clothes back on, which Pebble had washed and Frell dried, they were good to go. Best not to think about where the borrowed pajamas had come from. Topaz took the food along with him and little else, though he reminded them about the divine shard and how he wasn’t going to look for it out of laziness.

Frell shrugged. “With no owner, those things lose power quickly.”

Translation: he was also lazy.

For some reason, Topaz asked Frell to hide the house with an illusion, but Frell wasn’t great at magic unless it involved destruction, so results were mixed.

And that was it.

That was it.

Topaz didn’t give a speech to his friends, not a moment of silence, not even a last look; he just marched ahead. If not for rocks he’d probably found lying around, there’d be no way to differentiate that tiny, makeshift graveyard from the rest of the mud, no way to prove that it hosted what had once been alive.

For the most part, as they made their way up the mountain, they were silent.

She’d never thought about it with how stupidly colorful Stormy’s tomb was, but… these types of things were common, weren’t they? Lonely, abandoned graveyards, never to be visited again, untouched by flowers. Once the incessant rain stopped, she’d come back with blossom seeds.

⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊⊱·✶·⊰₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹

“God of apples.”

Frell didn’t realize that Alpherson was talking to him. He was too busy trying not to pass out after going uphill for thirty seconds. “Frell,” Pebble said.

Wearily, he glanced at her.

“Alpherson’s talking to you.”

“Forgive my transgression,” Alpherson began, “but you look unwell. Understandable, given recent events. While I can’t presume to understand the thought process of a deity, I must wonder: if the god of evil’s possession was imminent, why has it not happened yet? Have you found a way to circumvent it?”

Frell quickly adjusted his crown. Not too far away, Topaz eyed them judgmentally. “No, no, presume as you must. Uh. Finally, someone who remembers poor Frell’s predicament! Every second is a losing battle against the forces of apples—”

“Evil,” Pebble corrected.

“—and it is naught but a matter of time before I succumb.”

“I understand. I believe that we’re heading back to retrieve the first stone before chasing after the second one.” (Pebble had completely forgotten that they’d left the painted rock behind.) “If so, Saint Pebble, can we not assist our friend by sealing him there?”

Frell’s eyes were saucers. “In the cave?”

“I believe it’d be safer for everyone involved. Once we retrieve the three stones, we’ll return.”

“Agreed,” Topaz said.

“Agreed,” Pebble said.

“Pebble!?”

She covered the smile with the back of her hand, opting for a pensive look instead. “Don’t worry, you’ll just spend a month or two in there. Just nap it away.”

“You MONSTER.”

“On another note,” Alpherson continued, “You look worryingly pale. Allow me to carry you.”

“Thank you. At least someone worries about poor Frell—but no, Pebble can carry me, since she’s such a hero of justice.”

She did, though she had to admit that carrying a grown man with one hand and holding an umbrella with the other was tougher than it initially appeared. She had to toss Frell over her shoulder like a potato sack and let his side get wet. As though this didn’t bother him, Frell began to recite: “Peb. Pebble dear. You cannot do this. You cannot demote me from a luxury hotel to a cave, you absolute traitor, you merciless tormentor, destroyer of worlds, godless beast, I will destroy—”

“Calm down. We’re kidding.”

“You better be. And if you’ll get me wet, at least do it the right way.”

Sometimes Frell’s horrible comments confused her. Shouldn’t it be the other way around…? Did she even want to know…?

As usual, the way back seemed a lot shorter than the initial trek; it was barely past midday when they reached the cave again. Topaz was trying and failing not to show his exhaustion, but Alpherson remained unbroken despite being a childless widower. It was almost inspiring.

Upon entering and as the rest took a short break, Frell looked around for the sacred stone. Grinning, he pointed at the drawings they’d made when this fiasco began; since they were near the back of the cave, the water hadn’t erased them. “Caveman art?” Topaz asked between bites. (Alpherson had hallucinated whilst cooking more dumplings before departing.) “That’s nice. I wonder how old it is.”

Frell stared at it in that oh, shit face of his. Why? Who knew—it wasn’t as though he’d tell her. “...yeah… anyway, I found the stone.” He held it up. The multi-colored paint held strong, but some of the glitter had begun to fall off. “Do not fret, venerable heroes, for you are one step closer to vanquishing evil.”

“Cool. Do we seal him now?”

“No!”

It was cathartic to see Frell being on the receiving end of harassment for once.

“I-I mean, not here. The luxury hotel was fine because… the god of evil was more at peace that way.”

“Demon King,” Pebble corrected.

“Think about it: if we are to redeem the Demon King—” Frell gave Pebble a pointed look. “—then we ought to take his feelings into consideration, not just his role.” Interesting that he said that after his thesis so far had been the opposite. “More importantly, Peb, you haven’t told these gentlemen about the second sacred stone’s location.”

Changing topics, huh? “Ah, yeah… Alpherson, what’s the name of your hometown again?”

Immediately, Topaz covered his face with his hand, though Alpherson didn’t seem to connect two and two. “Alph Town.”

…unless he did and that was a joke.

“It’s a real place,” Frell told them, after which Pebble and Topaz let out an, ‘Ah’. “Well, venerable heroes, what a coincidence that is! The second stone is located near Alph Town.”

Alpherson, as he so often seemed to do, stood by the entrance, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. This threw him for a loop. “How… can this be!? Why had I never heard of this!?”

“Uh, because the tale has been lost to time.”

“Then how do you know it’s there!?”

“I can sense it?”

“What neighborhood hosts it!?”

Frell blinked. He glanced at Pebble as though she’d help, but how could she? She’d never been to a wind village before.

Topaz said, after drinking some tea from his thermos, “It’s not in the town, you meathead. They obviously have it outside of it or something. In a shrine…?” Frell shook his head very slightly, so Topaz tried again: “An abandoned house…?” This was also rejected. “They probably dug it somewhere.”

“Exactly.” Frell clicked his fingers. “Don’t worry, I’ll know where it is once we’re… oh, wait, never mind. Ugh.”

It took a moment for it to click. If Frell was the one who could sense the stones, but he had to stay behind because the evil god Demon King of apples would take over otherwise, then how were they supposed to find them?

Come to think of it, Pebble had barely contributed this time. Who did Topaz think he was, taking over her scheme and improvising? Thus she reclaimed her rightful place with the following: “I can sense them too.”

All eyes were on her. Topaz’s expression was pure evil, all smiles and narrowed eyes. “How?” he asked.

“Um. Spe… special power.”

“Which?”

“Secret.” She looked away—at Frell, who was the one smirking now. That was it. She hated men.

“I understand,” Alpherson said. “I’m sure that Saint Pebble has her reasons not to disclose this. Let’s not harass her any further. I will tell my men to continue protecting you, god of apples.”

She hated men except for Alpherson.

“And I shall… lead the way.”

Was she being cruel?

Was this cruel?

Best case scenario: Pebble was catastrophizing. Alpherson’s family was alive and well. Alpherson was just weird… er than imagined, in which case, she would urge him to stay behind anyway; best for him to stay with his family.

Worst case scenario: Alpherson was also a necromancer who made his wife cook and his daughter pick flowers, so deep in his delusion that he had forgotten about their death. That’d explain why he’d been so adamant about saving Topaz—a part of him, deep within, was trying to save himself.

Once they finished their lunch, the group of venerable heroes left the cave, now under possession of the first sacred stone. Alpherson offered himself to carry Frell this time. Frell, who had no pride or dignity, accepted.

Yeah, no, that was it.

She’d recruit more people.

A man who wasn’t crazy this time. Who wouldn’t bully her. Who would be unconditionally nice and a bit stupid so she wouldn’t feel threatened.

…so…

…another Alpherson…

…and since they were heading to a town full of them…

…her plan was foolproof.