Reminiscence

We moved to the side, so no one could overhear our conversation.

“So, what happened?” I asked.

“Geez, girl! Relax! Nothing bad happened!” I didn’t understand what he meant by that - did I look that bad? “Don’t worry that much. You better tell me how you’ve been doing so far.”

“Uh-”

“What? What? Is it that weird to ask an old colleague whom I haven’t seen in years how she’s doing?”

“It’s not.”

“Well then?”

“Uhh, I live... work...”

“Oh? Where are you working?”

“At home.”

“Huh?”

“I’m a freelancer. Doing editing in my cave.”

“Ahh, cave troll!” he laughed, I couldn’t share his enthusiasm.

“What about you, cruiser?” he had a tendency to not stay in one place, therefore he became a cruiser.

“Cruiser? Ah,” he let it go. “I work at corporate. Nothing really to talk about, but! I’m getting married next year~”

“Ohh! Look at you! Congrats!”

“Thank you, thank you.”

“Who’s the lucky one?”

“You don’t know her. I met her by coincidence.” he started to laugh. “It’s a very funny story, though not one to tell under these circumstances. Why don’t you and Gil visit us someday?”

“Maybe. It’ll be weird to be the only person there.”

“Huh?”

“?”

“As far as I know, he’s a single too unless something has changed and I know nothing about it.”

“Oh, I didn’t expect that.”

“It’s kind of related to what happened, but, uh, not exactly as well.”

“You mean the girl that played with him?”

“So he did talk about it with you?”

“Not really. Just mentioned it.”

“Fair. There’s nothing much more to say then.”

“Damien, did it hit him that hard?”

“Umm... Not that. I do know what is it, but it belongs to the category of ‘it’ll be better if he tells you that by himself’.”

“Right...”

“Look Deb, I’ve known him since high school. He’s always been, uh, specific. You know that yourself. But, despite everything, he’s my best pal.” he gave a long sigh. “And I do wish him all the best.”

“I know you do.”

There was an awkward silence after my words. I couldn’t think of anything else more to say. Damien was the one to break this silence.

„... Yeah. I’ll be going to greet the others since I didn’t have a chance to do that. I’ll see you around, Deb.”

„Sure thing.”

He went and I was left like that with a mind full of thoughts. This conversation didn’t bring anything new to the case. Well, it made me even more anxious. I was trying to quiet it down by ordering another drink.

„I think I care too much...” I said to myself.

I joined the group conversation. As time passed. I felt more comfortable with people there. At first, I’ve thought this whole party would’ve been a pain since I knew only Gil. That I wouldn’t be able to fit in. Guess fear makes cowards of us all.

After some time, both Gil and Damien joined us. Gil crammed in between me and the other person sitting on the sofa. It wasn’t left without comments of “jealous of your friend, Gil?”, but the topic was very quickly changed. It crossed my mind that his behaviour could’ve been a bit suspicious in terms of not being his usual behaviour, which I was used to. Yet, I didn’t want to overthink. Overthinking always leads to conspiracy theories.

At some point, he left for somewhere. It didn’t bother me. I was still enjoying myself until I recalled that I hadn’t said a thing to my grandparents about being late. At first, I was going to call them, so I looked for a more quiet spot. It was almost 8 o’clock. Those three hours passed by as quickly as lightning. I decided to send a text to grandma when I noticed Gil.

He was standing by the huge window from which he was looking outside. He seemed to be in deep thought. Just looking at him was making me anxious. I had to check up on him.

“Taking a break from people?” I approached him.

It surely did break him from his train of thought. He was a bit surprised to see me.

“Kinda.” he replied.

„Am I bothering you?”

„Huh? Why?”

„Just asking.”

„Nah. I was just thinking about something and, uhm, couldn’t stop it.”

„Deborah to the rescue?” I laughed.

„My hero!”

It made him smile a bit. A small victory for me.

„Is something bothering you?”

„Is it an interrogation?”

„You just looked thoughtful, which is a rare sight.”

„Are you trying to suggest that I’m not thinking at all?”

„You said that.”

He scoffed. „You better go touch grass. It’s not the first time I’m using my brain.”

I recalled a funny related event and started laughing. „I just remembered that time when I told you to touch grass because you said something stupid.”

„And I did that.”

„Yeah, haha, literally!”

The dude literally went and touched grass then. That was so stupid, yet so funny.

„I just did as you said. Touched grass.”

„You know that was unnecessary?”

„So?”

„Fool.”

In the meantime, I looked out the window to reflect.

I hadn’t been thinking about that, but, I was in my mid-20s. The mid-20s! And what I’ve achieved during the time after graduation? Pretty much nothing. Guess I started to think like an old person. „If I was smarter, I would invest more in myself” or something like that.

„At what point did I become so old?” I asked myself.

„Time is surely going crazy, isn’t it?” I turned to Gil, but apparently I only posed this question to myself. „I don’t even know when I hit 24.”

„Oh, are you?”

I punched him lightly in the arm.

„Fool! It’s not funny! The year is ending and I have a feeling that I did jack shit.”

„Same as in any other year?”

„Speak for yourself!” after saying these words I recalled that he had a high-paid job; I just shut up in utter defeat. „Now that I’m thinking about it, I feel like I’m stuck in some vicious circle. Seriously, for the past few years, almost since graduation, I’ve been only working. Like an idiot. I’ve never really thought about it, but lately it hit me. Quite stupid, isn’t it? I became someone I was laughing at earlier.”

„Perspective changes over the years.” he answered. „You think that back in high school I thought I’d be working my ass off for the cursed corpo dressed up like a fuck?”

„You don’t look like a fuck though...”

„...I got used to that. Anyway, what I meant was that no way in hell I thought I’d end up like that. Well, another idiot to the collection.” he took a sip from his glass, hopefully not filled with alcohol.

„I hope you don’t have any alcohol in there.” he was a driver after all.

„There’s as much alcohol as dignity left in me.”

„There needs to be plenty of it in then.”

„...Heh. I’m a responsible driver and don’t drink and drive. By the way, are you always that caring?”

„Hm? What do you mean?” I thought it was a normal thing, especially since we knew each other.

„I wonder if you’re that caring for your own man.”

„I don’t have to since I don’t have one.” I said before casually taking a sip from my glass.

„Oh.”

Why he was surprised? Guess he made the same assumption as I did. Never mind.

It got a bit awkward. I couldn’t find anything to get rid of the mood. I thought that was a moment that I should just go.

„Deb?” yet, he felt differently about that. „Can I speak to you in private?”

„Aren’t we already speaking in private?” I thought. „Or does he mean without anybody around?”

I didn’t mind it at all, but I couldn’t deny that it was puzzling why he asked me for that. Given the circumstances, it could be related to what just happened or I could be wrong and making myself an idiot at that moment. Yet, my mind was toying with this idea. And because of that, I was getting nervous. Heck.

„Sure, I guess?”

„It should be quieter upstairs.” he moved towards the stairs; I followed him.

I wasn’t sure what to expect anymore. Stupid ideas were still in my mind. I tried to keep it cool as they were only stupid thoughts. But how could I explain my heart racing out of nowhere?