|The tourist (part 2)

“Eh?”

“You have been spiky for the past month. Coincidentally, it’s only when her name is brought up. If there is something bothering you then out with it already and stop the passive aggressive attitude.”

He stared down in disappointment upon hearing these sharp words. They were the right words but not the words he wanted to hear.

“Out with it, you say??”

“Did I do something to you??”

“No, you did nothing to me. Yet to say you are faultless is not quite accurate.”

“What do you mean??”

“I wish I could. I wish I could scream them out until your thick skull gets the full message but unfortunately things are not that convenient and there’s no world in which such selfishness will be rewarded without any equivalent consequence.”

“Tell me, Yoshida. What is the cause of your pain.”

They stared at each other sincerely, almost to the point of observing each other’s nakedness. That was how powerful their gazes were. However, asking for understanding was a bit much.

“It’s not that easy. I can’t, okay??”

He clenched his chest with his left hand and grabbed Shinji’s shoulder with his right. Instantly, he was in a cold sweat. His brown eyes never looked so desperate. His words were shaky. He bit his lips in silence and looked down. This was uncharacteristic behaviour, even for Yoshida.

“I can’t understand you if you don’t tell me.Even if it might end up troubling everyone. Be sincere with your thoughts and feelings.”

“Even if it makes everyone hate me??”

“No matter what you say, your family will never hate you. So you need not worry about such.”

Those words were the exact same words he expected to hear, but then, upon hearing them, they felt a bit more fickle than he imagined.

“I only want to make sure she’s happy.”

“Stop beating around the bush and talk!!”

He raised his voice in rage, even Yoshida didn’t expect that response coming out of him. It was purely due to worry. He wasn’t ignorant, he was actually worried.

“You’re still not going to tell me?”

He gently exhaled and shook his head with a smile.

“I appreciate the concern but I just can’t tell you.”

“I can understand that….. So, why are you here?”

“You were summoned by Father.”

“I will be there shortly.”

“One more thing. Do not speak about what just happened to anybody.”

“You got me. I was definitely planning on asking Keiko but I guess that’s out of the question. My only choice is to wait for you to open up. I’ll be waiting.”

“Right.”

To see his best friend in such a state. It was a form of weakness that was locked away. It was a form that only a mirror invisible to everyone but him could reflect. Of course, he was the only thing he could see in the mirror.

After arriving at the table, he examined the atmosphere in place and it befitted a true setting for negotiation. At the table, Ryugo, Setsuna and him were seated in a triangular arrangement. She was finally getting serious. From her change in facial expression, it was clear that she could not slip up at this crucial point. After all, she was now the representative of Desnia as a whole.

“Let’s begin, shall we?”

“Do you really mind starting without him?”

“The general would never dream of interrupting us due to his own tardiness. I believe we have all the important figures we need here so it’s fine.”

“All right then. I’ve got to say, this wasn’t expected. Help from outside is so rare. So rare that I could count it with just my right hand.”

“My sister believes that nothing is absolute. Change is inevitable. Accepting change is tantamount to accepting progress, and who doesn’t like progress?.”

“That does sound right but then the fact is that we are the only district with a legendary weapon. These weapons, if used properly, could start and end wars.”

“I get the gist of it.”

“So with all that power at our disposal, why would we need to side with you??It can’t just be something as simple as change, right??”

“And what makes you think that?”

“It would be a bit presumptuous of me to say I can see right through this proposal but you sound a lot like an unwanted caretaker.”

“I believe we need you just as much as you need us so in this case, it would be a mutually beneficial deal and this is the perfect time to join hands. We have to strike while the iron is hot.”

--First mistake. Never tell the other party how much they need you. Prove it, rather. This negotiation is not 50/50. That’s the only thing you just proved, Setsuna.

Shinji let out a smile that came off as creepy to Setsuna but before she could even react, Ryugo already voiced his displeasure.

“I’m not buying any of this.”

“It wasn’t that much of a problem earlier.”

He stared at Shinji and sighed in a light-hearted manner.

“I see. It seems like I started something that had already begun. I apologize for that. I have nothing left to say since the young Lord has some thoughts he will like to voice out on his own. He will have the final say.”

“Is that so? Well then, Shinji. Why don’t we continue?”

“We definitely will.”

--Second mistake.. Seeing me as a more agreeable party that you can manipulate.

“One thing though, as my uncle just said, those intentions of yours are unclear. When our land was met with an heavy blow, despite Desnia being perfectly aware of our situation,nothing was done. You never reached out to us and even severed ties. Now you want to join hands again and act all buddy-buddy. We could have gone into war with the other regions, yet no one came to help us.”

“But you accepted help from us this time, right?”

“No, I did not. It would be unwise to go against Kagesame, especially due to a grudge that he would probably consider irrelevant. He joined us together for a reason.”

“I see where you’re coming from..But, can you blame us?”

“...”

“Who on earth would voluntarily weaken their forces due to another country’s problems and risk being open to attacks?”

“What are you saying? We had a stable relationship for the longest period of time.”

“Face it, we would have been left in a similar position if that had happened. Doing nothing was another way of doing something. Preventing our land from suffering the same fate.”

“Well, it seems like at the end of the day, you did.”

“You’re right, our ruler died shortly after the death of your father.”

“You have basically said all that needs to be said. Why would my men ever volunteer to come to your aid in the likely event of an attack?”

“Because we would be willing to do the same.”

They both grinned at each other with nothing but frowns on.

“That doesn’t cut it, unfortunately.”

“That’s how you see it, huh?”

“As much as I wanted things to work---”

“We’ll be adding another factor in our proposal, then.”

She bounced off her seat and pointed at his lips.

“What are you---”

“As you may know already, I am a huge fan of Bruma and I’ve done my fair share of research so even without further examination, I can tell.”

“Tell that what??”

“This type of environment affects you in some way or the other… And food is one of them.”

“.….”

“In Desnia, our agriculture is the finest in Quesur, that much is a fact. But then, I know that around here, it comes off as extremely difficult to feed your people. Am I right?”

“That’s an interesting hypothesis.”

“In war, food is often crucial to survival. Just as crucial as one’s will to live and fight. In other words, food changes the tides of war due to it’s direct correlation to morale. If we, the best positioned country to assist can provide your men with enough supplies, along with weapons. Will that do??

Shinji rubbed his chin as she panted. That offer was not a last resort but rather, a last minute observation that she used to her advantage,however….

“No.”

“Huh?”

The look of delight that grew on her face disappeared.

“But.. I wasn’t wrong.”

“Actually, you were. It is true that more often than not, the food we produce yearly is not usually enough to feed everyone. It is also true that we take measures to solve this problem so everyone can eat till they’re satisfied. You are a few years too late with that,Setsuna.”

“I see. You managed to grow past your problems and overcome them.”

“We’re still in the process of overcoming them. As you can see, we really don’t need you for anything.Besides, my men would rather die than take food off the hands of the very same people that turned their backs on them in dire times. Even residing here for a while would be a tall order for both sides. Who knows, my men could kill yours and we start our own war. Does that sound interesting?”

“With the way you sound, I would have assumed it would. However, war is not a topic that brings people delight. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

“.……..”

“So this ended in an utter defeat, huh? I guess I was incapable of doing the job.”

“Don’t blame yourself for a mistake you didn’t make. If we were on better terms, maybe this would have gone smoothly.”

“Maybe.”

“But…”

“But??”

“You being here alone is proof. Proof that your ruler holds us in high regards. It should be the opposite, being that she sent someone else in her place for a negotiation between rulers but I know the intentions behind this are not that of disrespect, right?”

“You’re right, you’re right. You’re absolutely right.”

“I simply know Myra far too well. She brought you instead because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to make an agreement that would benefit Desnia, despite being the ruler, am I right?”

“You hit the nail right on the head.”

--I understand her behaviour and her methods of evasion. She would crumble under the guilt and do anything that favours us instead. That’s why she never brought it up, not even once, during our conversation.

“Due to my relationship with your ruler, I can say for sure that it won’t be a repeat of the mistakes of our parents. Your proposal would be accepted only if my men are willing to place trust in your men once more. If that can’t happen, then there’s nothing I can do.”

“Got it.”

“That was great, Lord Shinji.”

Ryugo held Shinji’s hands in pure admiration, tears similar to that of a proud father rushed down his face.

“It was because of you that we reached this temporary agreement.”

“You’re too modest, my lord.”

“So that means I get to watch your wedding. Ugh, I’m getting a little jealous.”

“Haha don’t be disappointed,Soragami. You’re probably just unlucky when it comes to matters of the heart.”

“Ryugo,you don’t have to rub it in.”

“Don’t mind this old fart. Anyway, I could introduce you to my son, Yoshida. He is quite unlucky too.”

Shinji stood up with great effort and wobbled his way out of the room

“That sounds great. Hey, Shinji. Where are you going?”

“I…..Need…..Sleep.”

“He must be really tired. Is he always like this?”

“Unfortunately. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or not. To strive to achieve seemingly unattainable heights is great but losing yourself in the process isn’t.”

“He needs to find out for himself if it’s a force pushing him forward or a shackle holding him back… It seems like I’ll also be heading to bed. The journey left me exhausted.”

“Okay, I’ll have the maids lead you to your room.”

With that, the day ended in victory for both sides. Shinji landed on his bed like a log of wood and finally shut his eyes. He fell fast, fast asleep due to the peace and quiet he yearned for. In his dream, he wandered around in confusion, the darkness surrounding him was a part of him. In the darkness contained multiple limbs. He ran from them as fast as he could, unknown to him, those were his own limbs.There was indeed a light at the end of tunnel. After barely passing through, he saw three familiar faces. This was too good to be true. Shirou, Lisara and Yuuki sat under a tree.

“Impossible.”

He reached out and grabbed them but his efforts were in vain as they were unaffected by it. He tried everything he could possibly think of but they stood still, unfazed,no, intangible. He punched his brother in the face, pulled his sister’s hair and squeezed his mother tight but nothing seemed to work. He was frustrated but overwhelmingly happy that he could see them again. The result of that overwhelming joy turned into overflowing tears.He simply sat in front of them and waited for them to wake up. He waited for minutes. Minutes that felt like hours. Hours that felt like days. Days that felt like weeks. Weeks that felt like months. Months that felt like years. That was until his body gave up on him.In his dream like state, he fell asleep and woke up to see a pink haired girl up in his face.

“Mom, he is awake.”

He jumped up from surprise. This confused the three of them even more than the fact that an unknown stranger had been next to them this whole time.

“Nobody needs to teach you about personal space. What are you doing here?”

“You don’t have to be so rude to him, Shirou. Be polite to strangers.”

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

--Stranger???

“What do you mean by stranger?”

“Hey, what’s your name?”

“What do you mean?? My name is Shinji, I’m your son.”

“Son? My only son is Shirou. I only have two children and they are right behind me.”

“Mom, I think he hit his head before getting here.”

“Hi. I’m Yuuki. Where are you from?”

“Is this some sort of joke??? We are from Quesur. All of us. Yuuki, I’m your big brother. We used to play together all the time. Shirou, I know you must have hated me a lot but don’t act like you don’t know me. Mother, I know that I might not have been your favourite child….”

They moved one step behind as he moved closer. He suddenly staggered, over and over. His mouth felt so heavy that he could barely open them. His heart was where he felt the most pain.

“Hell, I know I was nobody’s favourite but still. This is just too cruel.

The puzzled look on their faces hit him even harder and he simply stared at them with nothing left to say. The nauseous feeling he got, in his eyes, was proof of life’s unfairness on him.

“Cursor? What the hell is he talking about?”

“Shhhh..Mom’s trying to speak to him.”

“Uhhhh. Mister, perhaps we should take you to the hospital so you can be taken care of. Just follow us, we can at least guide you there.”

--The people I lost are right in front of me, so why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like I am losing them yet again?

“It’s too cruel.”

“Huh??”

“IT’S TOO CRUEL!!!!!!!!”

With this, he sprang out of bed. This dream was not exactly an eye opener for him. He had hidden away these stray thoughts but now there had been a crack in his walls. He still felt paralyzed, all he could do was grip his head but something felt weird. The bed was warmer than usual and his feet were touching that of another person. Also, his arms felt like they were covered by something soft. He slowly lifted the covers and saw her asleep, right beside him. His right arm attached to her breasts.

--WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS SITUATION???

“Hey, Keiko. Please, wake up.”

He poked her cheeks repeatedly. They were so soft that he wished he could continue poking them but the weird situation he was in didn’t give him room for thought. She slowly opened her eyes and let out a short yawn.

“Oh, hey. Shinji.”

“Umm Keiko?”

“Yeah??”

“Are you in the wrong room?”

“This is your room, isn’t it?”

“Yeah but..”

“You don’t have to worry about anything. I came here because I wanted to. That’s all.”

“I understand that..But your…”

“My???”

“Boobs. I can feel your..b-boobs.”

“You look even more embarrassed than I am.”

“Of course. I mean, they’re touching me.”

“I heard you’re a boobs guy so I’m guessing you like it,right?”

“That question is too difficult for me to answer.”

“Why??”

“Wait, who told you I love boobs??”

He tried staring at her but just couldn’t, his flustered cheeks didn’t let him.

“It was miss Soragami. So, it’s true right??”

--That devil. She’s probably the one that made Keiko do something like this.

“Keiko, you’re acting quite strange today? Is something wrong?”

“No. Strange isn’t the word for it. We’ve been quite distant for a while. I just wanted to close the gap a little. Don’t think it’s easy for me because it’s not. I want to curl up and die after this. I might even stay in my room for an entire day after this, who knows? ”

“Keiko.”

“I’ve answered your question. Time for you to answer mine. We are all alone here. What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing I can do.”

“What do you mean?”

“How can I say this.”

He hugged her passionately then pulled himself away from her bashfully. His arms on her shoulders as he inhaled sharply. Before he said another word, she pounced on him.

“Keiko.”

“Am I not attractive to you??”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is?”

“I just don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“I don’t understand you.”

She slowly got up from on top of him and wore her clothes. In that moment, it dawned on her… Her precious feelings were visible but could never truly reach him.

--What do I do now??

He grabbed on to her hand but she slapped them away.

“Keiko, do you love me?”

She paused then turned back. She did well to fight back her tears but like glass, she could break at any moment.

“What’s the point in asking?”

“I just wanted to make sure.”

“What if I said I didn’t??”

“.……But you do, right?”

“I get it, okay?”

“Huh?”

“You don’t love me.”

“It’s not like that. I’m trying my best--”

“In what. In becoming your father??”

“That’s not it.”

“But it is. You only agreed to marry me because it’s something your father would have done, right?? That was the question you asked yourself first.”

“What is wrong with that? I only want to become like him. To become better.”

“No. You want to become him. That is obsession. How can you still not see it?”

“What could I possibly do about it? Nothing is good about me anyway. I have no good qualities. I can’t possibly rule like this. It will be a stain on my family’s legacy so even if I have to lose myself in this lie..in this delusion. Then so be it.”

“You know, I thought I could make you fall in love with me. Yuuki always told me something about taking the offensive and capturing your prey’s heart. I know I didn’t have it in me but I have always been direct with my feelings,thinking one day you’ll give in, confess to me then we get married after a few years. Our first child will be called Mei or Asuka if it's a girl. I couldn’t really decide between the two so I simple left them open for you to pick. Then Takeshi if it’s a boy. We would have two more kids after that and live happily. I know it’s a silly dream but… That was the boy I fell in love with. It was you. Shinji. Not your father.”

“Keiko.”

“Goodnight.”

He extended his hands in an attempt to embrace her but stopped midway. He didn’t have the right to do that. His heart sunk as the sound of door closing rang out. Just as she left, he saw traces..Slight traces of tear drops lining up at the corner of her eyes.

A mistake built upon a mistake. No matter the logic involved, it still would have ended in failure. That was what he refused to realize. That was the ugly truth that he desperately attempted to veil. At the end of the day, there were things that were solved and there were things that were not.