78. Harding vs Tyler VIII: General, You're Whipped

A young Tyler watched Fillmore retreat back to the Whig’s base.

“How noble of you,” he mused, returning his attention to Taylor. “Frankly, I never imagined a woman as practical as you would go so far as to sacrifice yourself for a subordinate you never cared about.”

“I’m not sacrificing anything,” Taylor snarled, rolling out her remaining left arm, “I fully intend to stop you here and now.”

Tyler gave a soft snort, then broke into a full-blown laugh.

“Oh please!” Tyler gestured to Taylor’s missing arm. “General, you’re whipped!”

“That is for me to determine,” Taylor snapped. “Besides…”

She flexed her remaining arm; her muscles tearing sleeve of her army uniform.

“…I do my best when faced with impossible odds.”

The two warriors collided against each other for over an hour straight. Then, Taylor and Tyler collapsed to the ground.

“My, my,” Tyler spoke between gasps of air, rubbing his head as he stared at Taylor’s lifeless body, “that was far more difficult than it had any right to be.”

He looked to his slain opponent a moment longer, then rose off the ground.

“With this, I’ve managed to claim the lives of two Presidents…”

His fingers wrapped around the golden pen in his pocket.

“…just a few dozen more to go…”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tyler crouched down, guarding himself as Harding struck him from every possible angle.

“Sorry for being so rough on ya, friend,” Harding smirked as she came in for another blow. “Feel free to surrender at your earliest convenience.”

Tyler clicked his tongue.

“Now, friend,” he snarled back, “why would I go and do something like that…”

Tyler slammed his fist onto the ground. As he did, the earth beneath the two shattered and broke apart.

“…when I’m just about to turn the tide!”

Harding stumbled forward from the shift in terrain, catching herself just before she fell.

“Well,” Tyler spoke as he appeared in front of her, “you’ve certainly had your share of fun, so if you wouldn’t mind…”

He drew back his arm.

“…I’d like to make a couple moves of my own!”

Tyler smashed into Harding’s unguarded chest, sending her to the ground.

Harding coughed, lifting up her head from the floor just in time to see Tyler lunging towards her, his fingers aimed for her neck.

“Executive Power!” Harding screamed, “Return to Normalcy!”

Tyler, along with the shattered ground around them, turned a static grey, then started rewinding themselves back to their previous positions. Meanwhile, Harding rose up, catching her breath as she watched Tyler retrace his steps.

“What in tarnation is Harding thinking?” LBJ screamed from the stands, “She needs to stop rewinding Tyler now that’s she’s out of danger!”

“I assure you,” Wilson responded, rolling her eyes, “she’s not thinking anything. Indeed, Harding is incapable of any kind of thought because she has nothing to think with.”

“Petty insults aside,” JFK snarked, “What’s it matter if Harding’s being inefficient? I doubt Tyler has any more tricks up his sleeves, so Harding will secure the win if she can just gets back into that infinite time loop combo.”

“You ain’t wrong,” LBJ replied, “but Harding’s sloppiness makes that little if of yours a helluva lot harder to pull off.”

“Indeed,” Wilson concurred. “For if we assume Tyler’s conjecture regarding Return to Normalcy time delay is accurate, then Harding will be unable to use her EP against him for another 10 seconds or so.”

JFK rubbed his chin.

“So you’re saying that if Tyler’s going to win…”

Tyler stopped rewinding, his head immediately turning to lock eyes onto Harding.

“…he’s gotta do it in the next 10 seconds…”

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Thanks to cheesecakeandchocolate on AO3 whose comment triggered me to post this as a bonus chapter for the week!

Tyler’s Flashback. These events are almost entirely made up and are very loosely based on John Tyler betraying the Whig’s Party by essentially acting like a Democrat the moment he got into office.

Whipped. The chapter title is based on a line that Zachary Taylor said at the Battle of Buena Visit during the Mexican War. After finding himself in a terrible military position, a fellow officer of Zachary’s said “General, we are whipped,” to which Zachary replied “That is for me to determine.” And indeed, Zachary managed to overcome the overwhelming odds and emerge victorious in the struggle.

NOTE: some historical texts that I found have Zachary alternatively replying with “I know it, but the volunteers don't know it. Let them alone and see what they do.” I’m not sure which of these is more accurate historically, but I do know what makes for a snappier line…