XXX

Sachi was tired, the type of bone tired that seemed to permeate every pore of her body and make the barest of movements a chore. She had dropped Koemi off at her apartment and Mari and Yukiko off at Mari’s. Huh, she thought, that wasn’t a pair she’d ever imagined. Though, she supposed, if she thought about it they were ideal for each other. What of me? Sachi asked herself, swirling the dark red wine around absently in her glass.

Whether it was high school or college or passing the bar or Kunoichi, she always threw herself into everything she did with an abandon she supposed bordered on obsession. But relationships always remained elusive. She’d long since decided they weren’t worth the hassle everyone seemed to have to go through to make them work. Always leaping for your phone at every notification, obsessing over what you looked like, whether your breath smelled of garlic after lunch, stupid things like that just seemed more trouble than whatever physical pleasure or strange endorphins that your body released.

“Akari,” Sachi whispered to herself in the dim light, closing her eyes and laying her head over the back of the chair, long hair cascading nearly to the floor. “I need you.” And I do, she thought. She knew virtually nothing about who Akari was before Kunoichi. It wasn’t that Akari tried to hide anything, Sachi wasn’t even sure Akari was capable of hiding anything. It’s that she simply didn’t talk about it and no one had ever asked her. Not even me, Sachi thought miserably.

Now she was gone, taken by someone no one knew anything about. It was like half of Sachi’s heart had been ripped away and tossed aside. She felt weak and miserable. She had broken down sobbing twice since coming back home already and felt tears stinging her eyes again. If she’d just been honest at the start maybe Akari would have picked her instead of Yukiko. If she’d not tried so hard to be everyone’s mom and had responded the way she wanted to rather than how she thought she should to Akari’s playful flirting maybe Akari would be sitting with her right now. Sachi put her mostly untouched glass of wine onto the floor and rubbed her eyes, hoping to force the tears away.

She’d lived without regrets up until Akari. She’d felt bad about not being what her parents wanted when she turned her back on law to join the band. Then she felt even worse for her parents when her sister had followed her but their brother, Akihiro, had stayed in the family business and was in his second year of law school so it worked itself out in the end. No matter how bad she felt about it, though, she’d never regretted her choice. She’d never regretted her lack of social life in high school or college or her fits of temper or anything about how she lived her life. However, in the gathering darkness of her living room with the rain pattering lightly on the windows looking out over Tokyo’s skyline she felt nothing but regret.

If she’d just been more approachable or had asked the right question maybe she could have taken on some of Akari’s pain so she didn’t have to face everything by herself. If she’d been honest with herself and held Akari in her arms and told her, truly, that she loved her maybe she could have had the type of relationship with her she’d dreamed of so many times. If. Sachi sighed and rubbed her eyes harder as tears began to leak onto the palms of her hands. So many ifs. She could sit and worry about ifs all day but it didn’t change anything. She was still sitting here helpless and that hurt more than anything else. She hated feeling helpless. She hated waiting and she absolutely abhorred not knowing where Akari was or whether she was safe. Her phone vibrated annoyingly on the table beside her. Koemi had called her three times already and she just couldn’t deal with her foolish right now.

“I don’t care, Koemi,” Sachi snapped as she answered the phone, closing her eyes as she rubbed her temple where a headache was spreading like fire. “I get that you’re excited but it’s not happening until Akari’s back. Now leave me alone. I’m busy wallowing in self-pity right now.”

“I see,” droned a small voice on the other end of the line. “I’ll call back when you’ve finished wallowing, then, shall I?”

“Ayumi?” Sachi exclaimed, eyes flying open as she shot upright, nearly knocking the wine glass over.

“Indeed,” Ayumi replied.

“Did you find Akari?”

“Quite,” Ayumi intoned. “Meet me at the Empire restaurant in half an hour and I’ll give you the information.”

“I’ll be there!” Sachi jumped to her feet, her exhaustion forgotten.

“Mirai is going to be there as well,” Ayumi replied. “She is taking me out to dinner to celebrate something.” Sachi barely noticed what she said, merely grunting as she pulled her shoes on.

“I’ll be there!” Sachi repeated quickly, she grabbed her purse and keys and headed for the door.