[Phantom Pain of Rousoku Himawari] Forgiveness

"Our greatest enemy? Who would that be?" Shinju asked. "Wait a minute! It can't be..."

Taeko stood from her seat. "Yeah, it is. That's why we can't let it come to that, Shinju. If they've taken Manami into custody, then it's only a matter of time before Amaterasu rallies the exorcists and begins her search. Which means we have to deal with Rousoku tonight. What's the situation?"

"Well, it looks like Osamu and Rousoku are finally having their talk. Who knows how things will end up, though?"

As the dying light of dusk faded into the cold, dark night, Osamu and Rousoku sat across from each other at the table in the center of the bookstore, a trio of flickering candles between them. Both of them had some time to contemplate their next words and actions.

Their initial attempt to navigate through seven years of buried feelings was nothing short of venomous, but now that the truth had finally come out, the two of them could stomach the animosity between them no longer.

"If you had told me, I would've stayed by your side. If you had told me, you'd probably still be alive." Osamu lamented, staring into the candlelight.

"And Aika would be dead. Tsukiakari would be dead. Yoko would live alone in that house. Isabella would've died without seeing you again. Amatsuki would most certainly be dead." Rousoku said. "You can't say you would've been at peace with any of that."

Osamu could say nothing, because it was true. He simply wasn't the kind of person to let go of the wheel and let fate take over. He couldn't abandon the people he loved. No matter how he tried to wrap his head around it, he always came to the same conclusion, that no matter which choice he or Rousoku made, someone would've suffered. The way Rousoku saw it, it was better to save a multitude of lives at the cost of two than the other way around.

"I know that I can't save everyone, but I..." Osamu cried. "I don't know. I don't know what I should've done."

"It's not your fault, Osamu." Rousoku said. "If anyone's at fault, it's me. I should've told you I was pregnant. That would've been the right thing to do, but at the same time...I couldn't bring it up, not at that moment. I didn't want to use that to keep you with me when your heart was telling you to go back home. There was no good choice, Osamu. Stay with me and our child, but abandon your friends. Save your friends, but abandon me and our child. Regardless, it's too late to lament about it now. You made your decision already."

(She's right. There's no going back. We both made our decisions, and they're as permanent as they're going to get. There was no way to make everyone happy, was there? But why? Why did I have to choose between keeping Aika or Gekko alive and keeping Rousoku alive? Why is it that such good people get caught up in such awful decisions?)

Rousoku saw the pain behind Osamu's tearful eyes and trembling lips. He was so young at the time, barely even out of his teens when he had to make such a terrible decision without all of the information he needed. She realized how cruel her silence was. Osamu had every right to know. He was the father, after all.

Rousoku bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Osamu. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for denying you your fatherhood. I'm sorry for committing suicide and taking our baby with me. Now that I'm dead, I can never make up for any of it. I can never take it all back."

"You did nothing wrong, Rousoku. You endured so much pain all by yourself. You didn't have anyone by your side. It must've been terrifying and lonesome. I get it. I get it, because I've been there too. If I didn't have someone to pull me away from death, I wouldn't be here either. I was no better than you. We were still both kids. What the hell was the world trying to make us do?"

"...Osamu? Are you happy with the life you have now?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's a simple question. Are you happy with the life you have now?"

Osamu nodded. "Yeah. I am. I reunited with my loved ones. I met some amazing people and had some unbelievable adventures. I was even able to help a few people in their time of need. I'm...happy I came back."

Rousoku smiled, tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. "That's all you ever needed to do. If you've found happiness, you've done right by me, and most importantly, yourself. Isn't that why you originally left Kyoto? You said that it was because of me that you found the will to go back home and fix your life. I'm thankful for that.

“Osamu, if you're happy, then my short life was worth living. If you've saved people, then perhaps my life was worth losing as well. You followed your heart and found your purpose. No one can blame you for that. So...let's let go of all the venom and hatred. You made the right choice when you left, Osamu. It was I who wronged you by not telling you I was pregnant."

"And I forgive you, Rousoku, for everything. I forgive you, and I'm sorry for my part in all of this. I'm truly sorry."

Rousoku nodded as she wiped her tears away with her sleeve, standing up from her chair and rushing over to Osamu's side of the table. Osamu stood and opened his arms wide, locking her in his embrace. He hugged her as tightly as he could, as if she would fade away at any moment.

"I love you, Rousoku."

"I love you too, Osamu."

Standing in an island of candlelight amidst the darkness of the bookstore, Osamu and Rousoku weeped together in love and agony, crying away years of despair, resentment, and sorrow. At long last, the two finally understood each other. They were able to let go of everything they had held onto over the years. It was complete and total surrender. It was complete and total love.

Perhaps it was too late to change the past, but at the very least, the two had what remained of Rousoku's time on earth as a wandering spirit to set things right. Now that they had forgiven each other, there was only one thing left to do. Rousoku had to leave this world and move on as she was supposed to. As quickly as fate allowed them to reunite, it was already time to part ways again.

It was almost nine o' clock at night when Taeko and Shinju heard a knock upon the office door. Taeko told them to come in, and Osamu entered the office with Rousoku following close behind, holding his hand.

"We talked everything over." Osamu said, his voice hoarse and exhausted from sobbing. He didn't need to say anything more. Though he sounded worn out and defeated, the glow in his eyes was anything but. His eyes bore the light of a man forgiven of his sins, and who forgave in turn. He looked more than satisfied, as did Rousoku.

"I understand." Taeko said. "I'm glad you two could see eye to eye."

"Is it possible to hold off on the ritual just a little bit? She came back so suddenly, and now...we have no time left to spare." Osamu lamented.

"I'm sorry, Osa." Shinju interjected, her lips tucked in agony of what she had to say next. "We don't have as much time as we thought, and we already had practically none at all. It's better for everyone if we can help Rousoku move on as soon as possible. If you two have made up...then we should start the ritual right away."

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that..." Osamu sighed.

"Rousoku, I won't proceed without your consent." Taeko said. "Are you ready to leave this world? There will be no coming back."

Rousoku nodded. "I know. I'm ready."

"Very well." Taeko said. "Everyone, get ready. We'll do this at the same place we did Kagu's ritual. The bowling alley.