Chapter 59

Monday 29th November 1999

I really don’t know how to feel about this talent show. I was already riding on the assurance of Dakota and the others, and that (with perhaps a dash of anticipation, tempered liberally by nerves) had carried me through composition and practice, but rehearsals have finally arrived and it’s all sunk in. It’s a matter of days now…

Oh, in case you were wondering why this requires rehearsals when it’s hardly something like a play… it’s more about figuring out the order we’d perform in and the timing for everything, plus getting us used to how it would all run.

There are thirty of us performing, and we’ve been given a maximum of five minutes to perform. That means two and a half hours total, but with some of the performances not taking as much time, we’ve got it down to just over two hours, which we’ve all been incessantly assured is a perfectly reasonable runtime. And man, I’m lucky this isn’t a competition, or I don’t see how I could ever win. Some of these people are honestly extraordinary. And who the hell knew Ricardo could perform magic tricks?! (Probably some of the girls he’s talked with, at least.)

“You’re really talented,” he informed me during a short break, sitting down beside me on the edge of the stage. “I didn’t know you even played piano.”

“Thanks! I didn’t know you did magic, either,” I replied earnestly.

“I picked it up on holiday in Paris back in ’89 and I’ve been practicing it ever since,” he smiled that dashing smile that would’ve surely made my heart flutter if I were a girl.

“Huh, cool! Look at us, mystery men,” I joked, thankfully earning a light chuckle from him.

“I try to keep it for special occasions,” he explained, “otherwise it feels cheap to bring it out willy-nilly.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to bring it out willy-nilly…”

No laugh that time. I found it funny…

“At least you have the excuse that you can’t bring a piano everywhere with you,” Ricardo added lightly, smiling at his comment.

“That would be really inconvenient, yeah…” I mused, zoning off a little with the mental image of trying to push a piano around. Can you imagine how difficult it would be to move it up flights of stairs?

“Anyway,” I continued as I returned to reality, “I wouldn’t really want to play piano in front of people. And yeah, I realise how weird that sounds considering I’m taking part in this…”

“Who twisted your arm, then?”

“It wasn’t quite like that… Dakota convinced me I should do it…”

“I’m sure she knows best,” he told me immediately. “If she told me I had to jump off a cliff, I’d be sure she had a good reason.”

“That’s a bit intense…” I noted.

“No, I mean… she’s probably right to give you the push you need,” he elaborated, “especially when you can play like that.”

“I guess we’ll find out,” was all I could muster as the fact that I would soon be performing in front of a big audience struck me yet again. And then, for some stupid reason, I added:

“Y’know, for a while, I was sure she was going to end up with you.”

Why the hell that came out, I couldn’t tell you. The second it did, I regretted it immensely, but I didn’t even have the chance to try and take it back before he responded.

“Haha! I told you before, it was obvious she was into you all along,” he said (it hadn’t been obvious to me, Ricardo). “You fit well together. I know we don’t know each other that well and me saying that might not mean much, but I think you’re really good for each other. You make each other happy, and if she’s giving you the push to do this, she believes in you.”

I should confess here… I’m still trying to get to grips with all the stuff from the other week. Dakota’s breakdown and what she said, how much I really do mean to her… how much she needs me to be better than I am… I’ve been finding it a lot to process. So, even if Ricardo really is practically a stranger and doesn’t know what we really are…

“Thanks… it means a lot…” I told him earnestly, giving him a warm smile as it came forth across my face.

“Hey, just calling it as I see it,” he insisted with that characteristic humility.

…

“Missed you,” Dakota purred as I got into the back of Kendal’s car, next to her.

“Missed you too,” I said before kissing her.

“One kiss per trip!” Kendal reminded us chipperly, driving off the moment I’d clicked my seatbelt in.

“Damn, we should’ve gotten our ride’s worth!” I remarked in mock-frustration; Dakota smiled back in playful amusement.

It was already long past 6pm by the time the rehearsal had finished, and I was headed straight back home. As much as I wanted to hang out with everybody after school (and as much as I hated feeling left out), this short car journey was all the time I had to spend with any of them this evening. A few brief minutes.

“How’d it go?” Dakota asked with a hand on mine.

“Pretty well, thanks. Still mega-nervous,” I admitted.

“I’m looking forward to it!” Kendal declared from the driver’s seat. “Got any teasers about what we’re gonna see?”

“This one weird blonde kid plays the piano,” I quipped back. Dakota furrowed her brow at me.

“Seriously though, it’s like a movie review! Gimme something!”

“Nope, gotta wait and see!”

“Damn it, I wish my car was a Delorean!”

She accelerated a little upon saying that. It honestly put me slightly on edge …

“You’re really that excited?” I asked her. “It’s nothing amazing. Just a bunch of students doing some cool things. It’s not the circus or the Olympics.”

“You wait and see how hyped I get over the Olympics,” she forewarned me with relish, “and then you’ll understand how I’m not that excited over this.”

“Kendal, remind me of that when the Olympics are close,” Dakota instructed her, leaning over for added effect. “I want to be prepared, maybe cushion the walls for when you start bouncing off them.”

“Good idea!” she chirped without any indication that she was joking.

“I’m glad you’re looking forward to it, at least,” I half-sighed. “It should be pretty cool, I guess. Some of the people have crazy talents.”

“We know that,” Dakota said lovingly.

“Wait, how do you-?”

Yes, I know, I’m dense.

“Oooh, you mean me…”

“And you know what?” she smirked at me. “I’m going to consider that as you agreeing you’re crazy talented.”

“Kendal, pull up, I need to make a quick getaway!” I bleated, drawing back from Dakota in playful terror.

“Hold on for a few more seconds, we’re almost at your place!” she cried back, playing along, accelerating again.

I know Dakota well enough to recognise that the delightful cackle she let out wasn’t meant as part of this little play we’d suddenly found ourselves in, but it easily could’ve been.

The car slowed to a halt outside my house; Dakota moved forwards and kissed me again.

“See you tomorrow,” she spoke once her lips left mine.

“Of course,” I grinned back. “Love you. Say hi to Kitty for me.”

A thumb press to unbuckle my seatbelt, and the other hand opening the door.

“Bye Kendal, thanks for the ride!”

Clambering out with my backpack in-tow.

“Sorry for breaking the kissing rule!”

Door shut. Before she could counter, so I totally got off scot-free!

(I wonder how that saying came about…?)

A short walk to the front door, and straight in, out of the nipping cold and pretty much right into my mother’s arms.

“Hug back,” she implored after a few seconds, and I moved my arms around her.

“What’s this for? You saw me this morning…”

“I hardly get to see you these days,” she pointed out. “It wasn’t all that long ago you barely went out after school unless you were going to spend time with Russell or Callum…”

The last time I passed Russell at school, he completely ignored me (or didn’t see or hear me). And other than when I saw him at Marks and Spencer that time, I haven’t really been in-touch with Callum in ages… he has friends at his own school, anyway, he doesn’t have to worry about me.

“I guess… thanks for reminding me, by the way…” I grunted, and that was apparently enough for her to release me. Her hands held my arms as she looked at me warmly.

“I know I should be glad you’re so busy and that you have lots of friends, but… everything that’s going on… Lucy not being here and you being out so much…”

Her grip tightened a little.

“And I know you’re invulnerable when you’re fighting, but it still worries me. The thought of you getting hurt-”

“Mum, it’s fine,” I interrupted her, trying to give her as serious and mature a look as I could. “Nothing’s gone wrong in all this time. And today was just rehearsals, no weird Lokon monsters or crazy classmates in sight.”

“Let me worry about you,” she urged me. “You’re my son.”

“Alright, worry as much as you want, but everything’s okay.”

I had nothing more to say, so my stomach did the talking for me.

“When’s dinner…?” I asked sheepishly after.

“About twenty minutes,” my mother smiled, releasing her hold on my arms. “There’s a letter addressed to you, I left it on the table.”

“Huh, thanks…”

I headed through to the table, had a quick exchange with Dad while picking up the letter, and then headed up to my room to open it up and drop my bag off. I wasn’t expecting any mail, and the envelope had my name handwritten on it, with no address. Whoever it was from, they’d stopped by and delivered it themselves.

Increasingly curious, I began opening the envelope up, mostly managing to do so without simply tearing it, and took out the letter within, unfolding it to find the contents likewise written by hand rather than typed out.

“Dear Alex,” it began sensibly-enough. “I’m so glad to hear that Harriet has decided to leave you all be.”

My chest tightened. I glanced at the foot of the letter and found Melody’s name, signed with a kiss in what I could only assume was sarcasm.

“I can’t blame her for having been drawn in – Bao is a charming young man with a lot of heart-”

As if Melody knows a thing about having heart.

“- and us monsters tend to allure the normals – but the truth of it is, she would have exhausted herself sooner or later trying to stand by him. As cruel as my actions may have seemed, they were done out of compassion. I saved her from the pain of loving a boy who she could only grow to hate.”

I checked back over the previous sentence, and yes, it really did seem as though she meant it: as far as she was concerned, she held the blade of her scythe to Harriet’s neck out of compassion.

“Love is a challenging thing. People say that love conquers all, but it’s evident that it doesn’t. Love doesn’t conquer death. I know it doesn’t. And so, I honestly believe that love alone cannot defy the greatest dividers in life. Mortality, distance, psychology…”

Right there and then, I could tell where this was leading. She wouldn’t have sent this to me for any other reason.

“I’ve spent many evenings pondering the philosophy of love amongst monsters. The case of you and Dakota is of prime interest to me as I consider the possibilities. You are a dragon whose flame can destroy everything; she is a broken statue that can never be mended. And I wonder to myself, how could it possibly end? Will you crush her with your self-hatred and fury?”

No.

“Will you be driven away by her endless scars?”

No.

“Could you ever stand the test of time? Or are all of us monsters made to be alone? If I hope to pave the way for a new world order, these are the kinds of things I need to understand.”

My entire relationship reduced to a science experiment for her to observe and learn from.

“Over the past weeks, I have been gathering more and more monsters to my cause. Soon enough, we will be making our first move. You won’t see it coming, and you won’t need to concern yourself with it. If you ever change your mind and see fit to join us, you are always welcome at my side. Consider your place in the world and your relationship with Dakota, and if you don’t foresee a happy ending, we can provide you everything you could want.”

The paper crumpled in my hands as I tried poorly to contain my rage.

“All the best,

Melody x”

I attempted to throw the letter on my bed, only for it to daintily catch on the air and flutter down like a feather; I caught it mid-fall and slammed it onto the duvet, incensed still more by it. For a few moments, I remained in-place, breathing heavily, my body surging with anger, my mind heavy with rampant thoughts.

Melody was wrong. She had to be. Dakota loves me, and I love her, no matter how much pain she’s carrying with her. And I can be better, for her sake. I can be stronger. I have to be. No matter how stupid and useless and dangerous I really am, if she sees more to me…

The urge to hit myself burst forth and I fought it back. Why does almost everybody see things in me that I can’t? Why is Melody the only one to recognise how terrible I am? Why do I keep getting forgiven…?

“Alex, come and set the table please!” Mum called from downstairs. I stuffed all my pain out of sight as best as I could, shoved the letter in a drawer, and headed downstairs.

…

A short while after dinner, I found myself wandering into Lucy’s bedroom. I’d been in here before, of course; I wasn’t beholden to some rule that I wasn’t allowed in, and even if she’d tried to conjure up such a rule, I would’ve called it out as hypocritical on her part. Still, it wasn’t all that often I went in. I’m not really sure why I decided to go in there, and I can’t say it was premeditated. I’d tried to forget about all the uncertainty Melody’s letter had thrown me into over dinner, but it was still bubbling away just below the surface. Perhaps I’d come in here as a form of escape, to only-semi-familiar surroundings. Maybe Lucy seemed to take things much more casually than I did, and I was hoping some of that attitude would rub off on me.

Her bed was fully made, and none of her clothes littered the floor, but her desk remained messy… the priorities of a parent in the immediate wake of Lucy’s departure to “summer drama camp”. Her posters of Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys loomed high over the room. Photos of her with friends covered the wall beside her bed.

She hadn’t been in here in months now. I hadn’t even heard from her since we visited Adam’s country house.

I suddenly realised how much I missed her.

I couldn’t bring myself to sit on her bed, or even to pull out the chair at her desk. It didn’t feel right to disturb anything. So I stood there like an idiot as I dwelled on everything.

What would Lucy say right now?

… what would the girl who broke up with Kendal for no apparent reason say…?

I sighed. Kendal and Lucy were both “monsters”, and they wound up splitting up. Not really a great sign… except there was no saying it was a sign. Melody’s words, getting into my head again.

My mind flashed back to that night, that exchange of words with Dakota, me holding her in my arms as she sobbed. I was trying my best. Was that enough? Can I be enough for her?

“Spooky, isn’t it?” Dad spoke from the doorway, very nearly making me jump out of my skin. “Like she’s disappeared off the face of the Earth.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry she got involved in all of this…” I muttered.

“It’s not your fault, Alex,” he told me confidently.

“I guess…”

I walked out of Lucy’s room, turning the light off as I did.

“It’s okay to miss her,” Dad continued. “We all do.”

“That’s…”

I stopped myself short of telling him that wasn’t the reason I was down. This wasn’t something I could start explaining to him.

“Fair.”

And I walked back to my room with uncertainty still raging in my head.