I'm So Sorry...

Story 10: I’m so sorry.

I like to imagine that you're somehow watching me from above. As I write a letter to a dead man. Are you having a good laugh? God I hope so. I wish I could hear that laugh one more time. Just like when we entered that house for the first time. You told me “Ain’t no creature nor critter we can’t handle” then. But knowing what we found… Would you still say the same? I still remember those oak floors. They felt so stable- aside from those stairs. But you told me “It makes sense for an old building.” Now that I think of it, I’ve never seen someone so competent with a handgun like you. I mean- you could outshoot a soldier. It was like watching a painting being painted! I think I had too much faith in your aim… I still regret that. When we walked through the halls of that decaying house- and found that basement, I knew something was wrong. But I didn’t listen to my gut. I still wish I had that day. Maybe you’d be alive. I still remember how that kitchen had canned goods- like those peeches… you had balls, man… You had balls… I wish I had eaten them with you.

That basement smelled like iron- it was weird to be honest, you told me it was rust. *It* told me it wasn’t. That tv with the static- I laugh sometimes, I remember how you shot it before it finished loading. Man- you had survival instincts better than most I swear. Maybe if it wasn’t for me, you’d have gotten out. I still remember those walls- they were dry- had no paint. Rough and coarse. It was almost scary by itself... I wonder if they still remember you. I remember how you told me it was time to go- so many times. But I just needed to find it. It would have saved us- instead I couldn’t find it… I still wish I hadn’t chickened out. It felt surreal when we were in that basement, I mean- almost like a horror movie. There were dolls and toys laying around, one even fell on you- I still remember how you panicked and almost shot me… (this is struck through) Sometimes I wish you had. (end.) I feel like there was more we should have looked at, your shocked face was the funniest shit ever. I would kill to see it again.

But… I’m dancing around the subject, aren’t I? I am writing this to tell you what I saw… I think you were wearing a red leather jacket- I’m not even sure. Ain’t that something. I can’t even remember what you wore the day I lost you… Either way, it was red, like meat stripped of its skin. I could see it… I still wonder to this day how you didn’t. It stood right in front of us- eyes so dark I could see the light being sucked into them just to vanish. I tried to ignore it… we walked past it. The way you lead fearlessly, it was like horrors no longer existed in this world. Each time I assured you we were almost there… The thing was gone when I looked back, I knew that was a bad sign. When *it* spoke to me, I could hear your wife's name in it… but I ignored it. When it finally spoke to it- and you ignored it- or maybe you didn’t see it. I still can’t tell. It seemed angry at you, I thought it was going to kill you… It didn’t even reach towards you. When it walked, I could hear its meat sloshing- I almost threw up from the sound alone, I didn’t want to think about it.

What rule did we break? I remember- no I don’t- that’s too much. I can’t think… I watched it unhinge… I saw it’s mouth… oh god. Open. So wide… I- (the large portion of this section going forward is stained with a little brown and green liquid and some scribbles. A few words visible like “Not a bite.” And “Where?!” are visible.) I thought it was going to bite you… I thought you were dead. I pleaded with it to spare you- and you looked at me like I was crazy. I just wish… you could have seen it- spoke to it. Maybe that’s all it took. Just acknowledge it. When it walked away, those thin lines of meat that were an excuse for legs- I… I can’t. They moved with such a horrifying intention. It was gone- I thought… I thought you were safe… to look around, when I found it. My old cup and cross. I just wanted it so much… I risked everything. I took the cup, for a moment, I considered leaving the cross… but I took it anyway. I thought… maybe it could scare it off if *it* came back.

You grabbed my shoulder- pulling me to the side. Finally telling me lets go, I showed you the back door… and that's when… It… I didn’t even see it. Even when I close my eyes tight, trying to remember… I still can’t fully see what happened… only that horrible screeching… I hid in the room where I had found the cross… I… I heard it… The gunfire, your voice calling for help… The *thing* tearing down a wall… I wouldn’t have guessed that's what it would do… I should’ve known better… I… I remember stepping out… Oh god the BLOOD. I didn’t think it was possible for a human to bleed that much. Your arm… so close to being torn off… those were bite marks- it had stretched you… I still want to go back and dig you up… but… I don’t know what I’d find. I don’t want to know… And just like that… It was gone. It took my best friend. And left. Goodbye, Jacob. And I’m so… so fucking sorry.