XXXVIII

“Akari?” Amanda said from the other room as I staggered into the house, slamming the door behind me. I couldn’t hold it together any longer and collapsed to the ground, throwing up breakfast and blood onto the cool tile. “Oh my God! What happened?” I couldn’t reply, my body was shaking and my breath was ragged and broken. “What did you do?” I stared at her, not understanding what she was saying

“I-He-” I gasped, my mind refused to function at anything but the most base level. Amanda smoothed my hair and smiled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. You wait here,” Amanda said. She vanished for a moment before returning. I heard a cold, metallic click and glanced up, watching with my eyes swimming as she slipped a clip of bullets into an ugly-looking gun.

“What a-are you doing?” I gasped, reaching for her. “Don’t do that! Please!”

“You need to learn, Akari. The world is a cold place and if you aren’t willing to get your hands dirty you won’t make it. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this,” Amanda said with a reassuring smile.

“L-Let’s just go,” I stammered, trying desperately to keep myself from collapsing. “Anywhere! I-I don’t want anyone to get more hurt. I-I’m ok, I just fell. Please!”

“You’d cover for him after he did that to you?” Amanda sneered at me coldly. I shrunk back in surprise.

“N-No, I’m n-not I-“I tried to think of anything I could to make sense of what was happening but my mind was still reeling.

“Fine, go get yourself cleaned up. We’re leaving in ten minutes,” Amanda stepped back. I tried several times to get to my feet but my legs were shaking and felt numb. Finally, with an exasperated sigh Amanda hauled me to my feet. “Hurry up, now. We don’t have time to waste on your foolishness.” I nodded quietly and stumbled through the dining room, unable to keep myself upright without using the wall to support me. I felt Amanda’s eyes on my back, seeming to judge me as I made my way.

Once I cleaned the blood from my split lip and bleeding nose I stared at the reflection in the mirror and sighed. My cheek was swollen from where I’d been hit and my lip, already cut from falling at rehearsal was even more swollen from where I’d bit it when he slapped me. The skin around my eye was swelling slightly and was already bruising and my nose was swollen as well. All that paired with the bandage on my forehead and fresh weight loss made for an all-around horrifying appearance. My eyes, however, caught my attention the most. They were beginning to take on the look I knew so well from after I ran away. They held the look of a frightened animal caught in a trap and desperately seeking a way to escape.

I tried hard to swallow my tears but as the adrenaline faded I suddenly felt exhausted and drained and I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. I slumped to the floor, my back against the toilet and gave in to my misery. Where are you, Sachi? Please. I need you. I can’t do this. I can’t live like this. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I put my head in my hands and sobbed.