Chapter 35:
Something's Not Right
❦
For
as long as
I can remember
I've only wanted
to die.
Wanting to live—
that's something
that's not
crossed my mind in a long time.
I've never
thought
to ask myself
a question like that.
Living's hard.
I don't like living.
I pretend not to hear
the tune of Moonlight Sonata
calling the patients
together.
Outside the window
of the main hall,
there's a full moon.
It's small
in the large expanse
of Singapore's sky.
I sit in my armchair and close my eyes.
Tammie
doesn't
come sit with me.
I want them
to give me
an injection
or whatever
they were doing in the past
that didn't require me
to get out of bed.
Is this counted as wanting
to die?
Or live?
Tammie.
I think of her suddenly
and open my eyes.
She's sitting in her own armchair,
watching me.
Smiling
apologetically.
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