The god's Have It Easy

Felix had three problems.

The first was that he was hungry.

The second was that his right shoe had developed a hole large enough for a particularly ambitious pebble to enter.

The third, and by far the most serious, was that the gods were undoubtedly enjoying themselves somewhere.

He stood beneath the enormous marble archway of the Celestial Proving Grounds, staring at the golden towers floating above the clouds.

A silver river wound through the air between the towers, flowing upward rather than down. Far in the distance, a palace glittered beneath a sky filled with two pale moons. Divine carriages crossed the heavens without horses, carrying beings who probably hadn't worried about their next meal in several thousand years.

Felix watched one carriage pass overhead.

A goddess reclined inside it, sipping from a crystal cup while two attendants fanned her with enormous feathers.

He looked down at his torn shoe.

Then back at the carriage.

"Must be nice."

The words escaped before he could stop them.

Unfortunately, an elderly examiner standing nearby heard him.

"Something to say, candidate?"

Felix straightened.

"No, sir."

"Interesting. You appeared to be speaking."

"I was speaking to my shoe, sir."

The examiner looked at the shoe.

"Does it often answer?"

"Only when I neglect it, sir."

The examiner stared at him for a long moment before turning away.

Felix released a quiet breath.

One day, he promised himself, he would be powerful enough to complain without checking who was listening.

Preferably while sitting in a floating carriage.

Preferably with better shoes.

But first, he needed to pass the Celestial Proving Grounds.

That was the problem.

The Celestial Proving Grounds were not a school, despite what some people called them. They were an ancient institution in Helenium where exceptional mortals were tested for the privilege of serving the gods directly.

Humans, elves, dwarves, and countless other races competed for a place among the Divine Attendants.

Passing the examinations did not make anyone a god. It did not grant immortality, divine authority, or the right to order a goddess around.

It simply meant that the candidate had proven capable of serving beings who could turn a mountain into dust before finishing their morning tea.

Felix considered this arrangement deeply unfair.

If mortals were capable of surviving five difficult trials just to become assistants, surely they deserved at least a little divine consideration.

A free meal, perhaps.

A decent pair of shoes.

Maybe a small magical apartment.

He wasn't asking for the moon.

Well, technically, the gods owned several moons, but that wasn't the point.

"Candidates for the Assignment Conclave," announced a voice from the archway, "please proceed to the Hall of Accord."

Felix immediately forgot his complaints.

His heart began beating faster.

The examinations were over.

He had survived the Trial of Might, where he had learned that being brave and being foolish were remarkably similar until somebody got hurt. He had endured the Trial of Insight, which involved solving a puzzle inside an illusion that changed whenever he became too confident.

The Trial of Judgment had been worse. It had forced him to choose between two equally unpleasant outcomes, then explained why his decision had consequences he hadn't considered.

He still disliked that examiner.

The Trial of Resolve had tested his ability to remain composed under pressure.

The Trial of Accord had tested whether he could work with others without strangling them.

He had passed all five.

Every single one.

Felix adjusted his collar and entered the hall.

The Hall of Accord was enormous, with a ceiling so high that clouds drifted beneath its crystal dome. Golden pillars lined the walls, each engraved with the names of attendants who had served the divine realm throughout history.

Candidates gathered in groups beneath floating banners.

An elven woman with silver braids spoke quietly to a dwarf wearing polished bronze armor. A tall figure with blue skin examined a scroll. Several humans stood near the central platform, trying to look more confident than they felt.

Felix recognized a few of them from the examinations.

One had broken a training pillar during the Trial of Might.

Another had solved the Trial of Insight so quickly that the examiners had checked whether he'd somehow cheated.

Felix had beaten neither of them in every category, but his overall results had been excellent.

He was proud of that.

He had earned his place.

No wealthy family had purchased his position. No influential god had recommended him. He had arrived at the Proving Grounds with a travel bag, a little money, and a determination that had occasionally frightened his own common sense.

Now, he was waiting to discover whether all that effort had been worth it.

A woman in dark blue robes stepped onto the central platform.

She had short silver hair, sharp eyes, and the sort of expression that suggested she had never once been late for anything in her life.

"I am Examiner Vaelis, representative of the Assignment Conclave," she announced. "Your examination results have been reviewed. Those selected for appointment as Divine Attendants will receive their assignments today."

The hall fell silent.

"Your assignments will depend on your abilities, temperament, and the needs of the gods you will serve. Remember that your appointment is a privilege, not a promotion into divinity. You remain mortals. You will follow the laws of Helenium and the instructions of your assigned superiors."

Felix listened carefully.

He knew all of this already.

He also knew that the gods were divided into ten Divine Orders, with the Sovereign Tribunal occupying the First Order. The strongest gods held the greatest authority, though power was not the only thing that mattered in every divine decision.

The higher the order of the god, the more demanding the attendant's responsibilities could become.

Felix had spent weeks imagining which assignment he might receive.

A Fifth Order god would be respectable. A Third Order god would be extraordinary.

A goddess from the Fourth Order?

He would never complain about his assignment again.

At least, not publicly.

Examiner Vaelis began reading names.

One candidate was assigned to a god responsible for the preservation of ancient forests. Another would serve a dwarven divine artisan whose creations were famous across Helenium.

A third was appointed to a High Regent of the Second Order.

A murmur swept through the hall.

Second Order.

The candidate nearly forgot to bow before accepting his placement.

Felix tried not to feel jealous.

He failed.

"Felix."

His head snapped up.

"Felix, candidate number forty-seven."

"Present!"

Several people turned to look at him.

Felix cleared his throat.

"Present, Examiner."

Vaelis consulted the scroll in her hands.

"Your results demonstrate strong analytical ability, excellent adaptability, and a notable capacity for independent judgment."

Felix stood a little straighter.

That sounded promising.

"Your Trial of Accord results were less impressive."

His shoulders lowered.

"I was cooperating, Examiner."

"You informed three other candidates that their plan was idiotic."

"It was idiotic."

"It failed."

"Because they ignored me."

A few candidates snickered.

Vaelis raised her eyes from the scroll.

Felix closed his mouth.

"Nevertheless," she continued, "your overall performance qualifies you for appointment. The Conclave has approved your placement."

Felix stopped breathing for a moment.

"Your assignment is to Goddess Jessica of the Fourth Divine Order, one of the Exalted."

The words took a second to settle.

Fourth Order.

Goddess Jessica.

An actual goddess.

Felix's heart practically attempted to escape through his ribs.

He bowed so quickly that his damaged shoe scraped against the marble.

"I accept!"

Vaelis blinked.

"I have not yet explained the terms of your appointment."

"I accept the terms as well!"

"You have not heard them."

"I am confident they will be reasonable!"

"That confidence is not reflected in your examination notes."

The hall erupted in restrained laughter.

Felix straightened, cheeks warm.

Vaelis waited until the noise subsided.

"Goddess Jessica oversees several divine responsibilities within her domain. Her attendant must assist with correspondence, research, scheduling, official visits, and other duties as required. You will be expected to exercise discretion and maintain professional conduct."

Felix nodded solemnly.

Correspondence. Research. Scheduling.

He could do those things.

How difficult could they possibly be?

"Your appointment begins tomorrow morning. You are to report to the eastern entrance of the Exalted Residence at the seventh bell."

"Understood."

"Do not be late."

"I would never dream of it."

Vaelis looked at his shoe.

Felix followed her gaze.

"...I'll acquire another pair."

"See that you do."

His assignment was official.

He was going to serve a goddess.

For the first time in weeks, Felix forgot that he was hungry.

---

That evening, Felix stood on the balcony of the modest lodging provided to successful candidates.

Below him, the city of Helenium glowed with a thousand lights. Bridges stretched between floating districts, and streams of magic illuminated the streets. Divine messengers moved between towers, while merchants sold enchanted goods beneath awnings that changed color with the weather.

It was beautiful.

It was magnificent.

And somewhere beyond those glittering towers, gods were living lives Felix could barely imagine.

He leaned against the railing.

"Tomorrow," he whispered, "everything changes."

He pictured a grand residence, a comfortable bed, and meals that didn't require him to calculate whether he could afford them.

He pictured Jessica as a magnificent, wise, impossibly composed goddess who would recognize his talent immediately.

Perhaps she would praise his examination results.

Perhaps she would even reward him for his hard work.

He wasn't expecting a fortune.

Just enough to repair his shoes without worrying about the cost.

A breeze stirred the papers on the small table behind him.

Felix caught one before it flew away.

It was his appointment letter.

At the bottom, beneath the official seal, was a short note from the Assignment Conclave.

Goddess Jessica has been informed of your appointment.

Felix smiled.

He wondered what she thought of him.

Probably that he was a promising young mortal with excellent potential.

Possibly that she was fortunate to have secured such a capable attendant.

He folded the letter carefully and placed it inside his bag.

Tomorrow, he would meet a goddess.

Tomorrow, he would enter a world of privilege, power, and possibilities.

Tomorrow, he would begin discovering what divine life was really like.

Felix had no idea that Goddess Jessica had received his appointment notice that afternoon.

He had no idea that she had read his examination report, set it aside, and complained to an empty room that the Tribunal had once again burdened her with unnecessary responsibilities.

And he certainly had no idea that the goddess he imagined as the perfect embodiment of divine luxury had spent the entire evening wishing she could exchange her life for the freedom of an ordinary mortal.

For now, Felix was happy.

He had passed his examinations.

He had earned his assignment.

And tomorrow, he was going to meet the goddess who, he was absolutely certain, had the easiest life in all of Helenium.