Something I Couldn't Say

Adrain's POV 

Isn't she looking perfect for the mess I'm about to make?

My jittery, trembling heart watched Charlotte walk down the aisle with the pregnancy she claimed was mine. 

A fluttery and giddy smile spread across her lips as I gazed at her because my stoic face didn't tell her that the vows in my hands weren't for her.

"I never thought I would love again until ......" I paused; the vows were so heavy to say. 

A boardroom filled with people dangerously older than me hadn't terrified me. I had negotiated deals worth millions of dollars with intimidating men and didn't lose control or show weakness, but right at the altar, I forgot how to breathe.

I gasped and tried to proceed, but the words barely escaped my mouth. I swallowed it again.

My chest tightened.

Then guests went silent.

Not the peaceful kind of silence that usually filled a wedding ceremony, but the uncomfortable silence of people who had suddenly realised that something was terribly wrong.

Charlotte searched my face. She was obviously puzzled.

The priest also stepped forward towards me.

Barely had I assured them that I was fine when my heart began thudding and throbbing wildly against my ribcage.

I released Charlotte's hands and pressed my palm against my chest.

"Adrain?" Charlotte's smile had disappeared.

My vision blurred, and everything became distant.

I reached for something _ anything, but my fingers caught nothing.

The church erupted.

Someone screamed.

My legs gave out on me, and what I could clearly see before everything went black was the congregation running helter skelter, photographers standing quietly with their cameras still hanging from their necks, and lastly, Charlotte rushing towards me.

When I opened my eyes, all I could see was the white ceiling above me and beside me, a beeping machine.

My throat was parched, my chest burned as if there was a heavy stone lodged there.

I turned my head, and I saw a doctor who stood beside me, looking at me with a kind of expression I hated.

Pity.

In anguish, I closed my eyes.

"How bad?"

He didn't respond immediately, and that was enough for me to understand.

"Your heart rhythm became unstable, and this isn't something you should keep ignoring."

"I've been managing it." I replied.

"That's because the medications had been working, but that episode that happened at the church today was a warning."

Did he just say church? I stared at the ceiling.

The wedding.

Charlotte.

The vows.

Eleanor.

Everything had just become one horrible blur.

"How long?" I asked.

The doctor hesitated.

"I can't give you a precise answer to that but ...."

I cut in. "I didn't ask for a lecture."

"You need to take this seriously." He replied.

"I am."

"No, you're not; you're hiding it."

I said nothing, then the doctor sighed.

"Your condition is getting harder to control, and your current treatment isn't holding. You need regular monitoring, and we may eventually consider more aggressive treatment."

My jaw tightened.

"Your wife is outside." The doctor added.

That word sounded strange to me. Although I had married Charlotte a few hours ago, I didn't know how to feel.

I was supposed to be elated, bubbly or radiant.

I was exhausted instead.

A thought ran through my head, and I immediately turned to the doctor.

"She knows?"

"She knows you're ill."

My heart skipped.

"But she doesn't know the severity." He added 

I felt relieved and pushed myself slightly higher.

"Don't tell her."

The doctor stared at me 

"Adrain, she's your wife, and she has the right to know."

"She doesn't deserve to know everything," I replied.

"Why?" The doctor folded his arms.

I looked towards the door, and Charlotte was out there. The woman who had watched me collapse at the altar before I could finish my vows. 

Indeed, she deserves to know the truth, but I won't give it to her because she would leave.

I had seen it before. Eleanor had left.

I couldn't watch another woman look at me with love _ or whatever Charlotte thought she felt for me _ and then watch that expression turn into fear.

"I said don't tell her." 

The doctor studied me for several seconds before finally nodding.

"Fine. But this can't continue." He left.

I looked at the wedding ring in my fingers, and I saw Eleanor instead of my new wife.

The woman I had loved before knowing what losing someone could do to a man.

Maybe that's the reason I married Charlotte. Not because I loved her but because I wanted to stop remembering the woman who stole my heart and disappeared.

A knock sounded, and the door clicked open.

Charlotte stepped inside. She looked at me for several seconds before speaking.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"It was nothing." I looked away.

"You collapsed in front of three hundred people."

"I'm fine," I responded.

"You scared me." Charlotte walked closer to the bed.

"You don't have to be scared." 

Her eyebrows drew together. "You're my husband."

The word hit harder than it should.

For a moment, neither of us spoke; she just sat beside me.

"I'll leave tomorrow," I said.

She nodded, "Good night."

When she left the room, 

I whispered the words I couldn't say at the altar to the woman I had lost.

Neither of us knew that the marriage that had begun with a lie was already starting to crack.