Nicole's thoughts and submissive magic (part 2)

--- Nicole's POV ---

Seina is changing, even if it's happening in a slightly strange way.

She used to always walk around with her head down, barely speaking a word to anyone, not even me. She cycled through a dozen different hobbies, overworked herself constantly, and slept as much as physically possible. Probably just to make the time pass faster.

Basically, she was stuck in a massive depressive rut with absolutely no motivation to get better. Until recently, that is. I know she thinks I'm just a lazy woman who loves to sleep... And honestly, she's not wrong. It doesn't help that my resting face naturally looks exhausted. But I'm still a very observant person.

I watch her cute, fluffy tail sway happily from side to side as she checks out her reflection in the mirror from different angles. You don't even need to be observant to tell how she feels right now. Heh.

I sit back down on her bed and watch as she picks up a brush and starts working through her hair.

Her sudden change is interesting. It doesn't feel like she abruptly found a grand, life-altering goal or anything like that. It's more like... she just gave up. But instead of spiraling into something dangerous, it's like she finally said, 'Screw it! Even if I fail, I'm just going to live.'

It sounds optimistic, but I actually think it's the exact opposite. It's like she's throwing herself into the world without any real expectations or hope. Or maybe I'm wrong? I really hope I'm wrong, and she actually has big dreams now... I mean, she obviously has smaller goals. I know she loves to cook, sing, and knit. But it feels like she doesn't stop to think about the big picture. Right now, she's just blindly hoping for the best.

"... Somehow I hate to see you lie and lie..."

Her soft humming turns into full singing. It's another unfamiliar song.

Even before she awakened her magic, she was always singing melodies that were way too complex to just be made up on the spot. Oh well, at least I can actually understand the lyrics to this one. Sometimes, she sings in some completely unknown language.

"Who cares? It's better than without a light~"

Let's see... If I had to sum it up, her coping method isn't exactly the healthiest, but she is getting better. Still, she holds onto a lot of bad habits from the depths of her depression. Like her cripplingly low self-esteem regarding everything except her physical body. And the constant overthinking, though it seems a bit less miserable this time around. Plus, the rapid mood swings. One second, she's perfectly happy, and the next, she remembers whatever it is that makes her sad.

I could go on and on, but at the end of the day, she is healing. And that's what matters. I just hope she heals completely one day.

She finishes her song at the exact same moment she finishes styling her hair. It's a simple braid ending in a knot at the back of her head, leaving the rest flowing loosely. Heh, pretty.

But then, right on cue to prove my earlier thoughts, she goes from a happy, singing girl to a statue. Her ears droop completely flat against her head, her tail stops swaying, and she slowly stares at the floor.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask.

She flinches and looks at me with wide eyes, almost like she forgot I was even in the room. It's a stark reminder of how she used to completely detach from her surroundings, acting like the real world had nothing to do with her.

"Well, um, I just have to do this right. What if they think I'm boring and tell me they don't want to be my friends after all? I don't think I could ever talk to anyone ever again... Oh god, what if they pretend we get along, but behind my back, they plan to completely avoid me? That would be so much worse..."

Just as I suspected. It makes absolutely no sense. How can a girl who's a borderline exhibitionist, someone who secretly hopes the wind blows her skirt up, also be this painfully insecure and socially awkward?

"You're much better company than you think you are. Just try not to be so stiff."

"I managed to talk a little bit yesterday, I think."

"See? Even better. I guarantee they already have a good opinion of you. Now you just need to help them out with whatever you can."

"I guess I did help out yesterday by carrying Ilona away so fast..."

"Didn't you say you literally protected them when the fight started? Your depression is creeping back in. It's making you focus on the negative and completely minimize the good things you do," I stand up and get closer to her. "You know what?"

I reach out, place my hands firmly on her cheeks, and tilt her head up so she has to look me in the eyes.

"You are going to do fine. You are cool, kind, interesting, and incredibly fun once you actually let your guard down. If they don't see that, then they aren't worth being friends with in the first place. You need to be more confident."

She averts her gaze slightly. Okay, I need to be firmer.

"Look at me. BE MORE CONFIDENT! You are a good girl. If you can't trust yourself yet, then trust me. Because I believe it."

Okay, that was incredibly cliché, but I'm her closest friend. She needs to trust me on this... I really should be more active in helping her. Honestly, I should have been way more active over the past few years. I always thought just being there for her and dragging her out of the house would be enough. And maybe it was, but I can't shake the feeling that I could have done so much more.

"Y-you really think so?"

She looks hesitant and incredibly shy, but there's a spark of genuine happiness and pride in her eyes. It seems my words are finally getting through that thick skull of hers. Smiling, I let go of her cheeks.

"Definitely."

"Well... by the way, what time do you get off work?"

"I'd like to know that too. Why?"

"Well, yeah, um, I should get to the castle as soon as possible—" I interrupt. I already know exactly what she wants.

"You want me to come with you." It isn't a question.

"A-ah, now that you mention it, yeah... maybe. That would be great."

'You're not fooling anyone.'

"Mm... no, I think you'll be fine on your own."

"B-but wait, what if someone talks to me?"

"This again...? Sigh. You'll be fine. Didn't you make friends yesterday?"

"Eh, right."

"See? You don't have to make friends with anyone in the castle anyway. Just get the job, do it, get paid, and you're done."

"I don't think it'll be quite that easy, but okay."

"It will be! See you later," I stop halfway to the door and look back at her. "Oh, yeah, one more thing..."

"Yes?"

"Have you been practicing your magic?"

"Oh, just simple things. Like manipulating natural darkness and comparing it to what I create with magic. Shifting it from intangible to more solid to pull things around... basically just practicing control."

"Control... Nothing more practical, like creating blades again?"

"No, I don't feel like I need to practice that... It's kind of weird. Even if I haven't done something before, it feels like... well, it's like if I told you to practice walking. Even if you've supposedly never walked before, if I ask you to do it, you'll just do it with no problem, right?"

"Not the best example, but I get your point. You should practice anyway. It's better to figure out what you can do during practice rather than in the middle of a life-or-death fight."

"Okay... have a good one," she says, watching me leave.

Her magic... darkness. It's nothing like the darkness magic I've seen before. It's much more... how should I put it... submissive.

'Magic doesn't have a consciousness or anything, but it can still pick up certain habits. A kind of muscle memory, so to speak.'

For example, everyone can use ordinary magic to varying degrees. But if someone is incredibly gifted at light magic and really loves flowers, taking care of them, watering them, and feeding them every day, something interesting happens. If that person were to release pure light magic into the air without any specific intention or spell, the magic might naturally drift toward the flowers and help them grow.

Another example, though much rarer, is a cook who uses his own fire magic to cook. If he were to conjure a flame under a frying pan and walk away, the magic would notice when the food started to burn and dim or extinguish itself at exactly the right moment.

That's what is happening with her darkness. But instead of it being something small like muscle memory, it's as if the darkness is completely submissive to Seina. It wants to please her almost desperately in every way it can, like when it acted on its own to kill a fly.

Not to mention that she can control non-magical darkness... which is an entirely different can of worms.

All things considered, it's a good thing. The problem is that I've only ever known of two cases where magic practically helped its wielder on its own.

The first was Bonifacio Bergman, a serial killer with a sick obsession for dismembering his victims into as many pieces as physically possible. It's said that his wind magic created blades that automatically sliced through anyone who came near him, even while he was asleep. He was executed almost ten years ago, back when I was still a student, and his magic violently defended him until the bitter end.

The second case is more recent. A former court magician named Julius. No last name. He was particularly gifted at water magic and a skilled alchemist. As they later discovered in his journals and notes, he had severe delusions of immortality... He became so obsessed with stopping the aging process that he sacrificed parts of his own body to some unnamed evil god he only referred to as 'death made flesh'. According to him, the limbs would grow back once he achieved his goal. Instead, he bled out and died completely alone.

I didn't know him very well, but I ran into him in the hallways a lot. He looked and acted like a perfectly normal, kind old man. However, he had terrible control over his massive mana pool, so it sometimes leaked out as mist and water droplets. Ironically, those droplets slightly aged everything they touched. Maybe magic doesn't necessarily try to fulfill someone's direct wishes, but rather gets influenced by whatever is heavily weighing on their mind.

There are definitely more cases out there, most with similarly tragic stories, but those are the two I saw with my own eyes.

Anyway, Seina's darkness magic reminds me of a child. A child desperately trying to redeem itself to its parents after being punished for bad behavior... I've already thought about this, but I am incredibly glad she doesn't remember her past life. Exactly how strong must your emotions be for your magic to follow you obediently into your next life?

'But enough thinking about the past.'

It doesn't matter anymore. Whatever her past was, the magic is in Seina's hands now. And judging by what she's done with it so far, it definitely has a much better owner.

I'm sure she'll be fine. The lingering effects of her depression will gradually fade away. I just can't let her lose her current momentum.

Visiting family after not seeing them for four years will do her some good.

--- Seina POV ---

'... Shame on me.'

I tell myself I'm getting better, and suddenly I'm having pessimistic thoughts again. And right in front of Nicole, no less! Actually, I guess it's a good thing it happened in front of her so she could remind me not to relapse.

'Remember to be optimistic, Sei, optimistic!'

I leave the house shortly after Nicole. I might as well spy—distract! Yeah, distract myself with the sounds around me again. If I hear something delicate, technically it's their fault for talking about it out loud on the street, right?

A few blocks later, I turn onto a main street. As I walk down the wide sidewalk, watching the carriages go by, I focus my ears... Gossipy mode—no, I mean, information-gathering mode.

"... Bro, this has to be fate. I'm walking behind her again."

"Why are we taking this route again?"

"I just had a feeling..."

Voices start filtering in. I keep walking, pretending I don't hear a thing.

"Did you hear? Carian's sword is in the city..."

"... Mamacita."

"You think no one understands you, but we do! Shut up..."

"Those bare legs..."

My ears twitch slightly. It's funny how people think they're whispering when they're actually projecting their voices halfway down the street. I guess they don't expect someone with such good ears to be casually strolling by.

"I'm going to throw out that tanned fox fur in my shed. Forgive me, gods."

"Is it treason to my cat-kin wife if, now more than ever, I want to pet that fluffiness?"

"I need my head crushed between those thighs..."

Oh? Someone's being bold. And is it really treason to your wife just to appreciate a little fluff? Well, I guess looking doesn't hurt. Like people say... it doesn't hurt to look at the menu as long as you eat at home, right?

"Oh~ pink, huh?"

"They are definitely pink."

"Bless that speeding carriage driver."

"Lace...~"

I-I notice myself shuddering a little at that last comment, along with a certain... feeling... in a certain place. I-I need a distraction! Um, um, oh... Carian's sword?

I have absolutely no idea who that is, but I feel like I've been hearing the name 'Carian' a lot lately, despite living in Ciren... I guess it makes sense since they're kind of sibling kingdoms. Ciren is more of an economic and military powerhouse, while Carian focuses on arts and culture.

... Anyway, that wasn't a very good distraction.

I can feel my tail alternating between standing perfectly stiff and wagging like crazy. I can't stop it. It's almost as embarrassing as when I couldn't stop my tail from swaying happily in front of the

"... Was that a literal Goddess? I guess this world actually has something worth living for after all. You know what? I'm gonna register as an adventurer and risk my life to protect this world! Right after I go home and change my underwear..."

Okay, that's enough. There are some seriously intense people out here. I need to get off this street before my ears explode from pure embarrassment.

I pick up my pace, intending to duck into the nearest alley to escape the crowd. But then, a sudden chill runs down my spine. My head turns almost completely on instinct... just in time to catch the glint of metal and a dagger plunging straight for my stomach.