Trigger (1)

The room I stumbled upon stood out from all the noble residences I had visited. I was dealing with splendor: the walls were draped in red velvet padded with golden buttons. To be honest, I wasn't expecting anything particularly interesting. However, the arrangement of this room spoke volumes about its owner. A very intimate place in a cold marble palace. As we turned around, we had toured the kingdom: oversized paintings - various landscapes of our beautiful kingdom - adorned every wall of the room. This place was imbued with the same atmosphere as its cabinet of curiosities. I found order in chaos, freedom under seal, harmony in the deformed…

The heir rarely ever left his palace, but he ruled his lands from this bedroom which he had transformed into a control room. It was rather surprising that one of these selfish narcissists took such an interest in the outside world.

No doubt, this prince spends his life locked up here…

I wanted to examine the rest of the room, but the darkness prevented me from seeing beyond his cluttered desk. So, I focused on what was near me. At the foot of the canopy bed, a large embroidered carpet was spread on the floor. It depicted a white swan, the emblem of royalty. It was the perfect place to let him meet his end.

Perfect, let's get to work…

My eyes landed on my target eagerly. A faint ray of light was directed onto his face, as if inviting me to seize him. I was witnessing a unexpectedly beautiful scene, even though the true beauty of this place would reveal itself the moment I turned it into a crime scene.

The prince had all the appearance of the angels that intervened in children's stories: blond gold hair, innocent demeanor, small stature… He was lying with his back to me, sleeping peacefully. I didn't need to see more to wish to plunge him into eternal sleep. Despite his lack of maturity, this prince was about to become a king. It turns out that his father had an incurable illness, and his time was running out. Robert Gasencourt had therefore planned his abdication to coincide with his son's eighteenth birthday, which was in just four months. Needless to say, there couldn't have been a better opportunity to overthrow the government.

As usual, I pulled out one of the two silenced pistols stored on my back. It wasn't the time to get distracted. Not yet. I approached the heir in utter quiet and circled around his huge bed to put a bullet through his throat. The lovely angel had to suffer as much as possible; damaging his beautiful face would only extend the game.

The face is the finishing touch.

Honestly, his hairstyle bothered me: smooth texture, lacking volume, terribly ordinary. All topped with a sort of long fringe, covering his eyes. His serene and peaceful expression reminded me of another child, a child already dead…

Not him! You can have everything else if you want, but not him!

Disturbed, I stepped back a few steps, not understanding what had just happened. That voice… It was me… as a child? An entire part of my life was on the verge of coming back to me, but those memories remained on the tip of my tongue, inaccessible.

His aura of purity evoked many familiar, personal, and touching things… The idea of harming him inspired me less and less, and the little girl's voice that was interfering with my thoughts didn't help matters.

"Why did you clip his wings when he was about to shine? Why deprive me of his light? It's so unfair! Stop it!”

There was a sort of click. At that moment, everything became clear inside me. I remembered a tiny detail, an old childhood memory. I had once glimpsed a boy like him, sleeping in the same way, in a similar room. I couldn't quite remember who the prince reminded me of, but I could have sworn I had beloved that boy.

Yet… it's impossible, I can't love! I don't have feelings! On the other hand, I admitted to myself: you hardly know anything about your past before Justine found you.

All the convictions upon which I had built my identity collapsed in an second. Throughout my life, I had always remembered facing trials in solitude. But that wasn't true. There had been someone, someone whose existence I had forgotten.

How could I have forgotten the most important thing?

The mere presence of the heir made me dove into visions of a distant past. These were memories I had buried so deep that I felt like I was experiencing them for the first time. I had shared this room, no, my entire childhood, with a boy who looked a lot like this prince. He had silver hair and a disarming smile.

If he had grown up, he could have easily taken his place in this bed. But who is this boy I loved? What is his name, again…?

I inexplicably knew that I was devoted body and soul to this mysterious person as much as I am to my profession. This certainty defined me. However, he had vanished from my life without me realizing it.

How is that possible? Why didn't I react to losing something so precious?

The answer was glaring: I had no choice. It was torn from my hands. A void was created in my chest and in my memory. It was unforgivable.

What are you thinking, idiot?! I shook my head. Are you really going to mess up this mission for stupid memories? Since when do you make the decisions? Stop asking questions and follow orders! You're not alone in this.

I watched as an small smile spread across the prince's lips after he turned in his sleep. My focus narrowed on that familiar mouth, everything else fading away. I wanted to know more, to recall about our adventures, to examine him more closely… Someone for whom I wasn't a monster!

“Big Brother…” I whispered.

That simple word felt surprisingly natural. It was so pleasing that I could listen to it repeat endlessly without ever growing tired. Why did that name come out of my mouth? What did it mean? Wasn't I an only child?

"Big Brother, Big Brother! When will you have free time? Can you read me another page from the Ancestral book? Can you show me what you learned today? Let's play explorers outside!"

Insignificant facts and words surfaced in my mind like bubbles. Big Brother always used to comfort me with his magic tricks, we read picture books together, we escaped into the fields, becoming explorers in search of imaginary beasts…

Everything was so perfect. Why did he leave my life?

My eyes betrayed me. A tear, then another, formed on my expressionless face. The broken heart of a little girl cried. I didn't even know why I was crying for that bygone time.

Crying is being weak.

I immediately wiped away all those traces with a sweep of my forearm.

"Miss…" called out a tired voice.

I wanted to rush to his bedside, to offer him my presence without thinking about the consequences. Instead, my body refused to approach. Something held me back, as if to protect me from forthcoming danger. I felt guilty, worthless, and every cell in my body screamed at me that I would make a grave mistake if I took another step.

Do I have the right to approach them? Won't they be punished if I stain them with my mediocrity? Is that the reason why Big Brother were taken away from me? Have I spoiled all his hopes of becoming an important person?

With such a faithful copy of Big Brother at my fingertips, I could turn back time and undo everything. The prince could fix me, I had no doubt about it. But nothing was as easy in life. I didn't know where my true soulmate was hiding.

Someone grabbed my hands. I lowered my gaze. I had child's hands. I was a child in a purple nightgown.

"Everything's fine," reassured Big Brother's voice.

He had no face. Everything above his neck was erased and scribbled out in black pen.

"Don't worry about me, miss. They're teaching me how to become strong. And when I've become strong, I'll have no reason to obey those wicked adults anymore. Instead, I'll defeat them, and we can leave far away from here. No one will ever be able to separate us again!"

Liar. I should have realized it earlier. You'll always be submissive because you're just a child. You're afraid. You hate them, but every time you have to face them, you bow down to lick their feet. You're just buying time. You've already accepted the fate adults have decided for you.

"Me too, I'll become strong. That way, we'll defeat the wicked adults together!"

"Let's do it. It will be our little secret!"

His image evaporated, leaving only the prince's bed. The prince. That was the solution: I didn't have to find Big Brother, I had to recreate him! If I broke the soul of this prince and remodeled it, Big Brother could be reborn in him.

He's a noble, a lost cause. He'll become a corrupted monster as he grows up. All I have to do is kill their most precious child to give them an idea of what they've done to me. You won't have a better revenge, Aurora. Just accept it.

I removed the safety catch from the gun and aimed it at the bed. The longer I looked at this copy of Big Brother, the more I hesitated. I had to end it now before I regretted it. All that was left was to pull the trigger. A slight pressure of the finger… and he would choke in a ridiculous gasp. After all, lives are threads we cut without a second thought.

So why did the prince fascinate me so much? Why did he seem untouchable?

I killed every day without ever questioning, but this time, it was overwhelming. A handful of seconds had passed and I still refused to shoot. It was too much for me, against my own interests. My wrist was trembling so much that I had to hold the gun with both hands.

Why did it have to be the prince, my most important mission? Why did I have to remember the past twelve years too late? My sight and thoughts became muddled. In the bewildering silence, I struggled.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I wouldn't falter for a ridiculous déjà vu. This prince is nothing but a trap. We have nothing in common. The past is not repeating itself. The past is not…

In the blink of an eye, I was brought to another alike room. It wasn't the first time I had seen this particular room, with its dark blue and gold decor. The layout was very familiar to me…

An apparition of Big Brother faced me.

His small body, with the head censored, lay on the ground. Big Brother raised a feeble arm in my direction. This simple move seemed to cost him all his energy. He crawled and struggled to persuade me to flee. Despite hearing his warnings and staring at where his eyes were supposed to be, the words didn't reach me.

I aimed my weapon at his assailant. A man all in black with a face covered in jewels. Gunshot. I flinched. It didn't come from me. The shrill noise continued to ring in my ears. I dropped the gun onto the carpet. It had slipped from my grasp, everything had slipped from my grasp that night.

The child throw up a red sludge that spread to my feet, and his arm lowered. His head drooped limply to the side seconds after his body stopped thrashing. Immediately, a huge pressure engulfed me. It wasn't a game, it was real, everything was real…! My heart raced, my instinct screamed at me to run, but I was paralyzed in front of Big Brother's murderer.