2

The next day we returned to the cave. We set out in the morning so we don’t come back at midnight. It’s gonna be a long day, or so said Gen on the phone. I led the way once again, of course. Itsuwa suggested I would, so I felt a little reassured, but I couldn’t stop from feeling unsafe. Every move, every sound Gen made rattled me. If he really was an enemy, he might attack at any moment. At any moment…

He never did, though. During the four hours we’ve walked, about six monsters attacked us, and they all were wiped out by Gen himself. Was this also a ploy of his? To make me think of him as a friend? Someone who protects me when I’m in danger, when in fact he himself is looking for the perfect chance to attack?

Anxiousness, uneasiness. Shaken by fear.

“Look over there!” Once again the couple’s dispute was broken by Gen’s comment when he pointed at the enormous pool of water, spreading throughout the side of the cave. It wasn’t shining with blue light like the Blue Grotto or anything, since no light could come in. It was still and clear, however, with no monsters lurking in sight. “We’ve been walking for a couple of hours by now, how about we take a little break?”

“I guess we can,” Itsuwa replied in an uninterested tone.

I didn’t answer.

“Cool. Kiyoki, why don’t we take a brief bath there? I doubt it’s anything like the hot springs, but it can be nice. The water seems clean enough. Itsuwa can come in after us if she wants.”

I looked at my back to see him. His suggestion startled me. It sent shivers down my spine, down every last one of my vertebrae.

Me. And him. Alone there. Gen, who wants to kill me in cold blood, suggested I go swim in the pool there alone with him. Did he catch on to our plan and suggest that in order to separate us? Or maybe he didn’t even know I knew about his intentions, and wanted to kill me right there when I least expected it?

What should I do…?

I looked back at Itsuwa. She shrugged, almost like this didn’t concern her at all. Hmm… Maybe she already thought this through? If I went with him, he’d be stripped out of his many weapons, making him all the more vulnurable. He was more skilled than me, but I was stronger physically, and I doubt any fighting skills proved useful when fighting inside water.

In that case, joining him was the best option. A chance to strike him down quickly, without him being able to fight back. He simply dug his own grave.

We went in with our change pair of boxers after setting up a few ianterns to brighten up the place. The water indeed seemed clean, but seeing as this is a pool deep inside a cave, I was worried about how clean it really was. This was the least of my concerns right now, however.

“Been a while since we got the chance to be like that just the two of us, no?” Gen said as he relaxed his head on his hands, resting on the wall behind him. Yes, I wonder why, Gen, I wonder why… “What have you been up to as of late? Are you still seein’ that girl you told me about some time ago? What was her name, uhhh…”

“Akari? Nah, we broke up after a week. I haven’t done much since then.”

“I see, that’s a bummer.”

“Is this water really safe for us?”

“It looks clean to me, and it’s nothing a few meds can’t fix worst case. Say…” his tone switched. I looked in his way, but he was staring straight into the ceiling. “Say you were given a choice: restart your life after death all over again, no changes whatsoever and with no memories of your past life at all, in an infinite loop; or your death to be your last, final moment, and after it - nothing. What would you choose? Revival? Or an end?”

“...”

What was he even saying? I didn’t know what to say. An infinite loop of revival or an end? Why would he even ask this? And now?

“Are these really your final words for me…?” I said finally.

“Huh?”

“This seems too good to be a coincidence, this question of yours. Itsuwa… Itsuwa told me everything.”

“Told you everything? What’s everything?”

“She told me, Gen! About your stupid plan, about how you hate me and want to kill me. Every last thing about you, she told me! And now you’re talking about returning after death, or a choice, or whatever the hell you want from me. I thought we were friends, so what in the hell is going on with you, huh?!” My throat started hurting, but I couldn’t keep my tone down, couldn’t stop shouting. No, I didn’t want to. Not after everything Itsuwa told me.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” He laughed

“What…?”

“I hate you? I want to kill you? You’ve got to be kidding me. Did she really tell you all that? I’m sorry, it’s beyond funny.”

“But…”

“If she told you you were dead would you also believe her?”

“...I have no reason not to believe her. She’s always so nice when you’re not around, and, and you even tried throwing a knife right at me!” He was full of shit. I knew it. I had to retort.

“Yeah yeah, she probably also never told you she smoked, am I right? Even though she’s been smoking for the past year or so?”

Gulp.

“A girl is nice to you suddenly after talking to you like crap for an entire day, and now you just believe everything she’s saying? She’s a known liar, you know. Maybe what she tried to do was put you against me so she can kill me? I wouldn’t try if I were her, though. After this is over, I’ll settle the score with her once and for all. Hopefully a breakup, but a fight if needed.”

No. Shut up, you’re wrong. Liar, you’re the liar here.

“That girl is messed up in the head. But you, Kiyoki, you’re too naivei. You shouldn’t always trust everyone. Capiche?” Gen’s tone was composed and unconcerned. He spoke with such confidence, it was hard saying if he was telling the truth. I didn’t want to believe him, but he was also just so right.

No, he’s wrong! He had to be! He had to be lying, I knew it. I was sure of it! So why am I doubting myself so much? Why… Why are my hands shaking, why do I feel my own heart beating?

You shouldn’t always trust everyone.

“...”

“Anyways, back to my question. What would you choose? I think I would prefer to revive in an infinite loop.”

I looked at the surface of the water. At the reflection. An amalgamation of the man I once was, now unrecognizable.

I didn’t want to answer him. I wanted to keep shut and run away back home. Why was I even here in the first place? I can’t… I can’t keep going like this.

“It’s both the same, though. If I don’t retain my memories, what’s even different between reviving and meeting the end…” I responded, feeling like I had to. I’ve hit a dead end. With every word, my hurt ached.

Confusion.

“Just pick one. I just want to know your answer, come on.”

My head. Was crumbling.

“I guess I would prefer my death to be the end.”

Gen smirked, laughing.

“You really are a miserable one, aren’t ya?”