Chapter 15

In the aftermath of what was unequivocally the hardest exam that he had ever taken at this school, Cale collapsed bonelessly on his bed. His body bounced once on the mattress before he laid still, his tired eyes slipping shut. He was up until almost four in the morning for last minute cramming, and then woke up again at six thirty only to cram more knowledge in his head. It was an understatement to say that he was exhausted.

He had a headache. It pounded at the back of his head, furiously. From prior experience, he knew that sleeping wouldn’t fix it; he needed to actually go take medicine. The problem was that sitting up and leaving the bed was so much effort. And no matter how intensely he thought about it, his legs just wouldn’t move.

He sighed.

The breath hit his bangs and made the strands of hair in front of his eyes flutter. Quietly, he looked at them. He sighed again. Once more, they fluttered in the tiny breeze.

His eyes closed again and he wondered what he was supposed to do now. Three out of five important exams were over and done with, and there were only two left. Once he passed them, he would finally be able to slow down his studying, get some proper sleep, and rest his brain.

Rolling over on the bed so he faced the ceiling, he opened his eyes again. He stared straight up at it, his pale eyes hazy and unfocused. His eyelashes trembled from the effort he expended to keep his eyes open.

Cale was tired. So tired that he was surprised he hadn’t fallen asleep already. But he was also immensely happy and relieved.

A smile spread on his lips, his eyes glittering with delight. Two months into the spring semester and over half of the hardest exams of his life had been completed. Finished. He didn’t have to think about it any more. Better yet, they had such big influence over his final grades in the relevant classes that he could actually be fairly certain of his end grade.

Cale was going to graduate. This summer, he would be leaving this all behind; this dangerous school with its dangerous people and plotlines. He would leave and never come back.

He rolled over on the bed again. Facing the wall, his finger traced a nonsensical pattern on it over the rough paint. It scratched against the skin on the tip of his finger, the sensation funny enough that it only made his smile grow. His eyes followed the trail his finger was laying out, eagerly watching as a figure slowly formed.

He was glad that he had passed two exams so far, and he had confidence that he would pass this one as well. His stomach fluttered with happiness. But he also wasn’t sure what to do now, when he was finally reaching the point he had been relentlessly working toward.

He’d never actually planned what he was going to do once he left Glaiz Gria. Sure, he had had half-formed ideas; moving to a countryside where nothing exciting ever happened, getting a job at a library, maybe opening a bookshop someday far into the future. But he’d not actually thought that he would reach this point and he hadn’t wanted to think about it either. Thinking about it would mean acknowledging the fact that he was never going to go back home.

He was stuck here.

Forever.

But he couldn’t let that stop him from living the life he wanted to. So, he needed to plan. He needed to decide what he was going to do after this. Where he would go. How he would make money. Figure out if he needed to learn a new language.

That headache was still pounding away, but it was easy to ignore it when he was distracted. His hands returned to the bed as his mind churned.

At some point, he fell asleep.

Cale woke back up to the sound of knocking; it was becoming a familiar situation. Often, he was awoken by knocks on his door. He turned over on the bed to face the room at large and frowned, his hand rubbing his eyes. The headache was still there and as he had expected, sleeping hadn’t helped. It had only become harder to ignore.

Stumbling to his feet, Cale unsteadily approached the door. ”Who?” he croaked out when he was close enough to make himself heard without exacerbating his headache. He rubbed his eyes as he waited for a response.

”It’s me,” Julius’ voice came from the other side of the door.

Cale frowned, ”Don’t you have a key?”

”It’s impolite to use it without permission when you’re not sick.”

”Oh.” A pause, then Cale said, ”But I think I’m starting to get sick.”

There was the sound of keys dangling, then Cale stepped back when he saw the door’s handle moving. His eyes moved up to eye-height when the door opened and he smiled softly at Julius, unable to control his facial muscles in the face of the warmth that spread in his chest. Julius smiled back at him, closing and locking the door with one smooth motion. Then he took a quick step forward and gripped Cale’s hand loosely.

”How are you feeling?” Julius asked, his eyes furrowed as he looked Cale over from top to bottom.

Cale sighed and closed his eyes for a brief second. ”Headache,” he muttered.

Julius smoothed his hand through Cale’s hair, brushing it back behind his ears. ”Okay,” Julius said and nodded. He supported Cale as Cale stumbled back to the bed and sat down on it. Julius then disappeared into the bathroom only to come back nearly a minute later with a headache reliever and a cup of water.

Cale gratefully received it. He cooled the water before he picked up the medicine bottle and downed it in one go; each bottle already contained the measured amount of the dose he should take. This way, when he saw so sick that he could barely see or hold a bottle to measure it out, there was no danger that he would overdose. Cale held his breath as he swallowed it all, wrinkling his nose at the taste that he didn’t quite manage to keep himself from noticing.

Swallowing all the water in the cup as quickly as he could, Cale exhaled deeply when he put the mug down. His head was pounding again and he swayed where he sat, pressing a hand to the back of his head.

”Get some rest,” Julius said and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Cale’s cheek. ”I’ll clean your room and then when you feel better, we can go eat together.”

Cale nodded mutely.

Lying down on his bed, he shoved a pillow over his head, closed his eyes and did his best to fall asleep. He slowed his breathing and gently began to doze off to the muffled sound of Julius moving around.

Cale slept in fits and starts. He had no idea how many times he woke up only to be lulled back to sleep by the sound of Julius’ footsteps. When he finally woke up again for good, his body felt heavy and his arm was sore from having it shoved over his pillow for so long, but the headache had started receding and he didn’t see what resting any more could accomplish.

Shoving himself up on his hands, Cale’s gaze rose and took in the area around him. It was almost like a reverse hurricane had torn through it—everything was sparkling clean and clearly sorted through. His laundry was actually in the laundry basket. His books stood orderly on the shelves. His notebooks and pens were nicely sorted out on the desk. The floor had been mopped and every surface dusted off. Cale gulped when he saw the scale it had been cleaned on; he’d assumed that Julius was only going to pick up the stuff littering the floor, not that he would… well, clean it so thoroughly.

Julius himself was sitting on Cale’s desk chair, reading a book. There was a notebook open in front of him and Julius was biting on the end of a pencil, his eyebrows furrowed as he read. His eyes trailed along the letters on the book on his lap, his legs folded up under him. This time, Cale gulped for a very different reason.

”Hi,” he breathed out.

Julius looked up, the pen slipping from his mouth. His tongue trailed over his pink lips, just a single quick movement before it was pulled back into his mouth and he smiled brightly at Cale. ”Hello,” he said.

Julius’ legs unfolded under him and he placed the book down on the desk as he smoothly slid to his feet and crossed the tiny distance to the bed. Cale’s eyes followed his every motion, dragging over his whole body. He licked his lips and forced his eyes back up to Julius’ face when Julius sat down next to him on the bed.

”Doing better?” Julius asked, his voice soft and almost inaudible.

Cale nodded. His throat was dry and sore, and his head still had a trace of aching remaining, but on the whole, he was feeling better. ”Thank you,” Cale said.

He wasn’t sure what he was thanking him for. Staying? Cleaning? Giving him medicine? All of it, probably. But he couldn’t get the words out when Julius looked at him like that, his face so open and vulnerable. His green eyes were staring straight at Cale, unblinking and so gentle that Cale almost worried his heart would stop.

Julius gripped his hand and leaned his body carefully against Cale’s, their shoulders bumping together. ”You’re welcome,” Julius said and pressed his head against his neck.

Cale’s arms gripped Julius in the time it took to blink. He let his head rest against Julius’ hair, feeling the fine strands tickling his cheek. Closing his eyes, he breathed in. His arms squeezed Julius tighter and he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest.

In his stomach, a thousand butterflies burst to life.

* * *

”Feeling better?” Magdalena asked as soon as he entered her room. Cale took a moment to understand what she was thinking about while he sat down on one of her extraordinarily fancy chairs, wondering again why her room was so much bigger than his.

”Yes,” he said and smiled at her.

He’d gotten sick from overworking again, but the last test—the last exam that could make or break his graduation—was finally over. A whole week ago now (he’d already gotten the results) but it had taken him a while to recover enough to visit her. Calla’s mother had sent him a very long letter to congratulate him though—as well as some more medicine. So, truly, things were much better.

Magdalena picked up a cookie and bit down on it. ”Then congratulation, I heard you passed the exam.”

Cale politely looked away from her as she spoke with her mouth full and said, ”Thank you.”

He wasn’t sure what else to say. He wasn’t sure what else he could say. He’d spent the last few months in a constant state of studying and now that he no longer had that sword hanging over his neck, he wasn’t sure what to do. He could go and study more, classes weren’t over for another three weeks, but he didn’t have to. He’d even visited the teachers and gotten a confirmation from them that he was going to graduate. Not with honors or a particularly good grade, but he was graduating. In three weeks, he would leave this school.

But in the light of that, he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. So much of his life for the last year had only been studying, studying and even more studying. His mind drew a blank when he tried to think of something else to do, and he was left feeling strangely adrift.

Magdalena swallowed the last of her cookie and sipped at her tea, her eyes sparkling at him. ”We should celebrate it you know, your graduation,” she said and grinned brightly at him.

Cale looked away. ”Ah… thank you, but it’s not necessary.”

”Some of the finest things in life aren’t necessary, that doesn’t make them useless,” Magdalena pointed out. She put her fancy blue ceramic teacup down in front of her and stared at him with a clear gaze. Smiling kindly, she said, ”You deserve to celebrate this; you’ve hard for it. It’s an admirable accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself. Moreover, you should give people you don’t know the opportunity to shower you in gifts that you might later exchange for money when you go wherever it is your heart will take you next.”

A short bark of laughter escaped him. He grinned back at her, ”True, that could certainly be useful. I shall think on it.”

”Good, good,” Magdalena nodded. ”Now tell me, have you settled on where you’re going?”

Cale immediately shot into a long rambling rant about how hard it was to decide where to move. He was half-tempted to stay in Glaiz Gria, purely because it was the only place in this world he had more than a passing familiarity with. Most of the story in ’Fire & Ice’ had taken place in this country, and not a lot of detail had been given about the others.

But this was also a shining reason why he couldn’t stay here. Cale was stunned at how much of the plot he’d managed to avoid so far and he wasn’t going to get dragged into it now. Not when it was already escalating, the stakes getting progressively higher. So as much as he wanted to stay with the thing he was familiar and had grown somewhat comfortable with, it wasn’t a possibly. Honestly, he couldn’t see himself ever feeling safe in this country.

And that was what he wanted more than anything; a sense of safety.

Magdalena listened patiently to his rambling complains as he spilled the truth of how utterly little he’d planned ahead. She interjected occasionally with opinions of her own (no, he shouldn’t go to Shayland, it was heading toward civil war) and together they spent nearly three hours brainstorming.

He appreciated the second pair of eyes, a native pair of eyes that knew things he—as an outsider—couldn’t possibly know. Talking about it with Julius never really resulted in anything, in this, Julius was too supportive. Julius, it seemed, was really fine with anywhere in the world and didn’t particularly care where they went. He’d listed the countries at war of course, as well as the two countries experiencing famine and that one island that had been on lockdown for three months now due to a pandemic, but he didn’t have much more to offer than that.

It wasn’t Julius’ fault, he simply wasn’t interested. But Magdalena had more than a few opinions on the subject and she cheerfully tore through all his ideas. With her help, he managed to narrow down the location of his future how by a significant degree.

This was something he’d been worrying about for weeks now. He’d made more pros-and-cons-lists than he ever had in his life. In the end, with her help, it was narrowed down to either the country Othya near the Moonspire city or Esmaria and the city that could loosely be translated to Nightfrost. Esmaria was far more north than Othya and had a much longer winter, and the name of the city almost made him cave right away.

It sounded from what little Magdalena knew of it, like it was a city with a nice winter landscape, and it apparently stayed afloat thanks to a thriving medical community. People would come from far and wide to be healed. And considering his poor health… that might be the deciding argument.

Sighing, he leaned back on his chair. ”Tired?” Magdalena asked, sounding unfairly amused.

Cale only nodded in response. His mind was too full of thoughts, too many half-baked plans, to find the energy to speak. He dragged a hand through his hair, pulling it out of its ponytail in the process, and smiled exhaustedly at her.

”Don’t worry, I won’t make your brain do any hard work,” Magdalena drawled out. ”So I a got letter from Morgan a couple days ago…” she proceeded to launch into a longwinded speech that was really just a way of bragging about how nice and thoughtful Morgan was. Cale didn’t disagree with her; everything he knew of the man indicated he was a good person, if somewhat cold to strangers.

Listening to her talk was calming. Her voice was smooth and full of emotion; in this manner she was like Julius—she never hid what she felt. That she was proud of Morgan and had a deep affection for him was plain for anyone to see. He thought it should be weird, how happy it made him just hearing her bragging, but that feeling never came. She was so obviously happy about her upcoming marriage that the joy was infectious.

When he left her room some hour later, he wandered slowly through the halls. Strange, but now that he knew that his time here was numbered, that he would soon be leaving for forever, he found that a feeling of wistfulness had come over him. His hand trailed along the grey stone walls as he walked the halls, his pace slow and unhurried. There was no reason to rush anymore.

The oil lamps that lit up the hallways were placed quite a bit from each other, with enough distance that there was a small point between each lamp that no light reached. Though there were lots of windows in the fortress, most of them were made of colored glass and the light it let in, while strong as the sun, was also shifted in color a little, just enough to leave some fortress’ areas entirely devoid of light.

Paintings hung on the walls, large and showy and depicting both people and landscapes. The oil lamps were set between them and some corridors—the more well used ones, that was—had stone benches placed below some paintings.

The ceilings were high in most places, at least three meters if not more. The stairways were narrow and the steps uneven. And though there were paintings in the larger hallways, the ones that connected to the fortress’ entrance, most walls were bare save for lamps. And even then, some smaller corridors had no lamps at all.

There was constant sound too, the sound of people moving, talking, living. It echoed through the fortress and Cale had more than once accidentally eavesdropped on people. And the library… oh, the library was a treasure trove. Four floors high, hundreds of bookshelves, tens of thousands of books on more subjects than he’d ever been able to imagine existed. The sheer amount of information readily available made him a little breathless.

Cale shook his head and sighed slightly to himself, feeling a strange melancholy in his chest. This place was the subject of more than a few nightmares of his, had been starring in his dreams far more than he was comfortable with. Aurelis Academy was a mighty, great place, and for a long time, it had terrified him.

It was disconcerting, then, to realize that he might miss it.

”Ah, the things humans get attached to…” Cale mused, his voice nearly inaudible. He sat himself down on one of those many stone benches now, squirming little on it to get comfortable.

There was a window not far from him and through it, he could see the sun sitting low on the sky. It wouldn’t be long now, for it to set. He’d ended up talking with Magdalena far longer than he’d intended, but he didn’t regret that. Right now, even though the future was so uncertain and so many things could still go wrong—right now, he felt calm.

His finger tapped on the bench as he continued to stare outside. Things might go wrong yes, but Cale couldn’t wait to discover what would happen from here on out.

He was sure that it would be amazing.

* * *

And then, suddenly, it was the end.

The graduation ceremony took place outside, in the fortress’ biggest courtyard. The people with the best grades in the graduation class was even allowed to make long, grand speeches, and it eased his mind to know that that wasn’t something he needed to worry about. Instead, Cale was able to relax on his seat as he stared up at the stage, watching the principal and teachers tearfully convey their well-meaning to the students.

It was midday and the sun was shining. Slow clouds drifted across the pale blue skies, and they were so high up on the mountain that it almost felt like he could touch them. The wind gently played its way across the courtyard, ruffling hair and clothes alike.

Cale’s mouth was dry where he sat. Licking his lips did nothing, his mouth was still so dry he vaguely wondered if he was getting sick again. That would be fine, he thought, since he wouldn’t be here for it. Because this was the end of his time at Aurelis Academy.

It felt strange, tingly almost. His feet tapped incessantly on the ground and he couldn’t hear a word anyone was saying. The speeches, the choir singing; none of it made its way past his ears. He couldn’t even name what was occupying his mind instead, it was all just… white noise. He felt restless and anticipation and weirdly, weirdly happy.

Cale couldn’t keep his gaze still. It was impossible to keep it contained to the stage and the professors on it, and why would he even want to? This was the end.

At last, he had attained freedom.

His lips twitched and he didn’t even bother to suppress his grin; he let it grow wide. Let others assume he was simply happy about graduating—it was even the truth.

His hands squeezed his knees and he sat straighter than he’d ever sat in his life on that collapsable chair. His eyes wide and unflinching as he stared at everything around himself—the 50 or so other students graduating alongside him, the collection of parents and guardians seated at the very back, the green trees swaying in the wind, the grey stonework of the fortress’ walls surrounding them.

He felt tingly. Tingly and unfocused, yet still somehow too focused. His hands squeezed his knees tighter and the pressure grounded him, even as he leaned a little bit more forward on his seat. There was something building in his chest, something powerful and wild and pure.

It was building and building and building and Cale didn’t know what it was, but he found that he didn’t mind it. Let it grow. Let it burst out.

Another round of clapping commenced. Cale started and barely managed to force his clammy hands to clap along before the applause was already over again. It annoyed him enough that he furrowed his eyebrows together, as it was surely the fourth time it happened. Yet another speech must have just ended, while Cale was too wrapped up in his head to notice.

The principal stepped back to the front of stage and adressed them all as he said, ”We’ll now begin handing out the diplomas!”

All at once, the students sitting rose to their feet. This part had already been discussed beforehand, to such an extent that he’d heard more than one person complaining in the halls, so it went smoothly. He followed after the person he was supposed to and stood in the middle of the line where the students whose surname started with an F were gathered.

Fairly close to the start, that was. F wasn’t a very late letter in the alphabet, and actually, that was pretty weird. Another point to the ”this is probably a mirror/parallel world” theory, he guessed. Regardless, he shoved his hands in the barely used pockets of his brand new suit in order to hide their trembling.

The line moved remarkably quickly, far too fast for his peace of mind. They’d go up on the stage, hug the teachers and the principal and receive the envelope with their diploma, there’d be an applause, and then the next student would go up. Over and over again, the pattern was repeated. And then, just like expected, it was Cale’s turn.

Cale licked his lips and furiously ignored the pressure in his chest and the warmth in his stomach and attempted to control his facial muscles. It didn’t go very well, but it was trying that mattered. Stepping up on that stage, he just about felt his heart stop in his chest.

The principal greeted him first, saying something that he couldn’t hear. Cale only nodded, smiled, and said, ”Thank you.”

Then he moved on and did that again with every other person on the stage.

He took a moment, while he was up there, to look out onto the crowd. Julius had been allowed attendance since he was Cale’s fiancé and was in the back together with Calla’s parents. Cale could barely see them from here, but he thought that he could still feel their burning gazes. It made his smile grow bigger, the muscles in his cheeks hurting from the strain.

And just like that, he held his diploma in his hand and was stepping down the stage, his legs unsteady and almost sending him sprawling to the ground as he took the last few steps down. He threw a quick glance behind him, but nobody on the stage was looking at him anymore. They were already moving on to the next student.

There was no rule that said to mill around the stage when one had gotten their diploma—indeed, most students had already left. Cale followed their lead gratefully, walking through the path plaid out between rows of chairs on the grass, and approached Calla’s parents.

When he reached them, Mariana didn’t waste any time to pull him into a fierce hug. His hands floundered in the air above her back for a second before he hesitantly placed them on it, squeezing her carefully back. ”Oh, darling…” Mariana whispered against his shoulder, her voice sounding choked up. It alarmed him enough that it punched through the strange bubble he had found himself in.

”I graduated,” he said hoarsely.

Mariana squeezed him tighter and said forcefully, ”You did. And oh, you looked magnificent up there! All grace and composure and so elegant!” She let him go just enough to lean back and stare him straight in the eyes—eyes nearly overflowing with tears. ”I’m so incredibly proud of you,” she said, her voice hitching in the middle.

Her eyes glistened from the unshed tears, and Cale felt his own eyes watering in response. He gulped, swallowing nonexistent saliva because his mouth was still weirdly dry. ”Thank you,” he managed to say, the words almost painful.

That pressure in his chest was growing. It would leave him soon, he knew. And he didn’t it to happen while he was out here in public, where anyone could see.

”Can we leave?” Cale asked, ignoring how weak his voice sounded.

Mariana smiled at him. She didn’t say anything, tears having begun to trickle over her left eye, as she changed position so that she was hanging onto his arm. When she started walking, Cale followed.

Isaac walked on the other side of him, his presence solid and unobtrusive. Together, they made their way into the fortress and crossed the hallways that would take them outside. He was already packed; Calla’s parents had come early this morning to help him finish up. There was nothing left for him here, no reason to look back.

Still, he glanced over his shoulder again as he left the courtyard.

Cale sniffled quietly, his watering eyes burning. He squeezed the hand he laid on Mariana’s where she was clinging to his arm, taking comfort in the heat of another person. Why the hell was he crying?

This wasn’t the end.

He caught sight of Julius through his tears. Blinking, Cale sniffled again—crying made his nose run. But he smiled through his tears, because he was happy. He was so profoundly happy that he couldn’t understand how he wasn’t laughing right now. How he hadn’t burst out into song. His cheeks felt like they would fall off, so much did they hurt from the strain of his smile.

Julius skipped up to him, dancing around Isaac and walking backwards in front of them. ”You look happy,” he noted, his voice radiating satisfaction.

”I am,” said Cale, his voice rough. ”I really, really am.”

”Good.” Julius stalked the last bit of distance between them and swept Cale into a warm, breathtaking, soft hug. Cale laughed before he could help himself, hugging Julius back just as fiercely as he himself was being squeezed. He felt Julius shudder in his grip, his breath uneven on Cale’s ear.

Cale closed his eyes, the tears falling over his cheeks—he could no longer contain them. A cough of laughter escaped him again and he grinned, his eyes cringing with the motion. Neither Isaac or Mariana said something, and perhaps that was for the best.

He had no idea how long it would be until he saw Julius again. No idea if either of them even would still feel the same way then. No idea what the future outside the plot of ’Fire & Ice’ held. Only the barest of plans to see him through the next few years.

But that was alright.

This wasn’t an ending.

This was a big, gigantic world, full of people and wondrous things. This was a world onto its own, a place that before he had only read about; only pictured it in his head. Those pictures didn’t do it justice. His chest squeezed and he wondered briefly if his heart had stopped. It felt like it—but then he could also hear it thumping wildly.

”I am…” he whispered against Julius, his eyes misty from his own tears. Feeling another tear sliding down his cheek, Cale continued, ”So incredibly happy.” Julius hugged him so tightly in response that Cale halfway expected his bones to break.

This wasn’t an ending. It was simply another beginning.

THE END

A/N: This book is being revised on Patreon. Find out more here: https://thiniceinfo.carrd.co/