Chapter 72

[The following chapter contains strong language. Reader caution is advised.]

Thursday 30th March 2000

Did you hear, did you hear? I’m a Painter now!

This is Lucy, obviously. Alex has been a Painter for ages now. I’m the hot new stuff! Well, I’m always hot stuff, but now I’m super white-hot- no, orange-hot! It was soooo worth spending all that time trying to get the briefcase open after all. Stupid Dom, setting the code as 7135 like I’m supposed to guess that. But clever Dom for giving the daggers to me! They’re so pretty, too, with that glowiness in the blades. And they’re sharp!

And, they’re a golden ticket to hang out with the others! Had to stop when I called things off with Kendal, but it was always kinda fun being with them, and now I'm a full-on equal, to boot! More than equal, I was the promising new out-of-the-blue- no, out-of-the-orange team member!

Besides, between you and me, I think they needed the extra energy. They’ve all been mopey since the fight at Adam’s place. You’d have thought we got our butts handed to us or something. I stabbed Melody in the chest! We were the winners!

I know Kitty got kidnapped and her date or whatever betrayed her, but the way I see it, she made it out and she can just kick the guy in the balls next time she sees him. No reason to be down about it. Again, we won anyway. Melody got stabbed in the chest! By me!

When I pointed that out, everybody got annoyed with me, like saying my opinion is a crime or something.

“Lucy,” Kendal glared at me, “she went through a lot. Let her deal with it how she wants.”

“But she could deal with it faster! And with less sulking!”

“If she wants to sulk- I mean, she’s not sulking-” Alex stumbled over himself like usual, “- but it shouldn’t matter how she copes with it. You’re making something out of nothing.”

“I’m just saying, she’s wasting her time being like this…!”

“Mhm…” Kitty whimpered, all curled up in one of the armchairs like a sad hedgehog.

I dared her imaginary spines and gave her a hug.

“Come oooon, it’s not all bad!” I told her. “I’ll tickle a laugh out of you if I have to-!”

A pair of hands grabbed me and tugged me away from her.

“Just give her some space,” Alex’s voice said from behind me.

“Ah, sorry, it’s your job to tickle her, huh?” I teased him as I turned to him, and he blushed like usual.

Wait, why am I even telling you all this? You get the picture. I’ve got more important things to write about! Like the letter I got!

Ordinary boring school day, total yawn-fest, you know how it is. Hanging out with my fellow Painters isn’t much more fun right now, so I come home earlier than Alex and it turns out someone’s sent me a letter! Feels like a normal letter and doesn’t smell of crap or explosives or anything, so I go ahead and open it. Better safe than sorry, y’know?

The handwriting was kind of scrawly, so it took me a second to figure out what it said, but I got the hang of it:

“Midnight. Highwood Park playground. Come alone.”

I know what you’re thinking: a secret rendezvous! Someone calling me out to confess their undying love for me! Don’t worry, you’re not alone, that was the first thing I thought too!

My second thought was “oh shit, is this Nathan?” I was pretty sure it wasn’t his handwriting, but he could’ve written it with his left hand so I didn’t recognise it. That would explain why the handwriting was so poor, too.

Only two ways to find out, and I went for the quicker one: phoning him. (The other was just waiting and finding out, but phoning made more sense!)

“Hey Lucy, sorry, I can’t talk for long…” he told me when he answered, sounding all flustered.

“That’s okay, just wanted to ask, are you working out right now? Also did you send me a letter?”
What? The image popped into my head with how breathy he sounded…

“No, I’m helping Dad move stuff in the garage… and why would I send you a letter?”

“Look at that, you’re so helpful!” I remarked brightly. “And I dunno, I got a letter asking to meet at the playground at midnight and I thought maybe you knew something about it?”

“Nothing to do with me…” he sighed. “You know I want to talk. I’m not gonna set up some secret meeting so we can talk about things-”

“Good point, okay then, bye-bye, back to work you go!”
I hung up on him there. His poor dad needed his help, after all. That was far more important than talking about our relationship.

The one I pressed the big red “self-destruct” button on.

I didn’t mention anything about the letter to the family – told Mum and Dad that it was from Rin, which they bought easily because they’re gullible like that – and the evening flew by, mainly because of the rocking party for one I had in my room for a couple of hours. Then Dad came in and told me to turn the music off and go to bed. Y’know, he looks at me differently since Christmas.

I turned the music off, but only for a little while: once I changed into my PJs and hopped in bed, I put my headphones in and listened to more so I could stay awake until I had to leave.

At 11:30pm, I finished on I Want It That Way and stealthily got out of bed and started changing into my Contact Suit. I know, I know, I’m a Painter now, Contact Suits are so 1999! But apparently, Melody and her peeps have ways of blocking Painter power, so I figure having a back-up would be useful.

I was as quiet as a mute mouse, even when I accidentally dropped half of the suit on the floor, and yet somehow, when I snuck out of my room to head out, Alex was stood on the landing. With his bed-head, where his hair is twice as messy as normal. I saw a bird in there once.

“What’s up?” he asked quietly with an accusing but tired look.

“Not much, you?” I whispered back while heading for the stairs. He moved to block me.

“I mean, why are you sneaking out of the house in your Contact Suit?”
He gave me his best brotherly scowl like usual.

“Secret mission, Lucies only, won’t take long,” I assured him with a thumbs-up. (It would be “Lucies” and not “Lucys”, right?)

“Lucy, if this is important, please…”
Aww, those begging eyes.

“I dunno what it is, I just got a letter about meeting up at midnight and it said to come alone soooo…”
I tried to dart past him but he kept moving to block my path.

“You can’t just sneak off on your own!”

“Not when you’re blocking the stairs, no!”
I stopped, and gave him a sisterly pout.
“I’m gonna Paint Up too. I’m double-prepared. Whatever it is, just trust me.”

He frowned, and I could see the cogs whirring in his head.
“If you need backup, send one of your daggers to my room. And I’ll teleport to you. Wait, no, where are you going, specifically…?”

“The playground. But only come if I send a dagger, okay?” I pressured him. “It said to come alone so things might go south if you suddenly rock up.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll wait for your signal…” he nodded, and moved aside for me like a good brother.

“And please don’t turn up in your dressing gown!” I told him as I tip-toed downstairs.

“Just my underwear then, got it,” he joked like usual.

“Nope, mine!” I recommended with a great big grin, and I had to try not to laugh as his eyes bulged at the idea.

Actually, the image of him in my bra and knickers had me chuckling most of the way down the street. I put on my Painter costume when I figured it was safe to, and took a casual stroll through the lamppost-lit streets since I had a little time to kill. I wasn’t wearing a watch or anything, so I just used my expert sense of time and made it to the playground at what couldn’t have been any later than midnight.

“You’re late,” a voice told me, and when I turned to where it had come from, I saw a wild-haired man.

“Nuh-uh, it’s midnight in Lucy time!”
I raised both my arms right up to indicate both clock hands pointing to 12.
“Who the hell are you?”

“Dirk. One of Melody’s generals,” he said with a low voice, and suddenly I was really glad I’d come prepared for a fight.

I kept my arms up for the moment, though.
“How is she? Still in agonising pain?” I asked as innocently as she deserved.

“Stitched up. But you corrupted her wound with your Lokonessence. She can’t heal. She’s living through her white now.”
I couldn’t figure out whether he was mad or what. He stepped away from the slide, further into the light. He was kinda hot… in a rough way.

“Bless,” I cooed. “So, why did you want to see me? Have you got a crush on me?”

He sneered a little. Harsh!
“I didn’t see you stab her, but I heard about it,” he told me.

“Hope you have a pen, then, I wasn’t expecting to be signing my autograph…”

“I don’t want an autograph.”
Like I didn’t really know that…

“You want a photo with me?” I suggested. “Or- hang on…”
I lowered my arms to stop the blood rushing out of them.

“I want to talk. Monster to monster.”

“Ooooh, I just got shivers!” I giggled. Then, I skipped over to the swings and sat down on one of them. “Okay, let’s talk!”

He stayed standing where he was, so I patted the swing next to me and he begrudgingly came and joined me.

“You having second thoughts about the big bad revolution, then?” I asked him as I started swinging lightly. I would’ve thought it’d be cold out at night, especially with my exposed skin, but I felt pretty toasty. Seems to be a Painter thing.

“No. Not really,” he grumbled. “Because I think she’s right. Normals won’t accept us. The world isn’t made for the likes of us.”

“So? Screw what other people think-”

“It’s not that simple,” he interrupted me. “You have it easy, don’t you? Maybe that’s down to the breed of monster you are, too.”

“Thanks!” I smiled at him.

“I haven’t had it easy. Not for years now. It’s like I had a metamorphosis… like I was some kind of normal grub and then I split open and a hollow man stepped out. And now, sometimes, I don’t even know if what I’m seeing is the real deal. Especially these days, with all this crazy Lokonessence stuff.”

“Yeah, it’s wild!”
I swung a little faster as the thought of it all rushed through my mind. Weird monsters and colourful powers and so many new friends!

“It’s not,” he spoke firmly. “Cos I know there’s shit I’ve seen that isn’t… that isn’t real, but it feels real, and I don’t know if any of this is really happening and why the fuck should I care? I’m experiencing it. I know some of it is real, too. And that’s why she’s right. I don’t want to hear people telling me that I’m wrong or that I’m crazy. I don’t want to be wrong. And you don’t know this…”
He looked right at me, through my eyes and into my soul with this gaze I’d never ever seen.
“You don’t know what it’s like being me, because you’re just a different breed. I think I knew Melody years ago. I think I knew her before we met. I think I heard her voice.”

“On the TV?” I asked, really interested in him now. I stopped swinging. “Cos that broadcast was weird…”

“No, in my head.”

“Like she’s psychic?”

“Yeah. Talking in my head. Telling me I should be better than this. And people always say it’s not true, so if they’re right, maybe none of this is true, maybe you’re not,” he concluded, and his brow twitched.

“I’m preeeetty sure I am,” I assured him. “I’m not a figment of your imagination or anything.”

“Good, good,” Dirk nodded. “Good… but I only have your word for it.”

“Do I seem real to you?”

“Yes. But like I said, that doesn’t mean shit to other people,” he huffed. “I don’t know. It’s scary. But.”

“Big but?” I added, swinging again.

“What was it like? Stabbing her?”

“I dunno. Scary. I wonder if I could’ve done it with a normal knife, or if she wasn’t powered up? Knowing how dangerous she is, and that I could stop her…”

“I’ve hurt people before,” he told me straight. “Wish I could say it was the drugs but that was just the first time or two, and then I got… there’s something about it, Lucy. And look, you’re gonna think I’m about to say ‘the voices in my head told me to do it’ and it’s not like that. I’m not like that. I think I was fucked from the beginning. Punching people when I was a kid. What I hear, what I see, what I taste, that’s the world I live in. But fucking people up is who I am. Right?”

“Right…”
Something about him and his personality was so powerful that it was outshining me. I couldn’t turn this to be about me, because every word he said had me hooked.

“Your brother and his friends… first time I saw them, I was itching to shoot them. To see what happened. See their blood.”

“Did you call me here to kill me, then?” I asked, my heart going a little faster out of nerves.

“No, I wanna see how much you’re like me,” he shrugged. “Not the visions or the voices, but the… the way you stabbed her. Are you like me?”

“Wanna know the long and short of it?”
I’d stopped swinging again, ready for anything now.
“I get off on hurting someone in the bedroom, a bit. And if we’re in a fight, I’m gonna do whatever I have to to win. That’s why I stabbed her.”

“You’re not like me…” he diagnosed, sounding disappointed.

“Part of me thinks it’d be fun,” I confessed. “Is that weird? I kinda wish I could just stab people but I know that’s bad, and that’s enough for me. In a world without rules-”

“That’s what we’ll build,” he smiled at me, suddenly happy. “A world where you can do whatever you want and screw what anybody else thinks. You can hurt and kill and fuck whoever you want.”

Do what I did then, and try to picture that. I’m sure there’s a word for acting like that, only caring about what you want. Is it hedonism? I wonder what I could make of myself in a world like that?

“See… that almost sounds fun,” I began, “but then there’s still this seed planted inside of me that says hurting people isn’t right.”

“We could dig that out of you,” he suggested. “People come up with all kinds of weird shit like morality and reality. Cut it out and burn it away and you can be the best you.”

“Awww, Dirky, I am the best me!”
I swung myself forward, then back, and then I jumped off the swing as I went forward again.
“I like you, though,” I turned to him with an honest smile. “When we bring your revolution down, I’ll make sure you slip away without getting arrested or whatever.”

“You need to start taking us seriously,” he frowned at me. “You’ll see, soon.”

“If it helps, I take you seriously,” and I pointed at him to make sure he knew what I meant. “I hope you’ll be happy someday, like me!”

“You’re not happy. I can see it,” he grimaced from the swing. “Happiness is your mask. It’s what you use to make people love you.”

“Oh you!”
I waved at him and walked away. No point giving him the satisfaction of taking that bait, right?

According to my internal clock, I got home exactly eight minutes later. As I snuck back upstairs, Alex was waiting, stood in his doorway, in his dressing gown again.

“Everything went okay, then?” he whispered to me.

“Hunky-dory, just one of Melody’s gang wanting to chat,” I explained as I moved past. He followed me, and hugged me.
“Why the hug…?”

“You look like you need it.”
God knows what kind of face I must have been pulling. I hugged back, though, because it felt good and I was too tired to protest or anything.

“Thanks…” I purred, and we hugged until he finally let go.

“So you talked and that’s it…?” he double-checked with me.

“Yeah, he wanted to know about me stabbing Melody because he thought I was like him,” I said, and then yawned. Curse my biology!

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, I guess,” he chuckled softly. “But before you go to bed…”

He opened up his dressing gown to reveal one of my bras on his chest. Still had his boxers on, though. Probably too embarrassed to put on a pair of my knickers and smuggle his budgie.

“You perv,” I smirked at him, and headed into my room.

“No, no, I did it to make you laugh-!” he blabbered quietly like usual (except for the “quietly” bit).

I did laugh, though, once I closed my door. Trying to keep quiet, but I laughed. What a way to end the day.