Chapter 5: Friends

“I bet Emma’s gonna be heartbroken knowing you’re going out with her sister.” Daniel laughed.

“It’s not like that.” I chuckled, we didn’t know where we were walking. We had past several neighborhoods and stores. The sun was still barely out.

“Then what is it like hmmm? Here I am at school catching you and Emma having cute couple moments then I find out you’re out on a date with her younger sister?” He teased me.

“She invited me out, she wanted to check out this place a friend of hers recommended so I just wanted to help her find the area.” I lied to him, by revealing her blackmailing me it reveals the secrete place. I’m still not over seeing Chiyo again, but I just can’t give away the forty percent I still have left.

“Nah I’m still not buying it!” He smiled. “Luni Lucy was yelling at my ear about how scared Catherine felt seeing the look on your face from just reuniting with Chiyo.”

“You knew I never wanted to see her again.” I stoped looking at him. I was staring at the ground each step I took. “You know how the thought of her gets me, I’ve tried to put everything behind me but somehow she always appears in my mind even when I’m far away from her.”

“I get it.” We both stopped. “She hurt us badly a few years back, you more than me.”

“She did more than just hurt me…” I clenched my fist. “She completely ruined me.”

“You’re not ruined Ezra, not anymore at least. You still have me.” He patted my back. “And your two girlfriends who you’re two timing.” We both laughed.

“You should have seen the way she looked at me, she’s still the same.”

“Yeah that girl will never change, ever since we found out who she really was she’s carried it and everyone else with her to the grave.” He sighed. “In her world we’re the bad guys who ruined Miyabi middle school for everyone.

“At least it all happened during our last year. I can’t imagine going through that longer than it did.” We started walking again.

“Hey you thirsty?” We stopped at a vending machine, he bought two diet cokes and handed me one. “My treat.”

“Thank you.” We both opened our bottles and drank.

“So what are you going to do now Ezra?” I followed behind him.

“I don’t know honestly, I feel like I should give a proper apology to Catherine for running out on her. But I don’t want to explain why because if I do then she’ll know about my past. I just meet her a few days ago, I’m not ready to let her into my past.” I clenched my heart.

“That’s where your trust issues come in, I mean hell Luni Lucy met you two years ago and not even she knows about what happened in middle school.”

“And I don’t want her to know, I don’t want anyone but you and everyone who was there talk about it. I just want everything that happened to not have happened at all.”

“But it did happen Ezra! I understand you wishing for a different outcome, I understand you wanting to erase it all. But you can’t! No matter how many times you cry about it. No matter how many coins you throw into a well or how many shooting stars you see.”

“Even if it can’t change I still want to imagine it in my head! I want to imagine all the different scenarios that would have happened if Chiyo never went to our school! How many friends I’d still have! How I wouldn’t be hated or looked at with disgust! Especially if it would have allowed you to not get caught up with everything that happened!” My voice was shaky. My breath heavy. We stood behind some stairs that looked like they lead up to a Mountain View of the city. I never knew there was a place like this only a thirty minute walk from where I lived.

“Let’s go get a better view.” He turned around and went up the stairs, I followed behind him thinking about what I had said. It was true. The pain I went through in middle school, it even affected Daniel, because of me he had to go through the same thing. He was the only one who stood by my side when everything happened. Because of that everyone around us, all his friends, and even the girl he liked isolated us. They treated us like monsters and harassed us day to day. What I hated most was him having to suffer with me, just because he stuck by my side.

“You know since the beginning of high school I couldn’t get the thought of everything that happened to you out of my head. Then as more time went on, I saw you becoming more social again. Making new friends and becoming popular in your own way. Seeing you become a grown up version of middle school you. It made me think less and less about hating myself.” I sighed, we made it all the way to the top of the mountain. “Yet now since being reminded I can’t help but hate myself even more for pretending like you didn’t go through hell because of me.” I had tears in my eyes.

“You dumbass.” He turned and looked at me. “I did what I knew was right, you don’t have to keep blaming yourself for what everyone else did.”

“Because of me you spent the rest of middle school alone losing everyone you cared about!”

“Because of you I got to meet a friend who genuinely cares about me, or what are you going to tell me you only put up with all my bullshit and jokes cuz you felt bad for me? Hmmm maybe you should hate yourself more?” He laughed.

“Stop laughing!” I shouted, my voice echoed through the mountain, he kept laughing. “Because of me you couldn’t get with Chiyo! Weren’t you head over heels with her? Didn’t you use to tell everyone how she was the girl you always dreamed about!”

“Yeah I was in love with her.” He stopped laughing, he looked at me head on with a smile on his face. “So in love with her at one point I couldn’t stand the thought of her hating me.”

“You should hate me! You should punch me or feel some type of anger for me! Even if you think what you did was right no one else does! And because of that you lost everything you built!”

“So you want me to punch you then.” He punched his hand with his fist and walked towards me. I closed my eyes and felt a light punch on my shoulder. “I did love her a lot, but when I found out who she really was underneath that mask of hers all the feelings I felt disappeared. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like her.”

I stared at him with tears running down, he walked towards the ledge, there was a wooden guard rail that kept people from falling.

“You should really look at the view Ezra!” He stared out, eyes focused on the city. “It always helps me to relax and see things right.” I walked and stood next to him looking down at the city. Everything looked so pretty from up here.

“We’re really high up.”

“Yeah we are, the climb up here was really worth it.

“How did you find this place?” I asked him.

“Back before everything happened, I had a fight with my dad and ran out the house, I was walking for a few hours when I stumbled across this place. The view helped me calm down and return home. Then when everything happened I came here that same afternoon. I was feeling so many emotions at once I couldn’t think straight so I came here. I kept coming here once a week after. I won’t lie to you Ezra at one point I did regret standing up for you in my few moments of weakness. But every time I did, this place would remind me that what I did was the right thing to do. And even if at times I wished to take back holding your back, this place would help me kill those thoughts because truly I say to you Ezra. I don’t regret being your friend.” He had a low smile that showed zero regret.

I cleared my eyes of any left over tears and smiled back at him.

“You know you’re annoying at times in class right?” I looked back towards the view, he looked at my side.

“Yeah I know, I mean someone has to point out whenever you have a new crush on a girl! At least this time the girl actually became your friend.” He chuckled.

“You got lucky this time, either way as much as you annoy me in class or just in general. As much as you cause unwanted events in my life, I don’t regret every meeting you Daniel. You’re truly my best friend. Just like you’ve been there for me.” I turned looking at him with my fist pointed towards him.

“You’ll be there for me.” He gave me a fist bump.

“We should probably head home before it gets to dark.” I walked ahead of him going down the steps.

“Let me ask you again Ezra, what are you going to do now?” I thought about it for a second before I answered him.

“I’m going to try my best.” I responded. “To let more people in and let my past die, even if it takes me a long time I want to grow as a person.” We reached the end of the steps where a familiar looking truck waited for us parked.

“Looks like she’s here.” Daniel smiled. Luni Lucy waved from her seat.

“You guys better get in before I leave you guys to walk home!”

“Yeah yeah Luni Lucy were coming!” Daniel yelled.

“IM NOT LUNI ASSHOLE!” she turned her truck on. We walked towards it, Daniel sat in the front seat, I opened the back sat and sat behind them. Lucy’s truck was quiet spacious in the inside but her trunk was short.

“Thank you for the ride Lucy.” I said, she smiled at me.

“Are you feeling better now?” She asked.

“Yeah… I’m sorry for worrying everyone.”

“Hey man there’s no need to be sorry, like I told you before were all friends here! We’re just doing what any friend would.” Daniel said.

“I can’t say I was surprised to hear you went on a date with Emma’s sister though Ezra, Emma called me sounding concerned about you.”

“It wasn’t a date!” I elaborated. Lucy and Daniel looked at each other thinking the same thing.

“More than anything she told me about how concerned Catherine was for you, when did you two even form a relationship in the first place? She’s a year younger than us and shut us all out during karaoke earlier this week.”

“Hey Luni Lucy it’s been awhile and you haven’t even started driving yet, you sure you’re not Luni?” Daniel asked her smugly as she got embarrassed and put her truck in drive. She started driving through the area.

“SHUT UP!”

“I don’t know, she just happened to talk to me for some reason.” I lied. “Eventually she asked me for help getting to know the city and I said yes thinking about how Emma told us she had trouble making friends.”

“Ahh ok, in that case Emma will be relived.”

“What do you mean relived!?” HUH!!?

“AHH FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!” She made a sudden turn at a corner. “Where even is your house Ezra? I’m just blindly driving.”

“Recklessly driving.” Daniel muttered.

“I will crash this car into a lamp post on your side.” Lucy gave Daniel a murderous look, she made chills run through his back. I gave Lucy my homes direction and she followed it.

“So what happened to you Ezra? Catherine told Emma it was something about seeing an old girl you knew that made you run away.”

“It was something like that.” I didn’t want to tell her. But just like I told Daniel about what I wanted to become I knew I had to let Lucy in. She’s been my friend for awhile but it was time. It felt hard to speak. “Truth is I met someone someone from middle school today. A girl who hurt me and Daniel really badly.” I stopped talking, the fear came back.

“Im sorry that happened to you today Ezra.” She said. “I can’t imagine how that must have felt for you. Catherine told Emma she saw you experience a horrible panic attack. How Catherine became afraid at how you looked, she was concerned about you.”

“I… I was more than afraid… I just wanted to disappear…” I got emotional again, then looking at Daniel reminded me of what we had just talked about. “Even if it happened I want to get rid of this feeling, just talking about it makes me tense up. Daniel helped me to recognize the situation and feel better but just like it did now these feelings come and go.”

“They will go away Ezra.” Daniel said. “When you’re scared don’t be afraid to come to us for help.”

“You should thank Catherine for having the courage to ask Emma to call me, even if you wanted to be left alone that wouldn’t have been the best place to be. When you’re alone that’s when all the thoughts attack you at once since they know you’re vulnerable. Even after I drop you off at your place you can’t ever forget that you’re never truly alone. You have friends and family that care about you.” Lucy looked back at me and smiled.

“Thank you guys.” I was truly grateful for them.

“Hey Luni eyes on the road!” Lucy hadn’t realized the light was green.

“ITS NOT LUNI!” She speed up quickly. We arrived outside my house.

“Thank you for the ride, and thank you both for everything you’ve done for me today… it’s going to be really hard for me to try and move on from my past. Lucy you don’t know about anything that happened, I’m sorry we’ve all been friends for a few years now but I promise I’ll tell you about it one day.”

“It’s ok Ezra, either way what I care about more is the you from today.” She responded with a smile.

“Don’t be afraid to come to us.” Daniel said. I nodded at them and got out of the car. I looked at them and waved. They waved back and drove off. I opened my front door and walked in.

“Mom I’m home.” I said, I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen, I followed the sound and found her setting a plate of food.

“It’s almost dark Ezra! You could have at least called to let me know if you wanted any dinner! Anyways I left you plate out.” I went in and hugged her. I started crying. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because of my past. I wanted to cry because of my present. I wanted to cry because it was the only thing I could do at that moment. Cry in the arms of someone I knew who loved me unconditionally.

“Ezra what’s wrong?” She asked.

“I just… I had a long day mom…” She let me cry for as long as I needed.

“Ezra, everything will be okay.” She stroked the back of my hair gently. I let go of her and looked at her face with a smile on my face. She wiped the tears off my face. I grabbed the plate of food she made me and sat down at the dinner table.

“Is dad sleeping?” I asked.

“I’m not sure, he was tired last time I saw him.” She responded. I ate my food, thanked her, and walked upstairs to try and get to my room. I noticed my younger sister’s empty room. Her name is Elizabeth and she was younger than me by a year. She isn’t going to be back from her school until the next break. She goes to a private boarding high school where only really smart people are accepted. Of course I’m the dumbest person in my family but I don’t let that bother me. I walked into my room and fell into my bed. I knew I had to do something before going to sleep early. I didn’t feel like staying up for once.

“Thank you.” I sent to Catherine. I tried to close my eyes but opened them from hearing a notification.

“I hope you’re feeling better.” I left her on read then she sent me another text message. “See you Monday at our spot.” I chuckled.

Our spot huh? Nope not falling in love with her either. I closed my eyes and tried crying myself to sleep, thinking about everything. Feeling depressed about my past but happy about my present. And feeling hopeful about what the future holds.