Dark Histories & Bright Futures

Over the past few days, Miyamura had started to work hard. He was seeing a good level of improvement in his grades, though not close enough to the goal just yet. This was partly due to the help of the other three, but it also came from the room he was in now, the library.

It wasn’t like anywhere else, calm and inviting. Sure he may have spent the first few trips there asleep or reading about his favourite players, but there was something about it that interested him. The lack of people around, the silence, maybe it was the feel of new books, or the delicacy of the older ones. This was turning into a fun place to be, not that he ever thought he would be thinking that.

It was a little bit busier today. The tables had students scattered around, a small group of first year boys using this place as a secret meeting hall to discuss how far they got in the newest games, and the last episode of the hit anime series Oni Killer.

Ahead of them was a random assortment of 2nd years that were deep into their research.

There were even some girls that he knew, a couple from other classes that seemed really nice to him for some reason, he couldn’t really remember their names…

And, at the front as always, Aida. Reading her book as expected, she was totally entranced in it, and he wondered what kind of story could bind someone’s attention so tightly, must be a good one, he thought. The ones he had to read were tedious, filled with the same boring questions, nothing to catch your attention, nothing to make you question yourself. “It’s like they want you to stop reading,” he thought to himself.

He took a seat and grabbed the textbooks from his bag. Today's lessons were Japanese history. Something he felt confident in, until he started to see events and dates he wasn’t aware of. Up he got, and to the history isle.

The girls from before watched his every move.

?: Hey, Mei. You don’t think he’s got a girlfriend, do you?

Mei: Who, Miyamura-sama? I think we’d know if he did.

?: I guess. But, hasn't he looked a little down recently? Could be love…

Mei: Aya. If you think for one second, our Prince has fallen for you, you’ve well and truly lost your mind.

Aya: Not me you moron! Though… it would be nice….

Mei: We are the order, to protect our dear Miyamura-sama from evil beings that would cause him pain. Devoting our every breathing second to monitoring him… If you think any girl in this school or beyond has managed to slip our guard and reach his heart, do point her out.

Aya: What about her?

Mei’s head lifted. She saw them, Miyamura gleefully hopped over to chat with Aida. She was flustered as always, he was chipper.

The pencil in her hand snapped, and shattered into tiny fragments. Her free hand shook as she pulled the glasses from her face. Aya saw a viper, not her friend, coiling, ready to kill. The gum bubble popped in her mouth.

Aya: uh… Mei?

Mei: Call the banners.

*****************

School was over once again, but Natsuki was still waiting to leave. Called into the principal’s office once again.

Principal: So, Mr Kamitani, do you know why you have been called in here today?

Natsuki: …sleeping in class again?

The principal nodded.

Principal: You know, Natsuki. You’ve been in this office more than any other student. In fact I reckon you know it better than me, and I work in here… still can’t find the calculator

Natsuki: Third drawer to the right

Principal checks, and there it is.

Principal: Look. You’re young, and you want to enjoy the time you have before you become boring like the rest of us. But somewhere down the line you need to find a balance.

Your teachers, want some action taking place, suspensions, detentions, everything that is an earache to you and me.

You’re a bright kid. I know I couldn’t go out all night and get good grades the day after, that’s a skill. But coasting through life isn’t going to do you any favours. You got any dreams? Any goals for life?

Natsuki: Uhh… no, not really.

Principal: Ok, what do you wanna be? You don’t want to be sat at a computer all day crunching numbers. I mean it’s fine if you do, I’ve just never heard of anyone liking torture.

Natsuki: To be honest, when I was younger I always thought I’d figure it out along the way. I’d want to be a police officer, or an athlete, maybe try being creative or learn an instrument. But anytime I dug into it I just got bored.

Principal: Let me tell you a story. I knew a kid once, very similar to yourself. When he was young all he knew was that he didn’t want to be a bother to his family, he wanted people to look up to him. He started off with a guitar, had a few lessons and his parents bought him a brand new acoustic piece, but he gave up after a month. He then shifted to the drums, again new present, lessons, and he quit after a month. He wanted to be an actor. He went to some lessons, and quit after one.

Then, the big one. He wanted to be a writer. He wasn’t much of a reader, but he gave it his all for a few years. When it got tough, he spent less time on it. All until he had a huge opportunity… you know what happened?

Natsuki shrugged

Principal: He found out he wasn’t good enough. He wasted his time, instead of honing his skills. And when it mattered most, he fell. That same guy, spent years regretting his decisions.

His story is an inspiration. Life is not easy, you can’t be what you want by just wanting it, you’ve got to fight. What I don’t want, Natsuki. Is for any of my students to look back on their lives and see that they missed their shot because they either didn’t prepare enough, or they simply didn’t take the shot at all.

And that is why, I have chosen to ignore the suggestions of my staff.

Natsuki: No punishment?

Principal: I wouldn’t go that far. I want the sleeping in class to end, you can’t disrespect your teachers, and snoozing through their classes is a big insult. I can’t ask you to apply yourself in everything you do, that’s not how we do things. But if you don’t want to up your grades further than they are, I want you to apply yourself elsewhere.

The old man dropped a list in front of the student, Natsuki took a quick read

Principal: that’s a list of clubs in need of members. Take a look at them today, I want you to either promise to place first in any subject, or join one of these.

Natsuki: What if I don’t want to do either?

Principal: Then I get told “I told you so” and I have to suspend you. I’ll give you til the end of the day to figure it out.

*********

The first club, was the games club. Natsuki was actually a little excited about it, thinking he could spend his mandatory time at school playing games, he didn’t think he would be making them instead of playing them.

Onto the light music club, too noisy… and he didn’t like the idea of learning an instrument.

The basketball club, too active. The chess club, not active enough.

Usui was passing by and noticed Natsuki between hallways.

They were outside, bought themselves a drink each and sat on the grass hill to the side of the school.

Usui: So, he wants you to join one of these? Sounds rough, none of them catch your fancy?

Natsuki: None of em. I’m not the biggest fan of over-studying either, so rock meets hard place.

Usui: Is there nothing at all that interests you, Natsuki? You’ve gotta have something you’ve always wanted to do.

Natsuki: well…

***

?: Natsuki!

The woman calling his name was his mother. They were at the club his parents frequented, an event hosted by the wealthy to scoff at those less fortunate than themselves. She was dressed to the nines, an elegant gown, and gemstones all around.

Natsuki’s mother: Tuck in your shirt. Presentation is everything, and you are judged on your looks. You will not disgrace the family name.

Young Natsuki: Yes ma’am (he complies)

Walking into the club, it was like another world. The door closed behind him like a cell door, trapping him in with his parents and their friends, powdered up and perfumed, trying to cover up the rot inside. He hated it here, all of it was for the family name, and not to disgrace it. His mother wouldn’t hold his hand, she didn’t like the image of weakness it portrayed so she rushed off to the other ladies, drinking their wine and sharing stories. The gentlemen were far from the name, they were chatting about the state of the country, sloshing their whiskey and cringing when the conversation shifted to the weak and penniless.

Natsuki wouldn’t know what to do. His father wouldn’t allow him in the common room with the rest of them, not yet anyway. The lounge was also off limits, he was the wrong gender for that, and they couldn’t have a boy hovering over hearing stories he shouldn’t hear.

At first, he would take a seat in the foyer, bide his time for hours on end until the grownups had called it quits, and his parents remembered he existed. Sometimes, he got lost in thought, wondering what he was, and if he was truly loved.

Other times he couldn’t stop the tears.

In summer, the club would be held outdoors. Ladies would sunbathe and gossip. The men would alternate between a sport or a light round of shooting. This was the time of year Natsuki enjoyed most, it was part of his name after all. He would escape into the nearby woods, run for miles and explore every creek and river.

One year, he found his sanctuary. A viewpoint for hikers overlooking the forest below, it was a little dilapidated, but the view was amazing.

He would sneak out every week, and while his parents were enjoying time away from each other, he was living another life amongst nature. He managed to smuggle some food from the kitchen, and ate gleefully. One year he brought along a game he had borrowed from a friend at school, and played for hours, he only just made it back in time.

The day he remembered most of this spot, started out boring. He hadn’t managed to bring any entertainment, his mother had honed a keen eye and took the toys he brought.

Sat looking out at the horizon, he wondered what to do with the hours of time he had. The music from the party below was still audible, just about. His body told him to stand, and he moved to the rhythm. He had danced before, in lessons by the tutor his parents hired, but there were no wrong steps here, no punishments for missing the timing… just freedom.

The song came to an end, and so did his dance. His soul returned to his body, and he tried to regain the air in his lungs.

Though the song had died down, he could still hear noise, and it was close. On that day, one of his father’s friends had brought their kid along, they were around the same age as him, looked like the mother, but had the same look in their eyes as he had. Sure enough, he had been followed through the woods, past the creek and up the hill. They watched his performance, and was amazed, giving him applause. He felt vulnerable there, the solitude he had was found, but he had hoped deep down that this was a kindred spirit, wanting to laugh, and cry, and look up at the clouds in the sky without a care in the world.

The two became best friends.

On that hill, they shared everything. They would talk for hours, dance and play games. It was something they looked forward to.

But his father always told him, “everything comes to an end, the good and the bad. Nothing will last forever”, and it was only a few months after they met, that they were split apart.

The club had heard of the arguments between Natsuki’s parents. They divorced, and never returned to that club. Natsuki went with his father, and never saw his mother again. His father was as strict as ever, all to protect the family name.

They had taken everything from him, love, friends, freedom, all to keep up the façade of a happy family, like covering the cracks with tape. And he hated them for it. When he was old enough to enrol in high school, he applied to Hosokai without his father knowing. When he was accepted, there was war. It all ended with Natsuki’s fist at his father’s face.

Natsuki: They wanted to portray the perfect family. A strong, intelligent father, a beautiful, elegant mother, and a loved child. But I always found the stories they told their friends ironic, the only time we spoke was when we left. It was all fake, we were a dollhouse.

***

Those days played in his mind, he looked at the list once more, and Hosokai’s dance club is what he saw. Was this his choice? Would it work out? He was unsure. But he wanted to see it for himself, the thought pushed him down the corridor. Usui followed along, not knowing the destination.

Usui: Oi, Natsuki! Wanna fill me in here?

Natsuki: I’ve checked out every club on this stupid list, bar one. The dance club.

Usui: Dancing? Wouldn’t have pictured you being into that sort of thing.

Natsuki: Me neither, that’s why I just want to look. If the old man wants me to put my everything into something, then it might as well be for something I want. If it doesn’t work out, I can always try something else, I just want to see it for myself.

Finally, they reached the club he seeked. He could feel the nerves in his palm as he reached out to the door. He wanted to feel that freedom again, but he also wanted to prove himself. Seeing an unclear future ahead, roads stretching out in all angles as if it were a tree in the darkness. Which one would hold him up highest, which ones would snap when he took the step, would any of them hold him regardless of his regained desire? The story provided by the Principal was an arrow that had pierced deep, he didn’t want to fall into someone else’s vision, be chained up and controlled.

The regained strength flowed through him and he reached out for the door.

But before he could touch it, it opened, and his eyes met hers.

He recognised her, she was the one that glared at him the other day. Green fire in her eyes curtained in golden locks. And she seemingly recognised him, as she slammed the door shut.

The boys were taken aback. Awkwardly, Natsuki decided to knock, hoping his more polite method would work. No answer.

Usui: Uhh… well that was weird… maybe try again?

Natsuki seemed to agree it was a good idea, and so once again he knocked. When there was no answer, he tried again, and the door launched open

?: What?!

Natsuki: Uhhh, I’m considering joining your club so I wanted to have a look around, if that’s okay with you?

?: It isn’t actually, sorry to kill your hopes and dreams.

The door slammed shut again. Leaving the two to stare at one another, asking if they really just heard that…

Natsuki: uh… hello?