Chapter 0:

Prologue: The Dysfunctional Magical Girls

Magical Girls Might Be Psychopaths: The Garden Of Sinners

Long ago, there once was a warrior named Jill. Today, many know her either as a demon or an angel. She changed the ways things worked, went against the elders, and fought hard for what she believed in...Friendship. She has slain many great monsters and foes with her team and her skill is unmatched. Yet, she started worse than most warriors. She was born with no magic and no skill. Yet, through many hardships, she rose up and became a legendary warrior!

"YOU EXPECT ME TO KILL THAT!?" Jill yelled at June, one hand out waving towards a goliath white creature with forelimbs like tree trunks and a face like a crab without the eyestalks.

June looked up from her cup of coffee at the giant monster before meeting Jill's eyes and took a sip of coffee, a blank expression on her face.

"Yes," June confirmed in her monotone voice.

Jill's left eye twitched at June's fast and straightforward response before she decided to point out the problem.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything but," Jill started before freezing like a deer in headlights when the giant monster roared and toppled over a building just by walking into it.


June took another sip of her coffee before answering.

"We aren't living in a movie."

Jill swore a vein will pop in her forehead if this continued.


June put down her cup of coffee and pointed at the black and light bluish sword in Jill's left hand with her own purple sword.

"With that," June said, causing Jill to slam her head on the table.

"A katana is a great sword, yes, but not a great weapon. It's a backup weapon for crying out loud," Jill groaned.

"Works just fine for me," June stated.

"You have powerful magic backing you up. I don't," Jill pointed out, jumping as another building fell.

"Correction. You have a lot of magic, and very powerful and destructive magic running around inside you. You just can't use any of it to make any difference."

Jill opened her mouth to say a response but no words came out.

"Aren't you guys supposed to be heroes or something?"

Jill and June turned to look at a short brown-haired female who didn't look much older than Jill. She was more developed yet shorter in stature than Jill, though not by much. Her pale light yellow eyes were narrowed as she glared at the two with her arms folded over her chest.

"We're not heroes but hunters. It is our sacred duty to kill Monseuteo," June told Charlie.

"Yeah yeah. Well, here's a question o mighty hunters. How come you two aren't trying to kill that Monseuto or whatever that's out there killing innocent people!"

Jill's face fell and she rested the blade of her katana in her other hand, studying it. On the other hand, June's eyes narrowed slightly in disgust.

"I don't care about most people," June told Charlie.

"Yeah, I get it. Your immortal ass couldn't care about other people. Still, a job is a job so do yours!"

June's eye twitched and she opened her mouth to say something but Jill cut her off.

"You know what? You're right. I may not have wanted this damn job but I'm gonna do it anyway," Jill said, getting up with a determined gleam in her eyes.

"If Jill dies, you won't be able to save your missing friends," June told Charlie, causing her expression to falter a little.

"Th-that doesn't matter right now!" Charlie stuttered.

Jill opened the front door of the diner, ready to go out and die trying to slay the giant Monseuteo. Charlie gave her a worried look and June, to her credit, frowned a little when she saw that Jill was about to leave.

"E-excuse me, misses. A-are you not going to help your partner out?"

Charlie, Jill, and June all looked to where the voice came from. The person who spoke was a little girl in a kimono despite no festival coming up for a long time. Her mother was nearby and reaching out to grab her daughter's shoulder.

Before the mother could reach her, her hand was swatted away by the tip of June's blade who now stood over the little girl. June met the girl's eyes with a slight blush on her face.


Charlie and Jill felt like dying at that moment.

"Guess I will go and kill the Monseuteo," June said, turning to walk out the door.

"Oh NO you don't, you damn lolicon!" Jill shouted, pointing at June...or where June was.

Jill blinked and turned around and saw June standing in the middle of the street, a slightly smug look on her face.

"But what if I get there first?" June asked.

Jill raised her hand, opened her mouth to say something, then proceeded to flip June off before disappearing in a blue flash. June turned to face the Monseuteo, her eyes locked onto something next to the Monseuteo, before she calmly walked back into the diner and sat down where she was seated before. Once there, she rested her katana on her lap and picked up her cup of coffee, and took a sip out of it.

"Aren't you afraid of losing her?" Charlie and the little girl from before asked.

June didn't answer. Instead, she put down her cup of coffee and rested her chin in her left hand, staring out the window with a slightly worried look.

'She'll do fine.' June thought to herself, though both she and the wolf spirit inside of her doubted it.

. . . .

'Now, how do I stop this thing?' Jill pondered, crouching down on top of a tall building with the giant Monseuteo a building away down below.

'I can cut through it with my blade but that will just piss it off and just scratch it. I want to injure it...and yeah, that will also piss it off so I guess injure it and piss it off too.'

'Maybe if I stab the eye...? Well, that thing has eight light blue eyes and many small horns protecting said eyes. I don't think I can leap that far and, if I did, I would most likely end up impaling myself on one of those horns. Next plan!'

'Ooh! I can use magical energy balls to in the hole I will make if I jump down and attack the side of the Monseuteo!'

'As If! I can't use magic like that. I'm not June. Next!'

Meanwhile, the Monseuteo had noticed Jill up on the building and, seeing as it was too heavy to stand up on its hind legs to reach her, it decided to do the next best thing; destroy the building she is on.

The Monseuteo elbowed the building Jill was on, causing her to fall off the building with a scream. It was then that she realized that she was screaming like a little girl, something June has teased her about constantly in the past. Even though June was almost a mile away, Jill did not want to risk June hearing her screaming and joke about it later...if Jill survives that is. June has done many things that really brings into question if June was ever human. Sure, she might be an immortal monster-slaying magical girl-like warrior but even those have limits! At least, Jill thinks so. The only knowledge she has about magical girls is what June and Chaersie told her, which wasn't much considering that Chaersie doesn't know much about them and that June is the type of person to not take down any notes, and from shows she watched as a little kid.

'Welp! Going for plan A!' Jill thought as she aimed towards the Monseuteo's leg. Once she was close enough, she stabbed her katana in its leg, cutting through it and stopping her fall. The Monseuteo let out a roar of pain and anger and started stomping around, shaking Jill like a ragdoll. Jill briefly wondered if this is what a mosquito felt like when it was lodged in someone's arm and that someone was a horse jumping around.

After some more shaking, the Monseuteo succeeded in shaking Jill off and, with a yelp, Jill was sent flying into a building, her katana following behind her. Jill crashed through the wall of a building and slammed into a white support beam before she fell down to the floor. The next second, her katana followed suit and stabbed right where Jill's head was a second before.

Jill looked up at the katana and gave a shaky laugh.

"You failed to kill me yet again," Jill told her sword. Her sword didn't answer her like it always did.

Jill got up and dusted herself off before pulling out her katana and looked at the blade.

"Mirco," Jill said randomly, still looking at the blade of her weapon.

Instead of the blade just staying as a blade, the color of the blade seemed to ripple and, slowly, words and numbers formed.

Health: 380/420

Mana: 80,000/Go Guess Yourself, Lol!

Status: Slightly Hurt

Level: 3

"Glad to see that my own status is trolling me still," Jill muttered before letting out a sigh.

'Well, that didn't do as much damage as I expected. I mean, I do feel fine other than a slight tingling in my back and a slight throb in my head. I'm also not bleeding which is a plus.'

Jill's vision went dark, interrupting her thoughts, and she looked up from her stats and saw the gaping mouth of the Monseuteo outside.

"You know, you have a surprisingly nice breath," Jill got out before the giant tongue of the Monseuteo shot out and punched Jill.

Jill once again went flying, crashing through the building and crashing into the ruins of a fallen building. Before she hit the ground, Jill twisted in the air to right herself and stabbed her katana into a white pole, hoping to either slow her fall or catch herself. Instead, reality and her sword decided to curse Jill saying that the katana isn't a great weapon before. The katana cut right through the white metal pole, slowing Jill down the tiniest amount for Jill's eyes to widen. A fuck you in other words.

Jill slammed into the ruins, her and her sword disappearing underneath a pile of rubble. It took a couple of seconds until the tip of her katana poked out from the rubble. The next moment, her hand broke free. It took her a while but Jill managed to get herself completely free from the pile of rubble. She wiped her nose and frowned when she saw blood on it.

"That one hurt," Jill groaned, shaking her legs and flinching when her left leg flashed with pain.

Jill wanted to check how much damage that did to her but the sound of the approaching Monseuteo stopped her. Instead, Jill ran behind a nearby chunk of rubble, hiding her from view of the now visible Monseuteo which rounded the corner, its eyes scanning the rubble for the magical girl.

"Mirco," Jill whispered, staring at her sword again.

Health: 300/420

Mana: 80,000/Still The Same As Before, Lol

Status: You Might Need Some Help

Level: 3

"Yeah, thanks. I kinda figured that when I got dunked on by a giant tongue," Jill hissed, clearly annoyed.

'Well, staying here isn't going to do me any good. I should wait for a chance to-'

Jill's line of thoughts were interrupted by another large shadow covering her. Jill didn't waste any time and darted forward in the nick of time, barely avoiding a giant huff-like foot slamming down right where she was before. Jill stopped in her tracks, having nearly ran into a brick wall, and looked to her left and right before coming down to a simple realization.

"Ah! I'm trapped," Jill said, a defeated look in her eyes. She could try jumping over the brick wall but on top of the brick wall was a bunch of black metal spikes forming a fence. Not only can the Monseuteo probably attack her before Jill makes it over the wall, if she messes up her jump, she'll be in for a nasty fall. She can't cut through the brick wall in time since the Monseuteo is right behind her.

Now, in anime and the such the heroes run through the giant monster's legs. Unfortunately, reality isn't that simple. Giant creatures don't tend to be slow. Plus, Jill has tried that manuvor before. It resulted in her getting swatted like a fly faster than she could react. She does not want a repeat of that.

Jill turned around just in time to see the giant Monseuteo raise its foot up in the air, ready to crush Jill underneath. Jill braced herself, not really wanting to die but seeing no way through. Just before the giant foot crushed Jill, a barrage of colorful energy attacks slammed into the side of the raised leg, ripping and tearing into it and causing the Monseuteo to roar and take a step back.

Out from the nearby partly destroyed building jumped a girl wearing a white mask with red dot eyes and a red creepy smile. She had long light brown hair and wore a magenta and red frilly outfit that screamed magical girl. The only thing, besides the face mask which looks more like a bag, that makes her not seem like a magical girl was the giant chef knife she had in her left hand, though the blade was a mix of light orange and pink, a peach color in other words.

The Monseuteo let out a growl, focusing on the newcomer, and quickly darted its other leg forward, stepping on the magical girl. However, instead of flattening her like a pancake, the magical girl crouched down and put her right arm above her. Out from it sprang a silver shield with a yellow gem in the middle. The Monseuteo's foot slammed on the shield and was slowly pushing the magical girl down. Luckily, that wasn't the magical girl's only trick. In her left hand, the blade of the giant chef knife started glowing red. Once it was red enough, she stabbed the Monseuteo's foot with it. The smell of burning flesh filled the air as the knife went right through the hoof like a thousand degree knife through warm butter.

The Monseuteo let out a roar but didn't retreat. Instead, it only pushed down harder on the magical girl. The magical girl, in response, started to push her knife around, cutting through the hoof and ignoring the white blood that oozed out on her from the massive hole she was creating. Unfortunately, the ground underneath her started cracking and it wouldn't be long before the Monseuteo crushed her. Luckily, magical girls don't fight alone.

Jumping down and landing right next to her was another magical girl, this one having edgy black and silver gauntlets. Her outfit was a little more edgy and her color scheme was black and silver. Her hair was long and black in color and her eyes were a shining purple color, matching the magical energy that was currently gathering in her right fist.

"I got you, Ubiytsa!" The magical girl named Onyx yelled before proceeding to uppercut the giant hoof.

The Monseuteo's leg was sent flying back, causing the giant Monseuteo to almost fall over before it recovered itself. It let out a loud growl and took a couple of steps back, eyeing the magical girls.

"Hey Jill. You doing okay?" A concerned voice asked.

Jill looked up and saw another magical girl, this one with orange hair and, somehow, four pigtails held together by black hair ties. Her outfit had no frills but was still just as magical girl-like, being orange, pink, and white in color. Her eyes were, as expected, orange in color.

"Hey, Fusion," Jill said, waving at her.

Fusion landed and helped Jill sit down on a large piece of rubble.

"What's your health at?" Fusion asked, her eyes looking up briefly at the giant Monseuteo that glaring at them.

"Three hundred, but I am pretty sure that I have a limp in my left leg," Jill informed Fusion.

"So, was it June who told you to fight the giant Monseuteo by yourself?" Fusion asked, a strange gleam in her eyes.

"...Yeah," Jill answered, suddenly getting an idea of what is about to happen next.

Fusion was silent for a while until...





"....BUWAHAHAHAH! WHAT AN IDIOT!" Fusion said, laughing with tears in her eyes. Jill quickly grew a frown on her face.

"Yep. Knew this would happen," Jill muttered while the other two magical girls walked over.

"Hey, Onyx. She listened to June and tried to fight this Monseuteo by herself," Fusion told Onyx like it was the funniest thing she has ever heard.

Onyx frowned and crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.

"What are you, twelve?" Jessica asked. Fusion paid her no mind and started rolling on the ground, laughing.

"What the hell is Four laughing about?"

Jill turned to her left and saw another magical girl, this one the typical loli wearing a white and yellow outfit and having blond hair as well as pigtails. Like her color scheme, her eyes were yellow.

"Hey, Dawn," Jill greeted the new magical girl who was looking at Fusion, also named Four, laughing on the ground with disgust.

"Jill tried to take on this giant Monseuteo by herself since June told her to," Onyx informed Dawn.

"Y-you're le-level three, Jill! Three! I can't even take that on by myself at level fourteen!"

'Is it illegal to kill a magical girl as a magical girl?' Jill thought, looking at her sword.

"And Jill is thinking if it would be a crime to kill a magical girl as a magical girl," Ubiytsa, also known as Killer, said, her voice not quite flat but not quite normal either.

"In other words, typical life," Dawn said with a sigh.

"You know that the Monseuteo is still over there, right?" Onyx pointed out.

"Hey, Onyx. You aren't pulling your weight again, are you?" Dawn suddenly asked, turning on Onyx.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Onyx asked.

"How come Killer is covered in blood and not you? You are a malee, not a ranged-unit. Stop acting like a pig and fight like a boar!"

A blush formed on Onyx's face as she meekly nodded.

"U-understood," Onyx said before running at the giant Monseuteo. Before she could get very far, Killer reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her from fighting the giant monster by herself.

"Listen. I know that you are a masochist, Onyx, and that you're a sadist loli, Dawn," Killer began, quickly ducking to avoid a yellow star blast from Dawn, "but we need to fight that As A Team!"

The last part was aimed at Fusion who was rolling on the ground laughing still.

"Oi, how has this team survived this long?" Jill asked, her hands on her face.

"Luck. Pure luck," Fusion answered, her voice still giggly.

"Well, can we use that luck on the giant Monseuteo we're suppose to kill?" Dawn asked, pointing at the giant Monseuteo which had a look of visible confusion on its face.

"But just a second ago you-" Killer started, confusion in her voice before Jill cut her off.

"Who Cares! Let's just kill this thing and get it over with!" Jill yelled, standing up and ignoring her left leg's cry of protest.

"Kill this thing and get it over with? Now that doesn't make much sense," Fusion said, causing Jill to grit her teeth in annoyance.

Jill was about to turn around to snap a comeback when Killer put her hand on her shoulder.

"Let it go. It's not worth it."

Jill let out a sigh before nodding.

"Well, Dawn and Killer are right. Let's go kill us a giant Monseuteo," Fusion said, a determined gleam in her eyes.


Meanwhile, the people in the diner were watching what was going on. How? Well, June was spying on them by making a magical purple box thingy. The box just acts as a tv basically.

All of them except for June and the little girl, were all thinking the same thing.

'Our lives are in the hands of these dysfunctional idiots? Really?'





'The world is going to be saved by these assholes?' Thought the little girl.