Chapter 9:

The Waifu Draft

Waifu Wars


We stood in front of a large grey wall that stretched out as far as we could see. A large gate split the wall directly in front of us. Trash-Chan, Tanaka-San, and I stood in a giant line waiting for the door to open. This was the Waifu Draft. The wall surrounded the massive play arena that the Draft would take place in. I had not wanted to come to this event, but here we were. I wiped some sweat off my brow. It was a day and a half trip to get here just to stand in this heat. It was hot. It was far too hot.

The Waifu Draft was a multiday event held four times a year. Every Draft, waifu's would come from all around to participate in the events held in areas like this all around the world. The event areas were about the size of a city, and a waifu would be given a small section to create a challenge in. Participants only needed to enter the event and complete a waifu's challenge for the waifu to consider accompanying them.

This event was considered exceptionally special. Twice a year, the Waifu Labs would complete many new waifus, and those waifus would then sign up for the Draft. Usually, a release of a new batch of waifus would not coincide with the Draft. This gave the waifus time to figure out their challenges and what area they would hold them in. This event was one of the rare times when the creation and sign up happened right after each other. The stars aligned, as people would say.

Many people were eager for events like this. They thought the waifus would have less time to prepare for truly challenging circumstances. So, the crowds were filled with enthusiastic people. Many of them believed this was the only opportunity they would have to get a waifu.

"Wow, Main-Kun, there sure are a lot of people in this line," Trash-Chan said while waving a fan made from candy wrappers in front of her.

"It can only be expected, Trash-Sensei, we had the unfortunate timing to join a 'stars aligning' event," Tanaka-San said with a sigh.

"It shouldn't be a problem. I doubt many of these guys are fully prepared," I said while looking around.

Many of the people simply wore their daily clothes. Some others at least had a small backpack with them. Very few people came dressed as we did. Each of us had a large backpack with an assortment of camping essentials in them. We had tents, food, and whatever else that might have been important. We wore hiking boots and clothes that would be perfect for going off a trail. It was no surprise that we got a few strange looks from some in the crowds. A simple online search would explain our actions, and we intended to stay the full allotted time in the Waifu Draft, which meant we would be camping in the area over the next few nights. Many of the people here would leave here today and get caught in another long line if they tried to come back tomorrow.

The line finally began to move. It took a couple of hours, but we finally reached the gate. A booth was sitting next to the towering gate. Each person in line had to stop there before they could enter. We were no exception. We walked up when it was our turn. A familiar blonde woman was sitting in the booth.

"Urg, this sucks. Why did we get stuck monitoring the Draft on such a hot day?" she complained to her silent companion as she leaned back on a chair, fanning herself. It was Marigold from Waifu Services.

"Um, excuse me?" Tanaka-San tried to get their attention.

"Oh, yes, you would like to en..." Marigold leaned up to look at us. "Ah!" she yelled.

"Ah?" Tanaka-San mimicked her yell.

"It's you guys! What are you doing here?" She banged on the table and leaned close to the window that divided us. Her face pressed onto the glass.

"Juyo-San, do you know them?" Tanaka-San asked.

"Nope, never met them," I quickly answered.

"How cold!" Marigold exclaimed as she took a step back. Her silent companion nodded in agreement.

I sighed.

"Yeah, I met them when Shin-San's waifu was taken."

"Shin-San's waifu? Did I miss something while I was off training?"

"I'll tell you about it later," I told Tanaka-San, "Hello Marigold. How have you been?"

"Oh, I've just been wonderful since that Junkers left. I can't thank you enough for getting her out of my hair."

"Oh, well, you're welcome... I suppose."

Marigold cleared her throat.

"Well, will you be participating in the draft today?"

"Oh, my friend will be participating. We will support it." I pointed to Tanaka-San.

"I see. Well, it looks like you all are prepared. I just need to see your Waifu Licenses, and you can go right in."

Tanaka-San produced his license and showed it to Marigold. I looked away and whistled. Marigold sighed. She looked down and shook her head before looking back up with a smile.

"Well, it seems you two are ready to go into the event area. Please feel free to take a gacha coin from the drawer." On her words, a drawer in the booth opened up. It had two gold coins in it. Tanaka-San and I each grabbed one.

"What are these?" Trash-Chan asked while eyeing them curiously.

"These are gacha coins. They can be used for one pull at the gacha fountain by the entrance. We give one away for free, and you can buy more in convenient bundles if you so choose! Now with that, may your glorious waifu quest start!" Marigold gestured to the large gate. It began to rumble, then stopped.

"Hey, what are you waiting for!" Someone yelled at us. We looked at the bottom of the giant gate's door. A smaller door had opened up in the larger door, and the official who opened it gestured to enter.

We entered the event area, and the door snapped shut behind us. We were standing on a large, wooden porch that overlooked a vast grassy plain. In the distance, we could see what looked like mountain ranges and several large buildings. We began a descent down to the field on a short staircase.

There was a large fountain immediately in front of us, and a crowd gathered around it. As we walked up, a man was flipping a coin into the fountain. It began to glow, and a glowing form of a person materialized in front of him. Then, in a puff of smoke, a dull sword fell in front of his feet. A small scrap of paper floated in front of his eyes, and he caught it.

"Ahh. Another three-star sword! What is going on?" he exclaimed while throwing the sword into a pile of them.

"The gacha is bad this draft isn't it," someone off to the side said.

"Yeah, there are so many weapons to get along with the waifus. It's just not right." Another added.

"Juyo-San, it looks like this is the gacha here," Tanaka-San said.

"Looks like it has a lot of bad luck. Did you want to try for a gacha waifu?" I asked.

"I wasn't planning on it, but I guess we can use up these free coins."

Tanaka-San walked up to the fountain and flipped his coin in. A glowing form of a person appeared as it had before. This time fireworks started coming out of the form as well. This caught the crowd's attention.

"Oh, is he going to do it?" someone yelled.

With a puff of smoke, a golden bow and quiver fell to Tanaka-San's feet. The crowd let out a disappointed sigh. He caught the piece of paper.

"Darius Bow. It's a five-star bow. When paired with its quiver, it can shoot golden arrows," Tanaka-San read from the piece of paper. He shrugged and put the bow and quiver on his back.

Shouting came from another side of the fountain. A person was standing in front of the same glowing form. Except for this time, the form began to step forward. A waifu stepped out of the radiant light into the crowd. The group of people started to cheer as the guy fell on his knees.

"It took a thousand coins, but I did it!" he said through tears.

"Main-Kun, how much does a thousand coins cost?" Trash-Chan asked me.

"I don't think we want to know," I answered.

I walked up and flipped my coin into the fountain. Once again, a glowing form appeared. Then a puff of smoke. A blank square piece of paper fell into my hand, along with a smaller sheet of paper.

'Mirage Map,' the smaller piece of paper said. It was a three-star item that generated a map wherever we walked.

"Oh, that's not too bad, Juyo-San," Tanaka-San said.

I sighed. It was true that a map would be helpful these next couple of days, but I kind of wanted a sword or something. It might have made a nice souvenir. I looked down at the scrap of paper that was a three-star map. It showed the fountain where we stood and three icons. The details were drawn as what one might expect on a fantasy map, and the words 'Gacha Fountain' was written in cursive above it. A pair of glasses, a trash can, and a frowning face were sitting next to the fountain with our names written above them. In the top right corner of the map, our names were written out with stats like health, hunger, etc. 'Party Size: 3' was also written in this corner.

"Oh, is that supposed to be us!" Trash-Chan pointed at the icons as she leaned in to look at the map.

"Oh, I think it is!" Tanaka-San leaned in on my other side to look at the map.

My brow furrowed, and I crumpled the map into a simple fold. I stuffed it into my pocket and pushed the other two away.

"Let's just get going. We need to find the first waifu challenge for Tanaka-San to compete in."

"Let's go!" Trash-Chan yelled and threw her hands in the air.

"Let's go!" Tanaka-San yelled as well and pointed forward. They began to run ahead of me quickly.

"Hey, slow down, you guys; we need to conserve energy!" I yelled as I ran after them.

We walked from the field with the fountain into a large forest. It was thick with trees, and the sounds of animals rang through the air. It seemed like the kind of place that would be easy to get lost in, but it wasn't too much of an issue. The path was neatly laid out, so it wasn't difficult to navigate.

"Hey Main-Kun, could we take a break?" Trash-Chan yelled from behind me. I turned around. About halfway into the forest, they stopped running, and I overtook them. It seems that they were finally out of energy. Both Trash-Chan and Tanaka-San collapsed on the ground.

"I told you to conserve energy," I said as I sat down. In truth, I was happy to take a break too.

"I couldn't help it. I was just so excited," Tanaka-San explained.

I sat down with the other two as they tried to catch their breath. I pulled out a premade sandwich from my bag and took a bite of it. The taste was awful, and I struggled to choke it down. I looked at the package. A Peanut butter, pickles, and cranberry sandwich. Who in their right mind made this? Who in their right mind bought this? I looked at the two of them. Trash-Chan and Tanaka-San laid on their backs and stared at the sky for a moment before sitting up to look in my direction.

"We need to conserve energy from now on!" Trash-Chan mused. I shook my head and pulled out the Mirage Map. A path from the fountain to where we currently appeared on the map in a green streak shape. It looked like a circle of the area we were in would show up to a certain distance around us. I had no idea what the radius was that the map would show. The words 'Waifu Woods' were written on the map where we now sat. I could see a red dot a short distance that had 'Challenge' written above it.

"It looks like there is a challenge that way." I pointed in a direction that would take us off the forest's normal road. Since we had a map, I don't expect it to be too much of a problem.

A rustle in the woods caught our attention. All at once, we jumped onto our feet and looked in the direction the rustling came from. A waifu popped out of the bushes. She landed face-first on the ground and groaned. The sound of a rumbling stomach filled the air.

"Uh, food... please..." she weakly said to us with a slight turn of the head to look in our direction.

"Hold on. I think I have some food here," Tanaka-San said while pulling his bag off.

"Otaku-Kun, should we be feeding a random waifu that we just came across in the woods?" Trash-Chan asked.

This might have been a test from the waifu, so I understood Tanaka-San's reasoning for feeding her. Or maybe, he was just willing to feed any stranger in the woods.

"Wait, Tanaka-San, we can give her this one." I threw my sandwich to the waifu. I had no intention of finishing it. She made no effort to catch it as it landed on the ground in front of her. In a flash, she snatched the sandwich and started to scarf it down. She never left the ground as she did. After the last bite, she eagerly jumped back onto her feet.

"Ah, I thought I was going to die," she casually exclaimed. "Anyway, thanks for your help. That sandwich was delicious too! You guys are alright. Well, see you. I better get back to my challenge before people start trying it." She spun around on her heel and began to walk away.

"Wait, that wasn't a challenge?" Tanaka-San asked. The waifu turned around to look at us.

"Goodness, no, why would I starve myself for a challenge?"

"You could have been faking it," I said.

"Why would I do something like that!" The waifu said in a shocked tone.

"To see if a person is willing to feed you or not and judge their character from that," I said.

The waifu put her hand on her chin and closed her eyes. She made a 'hmm' sound as she thought. Then suddenly, her eyes were wide open.

"Do you mean I could have made a challenge where people gave me free food!" she yelled. "This is amazing, and to think I ended up making a death-defying parkour course for them to run through! What was I thinking?"

We all stared at the strange waifu while she questioned the challenge she created. This waifu had long grey hair with two black streaks running through it. On top of her head, there were two short, round ears. She had a bushy grey tail with black stripes that ran down it. For clothing, she wore a simple green tunic with a hood. The tunic had some light leather armor over it and a yellow shield crest on the front. She had leather buckled boots on her feet.

"So, Tanaka-San, do you know this waifu?" I asked.

"She's Raphine Eloria, and she's from a popular isekai story."

Raphine took a step back with a shocked expression.

"I can't believe you know who I am!"

Tanaka-San made a sly smile and put his hands on his hips.

"I can recognize any waifu," he boasted.

"Wow, so you must be amazing!" she had stars in her eyes as his boasting took her in.

"Haha, yeah, I guess I am pretty cool."

"Say, do you also know how to get back to my challenge?"

"Haha, your challenge, you say,... why... you don't know how to get back?"

"Well, I started walking... and then I didn't know where I was anymore."

"Main-Kun, I'm starting to think she's a couple of bottles short of a recycling bin," Trash-Chan said to me.

"Shush, Trash-Chan, she can hear you," I said to Trash-Chan.

"Trash-Chan!" Raphine yelled. She leaped over to Trash-Chan and gave her a bear hug.

"Ah, Main-Kun, help!"

"Do you know her Trash-Chan?" I asked.

"I don't know where Trash-Sensei would have met her," Tanaka-San thought out loud.

"Oh, we've never met. I just really like trash!" Raphine said while hugging Trash-Chan, who desperately was trying to push her away.

"I see since she's a raccoon girl..." Tanaka-San thought out loud.

Trash-Chan finally pushed Raphine off of her and hid behind me.

"Well, I guess we could have her travel with us until we find an administrator," Tanaka-San said.

"I guess we can do that," I agreed.

It didn't look like we could leave her alone to wander the woods at this rate. Waiting until we found an administrator would likely be the best bet. Admins were volunteers that walked around the Draft to make sure everything was running smoothly. It would be likely that we would run into one sooner or later.

"Main-Kun are we taking her?" Trash-Chan asked while peering out from behind me.

"Yes, it seems that we are."

"Really? I can join you, guys? That sounds great!" Raphine said.

A tune seemed to play in the air. We all looked around for the source, but it seemed to come from nowhere. I shrugged and looked back down at my map. A raccoon icon had been added to the other three that we saw before. Raphine's name had now been added to the list, and the party size was now 4.

"Anyway, let's go see that challenge over there." I began to walk off the path in the direction of the red dot on the map. The other three began to follow after me. Trash-Chan walked closer behind me, and Tanaka-San and Raphine walked a few steps behind us.

"So, Raphine, you normally carry a bow. Where is it?" Tanaka-San asked her.

"Oh, well, I left it behind... I've been hearing about these archers that don't use bow and arrows at all. First, I heard about guns, and I thought that was kind of neat, but then I heard about an archer that uses swords... and fires them like bullets! I thought that sounded so cool that I set off to find that archer to learn from them."

"Is that archer participating in this draft?" Tanaka-San asked.

"I don't know," Raphine answered.

"Um, do you at least know who it is?" Tanaka-San asked.

"No, should I?"

I looked back at the two to see Tanaka-San's head hanging down. He muttered something to himself that I could not hear before pulling his golden bow and quiver off his shoulder.

"Here, I'll loan you my Darius Bow," he said while handing the item to Raphine.

"Oh wow, you're giving this to me?"

"It's a loan. I intend to give that to whichever waifu joins me in this Draft."

"Thank you! This is such a nice present!" Raphine hugged the bow then slid it and the quiver over her shoulders.

"I told you already-"

"Tanaka-San, you might as well just let it go for now. We are here."

We reached the red dot on the map. I looked up. What looked like a smooth, rounded rock was sitting in front of us. It had an opening carved into it and a stone staircase that led down into the ground. On top of the stone, there was a pole with a Jolly Roger flag.

Tanaka-San walked up to the opening and looked down into it. He turned around to the rest of us and smiled.

"Let's go!" he yelled as he eagerly charged down the staircase.

We all walked down after him. As we descended, it became clear there were no lights in the staircase. It became increasingly darker with every step until we could no longer see anything.

"Main-Kun, are you still there?" Trash-Chan asked in the darkness.

"Where would I go to?"

"Ah, good point."

I pulled my bag off my back. We had thought to bring flashlights beforehand. I handed Trash-Chan and Raphine each a flashlight. Then I lit up the last one I had held. We had brought more than we needed if one went out or broke, but now it seemed like it would be helpful if we got separated here.

We reached the end of the staircase, and it opened to a long, narrow path. We began our walk down this hallway. All along the way, some kind of ancient writing was carved into the walls as we walked. I at least assume it was writing; I could not read any of it.

We walked for a few minutes before reaching Tanaka-San. He was staring at the hallway's dead end.

"What's going on here?" he was saying to himself.

"It looks like a dead-end," I said.

"Does this mean there is no waifu here?" Trash-Chan asked.

"No, it's a challenge. Look at the wall." Tanaka-San guided the light of his flashlight over the dead end. There was a large dial on the center of the wall. It had an arrow and showed some of the characters we had seen carved on the walls that we walked past. Above the dial, there was a line of the characters that I could only assume was a sentence. Tanaka-San spun the dial around. It made the sound of rubbing stone as it turned.

"So, it's a puzzle, and we have to solve it to open the door," I said.

"Alright! So, can anyone read that text on the wall?" Trash-Chan said.

"Couldn't we just spin the dial around until the door opens?" Raphine asked.

"It would be easy if we could do that. I have already spun it some," Tanaka-San said.

"Do you think you have to do a combination of clockwise and counter-clockwise to open it?" I asked.

"Most likely," Tanaka-San replied while rubbing his chin.

We stared at the wall for a while. Without knowing what the text on the walls said, there was no way we would be able to get through this.

"Couldn't we just smash it?" Raphine asked.

"Even if we could, I'm sure the waifu would consider it as failing her challenge," Tanaka-San muttered.

I walked up to the dial and tried turning it. It sounded like stones were grinding on each other, but turning it was relatively smooth. I looked at the walls next to it. The same kinds of characters were carved into it as well. I walked over and shined my flashlight on them. There had to be some kind of clue, right?

Trash-Chan was the next to walk up to the dead end. She examined the dial and turned it as well. She sighed and turned around.

"Main-Kun, should we spend all this time here?"

"She's right. If we can't figure out this challenge, it may be best to go find one, we can figure out," Tanaka-San said.

Trash-Chan leaned against the dead end. The wall began to swing open like a door, and she ended up falling. We all turned in shock at the dead-end that now swung open.

"Did we unlock it and never realize it?" I asked.

Tanaka-San walked up and slid his hand along the side of the door.

"There is no mechanism here to lock the door. I think it was open the whole time."

I walked up and looked at the side of the door. Sure enough, it was just a slab of stone. If we had just pushed it, we would have found our way.

"It took you long enough," a voice said.

We turned in the direction of the voice. The hallway had opened up into a large, well-lit cavern. In the cavern center, there was a flat stone slab with a barrier set up in the middle of it. Off to the side, there was a waifu who sat in a beach chair with a book. "So, tell me, did you translate the words or just happen to push on the door?" she asked.

"Translate the words?" Tanaka-San said. The waifu snapped her book shut.

"Yes, the door had the words 'push to open' on it."

"But it was in another language."

"Throughout the hallway, there was a guide to translate the language. Did you not read any of it?"

We stood with our mouths agape. I had not considered that the hallway text showed a way to read the door. Was this challenge even possible to complete?

The waifu sighed and stood up.

"Well, let's get on with the challenge then."

"That wasn't the challenge?" We all seemed to shout together.

"It was at one point, but the officials told me that it was too hard, and I needed something else." She walked up to the slab. "So, I created a new challenge. You will have to defeat me in a ping pong match."

"Ping pong, I see," Tanaka-San said.

"Does that mean anything to you?" I asked.

"Her name is Raven, and she has the ability to create extra limbs. I imagine she uses this as an advantage in a ping pong match."

Raven chuckled. Several arms appeared floating around her. Each arm picked up a ping pong paddle and began to float around the table on all sides.

"So, shall we begin?" she asked. "We will be doing a short match. The first to reach five points will be declared the winner. We will alternate serves."

Tanaka-San walked up to the slab. Raven threw him a paddle, and he caught it with ease. Then she served the ball to him, and he hit it back with ease. The ball flew to the corner of the table. It struck on the very tip of the table's corner. An arm was already floating by the spot with a paddle, and it hit it back to Tanaka-San. It bounced just outside of his reach.

Tanaka-San served the ball back to Raven, and she effortlessly hit it back. Tanaka-San returned it, but it was quickly smacked back. He lunged at the ball but wasn't able to hit it. The ball hit the ground. They went back and forth until the score was 4-0. Tanaka-San was breathing heavily, and Raven was unfazed.

"Main-Kun, is this even fair?" Trash-Chan asked me.

"It is what the waifu picked for her challenge. We can't argue against it."

Raven was getting ready to do another serve. If she scored here, it would be over.

"Wait a moment," Tanaka-San said before she could serve.

"Admitting defeat?" Raven asked.

"No, I want more paddles."

"You can have as many as you like." Raven threw Tanaka-San about a dozen paddles.

Tanaka-San kicked off his shoes. He grabbed a paddle in each foot with his toes. Then he put a paddle in his mouth and held one in each hand.

"Fi- yle- add- le," he said with the paddle in his mouth.

"Main-Kun, is this some amazing play that Otaku-Kun is doing?" Trash-Chan asked.

"Wow, he must be really skilled!" Raphine commented.

I just shook my head.

Raven chuckled and served the ball. It flew directly to the corner of the table. Tanaka-San timed a flip in the air and hit the ball back to Raven with a paddle he held in his foot. Raven hit the ball back to him while he was still floating in the air. He stretched out an arm and returned the ball as he spun in the air. The wall whizzed past Raven as Tanaka-San made a perfect landing. The score was 4-1.

"Well, I must say I am impressed."

"-ank -u," Tanaka-San said. He bounced a ball on his right paddle then hit it over to Raven. More arms with paddles appeared, and she sent it right back to Tanaka-San.

The exchange that followed was a sight to behold. Tanaka-San kept doing jumps and flips to return the ball while Raven kept returning it with increasing floating arms. Soon the score went to 4-2, then to 4-3 as Tanaka-San kept up with Raven.

Tanaka-San served again. This time Raven hit it back with one of her actual arms. They kept going back and forth like this as we all watched in awe.

Finally, Tanaka-San hit a ball directly down the middle. Raven took the chance and sent it back to him. It bounced off the table directly at Tanaka-San's chest. He tried to twist his arms to hit it back but missed as the ball hit his chest. He let go of the paddles and landed face-first on the ground.

"Well, you put up a good fight; I have to congratulate you on that," Raven said through heavy breaths.

"What happens now, Main-Kun?" Trash-Chan whispered.

"We leave." I walked over to Tanaka-San and held out a hand. He accepted, and I pulled him up.

"Thank you for the challenge," he said to Raven before walking out of the cavern. We followed after him.

"I wish you the best," Raven yelled to us as we left. She had sat down where she was earlier and began reading her book.