Chapter 0: Prologue

Love is a bug in human logic.

That isn't just empty rhetoric from a cynical teenager trying to sound edgy. To me, Sentou Yamabuki, it is a clinically proven law of physics. My parents' divorce—which culminated in them hurling plates at each other—was exhibit A. The sweet betrayal of my middle school girlfriend, who casually wrapped her arms around an upperclassman right in front of the shoe lockers, was the final nail in the coffin.

The conclusion was clear: opening your heart is no different than handing someone a knife and asking them to stab you in the back.

That is why, ever since enrolling at Seiza High School, I have adopted the most efficient lifestyle on the face of the earth. Living alone in a run-down apartment inherited from my late grandmother, avoiding eye contact, leaving my red necktie perpetually loose to project an aura of unapproachable laziness, and keeping a cold expression as sharp as my golden eyes. Peace and quiet is the ultimate luxury. No expectations, no drama, no pain.

This self-defense system was supposed to be impenetrable.

This morning, too, was supposed to go off without a hitch: wake up at six, chug a bitter canned coffee, and walk to school like a faceless shadow.

Yet, the exact moment my hand turned the apartment doorknob and I stepped out into the second-floor corridor, the universe suddenly decided to stage a coup.

A crisp, resonant chime echoed directly inside my skull, followed by the appearance of a translucent, pastel-pink window hovering ten centimeters in front of my nose.

I froze. The coffee can in my hand nearly slipped from my grip.

[Welcome to the World System Update: The Era of Romantic Comedy Has Begun!][New Law of Nature Established: Every individual is required to secure a partner before the time limit expires.][User Status: Sentou Yamabuki — ABSOLUTE LONER (Acute Stage).][Warning: Failure to acquire a partner will automatically trigger the "Bad Ending" penalty.]

"Huh?"

That single, stupid syllable escaped my lips. I blinked, then swiped my right hand through the air to swat away the revolting pink screen. My hand passed straight through empty space without resistance.

"Lack of sleep... This has to be a side effect of staying up all night gaming with Tomoka," I muttered, trying to convince myself.

I squeezed my eyes shut for five seconds, took a deep breath, and opened them again. The screen was still there. Worse, an animation of virtual cherry blossom petals had started drifting down from its top-right corner.

My hallucinations truly had the worst sense of humor.

With quick, slightly stiff steps, I walked over to the corridor railing and looked down at the street below. Maybe the morning air would snap my short-circuiting brain back to reality.

One second of looking down, and my remaining sanity officially waved the white flag.

The street below had transformed into a pastel-pink hellscape.

Every living creature was moving in pairs. A businessman in a sharp suit suddenly grabbed the hand of the woman beside him, blushing like a hormonal teenager. Two uniformed students from a neighboring school walked side by side sharing a single earphone, complete with nauseatingly starry-eyed gazes. Even in the corner of the opposite alleyway, two stray cats sat pressed together, rubbing their heads against each other until their tails intertwined into a heart shape.

In the distance, the giant LED billboard on the station building flickered, replacing an energy drink commercial with massive, flashing text:

[ESCAPE SINGLEHOOD BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! THIS WORLD BELONGS TO COUPLES!]

My stomach twisted into knots. It felt like being force-fed three kilograms of raw sugar at the crack of dawn.

As if torturing my mental state wasn't enough, the status window before my eyes chimed softly once more, displaying a blood-red countdown timer alongside additional details at the bottom.

["Bad Ending" Curse Effects: Luck reduced to zero, sudden bankruptcy, total failure in all aspects of life, and permanent social isolation.][System Recommendation: Immediately establish a romantic bond with one of the Heroine candidates in your vicinity to lift the curse.]

I stared blankly at the words "Heroine candidates," then slowly shifted my gaze down to the coffee can in my hand. Out of nowhere, the aluminum caved inward with a sharp crinkle, crushed by some inexplicable air pressure—a sign that my luck was already beginning its slow descent.

Hold on a second.

So the world just switched its genre to a cheap dating sim, and my life is on the line unless I get a girlfriend?! Me—a guy who practically breaks out in hives just watching couples hold hands?!

I pinched the bridge of my nose, which was starting to throb, and looked toward the gates of Seiza High School visible at the end of the street.

"Damn it... If this world is going to force me into a romantic comedy, I'll make sure I find a partner in the least romantic way in history."