A World That Will Never Be

“Alexander,” Alista greeted them at the gates when they returned. She looked hopeful for a moment, scanning the desert behind them. She realized it was a futile hope with a wry smile and dropped her gaze to study them, clearly taking note of the scratches and wounds layered over them all. “I see it wasn’t a successful mission.” She closed her eyes to take a steadying breath.

“General,” Alexander addressed her grimly. “It’s worse than you think.” He got straight to the point. Alista stiffened, sensing the somber gravity behind his greeting.

“Report, Lochagos.”

“Pallas has escaped from his binds.”

“Shit!” Alista cussed, panic stealing away her composure as a general.

Alexander nodded in bleak agreement. “He-” Alexander hesitated, still trying to reconcile with what exactly had happened. None of them understood what the reaction to Rhei had meant, which made it difficult to relay. “It doesn’t seem as though he is an immediate threat,” he offered weakly. “He planned to issue an official declaration of war when something,” His green eyes darted over to Rhei, “Changed his mind.” He shook his head. “He had the upper hand, and he simply stopped. He left abruptly. We don’t know where he went, but we can assume that he reported his freedom to the Kronos Ankylomêtēs.”

“That hardly sounds like Pallas.” Alista ran a shaky hand through her hair. “Okay. Okay. I’ll let the elders know, and the priests will get the news to Our Lady. We don’t know when he’ll become an active threat, but according to what we know about his character, he won’t go for a sneak attack. He takes honorable warfare far too seriously for that.”

She looked at them all seriously. “As Athen’s guard, we must always be prepared for anything. This knowledge does not change that, and it must remain a secret. We don’t want to cause a panic, and ambassadors from some of the other cities have already arrived for the Games. All operations will proceed as usual.”

She sighed heavily, eyes gazing at them and softening as she took in their bedraggled appearance. “You four should rest and get treated.” She clapped a gentle hand on Alexander’s shoulder. “I will inform the families of the deceased for you.”

Alexander shook his head. “With all due respect,t ma’am, we’d like to accompany you.” Aerin and Rhei nodded. Asteria side-eyed them. Personally, she would prefer to rest.

Alista smiled sadly. Her hand reached up to brush along the dotted scars on her cheek. “They will appreciate hearing from you. You knew the soldiers far better than I.”

It felt weird, traveling through the city completely unaware that its most fervent enemy had been unleashed. Smoke curled lazily from chimneys. Merchants shouted to one another from the market streets beyond the gates, and the soldiers milled around the Gate headquarters as usual. Children were being sent to lessons. Soldiers were changing shifts.

If anything, the city felt more festive than when they left. In preparation for the upcoming Panathenaic Games, cheery banners and colorful flags had been hung up. Jaunty music echoed through the alleys from some performance out of sight. Vendors bustled with themed treats and wares advertising the upcoming festivities.

Alista led them to where the families were gathered, a comfy but subdued lounge inside the main building. As the door opened, they looked up, eyes hopeful. It didn’t take long before they noticed their loved ones were not present.

“My friends,” Alista began. “My soldiers have returned, but I am sorry; it is not the news that you were hoping for.” The gathered strangers shuddered. Immediate realization filled their eyes. One mother dropped to her knees, muffling a sob into her hand. Her husband knelt with her, pulling her into a tight hug. Ferazia stood with them, sandy eyes dimming as she accepted that she was the only member of her party that would ever make it home.

“I want you to know,” Alista’s voice was thick. “That your sons and daughters died as heroes fighting for the protection of the city.” She laid her hand against her chest. “I know, though, that is no consolation. There is nothing we can do to regain their lives, but I want you to know that Athens will be forever grateful for the lives they offered.” She dipped into a deep bow. “I offer my deepest sympathies. I severely underestimated the danger presented by this mission, and understand if you wish to blame me.”

There was something strange about hearing a general apologize to grieving families like this. Alista could have hidden behind rank like the Titans and Gods Asteria knew did. They would never have apologized for the loss of lesser beings. Alista was just as human as the soldiers, rs of course, but they were of much less significant rank. Alista could have spoken about orders and circumstances and the unpredictable nature of war. Instead, she stood before them and offered herself as something they could blame. Asteria would have thought such voluntary selflessness would be a weakness that could not be afforded in front of others, much less civilians who needed to trust in Alista’s authority.

The crying mother stood with a sob and lunged toward Alista. Asteria tensed, ready to defend, but instead, the woman hugged Alista with a sob. “We understand, dear, of course we do. We know that you have lost, and do everything you can to keep us from losing any more. But what can you do when this is the world we live in?” She murmured through tears. “You are an excellent general who has sacrificed too much for this city already. You know what it is like to mourn our children, but do not sacrifice yourself for things that are not your fault. It is the war that has stolen our children.”

Alista cleared a thickened throat and nodded sharply. Alista's shoulders were rigid, but her eyes were wet. “Thank you, Sophia. We’ll miss Kostas. He was a good kid.”

Sophia nodded and returned to her husband's waiting arms. She kept her arm around his waist and let him speak for her.

“We always knew the risks. He, he did too. But he wanted to protect the city regardless. I can’t say I ever understood him, but I respected his will.”

Alexander hesitated, wondering if he should mention Kostas’s plans to resign. Aerin decided for him.

“He loved this city, but I wanted to let you know… He loved his family more. He planned to resign because he found something he wanted to protect more than his home.” Aerin glanced up. A young woman with long brown hair stepped forward hesitantly.

“Was there anything to remember him by?” She asked hesitantly, darting a glance back toward his parents as if she expected them to refute her right. Alexander stepped forward. He turned the repurposed spear moulding around in his hand. He’d been doing it subconsciously for most of their journey home, to the point that the metal had become polished in some spots, greyed bronze shining gold.

“Eleni,” he started roughly. She blinked, not recognizing him at first, smudged with dirt and messy pink hair.

“Captain Alexander?” She asked in shock. Eleni had never seen her boyfriend’s superior look so disorderly.

“Kostas would have wanted you to have this.” He held out the tarnished ring of metal, and she stared uncomprehendingly for a second. Asteria understood. It looked nothing like a wedding band, dramatically oversized and made of roughly hammered brass. Still, it flashed like gold in the light, and sparked understanding in her eyes. She teared up, reaching trembling fingers out to take the ring. She took it with both hands, as though it were something infinitely more precious than the rough scrap of metal it was. Eleni held it up with wonder, and slipped it over her ring finger. It didn’t fit at all, hanging with a good few millimeters of space from her hand.

She giggled tearfully as it dropped. “He was always so bad at eyeballing measurements.”

Aerin nodded conspiratorily. “It was a pain when I was put on shift with him.” She laughed wetly.

“The guard will pay to get it resized, if you’d like.” Elini’s eyes flashed.

“No!”

Alista nodded, hands up. She reached beneath her vest and pulled out a chain. A simple silver band glimmered there, at odds with the copper and brass metals Alista normally wore. She unclasped it and slipped the ring into her calloused, scarred palm. She showed it to Elini. “This one doesn’t fit me either, though it wasn’t originally mine. I prefer to keep it near my heart, and though you might like to do the same.” She offered the chain to Elini. “Until you can get one of your own, would you be okay with mine?”

Elini teared up again and nodded, taking it gratefully and slipping the brass ring around the fine golden chain. It was almost laughably crude. The metal had been hammered into shape unevenly, one side slightly thicker than the other. Likely from wear during storage when Kostas wasn’t using his spear. Asteria could tell that the weapon had never seen any use. Pallas had likely killed them all before they could even get armed. Despite being an ugly thing, she held it tenderly.

She continued to hold it gently against her heart as they headed outside and the families brought out their burial shrouds. They brought the shrouds carefully folded over their arms. They were woven with a beautiful silver thread shimmering like gossamer that caught the morning light, making the fabric appear almost translucent. Someone carried a small clay vessel filled with oil. Another brought fragrant flowers that gleamed white like bone. No music disturbed the otherwise still air as Alista presided over the ceremony, speaking at length about each lost soldier and burning the shrouds to silver ashes. All through it, Elini held a hand over the ring. As Kostas’s shroud burned, her eyes remained locked on the fire, shimmering in the light.

Asteria could see the lifetime Elini would never have flashing before her eyes. She would have been beautifully dressed up for a wedding, the flowing white dress complemented by her dark hair and an embroidered himation veil. Wedding bells would have rung over them, and jaunty musicians would have played lyres as she danced with Kostos. Their families would have cheered and cried as she ran down the aisle, hand in hand with Kostas. Perhaps they would have had kids, or maybe they’d be the type that were happiest alone together. It did not matter anymore.

Asteria didn’t know Kostas. She had never met them, and hadn’t heard much about him either. For a second, though, she understood that this stranger had been in possession of a full life with potential and a fate of his own that now no longer existed. And even if he was gone, his short life ended even more briefly than expected, those he loved would still be around, living their lives without him. Asteria should not know or understand the death of a loved one as an immortal, and yet something about the sight resonated deeply in her soul. She knew exactly what Eleni was feeling. And for that loss of love and of life and of opportunity, Asteria could relate.

Asteria’s hands drifted up to her chest, one splayed over her heart and the other tracing a line against the finger that had once borne a ring of her own. She fought it as best she could, but could not help the way her attention drifted to Rhei. She remembered a happy life with Perses that did not exist anymore. She glanced back at Eleni, finally losing her composure and sinking to the ground, sobbing, as the last ashes of Kostas’s shroud floated away on the wind.

She thought back to Rhei’s anger at her callousness in the desert. Death was sad, she realized. And as she watched the families cry and mourn, she couldn’t help the tears that welled in her eyes.