Chapter 40

The cot creaks under my weight as I turn to my side. I’m hoping this position will alleviate the pounding headache on the right side of my head. All that does though is cause the other side of my head to hurt as well.

Groaning, I sit up and allow my head to hang between my legs. Since I left the forest, I’ll been feeling worse with each passing day. I’m not sure if that’s because I overused my powers, or if I’m just sick.

“Oh, I’m sorry for waking you, my lady.” Anna apologizes as she enters the tent with a laundry basket.

“You didn’t. I’m up because I have to go somewhere.”

It’s somewhere I should have gone yesterday, but I didn’t want to. We used to spend hours in the medical tent, but now that it’s where Onda’s body is being kept, it’s my least favorite place to go.

Anna walks over to my cot and drops something on it. When I look up, I see a bread roll from the store on top and a note in scribbled handwriting. Eat this and feel better, Anna.

By the time I think of thanking her, Anna's already left the tent with the blankets and sheets off Kennedy and Nocturne’s cots.

There is an itch in the back of my throat from the tears I'm forced to stay down. It’s hard to eat, and I’m not hungry, but I don’t waste a crumb. I know Anna doesn't get paid much but she still went out of her way to get me this.

Taking my time, I get up and dress. In the trunk, I grab out Onda’s bodysuit I’ve been looking at everyday for the past three days. Why didn’t I just give it to Sage when we left the forest and be done with this, I don’t know.

When I’m outside, my unwillingness to go to the medical tent vanishes. Instead, I’m panicking. What if I get there and Onda's already gone? What if I'm the only one that doesn't get to say goodbye to him?

These thoughts spur me on and I'm nearly jogging by the time I reach the medical tent. I throw myself inside and then, I breathe. The twins are inside with Sage. And in the same spot as before, Onda’s body lies motionless in it bag.

As I walk over to them, I ignore the other four bags that are on the ground. After we returned and told them about what happened, or I guess more specifically the lie we made up, another group of people were sent out to retrieve the remains. From what I heard, there wasn't much.

“Hello Em. I was just about to send them off.” Sage says, pulling my attention from Onda to him.

I walk up Sage and spot the official report written for Onda. Accidental death due to training accident.

That's it, accident. I don't know if that's better or worse than them originally saying that he took his own life. Still, it leaves a bitter taste in my throat.

“We already said what we wanted to. If there's something you wanted to tell him Em, you can go ahead. Or if you would feel more comfortable. we could step out,” Koa offers.

“No, I'm fine. I'm from Estain, remember. It's bad luck to talk to the dead, they might hear you and come back.” Instead of talking to Onda, I turned to Sage and hand him the bodysuit. “Can you send that back home with him? It's his.”

Sage doesn't respond, he just takes it place it in the bag with the rest of Onda’s remains. I'm not sure why I'm giving it back, but each time I see the bodysuit a need to send it back where it belongs overtakes me. It’s nonsense since who it belongs to is gone.

No longer having any business in the medical tent, I head for the exit while clutching my chest that’s painfully tight.

‘Did you not wish to say goodbye to him? He was standing there looking at you.’

I ignore the voice as I step outside and breathe in the crisp morning air. It's not enough, so I keep going hoping that enough air will make my chest stop hurting.

The first time I walked into the medical tent, I saw Onda’s ghost, or whatever that is on standing next to his body. I told myself I was stressed, but it’s been days and I'm still seeing things.

Anytime I walk into that tent he stares at me and it's like he's waiting for something to happen. But I don't know what he wants.

“I'm so tired.” I whisper this to myself as I rub my palms against my eyes trying to wheel away the exhaustion and visions.

“Em!” I feel someone grip my arm and it's only now that I realize that I was falling. Koa looks down at me concerned. “Do you want to go back to your tent and sleep?”

For a reason I cannot fathom, I laugh. It's a broken laugh with no mirth in it. “I can't sleep. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't sleep.”

My vision shakes, almost like my brain was violently rattled. This time when I sway on my feet, I don’t protest when Koa catches me.

“What’s wrong?” Koa asks as he cradles me to his chest with an expression that makes it seem I’m about to walk into the Divinity of Death’s embrace.

“I’m fine Koa. It’s just a migraine and a really bad day. I think I’ll go back and at least lay down.”

“You should at least get some medicine Em.”

After taking a moment to gather myself, I use Koa’s assistance to stand up. “Medicines are wasted on me since I heal so fast. I just need some sleep, and then I’ll be good. Promise”

Despite Koa’s attempts to lure me into the medical tent, I turn him downdown. I don’t want to go back there.

I stumble back towards my tent feeling worse with each step. Sweat coats my skin as if I’ve been running for miles and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to stand up straight. Anytime I do, the pain in my stomach becomes excruciating.

No longer able to keep going, I collapse to the ground. On my hands and knees, I crawl to the side of some random tent hoping that no one notices me. Or if they do, they’ll leave me alone.

“You are not looking good.” Kennedy hums next to my head. “I was waiting for you to crash, but it took longer than I expected.”

The roiling of my stomach hits a breaking point leaving me no option but to wretch. The roll from earlier doesn’t stand a chance.

“At first, I thought you were lying about not having awakened since I can see your power leaking out. But then I realized that you’re just dying. Are you seeing things yet? Hearing voices? They said that’s the last stage before your heart gives up.”

My breaths are heavy as I pant over the dry heaves my stomach is forcing me to do. If Kennedy’s right, then seeing Onda’s ghost is a worse sign than I thought.

“Well, if I die, I’ll try not to make it inconvenient for you.”

Kennedy chuckles at my morbid humor. “I could give you a second option.”

My first thought is that she’s going to offer me a slave contract, but that doesn’t make sense. Kennedy’s a mythic, there’s nothing she needs from me. “What option?”

“A chance to live. Basically, I have to kill you to save you. But if you do nothing, you’ll be dead before you ever leave this camp.”

I don’t trust her, but I need more time. If I live long enough, can I see Sai again? Can I go back home?

“What are the odds of me surviving?”

“Like you said, fifty-fifty.” Kennedy places her hand on my back and utters five words before the world is ripped out from under me. “I truly hope you live.”

It feels like my entire body is floating. Not in water, just somewhere suspended. Somewhere safe.

With my eyes closed I try to identify what’s causing me so much pain. I sense more than see a thread of red mist. I trace it and see that it’s leaking from my heart. At a speed that suggests this substance is made from lead, it spreads out to the rest of my body.

My heartbeat increases as the mist moves forward inch by inch until it seems to clash with something. It’s a strange gold substance that’s sticking to my muscles and coating my veins. Something in my head screams that it shouldn’t be here.

My body pulses with light invigorated that it has something to fight. I will the red mist onwards as it furiously pushes against the gold substance looking for even the smallest space to break through. But no matter how hard I try, it’s not enough.

I don’t notice the moment my body gives up exactly. I go from feeling like I’m in the fight of my life, to feeling calm. Then, my muscles give out causing my body to sag. My mind embraces the floating feeling my body was experiencing earlier, and my consciousness just falls.

It’s easier than I expected, giving up. Easier than falling asleep.

Right before my subconscious closes its eyes in a sign of defeat, I’m all at once overcome by a torrent of emotions that are not my own.

Rage enters my bones fueling a bloodlust that devours me. Hate comes next. There’s no reasoning behind it; just pure hatred directed at the world and everything in it. Then, sorrow. It weighs me down, making me want to do nothing more than weep at the cruelty of the world.

Just as these emotions are moments away from overwhelming me, a burst of light ignites in me silencing the storm raging in my head. All at once, I have one singular goal. That echoes in my head.

‘Live!’

My limbs come back to life, and I renew my fight. This time, I’m stronger. The red mist bends and flows crushing every hint of the gold substance.

When my eyes open, I’m staring at the top of the tent that’s not completely dark.

“What?”

I sit up in my cot and scan the tent. It’s nighttime, but neither Kennedy nor Nocturne are in here. My headaches gone now and other than being tired, I feel significantly better.

The creak produced from my cot as I stand up penetrates the eerie silence around me. Something is wrong, but I’m not sure what. I grab the knife I’ve been using for sewing and strap it to my belt before walking to the opening in the tent.

I see off in the distance something bright that's flickering. Almost like—

Running to my left to get a better view, I see that there is indeed a fire. The camp is burning.

When I hear footsteps, I crouch low and bear crawl to the side of the tent. I’m expecting it to be Kennedy or Nocturne. Maybe even the twins. Instead, I see a familiar sight has the effect of making my heart rate spike from excitement while simultaneously making my stomach drop.

In the palm of his hand is a flame so hot it's almost white. He's running the flame across trees and bushes lighting them on fire.

I should be shocked, but I'm not. After every secret he’s kept from me, the flames don't surprise me. I suppose I really didn't know anything about Sai.