Killer questions

“Mmm? I feel weird this morning. It’s like I'm lighter!! Also, why are my school clothes so loose and wide today? Don’t tell me!!”

I ran to the bathroom with the intention of weighing myself on the scale.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT????”

It can’t be!! I lost 30 kilos in just 2 days?? And… My body… It has a little bit of muscle too?? What is happening here!! Not only my mind but my body is going crazy too? How is this even possible?

“Now that I look into the mirror… I’m skinny!!”

*HEY!! Butagami!!*

“Kira!! Can you explain this to me? Eh? Where are you? I can’t see you in the mirror.”

*I’m down here you p… well, I guess you are not a pig anymore.*

“Down? You mean… You are in the reflection of the scale’s crystal!!?? Why do you always appear in the weirdest of the places?”

*I don’t appear, you stupid cockroach!! I’m literally you!!*

“Then why do you always appear in a reflection?”

*Because I’m you!! You brain-dead muppet!! When you speak with me, it is because I’m using your body!! I’m not a magical being living in a parallel universe. I’m you, and I’m within you!! In your brain!! That’s why you see me in a reflection, because I’m using your lips and your body to talk!!

“So… you are not a hallucination, right?”

*I told you that 2 days ago!! I’m not an illusion created by a wizard or a god or whatever!! I’m you!! Consider our brain to be divided in half, with you having one half and me having the other.*

“Then why don’t you speak with me mentally instead of talking with my body and making me look like I’m crazy in public?”

*That’s because…!! I don’t know!!*

“So, all this time, people have seen me speaking with myself while I did your deep and malevolent voice!! I did something foolish in public.”

*You have always been foolish, Butagami. Not my doing at all.*

“And can you explain how my body lost 30 kilos in just 2 days?”

*That one is easy!! My mind took over our body and burnt all the excess fat!*

“So is it basically magic?”

*It’s not magic, you cockroach!! It’s overcoming your body with sheer willpower!!*

“Could you use this same willpower to develop a mental way of communication or something?”

*I could. I’ll work on it because it could come in handy in the future. But don’t expect too much and most of all, don’t tell me what to do!! Or I’ll make you pay!!*

The facial expression of Kira was frightening in that scale’s glass. He almost seemed like a demon filled with bloodthirst!!

“Y-yes!! Mister Kira!! Don’t hurt me!! I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time. I promise that…”

While in the midst of our conversation, our mom interrupted us.

“BUTAGAMI!!!”

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! MOM!!!”

“What are you doing in there talking with that weird voice??!!”

“No-nothing!! I was practicing for a role in a theatrical performance for the upcoming cultural festival!!”

“I don’t care!! Leave the bathroom now!! You are getting late for school!!”

“YES MOM!!!”

****

At the police office, all the men and women were working hard. 2 figures highlight the busy police department.

“Inspector, revising the pictures of the homicides again?”

*SLUUUUUUUUURRPPPPPPPP*

“Yeah. I think I’m definitely missing something for sure here.”

“Aaaah…” Finally, he’s taking this seriously!! “So what are you looking for exactly? …!!!!???????¿!?!?¿!?!?!¿?!?!?!” The hell are you looking at, you perverted old man!!

“Ha!! Matsushita, you are too young to be looking at this kind of magazine, you know?”

WHAT ARE YOU DOING READING THAT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! “Yeah inspector. Hahaha.” And why are you licking your lollipop if there's no blood on what you were looking at??!!

“You surely want to know why I’m licking a lollipop when I’m watching this magazine full of *S@3Xz4* when there’s no blood but A@xxS3*’s.”

That’s exactly what I’m thinking!!

“Well… That’s because…!!”

*STARE*

*UPPER ANGLE STARE*

*OTHER DRAMATIC ANGLE STARE*

…

…

*PLOP*

“It’s not a red lollipop, it’s brown, look. When I see blood, I feel the urge to lick red things. But if I look at A@xxS3*’s, I need to lick something brown. It tastes like that famous soda… what was its name?”

“Ah!! That should be Kaco-Co…”

“Dr. Pipper.”

And this clown is supposed to be the best inspector in Japan??!! He’s just an old pervert and a mentally ill sucker!! “Inspector!! This is getting out of hand. We have had three confirmed homicides in the last 24 hours. We need to do something right now.”

“Yes!! You are right, Matsutake!! And I have the perfect course of action!!”

“And what is it??”

*STARE*

…

…

“Investigate more.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Well inspector, I know I’m just a rookie here that came to the team 1 month ago, but I think we should be doing some interrogations to the students of the Sakuragami academy.”

“Matsuketani!!! You are being so foolish here!!!”

“Eh? I’m sorry, sir. What did I do wrong?” Matsuketani? Is that even a surname?

“Isn’t it obvious?? The assassinations are a recent event!! If we head to the academy right now, the panic and collective fear will spread through the academy just like gunpowder!! The students will close themselves; they will enter into a depression and we will not get our job done!!”

“Ah!! You are right, sir!! So we better wait until the situation calm down a bit so the students don’t get traumati…”

“OKAY!! The time to interrogate the students from Sakuragami academy has come!! Move Matsupa-kun!! Stop wasting your time!!”

I’LL KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

I had to put on my father’s casual clothes to come to school since my uniform and all of my clothes wouldn't fit me anymore. I’ll attract a lot of attention alongside the fact that my body changed like crazy!!

*Murmur*

“Who’s that handsome guy? I have never seen him before!!”

*Whispers*

“Don’t say that!! Look closely!!”

“He’s using Butgami’s shoe locker!! But how?? Wasn’t he a 90kg whale??”

“Shhhhh!!! He’s going to listen to us!! Remember the rumors of him being the killer of Sasaki?? Yesterday they found Kitagawa and Akagawa dead!!”

“Eeeeh? Let’s run away from him!! Something bad is happening to him for sure!!”

You know I can hear you all, right? Damn it!!! Damn genetics for endowing me with perfect hearing and a chubby body… But now at least I’m not fat. But I’m a killer!!! Oh man, I’d better get to class.

"All students head to the gymnasium for a special student council talk!"

Aah! Student Council! I will be able to see my dear and beloved Manami-sama!!! The perfect angel of this school who never makes a mistake. The perfect human being! The greatest president of all time!!

"Dear friends and students, this is Manami, president of the student council. From our part, we despise the aggressor who has taken the lives of the innocent students of our school. We will work tirelessly with the police to find the perpetrators of these crimes!!!!In the meantime, we guarantee the safety and integrity of the students at our school!!! Continue to attend school normally so that your grades will not be affected. Do not let this tragedy stand in the way of your future. The student council will catch this despicable being in the coming days!!!"

"YES!!!!"

"That's the president for you!!"

"We love you Manami-san!!"

Oh no... I'm screwed.

****

*Murmur*

“Have you heard it? The police are interrogating the people from class B for the murders of yesterday.”

“Eeeeh? Why class B!! It’s obvious that we have the killer here.”

*Whispers*

“Shhhh!! Quiet!! Who’s that guy wearing casual clothes entering our class??”

“Don’t tell me!! He sat on Butagami’s chair!!”

Oh no!! This is bad news!! The police are here? Shit!! I’m pretty sure that they tracked me down!! I need to address this or I’ll let Kira out by accident. I need to relax or I’ll pass…

While I was trying to calm myself, a girl headed to me and shouted at me.

“YOU!!!!”

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!”

“Are you Butagami-kun?”

“Y-ye-yes!!”

“Eeeehh?? You are so handsome now, Butagami-kun!!”

“What…?”

“My name is Shizuka. How about we become friends from now on?”

Friends? What the hell is this crazy girl sayi… Nonononono, calm down!! Act naturally.

“Yes, of course, Shizuka-san.”

“Then, see you later!!”

…

“Hey!! Shizuka. What are you doing talking with that pest? He’s Butagami, you know?”

“Yes, I know, but look at him. His family definitely has a lot of money to pay him for a lypo like that!! Also, If he happens to be the assassin from our academy, then I don’t want to be his enemy!!”

“Shizuka, you are a genius!! Then when you get his money, invite us for some tea and expensive cake!!”

I can’t believe a pretty girl like her spoke with me. I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying about me. But then something woke me up from my dream.

*Butagami Oshino. Butagami Oshino. Report to the director's office immediately. I repeat. Butagami Oshino. Report to the director's office immediately.*

“I knew it!!”

“So he is the murderer!!”

“Finally they caught him.”

“Look at him, everything about his body says danger!!”

Oh no!! I’m done for!! They found me!! They know I killed Sasaki and the others!! I’m going to jail for sure!! This can’t be happening!! They are going to kill me!! They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!They are going to kill me!!

*BUTAGAMI!!! HEY BUTAGAMI!!!*

Eh? A voice inside my head?

*Listen, you filthy cockroach!! I managed to find a way to communicate with you mentally without the need to use a reflective surface!! But it is limited to just a few seconds!!*

Oh! Kira, how nice to hear you!! Listen, I was so surprised with that girl that talked with me, so first of all let’s talk about…

*SHUT UP MONKEY!!! We don’t have time for chit-chat!! Just lend me your body and I’ll handle the situation with the cops!!*

Okay, okay!!! And how do I do that?

*Before coming to school, I killed our mom and fed her to the neighbor's dog.*

That you did wa…?

…

…

*YES!! It worked. I gained control of our body as planned!! Sorry Butagami, that was a little lie to make you pass out. Now then…*

*I’ll be right back guys!! Don’t move a little bit.*

*LARGE SADISTIC GRIN*

“You saw that?? You saw that creepy smile?? He’s crazy!!”

“And his voice was so creepy!! Oh no!! He’s going to kill us for sure when he comes back!!”

****

Now then, Kira. Let’s roll this shitty debrief!!!

*KNOCK KNOCK*

*Hello, I'm Butagami Oshino. I’ve been called here.*

“Come in, Oshino-san.”

*With your permission.*

There they are, right in front of me, a couple of policemen. An old guy and a probably 21 year-old sidekick. Tsk!! This is going to be easy!!

“Are you really Butagami Oshino??”

*Yes sir, it's me.*

“Eh? Your classmates said you were a massive whale!! Are you sure you are Butagami??”

*I am.*

“Inspector Yamazaki!! Please restrain from saying those things!!”

“Yeah yeah, sorry Oshino… I’ll call you Butagami instead.”

*Of course, there’s no problem at all.*

They are playing the bad cop and the good cop here. While the old crap makes the questions, he is trying to get on my nerves. The other one just restrains his boss. What a shitty policemen. They are just like the cliche TV show cops. What’s next? A comedy performance?

“Where were you the afternoon when Sasaki died?”

*We went to karaoke after school. We parted ways after singing some songs, when the sun was setting.*

“Where were you yesterday in the afternoon?”

*I went home as soon as I finished cleaning our classroom.*

“Your classmates said that you were being bullied by Sasaki and his friends. It’s a coincidence that they have been killed all of a sudden?”

*I don’t know.*

“Yamazaki-san!! Don’t reveal that kind of information!!”

“Enough Matsumi!!”

*STARE*

“Were you being bullied by Sasaki and his friends?”

*Yes.*

“What kind of bullying?”

*Verbal abuse and they made me pay for their things.*

“Did you hate them?”

*Sure.*

“To the point where you could kill them?”

*Only if they started hitting me and my life was in danger.*

*STARE…*

*STARE…*

“Butagami-kun. Please take off your shirt. We need to see if you have any kind of physical abuse on you.”

*Sure.*

*STRIP*

“Not even a single scratch... Matsuki!!!”

“Yes sir??” CALL ME BY MY FUCKING NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I have enough. He didn’t kill them. Please Butagami, put your shirt on.”

“Ah, really? Then, Oshino-san, you are free to go now. Sorry for taking so much time from your class time.”

I stood up and prepared to leave. But before that, I had to say something.

*My classmates knew I was being bullied?*

“That’s what they said, yes.”

Ah shit… he’s revealing information again!!! I give up… Do whatever you want to do, inspector Yamazaki.

*Then why has no one stood up to stop them before? Killing them was too much!! But if someone had defended me before, maybe the murderer wouldn’t have killed them!!*

“Well Butagami… The world is a cruel playground for honest people.”

*I hope you find the murderer soon, sirs.*

*BLAM*

“And he is gone. Yamazaki-san!! You shouldn’t reveal information about the case to a potential suspect.”

“I did it to make him speak. Have you noticed?”

“Notice what?”

“His body gestures. All he said made him sound innocent, as if he was a victim. But his stance was suspicious. He was hiding something.”

So this is mister Yamazaki. The best detective in Japan. He saw through him and made him believe he was out of suspicion. But in reality, he’s stil…

“He’s hiding a super special fat loss diet or something!! Everyone referred to him as a whale, but look at those muscles!!! We need to pay him a visit at home and speak with his parents!!”

THAT WAS WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

****

Eh?? What just happened? The day has ended and I’m in front of my shoe locker. The last thing I remember was standing up to head to the director’s office!! I’m 100% sure that Kira killed the policemen. Now I’m dead for sure!! Anyway, I’ll change my shoes and head home to taste my last hours of freedom.

*FALL*

Eh?? A love letter?? No,no,no,no,no. Impossible!! Ha-ha-hahahah…. Ha-ha…. Hahahaha-hahaha…

I bent over and picked up the letter from the floor.

*For my love Butagami <3*

Yeah, it’s a love letter for sure. But from who??

*RASH!!*

*I’ll be waiting behind the school for you today at the love confession spot. Don’t make me wait too long!!

Manami-chan <3 xoXoXOxOXo <3*

The student council president, Manami… san???!!!!!!!! GODDESS MANAMI-SAN!!!!!?????????