The Confession

**At Home.**

I was sitting on the sofa when I saw Sara return home from school. She didn't look at me. She didn't say "I'm home." She directly went to her room and closed the door.

So I knew. Ren had confessed his feelings to her, and probably, she had accepted it.

Now, I guess the role of mine in her life is gone. Maybe we again became strangers. Like we were before we started living together.

Well, I didn't feel that bad at that time. Because I had expected very little from the beginning. I always knew that she would never be mine. If I had allowed myself to expect that she and I could be together, I would have been destroyed.

So this was fine. This was supposed to happen.

**At Evening.**

She was still in her room. She probably wanted to avoid me. So I also decided not to bother her. Why should I be the annoying one now that she has a boyfriend?

I went to the balcony and started thinking about random things. I looked at the sofa and for a second, I saw Sara sitting on the sofa, laughing at me. For a second, I thought she came out.

But it was just my imagination. She was still in her room.

It will probably take one week to move on from that. But I'll move on. I know myself. I always do.

My phone rang.

It was Ikkun.

"Bro, you know? Ren confessed his feelings to Tachibana today!" he shouted, excited.

"I said, 'Hm, I know.'"

He paused. "So are you sad?"

"Why would I be?" I tried to make my voice normal. "I already told you that she is way out of my league and it doesn't matter if I am sad or not!"

There was silence on the other side. Ikkun knows me too well. He knew I was lying.

"Wanna come to my home??" he said suddenly.

"For what?"

"Tomorrow there is no school because of the exam gaps, so maybe we can study together."

I looked at Sara's closed door. "Hm, sure. I'll come at night."

**At Night.**

I was about to leave for Ikkun's place and I saw that she was still in her room. The light was off. No sound.

So I started heading to his place without notifying her. If she wanted to avoid me, then I should give her the space she wants.

I went to his place and he offered me instant ramen. The food which used to be my favorite. The food Sara always told me not to eat because it has no nutrition.

Ikkun said, "So wanna study or not?"

"I said, 'I came here for study, nothing else.'"

He said, "Okay then let's start studying."

Then we started studying for our next exam. But my eyes were on the book, and my mind was in that closed room.

**At 1 A.M.**

Ikkun said, "Enough study for today?"

I said, "Hm, yeah."

He said, "Let's head to sleep, I am feeling so sleepy."

I said, "Hmm."

We went to his bedroom. But I wasn't able to sleep. Because whenever I closed my eyes, her image showed up. Her smile. Her cold hands on my chin from yesterday. The way she said, "You really are my Aoto."

So I went to the balcony and sat there. Imagining things that were never gonna happen. Imagining a world where Ren didn't confess. Imagining a world where she would have stayed on my lap a little longer.

I didn't realize when the sunrise started. The sky turned orange, just like the sunset we saw together yesterday.

I went home without telling Ikkun. I didn't want to wake him.

**At Home.**

I saw she was still in her room. The door was still closed.

So I thought she would mind if I bothered her. I went to my room and slept. I got up in the evening and went to the hall and saw she was still in her room.

That was strange. Even if she was avoiding me, she would at least go to the kitchen. She would at least eat.

So I gathered all my courage and knocked on her door.

No response.

I knocked again, a little louder. Again, no response. So I thought she was probably trying to avoid me. She hated me that much now?

I was about to go back to my room when the door opened slowly.

And I saw Sara in a very bad condition. Like she hadn't eaten anything since yesterday.

Her long hair was messy. Her eyes were red. Her face was pale. Her school uniform from yesterday was wrinkled. She looked like she hadn't slept at all.

I asked, "What happened to you?"

She smiled. A weak, tired smile. "Nothing, just got a little fever," she said, while still smiling.

"Fever? You didn't come outside from your room for a whole day!"

She said, "Oh, I was just studying for the next exam. It's finals, you know."

It was a lie. I knew it was a lie. Sara never lies to me well. Her eyes always look away when she lies.

I said, "You want to eat something? I can make for you if you want to."

She said, "Sure, it will be helpful for me."

I went to the kitchen and started making omelet rice for her. Her favorite. The one she always made for me when I was sick. But still, I wasn't able to make it like she makes it. Mine was broken, the rice was a little burnt, the egg was not fluffy.

I went to her room and told her to eat it and she said "Okay" in a small voice.

She started eating silently. I watched her eat. She was eating so slowly, like every bite was painful.

I started leaving her room and she said, "Wait, sit on my bed. I want to talk with you."

I didn't reply and sat on her bed. My heart was beating loudly.

I started thinking that she might tell me that we should stop talking to each other because she made a boyfriend or something like that. That we should keep our distance now. That she would move out after finals.

She completed her meal and came toward me and said, "You know, yesterday Nakamura Ren confessed to me?"

My hands became cold.

I said, "Hmm, good for you, stay happy!"

She said, "He said he wants my answer after the final results."

I said, "Hmm, okay."

She sat next to me on the bed. So close that our shoulders touched.

She said, "So what do you think? What should I do now?"

I swallowed hard. I wanted to shout, "Don't accept him!" But I couldn't. Who was I to stop her happiness?

I said, "Um, you should accept it cause you do like him, right?"

She looked at me, surprised. "And how do you know that I like him?"

I said, "I remember when I asked you if you like Ren. You said yeah, I like him."

She sighed. "Ohh, well, I like him because he's good with you and I like Hajihime too because he is a good friend of yours. But right now, you are the one I like the most."

My breath stopped.

I knew that she didn't mean it like in a lover's way. She must like me as a friend. As family. So I thought I should not misunderstand.

So I said, "Hm, thanks for that."

She looked directly into my eyes. "You didn't understand, right?"

I said, "I understood."

She said, "If you understand, then you might have gotten embarrassed!"

I said, "No, it was just like......"

I wanted to love her and tell her how much I love her. But I always think, how can she love me? She is a girl who rejected many boys without even thinking. Boys who are taller than me, smarter than me, more handsome than me. So how can I ever expect that she'll ever love me as I do?

She said, "Sorry if you were worried about me because I didn't leave my room yesterday."

I said, "No, it's fine. I thought you might have accepted Ren and probably wanted me to avoid."

Silence.

A long, heavy silence filled the room. We could hear the ticking of the clock.

She said, "What did you say right now?"

I said, "Nothing."

She said, "Say it again!!"

I said, in a low voice, "I thought you might have accepted Ren's confession and that's why you were trying to ignore me."

She said, "How did you know that he confessed to me yesterday?"

I said, "I actually heard the voice of Ren, so I went there to see and saw you both standing there under the cherry blossom tree."

She looked at me for a long time. Her feverish eyes were watery.

Then she said something that made my whole world stop.

She said, "I see. Don't worry. If you think that I'll avoid you after getting a boyfriend, then I won't make any."