VI

“Wow, Ms. Bear!” I breathed, staring at the images on the television. “Those outfits are amazing, huh?” Although I was studying the dance moves the four of us were doing I was consistently awed by the outfits we wore. I bounced the small bear on my knees and swayed slightly to the music as I watched someone who was me and not me at the same time go through the dances effortlessly and fluidly. I glanced down at my plain loose floral summer dress and took my oily hair in my fingers, grimacing at the feel.

“I need a bath” I announced to the bear. “You can come along but don’t look! It’s embarrassing and I know how bold you can be, Ms. Bear!” I giggled, rolling my eyes at my own foolishness and went to find the bathroom.

I found the bathroom after some searching and was amazed anew at how large it was. A tub far larger than anything I’d seen in a private home dominated the northern wall and a toilet that had what appeared to be a computer attached to it sat along the east wall opposite a long counter with a mirror sitting behind it. I stared suspiciously at the toilet, its very presence somewhat intimidating.

“What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Am I supposed to pee in it or use it to attain low-earth orbit?” I muttered, eyeing the buttons and small screen that sat on the arms on either side of the porcelain beast. I turned toward the mirror and stopped short. A face that did not seem like mine stared back. I stepped closer and reached out a trembling hand to trace my own reflection in the glass. My face was swollen where I’d fallen and hit my head, I had a black eye like I’d been punched and the whole impression was one of imbalance. I had expected that, however, and it did not bother me. What drew my attention was how I had changed since the last time I remembered looking at my reflection.

My long hair was tied back in a pony tail and dark purple highlights streaked my black hair like the tails of falling stars in the night sky. My face was thinner than I recalled, even my cheeks, which had always been on the chubby side had slimmed slightly, giving my face a cat-like appearance framing my dark brown eyes. My upper lip was slightly swollen on the left side as well and cut from where I’d accidentally bitten it as I fell but rather than always seeming too small for my cheeks my lips looked fuller due to the changes my face had undergone. Had I had surgery or something?

“Stay right here, Ms. Bear,” I murmured and set her down on the counter, turning her slightly away from me. “And don’t look.” I groaned as I slipped my dress over my head, my arms aching with the effort and my head throbbing. Soon I stood naked in front of the mirror and stared at a body that was most definitely not the way I remembered it.

I was still almost as thin as I had always been but muscles had developed just below my skin, enough to make my body toned but not overly so. I ran my hands over my thighs and hips and across my taut belly and marveled at the feeling of firm muscles that tensed and flexed as I moved. Although my ribs still could be seen beneath my skin the overall impression was that of a dancer or athlete, not an undernourished girl. I turned slightly and looked at my butt. My butt! I thrilled. I have a butt! I turned enthusiastically and stared at my rear.

“Where have you been all my life?” I said admiringly. I glanced down at my boobs and rolled my eyes, causing my head to throb in warning. Well, not everything’s changed, I guess, I thought with a scowl. They were still small.

“Well, Akari,” I muttered, shaking my head as I turned from the mirror toward the bath,” whatever you’ve been doing with yourself I approve!”

It took me a full five minutes to figure out how the bath worked as it also had a series of touch screen controls on the side of it. Finally I figured out the proper temperature and how to adjust the jets for the whirlpool feature I hadn’t even known existed and even how to turn the television which had been installed in the wall on. I found an anime to watch and laid my head back against the cool back of the tub.

A wave of hopelessness washed over me and I swirled my arms in the water in agitation. This was all too much. This life, this face, this body, this apartment, the unnecessarily complex toilet and bath was all too much to understand. What had I become? What kind of person was I? Am I? I closed my eyes. I didn’t know what to think. All I really knew was that I wanted to make people happy. I wanted to sing and dance and leave everything I had on the stage every night. It had been my dream since... I frowned as my mind refused to find what it was looking for in my memories. The memories of my childhood were mostly washed clean. Fragments remained; bits and pieces here and there but none particularly vivid and virtually none at all from before I was sixteen. I tried to recall something, anything, but my mind skipped over huge swathes of my life like a turntable skipping grooves in a record that had been damaged. I struggled for a few minutes more before giving up and focused, instead, on washing my hair and rinsing the sickly smell of the hospital from my skin.

“What were you thinking when you wrote these songs, Akari Two?” I mumbled, referring to the person I was no longer sure I still was. Words written on napkins and loose pages of notebooks and on the backs of take out menus spread out before me on the coffee table. I read the words and felt almost like I was picking through the private thoughts of a complete stranger. In the background, from Kunoichi’s YouTube page, came my voice singing these very same words. Suddenly a loud dinging sound came from the direction of the front door and I jumped in surprise, letting out a yelp. Still shaking I grabbed Ms. Bear, my new faithful companion, and made my way to the door. I stared blankly at the smooth metal door and cocked my head slightly. How could I tell who was there? I thought in frustration.

Once more a loud ding echoed through the entryway and I jumped again. My eyes finally caught sight of a small panel on the side of the door and I leaned closer, staring at it suspiciously. I pressed a button or two before an image finally appeared on the screen. A pretty girl with dyed blonde hair stood in front of my door holding a bag. I smiled and managed the locks, opening the door wide.

“Hiya, Yukiko!” I enthused. “Come on in!”