XVII

“Why?” Mari asked in the darkness, the lights of Tokyo glinting like a million electric fires outside the window as far as the eye could see. She was drunk, but not to the point Sachi plainly was when she hauled herself to bed an hour earlier leaving Mari and Yukiko alone sitting on the floor beside the floor to ceiling windows stretching along the length of her living room.

“That’s kind of a broad question, Mar-chan,” Yukiko chuckled, refilling her glass.

“Why you and Akari in the first place?” Mari asked, accepting the bottle of wine from Yukiko and topping her glass off.

“Huh,” Yukiko said with a sad smile on her face. “That’s the question, isn’t it? For me, Akari was out of my league. I mean, I’d always been the one out of other people’s league before joining Kunoichi. It was reassuring to be the object of desire for me. It made me feel…worthwhile, I guess, for lack of a better word. But when I met Akari I was in awe.” Yukiko shifted her weight and leaned back, propping herself up with one arm while she stretched her legs out in front of her.

“Suddenly I was on the other side of the fence staring at this angel who could do everything to perfection. I finally felt what others had told me they had felt about me and it was…exhilarating,” Yukiko finished.

“You’re every bit as gorgeous as Akari is, Yuki,” Mari replied without thinking. It was true, though, Mari thought. Yukiko’s dyed blonde hair hung down in waves past her shoulders and framed a pretty, delicate face with eyes that seemed almost too large to be real. Her body was lithe and lean with a tender fragility that seemed to beg to be protected. Yukiko blushed but said nothing for a long moment. She squeezed Mari’s hand tightly, staring through the window where the moon traveled behind wispy clouds above the city sprawled out far below..

“Sachi warned me not to do it,” Yukiko finally said. “Unfortunately I took her warning as a challenge and pursued Akari with a doggedness others had always used to chase me. It was scary and exciting at the same time. Then I caught her and the fear got worse. It’s like I’d caught a unicorn or something. I felt like I had to hold on to her no matter what.”

“Then why agree to go on that thing with Jin?” Mari asked. “And none of that crap you tried before about it ‘ just being a bit of fun’ and that ‘we’re both girls’ bullshit. I’m wise to you, now.” Yukiko blushed and shrugged.

“Yeah, I deserved to get slapped for that,” she admitted. “I agreed to it for a couple of reasons, really. First, I was told that Akari was going solo and-“

“Who told you that?” Mari asked.

“I have no idea; I got a letter in my mailbox with a newspaper story in it about Akari going solo. I should have been more suspicious because after I talked to her the other night I checked with the paper it was supposedly from and found out the article didn’t come from them. “

“Wait…are you telling me someone faked a newspaper article about Akari going solo and put it into your box?” Mari was aghast. “Who in the hell would do that?”

“I have no idea,” Yukiko said. “I was going to ask Akari about it but before I could Hiroto showed up and broached the Jin thing. It was a spur of the moment childish bitch decision. I figured Akari was hurting me by leaving the group so I’d hurt her by going to dinner with Jin. I’m not very smart, sometimes, obviously.”

“Why’d you fuck him, then?” Mari asked, a hint of reproach in her voice.

“I didn’t,” Yukiko replied. “I stayed there because I got sick and he insisted I stay in the guest room.” Yukiko giggled and whispered conspiratorially. “Jin doesn’t just read boy love manga, he lives it.” Mari glanced at her sharply and Yukiko slipped her finger to her lips and winked. “But don’t tell anyone.”

“Why didn’t you say any of this before?” Mari demanded.

“Would you or Sachi believe me? You were both angry and so was I. Not to mention I was mortified after the TV debacle. I still hadn’t even talked to Akari since the ‘date’ had just happened. I reacted like I always do when I can’t explain myself properly. I panicked and was a moron. It’s not an excuse,” Yukiko hung her head. “It’s just the truth. The other reason, since I’ve already bared my heart and soul I may as well continue, was that I was going to break up with Akari after the tour.”

“What? Why?” Mari was more than a bit confused.

“I was losing myself,” Yukiko said. “I’d become a jealous, spiteful caricature of myself. I was so obsessed with holding on to Akari that I was suffocating her. She’d never say it but I knew it was true. My jealousy had begun to affect her writing; her new songs weren’t personal anymore. They weren’t her. They were designed to keep me from being jealous since I’d asked her so many times if the lyrics were about someone out of jealousy. I was becoming nothing better than those stalkers who’d creep around the meet and greets and try to kiss us or cop a feel. I felt like I was drowning and that if I didn’t let go I would surely drag Akari down with me. I couldn’t do that.”

“Why after the tour?” Mari asked.

“I could make enough money from the tour to buy my way out of my contract and not be living back on the streets for a bit.”

“You were going to leave the group?” Mari was surprised.

“I was poison. After breaking up with Akari do you think Sachi would let me stay? Would you have let me stay? I couldn’t take that chance,” Yukiko sighed. “You were right, you know. I came from a backwoods prefecture with nothing to my name. I never graduated from High School; I have no skills to speak of and nothing to fall back on. I’m trash.”

“No, Yukiko, you are most definitely not trash,” Mari’s face burned with the memory of her hateful words and attitude. “I had no right to say anything like that.” Yukiko patted Mari’s hand comfortingly and smiled through tears.

“You did have that right, Mari,” Yukiko replied. “When I heard Akari had lost her memory I had a crazy idea that I could start over, that I could fix months of mistakes and just be with Akari the way she deserved. I went over to her apartment fully intending to seduce her.”

“Why didn’t you?” Mari asked.

“Because she was Akari again,” Yukiko mumbled. “She was sweet and innocent and kind and a bit forgetful like always. I mean, hell, she answered the door in the nude! The poison I’d spread through her with my shitty pettiness was gone and I realized that my own feelings had changed, too. I had captured a unicorn after falling in love her radiance, rarity and the fact she seemed unattainable, not with her. Her friendship was more important to me than corralling the unicorn again. Besides, I figured I could hold onto the memories of what we’d shared for both of us since hers had been taken.”

“Yeah,” Mari teased with a grin. “You’re trash.” Yukiko laughed and squeezed Mari’s hand playfully.

“Well, no matter what happens,” Yukiko said, staring out the window with a smile on her face. “I have this moment and it means more than you could imagine.” They were quiet for a time, a comforting silence that was a welcome relief from the fighting and fear the past few days had brought.