Chapter 13

Eventually, Cale and Julius wandered back down to the ballroom proper. Magdalena and her fiancé stayed up on the balcony, their voices low as they spoke to each other while laughing. As they left, Cale caught Magdalena’s gaze and nodded to her, smiling.

Morgan was nice. He seemed like he had an issue with Julius, but it wasn’t to the point where he couldn’t be polite and play nicely. And honestly, that said a lot more about him than most people probably thought. It took a lot of effort to be nice to somebody that you actively disliked, even more so if you had a valid reason for it. Hell, Cale knew full well that Julius wasn’t exactly the easiest person to get along with, and Cale was genuinely impressed that Morgan had spent the entire conversation speaking politely and without getting into a single argument.

Julius was still visibly keyed up from his encounter with Sayer—if Morgan had seemed the faintest bit like he could be goaded into a fight, Julius might well have pressed the matter. But Morgan hadn’t. He’d been cold, yes, maybe even a little unwelcoming. But never had he appeared like he’d wanted to get into a fight. Distant and polite to a fault, but he had barely even edged over the line to unfriendly.

Cale’s hand was gripping Julius’ arm, the touch featherlight despite his desire to be closer to Julius. Walking along the edges of the ballroom below the balcony, Cale’s eyes drifted over the huge amount of people in it. The ballroom itself was gigantic, surely the size of at least four soccer fields, and it was still full to the point where he was concerned for their fire safety.

The people wore long, flowing dresses with swishing skirts as they danced. Men (and even some women) were wearing elegant suits, with different accessories to compliment their outfits. Peeking at Julius out of the corner of his eye, Cale swallowed his saliva.

Julius was dressed in a black suit, the top of his shoulder-length hair dragged into a half ponytail, the rest of it hanging free. He had long dangling jewel earrings hanging from both his ears and they moved in time with his steps. It drew Cale’s eyes to Julius’ strong neck, the gentle curve of it and the smooth skin that he could still vividly remember the feel of. The light purple gemstones that dangled constantly forced his eyes to stray back.

His hand squeezed tighter on Julius’ arm. Julius turned his head and gazed at Cale, his eyebrows twisting into questioning shapes. Cale simply shook his head.

This wasn’t really something that Julius could help him with. Kissing was fine and it honestly made his stomach flutter almost painfully just thinking about it, but going further was out of the question. Not until Julius had graduated and only if Julius still… loved him.

Cale’s heart skipped a beat at that thought.

He’d barely articulated it, mostly keeping it shoved in a locked box in his mind. Obviously, he knew full well that Julius liked him and wanted to marry him, Julius wasn’t shy about sharing that. But Cale had avoided thinking about the fact that Julius loved him. It made it too real, it made it take up too much space in Cale’s mind. Julius loved him. Cale loved Julius. If things went well, they’d marry.

Cale promptly stumbled over his own feet and the only keeping him upright was his hand clinging to Julius’ arm.

”I’m fine,” Cale reassured Julius when the younger man looked worriedly at him.

Julius laid his hand over Cale’s, where Cale had a deathtrap on Julius’ arm. ”Do you want to go back up to the balcony?”

”No.” Cale shook his head and said, ”This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I want to take advantage of it. What do you usually do at this ball?”

”Avoid my parents,” stated Julius. ”They always tell embarrassing stories to anyone who will listen, and they carry around drawings of us as children to show anyone foolish enough to approach them. They introduce us to everyone we meet and then we’re forced to listen to our parents bragging about everything we’ve ever accomplished. And it’s not even about stuff like awards, it’s just about a drawing we made once, or a poem we wrote for them; little stuff that nobody but them care about. And as we’re standing next to them, we can slowly see the light leave their conversation partners’ eyes.”

”Ah,” said Cale. Scratching his cheek, he tried to think of anything to say before deciding to just be honest. ”I’ve got nothing to say,” he said and blinked. Somehow, the world just got a little tilted.

”It’s fine, my parents can be a lot,” Julius reassured him.

Cale nodded. He decided not to say anything more about it and instead just continued to listen to Julius talking. Julius had a smooth voice at a comfortable pitch, and listening to it was calming. Cale drank in the sound and leaned his body a little closer to Julius—they were walking closer together than they needed to, and Cale got an extra spring in his steps when he thought about it.

They were engaged, they could be close (intimate) together in public. And nobody could say anything about it unless they started deep kissing with tongue in the middle of the ballroom where everyone could see.

Slowly, they walked across the ballroom. Occasionally people would greet them and they’d get dragged into polite smalltalk, but for the most part, their walk passed in silence. Cale soaked it up, basking in the comfortable silence with a person that he liked. The silence with Calla’s parents was always awkward and he could never figure out a way to break it gently, but with Julius, the silence was comfortable. It was warm and welcoming and it made Cale feel soft.

He didn’t have another—better—way to put it. Around Julius, Cale simply felt soft. Sometimes it felt like he was floating on a cloud, other times it was like he was drifting on a river. But regardless, Cale didn’t have a problem with it.

”I love you,” Cale said, stopping in his track as the unexpected words left him.

Julius’ head turned so fast Cale worried he’d get whiplash. ”What?” Julius croaked out, his voice hoarse.

Cale licked his lips. He wasn’t going to retract it. ”I love you, Julius,” he said again. Taking a look around them, he pulled on Julius’ arm to get Julius to follow him to a more secluded part of the ballroom by the wall. Julius went easily, not putting up the least bit of resistance.

By the wall, Cale lowered his voice and stated, ”I’m in love with you. I want to marry you, Julius.”

Julius’ mouth opened. His eyes searched Cale’s face for something but he didn’t say anything. Gulping, Julius switched their grips so that his hands were on Cale’s waist, the warmth seeping through the clothes. Cale was startlingly aware of the connection.

”You…” Julius stopped. He took a deep breath and bent forward, leaning his forehead against Cale’s. ”I love you, too,” Julius said, his voice barely more than a whisper. ”Please, can I, can I kiss you?”

”Yes,” Cale breathed.

This kiss wasn’t like their earlier one: it was soft and gentle and it lasted for only the shortest of seconds. When they stopped kissing they were still close enough for Cale to feel Julius’ breath hitting him. Letting their foreheads rest against each other again, neither of them said anything.

After a while, Cale moved. He curled his arms around Julius and hugged the younger man tight. Feeling Julius melting against him, Cale smiled. He closed his eyes and simply held him, clearing his mind and casting away all of his worries.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood next to that wall, simply holding each other. He wasn’t even going to bother to pretend that it mattered to him.

Somehow, it was all still a revelation.

It shouldn’t be. He had been thinking about this way too much, his mind full of thoughts of Julius and the future. Over and over again, he had been going over the scenarios and the potential future they had; and yet Cale still felt flummoxed. It was still a shock. It still made him freeze up for a moment to catch his breath.

Eventually, though, they had to leave the corner. Partly because people had started staring at them more and more openly, but mostly because Julius’ stomach was growling and it reminded Cale that it had been hours since he’d eaten. Stepping back, Cale’s fingers swept along Julius’ arm until they reached Julius’ hand, at which point he entangled their fingers together. Julius allowed it to happen with the smallest of smiles, and it was somehow worse for Cale’s heart then if he’d been outright beaming. Cale had to gulp and look away to get his focus together.

”There are cakes,” Julius said abruptly. He looked at Cale out of the corner of his eyes, his face cold again as he turned to face their audience. Julius stared back at them as if daring them to say anything, and most turned back to their conversations without a sound.

Fighting back his smile, Cale nodded and suggested, ”Let’s go get some.”

There was always time for cakes.

* * *

Isaac was the one who found them roughly half-an-hour later, after they were just about finishing up their mini-cakes. Cale was in the middle of licking cream off his finger when Isaac walked up to them, regal and proud in his baring. Feeling like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie-jar, Cale blinked rapidly at Isaac, stared at the man for one long minute and then quickly hid his hand behind his back.

He stepped closer to Julius, smiled placidly at Isaac and asked, ”Did you need something?”

”I just wanted to make sure you’re having fun,” Isaac stated. He frowned when he looked at Julius, but nodded politely. ”Julius,” Isaac said, somehow managing to sound both cold and warm at the same time.

Julius bowed his head and greeted him, ”Lord Frosthaze.”

”Isaac, please, you’re engaged to my son,” Isaac insisted. His face was hard and unyielding, looking at Julius with an undisguised frown.

”Of course,” Julius said.

Isaac turned his head and looked at Cale, his gaze piercing. Cale surreptitiously tried to dry his finger on the cloth behind his back, but it wasn’t going very well. Smiling at Isaac, Cale pretended like nothing was wrong. Isaac’s frowned eased up a little when faced with Cale, and he said, ”Your mother is worried that you’re expending too much energy.”

”I’m fine,” Cale said. He felt Julius’ arm nudge against his own, and his smile widened unconsciously in response. Cale insisted, ”I’m having a lot of fun.”

Isaac’s frown eased up somewhat and he could almost be mistaken for smiling. ”Good,” said Isaac. His gaze traveled back to Julius and Cale could see the harshness fall over his face again. Isaac frowned once more, his eyes searching Julius for something. Then his gaze slid over to Cale again and once more, it was the same release of tension. Watching Isaac’s change in facial expressions was fascinating—it wasn’t that he appeared happy when he looked at Cale, it was more that he seemed relaxed.

”I’ve spoken with your parents,” Isaac changed the subject, his cold eyes directed at Julius. ”We’ve agreed that we’ll split the cost of the wedding fifty-fifty, and that your parents will be in-charge of the wedding planning.”

Julius nodded. ”They told me. Thank you for your cooperation.”

Isaac’s eyes narrowed. He turned back to Cale and asked, ”Is this okay with you?”

”Of course,” Cale said. He had no plans to interfere with this. In the first place, he had no idea how weddings worked here and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. Secondly, he had no space in his brain for wedding plans; it was filled to the brim with studying. He was fairly sure that if he tried to shove wedding planning in there as well, his head would explode.

”If you change your mind, tell us,” Isaac stated.

Cale hummed in agreement. With his finger finally clean, he brought his hands back in front of his body and held them loosely together. He wasn’t really sure what to do with them now that he didn’t have to hide them. Wringing them together, he felt an awkward silence descend over them all.

Julius grabbed his hand. Cale’s curled around to grip it right back without a second’s delay and he squeezed tightly. Isaac’s gaze flitted over their handholding, but he didn’t say anything.

”Let us know when you want to retire,” Isaac said. He looked them over one more time, examining them as he searched for something; if he ever found it, Cale didn’t know. But after that Isaac left them alone again, wandering off to mingle with the upper class that attended the ball.

Come to think of it, was this kingdom in a good enough state financially to be able to afford frivolousness like this ball? The focus of the story had always been on Sayer’s personal adventures and battles, there hadn’t been much attention paid to the state of the kingdom itself. Still, as he had no intention of remaining in this country, Cale decided that he wouldn’t worry about it. He was already worrying about far too many things.

Watching Isaac walk away, Cale sighed. He didn’t think that he would ever come to a point where he could speak casually to the man. Calla’s father was simply too imposing.

Swinging their entangled hands in the air between them, Julius asked, ”The terrace?”

”Sure,” Cale answered.

Together they walked over to the nearest stairway (not the same one as before, there were way too many stairs in this ballroom) and ascended them, still holding hands. Cale looked ahead, forcefully stopping himself from turning his head to watch the people below them.

Night had long since fallen. They had already been here for hours, though it hardly felt like it. Cale almost felt as if time was betraying him, moving too fast. Their gait was slow as they stepped off the stairs and onto the floor and Cale turned to the left with his hand on the railing, walking alongside it across the length of the balcony. Julius kept pace the entire way until they saw a door leading outside.

Tilting his head to the side, Julius hummed under his breath, catching Cale’s attention. Cale followed his line of sight and they changed course toward the large glass doors. Outside it, through the transparent window, Cale could vaguely make out a terrace. Softly flowing dark blue curtains covered the floor to ceiling windows next to the double doors.

Cale stood to the side as Julius opened the door, turning the silver handle and pushing the glass door outward. For a second, he worried that a servant would spontaneously appear and scold them for daring to leave the ballroom, but no such thing happened. Not even the few people up here who could see them said anything about it. And so, Cale and Julius exited through the door without anyone raising a fuss.

The terrace was large. It would surely be imposing if he’d seen it from the outside. There were huge potted plants on each side of the doors, a metal railing along the entire terrace and a wooden bench stood silently to the right.

Snow covered it all.

Watching his feet sinking into the snow on the floor, Cale’s lips twitched into a smile. He toed the ground and felt a laugh building in his throat. Smiling brightly, Cale let go of Julius and walked further out on the terrace, the snow crunching beneath his feet. Stopping abruptly in the middle, he twirled around and held out his arms, tiling his head back to stare up at the night sky.

Snowflakes drifted gently on the wind. They danced through the air, landing on him with naught but a whimper. When he exhaled, a cloud of smoke appeared in front of him.

He heard Julius’ footsteps. But his wide eyes were caught in the snare of the sky, staring up at it with a breathless wonder building inside of him. Cale was hardly aware of the outside world, his entire being narrowed in on the view above him.

Both the moons were visible, the clouds dark and drifting, obscuring the view of the stars from time to time. Cale could hardly stand to look up, the view somehow too spectacular to be caught by mortal eyes. He felt, strangely enough, like a voyeur. But he couldn’t take his off it, he couldn’t force himself to look away. He didn’t want to look away.

Julius stopped in front of him. Cale could feel his presence the way one could smell food. He heard the sound of Julius’ rustling clothes. Cale took a deep breath, inhaling as far as his chest would allow, before he closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds.

Tilting his head back to a more comfortable position, he stared at Julius.

Snowflakes were falling around him. Julius was blanketed by the light spilling out from the ballroom through the windows, surrounding him. Cale had to surreptitiously pinch himself to make sure that what he was seeing was real.

Julius smiled at him. He stretched out his hand and Cale found himself holding his breath involuntarily. Julius’ hand stopped in front of Cale’s face, hovering for a moment before he reached the last bit of distance and touched Cale’s cheek. Cale’s eyes tried to follow the motion, but it was out of his line of sight. Julius soon brought his hand back though, holding it up in front of Cale’s eyes to showcase what he had done.

There was a quickly melting snowflake on the tip of his finger.

”Here,” Julius said, his voice almost too low to hear.

Cale licked his lips. His eyes stared at the snowflake as it melted completely. Bringing his own hand up to his face, he felt alongside his cheek until something stuck to his finger. Holding it out between them, he saw the perfectly intact snowflake.

”Oh.”

Cale watched passively as Julius’s finger touched the snowflake. It started melting almost instantly, the way snowflakes tended to do. Cale asked, ”Are there more?”

Julius nodded without saying anything.

After so many hours at the ball, Julius’ hair had long since been ruffled. It hung around his face with the kind of artful shaggy appearance that reminded him of models. The blond lock glittered in the light of the lamps from the snowflakes that dotted it. It looked almost like Julius had diamonds in his hair.

”You’re gorgeous,” exhaled Cale.

Julius started. Like he hadn’t expected it, like Cale hadn’t spent nearly enough time telling him so. When Julius looked at him like that, his chest was heavy that he wondered if his heart was still beating, if his lungs were still working. His eyes were glued to Julius, trapped in the heartbreakingly softness of his eyes.

Without a word, Julius stepped up to him and hugged him. Cale could feel Julius’ furiously beating heart against his chest. He could feel Julius’ body shuddering in time with his breaths.

He felt Julius take a deep breath against his shoulder, ”You are… magnificent.”

Cale wondered if he had spontaneously developed the ability to blush. It certainly felt like it. Hugging Julius tightly, Cale’s fingers clung to his suit.

Closing his eyes and shoving his own head down in the space where Julius’ neck and shoulder met, Cale mumbled, ”You can’t just say stuff like that. My heart is very fragile, you know.”

Julius let out a bark of laughter. Cale shivered, feeling Julius’ warm breath hitting him. Julius whispered, ”You are amazing,” and hugged him tighter than Cale thought possible. Opening his eyes, Cale saw the ballroom through the window, the light spilling out and reflecting on the snow on the terrace. It sparkled, even as more snowflakes fell from the sky.

* * *

The evening eventually drew to a close. Cale had reconvened with Magdalena when Mariana caught his eye across the ballroom. He was back inside, down in the ballroom proper. Magdalena was no longer drunk, her eyes bright and clear when they looked at him. Her fiancé, Morgan, was flushed, his skin pink behind his glasses. Evidently, while Magdalena had sobered up, Morgan had gotten drunk.

When Mariana waved at him, Cale nodded at her and begin walking across the ballroom. Julius was back with his parents, his body stiff but tilted toward his parents. Cale guessed that the girl with them was Julius’ little sister.

”See you back at school,” Magdalena called to his back as he left.

Cale threw a wave over his shoulder and smiled when he approached Calla’s parents. They weren’t far from Julius’ parents and looked about ready to leave. Mariana had her coat over her arm and Isaac had already gotten into his winter coat, the thick fur along his neckline surely tickling him. When Cale got close enough, he asked, ”Is it already time to leave?”

”It’s after midnight,” Isaac said. Cale waited for a moment but nothing else came.

Cale cleared his throat. ”Right,” he said and perked up to attention when he saw that Julius and his parents were quickly approaching them.

”Julie!” Mariana beamed. She stepped forward and took the aforementioned Julianne’s hand, shaking it. Julianne had to be Julius’ mother, she looked almost like a taller, handsomer version of him. Older than Mariana, she had a severe tilt to her mouth and a stiff body, but when Mariana smiled at her, Julianne beamed back.

Cale nearly got whiplash.

Leaning forward, Julianne kissed Mariana on her cheeks. ”Marie! Oh, it’s been ages. How have you been? Your husband treating you right? Have you have any more problems with his bastard of a brother? I heard your son got sick again, is Calla doing better now? He must be, since he’s here. Did you know that Julius battled a Spirit? Oh, how silly, of course you know. What with Calla… anyway, you look amazing!”

”No, no, you look far better!” Mariana insisted. ”Calla is doing well now, he’s been improving so much. My husband is treating me as well as always—I won’t be eloping with you yet. I’ve been good, and Charles hasn’t bothered us in months. Not since Isaac laid down the law.” Fanning herself, Mariana gushed, ”You should have seen it, he was like a dashing hero from a fairytale!”

Isaac blushed. Cale goggled. Surreptitiously rubbing his eye, he stared at Isaac’s faintly blushing cheeks and felt as if everything he had ever known had been overturned. Turning his gaze to the side, his eyes met Julius’. Julius nodded his head in his mother’s direction and grimaced.

Mariana and Julianne spent another couple of minutes talking rapidly with one another, turning Cale’s view of the world upside down in the process, before they said goodbye. Julius kissed Cale on the cheek before they left, and then Cale watched as they returned to mingling with the other guests. The Claymore family would be staying at the ball for some time more, while Cale followed Calla’s parents as they stepped back out into the cold night.

The snow had stopped falling at some point. Yet, the ground was still covered by a thick layer of snow. As they stepped down the stairs and onto the flat surface of the courtyard’s ground, the snow made crunching noises beneath their feet. Cale had the sneaking suspicion that it would be ideal to make snowmen with.

Cale walked with his hand on Mariana’s arm. Every once in a while, she would look at him and smile. Cale wasn’t going to pretend that he had any idea what she was thinking about, but she seemed happy.

”Had fun, dear?” Mariana asked him as they descended the second run of stairs and walked toward their waiting carriage.

Cale hummed and muttered, ”Yeah.”

As they stepped into the carriage, Cale let his mind wander. It was still stuck on Julius, rewinding their every interaction like it was stuck in a loop. Honestly, he didn’t mind all that much. Thinking about Julius was nice. He liked the butterflies that burst to life in his stomach and the warmth that nestled in his chest when he thought of the teenager. And when he thought about what had happened tonight, he got the urge to hide under his covers.

His fingers tingled. Licking his lips, he brought his hand up to cover them. He could hardly believe that he had said that to Julius. And it had just slipped out; he hadn’t planned it. If he’d planned, it would have been much smoother. As it was, he was lucky that Julius hadn’t laughed at him.

Or, no, Julius wouldn’t do that. Cale was projecting his insecurities on Julius, he knew that. But it was hard to silence that little voice at the back of his mind telling him that Julius was just playing with him, that Julius would never go through with marrying him. If he could, Cale would punch that little voice. The little voice wasn’t living his life, it had no right to tell him what Julius would or wouldn’t do. Even if it was right, Cale didn’t care.

He wasn’t going to let his fear ruin his life. He wasn’t going to let it rule him. He refused to let it take the joy out of living. Cale was going to be happy, damn it, and no little voice preying on his insecurities would stand in his way.

”I saw you and Julius together,” stated Isaac. He was looking at Cale with a searching gaze again, and Cale started, focusing on the present with a hiss. His small jump had punched his ankle against the wooden panel of the bench. Rubbing his ankle and biting his lower lip, Cale made a questioning noise.

Isaac frowned. ”Do you always act like that with the Claymore boy?”

”Probably.”

”He seemed very taken with you… but are you certain you wish to marry him?”

A determined nod. ”Absolutely.”

Isaac hummed, his eyebrows furrowed. ”Well, I won’t argue. We’ve already signed the engagement contract with his family. However, we made sure that you can back out at any point—even during the wedding itself.”

”About that…” Cale looked quizzically at Calla’s parents. ”How do weddings work?”

He almost slipped up and asked ”your weddings” but managed to contain the words in time. He had managed to remain undetected for so long, it wouldn’t do for him to be discovered as an imposter simply because of a poor choice of words. Luckily, Calla’s parents didn’t seem to catch anything suspicious.

Mariana smiled at him. ”You will be married before the Mother Spirit. A priest will bless your union and we’ll take care of the appropriate paperwork. The wedding ceremony itself is fairly straightforward, you’ll both stand before a priest who will bind you together. And we’ll hold a celebration feast afterwords.”

Cale wasn’t an expert on weddings but it sounded pretty similar to what he knew. And he only had the most passing of knowledge on the subject, simply the bits and pieces that he had picked up from the media.

”But you don’t need to worry about this yet,” Isaac said. His voice was dark as he said, ”Nothing is set in stone. Just let us know if you change your mind.”

”Will do.”

Cale couldn’t rule it out. There was plenty of time left before his possible wedding to Julius, and most of it wouldn’t be spent with Julius. After all, when Cale graduated and left this country far, far behind himself, Julius would still be at Aurelis Academy. So yes, it was comforting to know that if, during this time, Cale fell out of love, he could back out. It was nice knowing that they wouldn’t try to force his hand, one way or the other.

The carriage rolled uneasily on the snow-covered ground. The roads were long and narrow, and in the middle of the night, the air was heavy with silence.

It was almost disturbingly quiet.

”I don’t know what will happen in the future,” Cale started. He avoided their gazes and looked out the window, but this needed to be said. He had to put it into words. ”But right now, Julius makes me happy. He makes me really, really happy.”

”We can tell, honey.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mariana dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. Cale gulped and redirected his gaze outside again. Mariana asked, ”You smile so much around him, how could we not know?”

Lowering his gaze to his lap, he watched his own hands wringing together. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. Opening his eyes again, he was met with the sight of his hands squeezing tightly together. He forced them to let go and splayed them out on his lap, gently fingering the fabric of his stiff pants.

He nodded. He was starting to feel a little like a bobble head. ”Thank you,” he whispered. He didn’t care if they heard him or not, he just had to say it. Sometimes thinking things weren’t enough, one had to say them to make them real.

Cale had no idea what the future held. He had no idea how his relationship with Julius would pan out. He had no idea what life would be like when he left this country. He had no possible way of predicting the future for himself.

But… Julius made him happy. Magdalena made him happy. And he didn’t think that happiness would be out of his reach in the future either. Maybe it would all go down in flames, maybe Julius would get sick of him, maybe this was all a cruel prank. But Cale didn’t regret anything.