I’ll Have, Uhhh...

“Welcome to… bzzzt… Vampy Burger. May I… bzzzt… take your order?”

Jimmy leaned out of the driver’s-side window and cleared his throat.

“H-hi. I’ll have, uhh…”

His gaze wandered toward the glowing menu board beside the speaker, crowded with pictures of burgers, fries and shakes.

A boot slammed into the back of his seat.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Heather snapped from behind him. “We already decided what we’re getting!”

Twisting around, Jimmy swatted at her boots.

“Get off my back! Maybe I changed my mind!”

“Bzzzt… H-hello…?”

Before he could answer, a hand seized him by the collar.

Jimmy froze.

Roxy had leaned forward until her red eyes were inches from his.

“Order…”

Her fingers tightened around the fabric.

“…the fucking food.”

A thin string of drool hung from the corner of her mouth.

“O-okay, okay, fine!”

The moment she released him, Jimmy straightened his jacket and turned back toward the speaker.

“So, um, one Nosferatu Meal with curly fries. Then, uh… one Newmoon Special with ranch sauce, two Blood Shakes, and…”

He risked a glance at Roxy.

“…five cheeseburgers.”

“Make it ten,” she whispered into his ear.

Her breath brushed his neck, sending a shiver through him.

“Sorry,” he said quickly into the speaker. “Ten cheeseburgers.”

...

“Bzzzt… Ten cheeseburgers?”

“Yes.”

“Bzzzt… In addition to the other meals?”

“…y-yeah.”

A pause.

“Bzzzt… Okay, then. Please proceed to the next window.”

Jimmy rolled the car forward.

At the pickup window, a Pureblood girl in a red-and-yellow polo and matching cap greeted them with an exhausted stare.

“That’ll be eighty-seven forty.”

Jimmy pulled out his wallet...

...and froze

“Oh, shit.”

“What?” Heather and Roxy said in unison.

He counted the bills again before lowering his voice.

“I don’t have enough cash...”

Heather leaned forward between the seats.

“What?! I thought your Ascendant family was rich!”

“That doesn’t mean I walk around with a pile of money!”

“Sir?”

The employee still had her hand out.

“One second,” Jimmy said with an awkward smile, baring his bright fangs.

He turned back toward the others.

“Shit. Guess I’ll have no choice but to use my dad’s cred...”

THUMP! THUMP!

Everyone froze.

The employee frowned.

“What was that?”

Another employee appeared behind her and dropped an enormous brown bag onto the counter with a golden V printed across the front.

Roxy’s ears twitched when the smell hit her.

Her head slowly turned toward the bag.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

“Is that... coming from your trunk?”

Jimmy’s smile stiffened.

“Uh…”

Before he could say anything, Roxy came crawling across him.

Her knee dug straight into his thigh.

“OW! What are you...”

She shoved him back against the seat and leaned halfway out the window.

Roxy’s nostrils flared and her pupils widened as she stared at the employee.

The employee glanced uncertainly between her and the paper bag.

“So… uh... would you like to pay by card, or...?”

SNATCH!

The bag vanished.

So did Roxy.

The employee stared at the empty counter.

Inside the car, Roxy was already tearing into her prize, sending wrappers and napkins flying everywhere.

She found one of the cheeseburgers, ripped it free, and swallowed half of it in one bite.

Jimmy’s mouth fell open.

“Roxy?!”

Cheeks bulging, she jabbed a finger toward the road and stomped on his foot, forcing the gas pedal down.

“FUCKING GOOOOO!!!”

The car shot forward, throwing Heather backward as they tore through the drive-thru, bounced over the curb, and nearly clipped a giant plastic Nosferatu holding a spatula.

By the time the employee leaned out of the window, they were already disappearing down the road.

She watched their taillights disappear, then sighed.

“Assholes...”

🍔 🦇 🍔 🦇 🍔

Once the car was back on the highway, their nerves gradually began to settle.

“You’re sure no one’s behind us?!” Jimmy asked, his eyes still darting frantically between the rearview mirror and the side mirrors.

Heather turned back around and nodded, taking a sip from her Blood Shake.

“Yeah. No one’s following us.”

Jimmy let out an audible breath.

Beside him, Roxy rubbed her stomach with a blissful expression and gave a quiet burp.

The smell of processed cheese, onions, and pickles drifted through the car.

“That’s better,” she purred contentedly, letting her shoulders relax.

Jimmy shot her a sidelong glance.

“Seriously, what was that back there? I could’ve just paid by card! If they got our license plate...”

Roxy waved him off without a care.

“Relax, Jimmy! The cops don’t have time to chase a bunch of fast-food thieves. They’ve got much bigger problems right now. Besides, things are gonna be very different around here once we’ve put our plan into action.”

“And you really think the plan’s going to work? What if that stuff doesn’t do what you think it does? What if…”

Heather leaned farther forward.

“What’s wrong, Jimmy? Getting cold feet?”

“N-no, it’s just…”

There was still a smear of burger sauce at the corner of Roxy’s mouth as she slid closer to him.

When her fingers came to rest on his shoulder, he flinched involuntarily.

“Think about it. If this works, we could finally put an end to centuries of inequality between us Purebloods and you Ascendants. But for that, we need people from both sides!”

Her fingers tightened slightly.

“People like you.”

A nervous tingle spread through his chest.

“You know… the first time I saw you at Bloodveil High, when you refused to join the others in giving us a hard time, I knew you were different…”

Her lips moved closer to his ear.

“We need you, Jimmy. I need you…”

The color in his face was almost indistinguishable from the red of his eyes.

If his heart were still beating, it would have burst right out of his chest.

“R-Roxy… I…”

“Aren’t we supposed to turn off here…?” Heather’s voice cut through the tension.

“Oh, shit!” Jimmy yelled, yanking the wheel around.

The sudden swerve sent Roxy sliding back into her seat as the car, tires squealing, barely made the exit.

The highway sign flashed past overhead:

Blood City - Industrial Park

They passed abandoned warehouses and pulled into the parking lot of an old blood bag factory.

Jimmy kept his hands on the steering wheel, staring out through the windshield.

Nobody said a word.

Roxy was just opening her mouth when he turned to her with a smile.

“All right, then. Let’s do it!”

She answered with a confident nod.

“That’s the spirit!”

They got out and walked around to the trunk.

Inside, the mayor lay bound and motionless.

Heather yanked the sack off his head.

Instinctively, Douglas scrambled backward, blinking his eyes open in panic.

“W-what do you want from me?! If it’s money you’re after, y-you’d better not hurt me!”

His gaze darted from one face to another.

Then the fear began to fade.

Deep furrows appeared on his forehead instead.

“Wait a minute. You’re… you’re just a bunch of fucking teenagers! Do you have any idea who I am?! Untie me this instant, or…”

“Oh, we know exactly who you are, Mr. Mayor,” Roxy interrupted, unwrapping another cheeseburger and taking a generous bite. “That’s… mmnph… why we’re here…”

She nodded behind her, where enormous cylindrical storage tanks rose into the night sky.

Douglas followed her gaze.

“The Blood Distribution Works... What are you planning?!”

Roxy took another bite, then reached into the front pocket of her hoodie and produced a small vial filled with shimmering pale-blue liquid.

“We’re… mmph… bringing equality!”

He stared at her as though she’d lost her mind.

“You’re planning to contaminate it?! These facilities supply half the state! Have you completely lost your minds?!”

Heather grabbed him by the collar and dragged him roughly out of the trunk.

“Don’t talk down to us, asshole!”

Douglas landed in the dirt.

“It’s because of people like you that things are finally gonna change around here!” she shouted, punctuating her words with a few kicks.

“Oof!”

“That’s enough, Heather,” Roxy said, slipping the vial back into her pocket.

Bound as he was, Douglas struggled unsteadily to his feet.

“Filthy long-ears... You’ve just signed your own death warrants, you got that? Teenagers or not.”

Only then did he notice Jimmy, standing a little apart from the others, conspicuously looking the other way.

“Wait a minute… You... You’re an Ascendant!”

He bared his fangs.

“You’re betraying your own kind?!”

Before Jimmy could answer, Roxy swallowed the last bite of her cheeseburger and stepped in front of the mayor, folding her arms.

“Our own kind? We’re all vampires! Ascendants and Purebloods alike! Jimmy here understands that because he’s not a complete dickface like you!”

“Besides, without us Purebloods, you wouldn’t even be vampires!” Heather added. “Have you forgotten that unlike us, you were humans once?”

Douglas strained against his restraints, still glaring at Jimmy with fury in his eyes.

The boy flinched, opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“Something’s just got to change…” he finally muttered, more to himself than to the politician.

“Oh… my… GOD!” the mayor spat. “Don’t tell me you’ve let those… bat-cunts get inside your head, kid?”

“Th-that’s not it!” he shot back, louder than he’d intended.

Roxy clapped her hands, ignoring the exchange.

“Anyway. We haven’t got all night.” She pointed to the driver’s seat. “So be a good mayor and drive us onto the grounds without making a scene.”

Douglas shook his head.

“If you think I’m going to help you break into one of the most heavily guarded facilities in the state, you’ve got another thing coming!”

Roxy stared at him, her expression unreadable.

Sighing, she turned toward the car.

“All right. Guess my friend Batsy needs to do a little persuading…”

She opened the backseat door, reached inside, and pulled something out.

A battered baseball bat.

“Meet Batsy.”

Douglas’s eyes widened.

“W-what are you doing?”

She rested the bat on her shoulder.

“Introduce you.”

“N-now listen here, young lady...”

CRACK!

The burger-binging batgirl’s battered baseball bat, Batsy, brutally bashed him in the face.

Douglas stumbled backward and collapsed onto the asphalt.

“AAAAARGH!”

A deep gash opened across his forehead, dark blood running down his pale face.

But the wound was already closing.

Within seconds, the torn flesh knitted itself back together, leaving nothing but a smear of blood.

Douglas stared up at her in horror.

“You… you little…”

Roxy raised the bat again.

“Wanna reconsider?”

“F-FUCK YOU, BITCH!”

CRACK!

“AAAAAAARGH!”

Heather burst out laughing.

“Hyahahahaha!! How do you like them apples, jerk?”

Jimmy took an uneasy step forward, his eyes fixed on the blood running down the mayor’s face.

“Roxy, I... I think he gets it...”

“Doesn’t sound like it to me.”

CRACK!

“Hngahhhhh!”

Douglas’s jaw hung there in tatters, his tongue hanging limply to one side.

“H-hahh.. Lahhll... nghh...”

When his face was complete again, Roxy lifted the bat once more.

“WAIT!”

Douglas curled up as best he could.

“I’ll do it! I’ll do it, for fuck’s sake!”

Roxy smiled sweetly, lowering the bat.

“See? Was that so difficult?”

She pointed Batsy toward the driver’s-side door.

“Now get in. We’ve got a revolution to start.”