Dead serious

*DING, DONG, DING, DONG*

“KYAAAAAAAHH!!”

“Butagami <3 It’s just the doorbell. Go check it out. I’m busy making our dinner <3”

“Y-yes!! Manami-san!!”

Damn!! Of all the moments, it has to be right now!! Who might be calling at the door?

I reached the door while Manami remained silent in the kitchen. I can’t deal with door-to-door salesmen or those religion sellers or whatever sect they are from.

*CREAK*

“I’m sorry, but I’m very busy right now, so…”

“Sakurashi police.”

Aaaah… They know I killed Sasaki-san and his friends. I’m going to jail.

“Ah! Everything is alright here. I didn’t call for help.”

Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away, go away, go away, go away, go away.

“Does Butagami Oshino live here?”

*IT’S A TRAP!! Say you met them this morning at school!!*

A trap?? What do you mean, Kira??

*JUST SAY IT!! YOU MONKEY!!*

“Come on, don’t joke with that. We met this morning at school.”

I’m going to jail.

“Hahaha!! You have a good memory, Butagami!! Sorry for the inconvenience, but we have to ask you some questions.”

“Ah!! Right now I’m very busy, so… We can make an appointment tomo…”

Both men entered my house and made their way in without my permission. They started to look everywhere. They went to the laundry room and took my mom’s dirty underwear. But not to investigate, they literally took them.

Why did that old man put my mom’s dirty panties in his jacket?? Are these guys the police or are they just some creeps that wanted to steal my mom’s underwear? Also, where is Manami-sama?? She’s not in the kitchen anymore.

After they peeked everywhere on the first floor, they decided to sit on the sofa and started to ask me some questions.

“Do you attend the Sakuragami Academy?”

*It’s a trap!! They will ask you the same questions they asked me!!*

Kira!! You have improved a lot the mental coms!!

*SHUT UP, ROACH-GAMI!!! Don’t mess this up!! I’m running out of time!! So just answer like I should do myse…*

Kira?? Ey!! Kira?? I guess he can’t communicate with me anymore. Then… I’m going to jail!!

“Yes sir. But you should know that. Are you guys really the police?”

“Where are your parents? Are you home alone?”

“Yes sir. But can you answer my…”

“How old are you, Butagami?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ANSWER MY QUESTION!!!

“I’m 16.”

“When did you arrive at home today?”

“I came home after disposi… cleaning the classroom!! And disposing of the trash bags from the school!! He…he…hehehe.” Damn!! I almost mentioned Shizuka… ugh!!!

“Tell me. Do you know anything about the murders that have been happening for the last 3 days?”

“I told you this morning. All I know is that a group of guys that I usually wandered with got kil…”

“Yes, we are real police officers. Here, our IDs.”

YOU ANSWER NOW!!!!!!!!!????????????

“Inspector Yamazaki and inspector Kaizaki. Nice to meet you… again, I mean.” Oh no!! I messed up for sure!! They probably introduced themselves to Kira at school!! I’m going to jail for sure!!

“Don’t worry, Oshino-san. Inspector Yamazaki tends to misspell my surname. So this morning you couldn’t get my real name.”

“MATSUGITA!!! Stop interfering in such a crucial investigation!!”

GYAAAAAAAAAHHH!! This old man is so scary!!!

“Tell me, Butagami…”

*STARE*

*GULP*

“How did you get so slim in such a short period of time?”

“Well… that’s because…” CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!! What could be the answer Kira gave to them?? I’m going to jail… I’m going to jail!!! I’M GOING TO JAIL!!!!! “I have a fast metabolism and I worked out very hard last week.”

*STARE*

Why is he staring so intensely at me???!!!!!!

“I see. So that was it!! Why didn’t you tell me this morning?”

“Eh? You didn’t ask it…” Oh no!!! I answered without thinking!! I forgot that they spoke with Kira!!! This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad!!!!

*STARE INTENSIFYING*

*BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM…*

My heart is about to explode!! Say something old shit!!! Don’t just look at me like that!!!

“Ah!! You are right, Butagami!! I didn’t ask!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

BEGH!!! YOU OLD FART!!!

“Then, Butagami, your parents left and you are home alone??”

“Y-yes, how do you know that??”

He’s lying!! Good job inspector Yamazaki!! You cornered him, finally!!

“We found dirty clothes in your bathroom with some stains.”

“Eh? And you knew that they left because of th…”

“We also have this note where it is all detailed.”

AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF MENTIONING THE DIRTY CLOTHES??!!! AND WHY DO YOU KEPT THEM???!!!!

“Butagami. You said you are alone, but there are 2 pairs of shoes at the entrance. Also, it appears that you were preparing your dinner, but your hands are fully clean. Are you really alone at home?”

Oh no!! Manami-san!! “W-we-well!! I cleaned my hands before opening the door, and those shoes are… mine!! Yes. They are mine too!! I like to have a small pair of shoes.”

“I smelled them.”

Eh?

“They smelled different. They smell like girls' feet.”

He smelled our shoes?? What kind of policeman is this old creep?? “We-well, that’s because I use a different… deodorant!! Yes!! That’s why they smell different!! I’m alone at home. I swea…”

*Thump*

“Inspector, did you hear that??”

“Yeah, It’s coming from the second floor. Matsushi!! Take out your weapon!!”

A weapon?? Why are they pulling out their guns now!!??

“Butagami. It’s possible that a thief sneaked into your home!! You said you are alone and that you like to dress as a girl!!”

I DIDN’T SAY THAT!!!

“Let us solve this, Butagami. Matsumoto!! Back me up.”

“Yes!!” Call me whatever you want; I don’t care anymore.

Both policemen started to slowly and carefully go up the stairs. The sound was getting louder. It was coming from my room.

*Thump*

“It’s here, Matsukoi. At the count of three, I’ll open the door. Be ready to shoot.”

“Yes, inspector.”

SHOOT??!! If Manami-sama is in there, they are going to kill her!! I need to stop them but… How??!! Oh no!! There is no time now!!!

The old man slowly reached the door handle, and with a fast movement, he opened it in a matter of a second.

*BLAM*

Once the door was opened, they froze. I peeked through the gap of the door and I saw it. It was Manami-sama. She was… under my bed's blankets… her clothes were scattered through my bedroom… she was… lying down on my bed… covered with my blankets… naked…

“Um?? Butagami <3 You took your time!! Is dinner ready?? I should go for the 4th round here in your be…”

…

…

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHY ARE THESE OLD MEN STARING AT ME?? GO AWAY!!!! BUTAGAMI, CALL THE POLICE!!!”

Manami-sama started to shout while she stood on my bed, covering her body with my blankets.

“AH!!! We are sorry, young lady!!! Shit, Matsugita!! We need to get out of here quickly!! I need to get to the station and lick a brown lollipop soon!!”

“We are so sorry, Oshino-san!! We didn’t know you were enjoying your youth!! That’s why you were lying to us about being alone!! We deeply apologize!!”

“MATSUGOTA!!! HURRY UP BEFORE THEY SUE US!!”

“YES SIR!!!!”

Both policemen panicked when they saw an embarrassed teen naked and covered with bed sheets. They made their way out of my home and drove fast to get out of the zone. Also, they didn’t give back my mom’s underwear…

“Ma-ma-manami-i-i-i-i-i-san!! Why are you naked??!!”

“Eh?? Isn’t it obvious??”

“Obvious??”

“I made it so they leave as soon as possible <3”

Manami-sama is na… naked in my room, covering herself with my sheets!!! I can’t look at her!!!

“You saw their faces?? Huhuhuhuhu <3 My acting was so perfect they were scared to be sued for abuse of a minor <3”

“Ma-ma-ma-ma-manami-i-i-i-sa-a-a-an!! Please dress up back!!” Damn!! I can’t look at her!!!

“Eh?? Are you sure? <3 You will never have an opportunity like this again <3”

“Y-yes!! Please hurry up and dress up!! I-i-i-i will be waiting downstairs!!”

“Eh?? Being a virgin sure is difficult for men, isn’t it?”

****

Manami-sama dressed up and came down the stairs and finished making our dinner. She said she would be living with me from now on, and she really meant it.

“Tell me, Butagami <3 Do you think my beauty is overrated like Shizuka-san said??

“Eh?? Of course not!! Your beauty is genuine!!” I’ve been in love with you for 2 years!!

“Then… I need you to promise me one thing <3”

“Of course, Manami-san!! What is it about??”

“Listen, Butagami <3 This is very important!!”

Very important?? What should it be?? Is she going to threaten to kill me?? Something like; don’t sell me to the police or I’ll slash you and your family like I did to my parents?? Or is she going to ask me to marry her?? Yeah, of course!! She would never do that!!

“ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME???!!!”

GYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH “Y-YES!!!!!!” I’m going to pee my pants!! Her eyes changed so quickly!! I’m scared!!

*STARE…*

“I…”

*GLUP*

*...STARE…*

“... don’t…”

*BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM, BA-DUM…*

“...like…”

*THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP…*

“...strawberries.”

Eh? “Excuse me… what?”

*SLAM*

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAH” Don’t slap the table like that!!

“I don’t like strawberries <3”

“I see, hehe. But why is that so important?”

“I’m allergic to them.”

“Oh! I see. Then I’ll try to not give you anything with strawberries to you.”

*SLAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM*

AGAIN!!!

“Don’t ever bring a single strawberry near me. Do you hear me? My face would become like a balloon and my beauty would disappear!! I would have no other choice than to kill you!!”

*DEMONIC SLAUGHTERING STARE*

Man… why the hell is this happening to me… sob, sob. “Of course, Manami-san… I will never take a strawberry next to you.” Sob, sob.

“Then with that settled!! Let’s enjoy our school life all together <3”

I don’t want it… sob, sob. Mom, dad… come back soon and save me, please!!!

****

After having our dinner and a little conversation, we went to sleep. Obviously, Manami-sama slept in another room. Not because I was a virgin, but because I was too scared to be with her.

“Bu-ta-ga-mi <3”

“Y-yes? Manami-san?”

“Could I sleep with you??<3”

Why is she asking such a thing???!!! I can’t handle her personality by myself!! “W-well, we just became friends, s-so I think it is still too early for sleeping in the same room… and…”

“I don’t mean in the same room, Butagami. Let’s sleep in the same bed <3”

“EEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH???!!!”

*TRIP*

*BAM*

“Huhuhuhu!! Butagami <3 It was a joke!! Look how embarrassed you are!! You virgins are so fun to play with!!”

“Ha-ha-hahaha!! Yes, you are right, Manami-san.” I need to calm down and follow her play, or she will kill me!!

“I’ll use your parents’ bedroom <3 I bet they have a lot of things that I will entertain myself with <3”

Entertain?? She’s planning to blackmail my parents or something for sure!! “Y-yeah. They have a comfortable bed. He-hehehe…”

“Then, Butagami. Don’t you dare to spy on me <3”

“Eh?? I would never do that, Manami-san. He-he-hehehe.”

“I really mean it, Butagami. If I see you peeping, It will all be over.”

*SATANIC STARE*

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! I don’t want to live with her anymore!! Please, someone reading this, help me!! Sob…sob… “Yes Manami-san.”

“Then!! Good night, Butagami <3 Sleep tight <3”

I don’t think I will. Sob…sob…

****

*BUTAGAMI!!! HEY!! WAKE UP!!*

“Mmm? Kira… What’s the matter??”

*Wake up, Butagami!! How could you sleep like that with an assassin in your home??*

“What?? You’ve been with me for 3 days now… why are you so bothered about it now?”

*I’m not speaking about myself!! I’m talking about Manami!!!*

“GYAAAAAAAHH!! So it was not a dream??!! It was real??”

…

…

“Kira?? Are you there?? Why aren’t you answering??”

*Here!! Roach-gami!! I’m here!!*

“You are using a reflective surface again to talk with me?? Weren’t you using the mental coms right now??”

*You dumb monkey!! That’s a limited resource!! I need to use it wisely or you will mess up when the time comes!! I was monitoring your conversation yesterday with the police and you almost shat your pants!!*

“But they left without saying anything.”

*Yeah. You almost tripped, but Manami helped you. Also, I heard your conversation with her. There’s something strange about her… we need to investigate about it!!*

“Strange like what?”

*Don’t worry about it. Your small brain couldn’t comprehend it.*

“But we share the same brain.”

*Dumbass!! You only use 10% of it, whereas I use 90% of our brain power capacity. If it wasn’t for my mental capacity, I couldn’t have developed these muscles and lost all that fat that you gathered for 16 years!!*

“Ah… So that’s it. And where is Manami-sama?? Is she here?”

*She left a few minutes ago. That’s why I contacted you!! We need to dress up and head to school!!*

“And how do you know that she left?”

*You really are a dumb monkey, right?? Haven’t you been paying attention?? I know everything that happens outside our body!! Since I don’t need to sleep, I managed to take control of our senses, even if you are sleeping and I’m not in control of our body!!*

“That sounds like magic to me. You said you weren’t a magic entity.”

*And I’m not!! Listen, Roach-gami!! Manami has been watching you sleep for 5 hours!! She didn’t even sleep!!*

“What???” How could that be possible??”

*STUPID!!! PAY ATTENTION WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!!! I’M GONNA RIP YOUR DICK!!!!*

“GYAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Sorry Kira-san!!! Please spare my life!!”

*Aaaaahh!! My host is such a stupid monkey!! I said to you that she’s hiding something from us!! We need to spy on her!! So hurry up and move your ass to school!!!*

“We can’t spy on her, Kira-san!! She will kill me if I do something like that!!”

*IDIOT!! If she dares to hurt our body I’ll defend us!! I boosted our physical strength to deal with her!!*

“So you really are a magician.”

*MOVE!!!*

I dressed up and moved down on my way to school. It was too early in the morning. Classes started in 1 hour and I had plenty of time.

*YAAAAAWWWWNNN*

“Kira-san… you woke me up too early…”

*Manami is the student council leader. So she obviously gets to school early!! We need to hurry up and spy on her!!*

“Okay, but let me have some fast breakfast!! I’m not inmortal like you!! I need to eat and sleep so as not to die.”

*Okay. But move on!!*

“Eh?? What is this?? A full breakfast!! DON’T MIND IF I EAT IT ALL!!!”

*NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM*

“MMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! It's so good!!!”

*Roach-gami…*

“What’s the matter, Kira-san? You are so small there in the spoon reflection.”

*Do you know who made this breakfast?*

“Well!! Obviously my mom!!”

*Our parents left, Roach-gami.*

“Then you made it??”

*YOU ASSHOLE!! Think again!!*

“If it wasn’t me or you… then… Manami… sama…”

*Look, Roach-gami. There’s a note under the plate!!*

*Dear Butagami <3

I hope you enjoy the breakfast I made for you <3

We have to speak about something after school. Wait for me at the entrance.

Love, Manami <3*

She poisoned me for sure, and now she will blackmail me to give me the antidote… sob, sob…

*Butagami. I can read your thoughts.*

“Help me, Kira-san… sob, sob…”

*YES!! MOVE ON!!!*

****

While Butagami headed to Sakuragami academy, the inspector Yamazaki and his young partner reflected about yesterday's happenings at Butagami’s house.

“Inspector Yamazaki, are you sure about that?? That statement is very serious!!”

“Yes!! I’m dead serious!!!”

*STARE*

*EPIC STARE*

*EXTREMELY SERIOUS STARE*

…

…

Here we go… now he’s going to say something stupid again…

“Butagami and that girl from the student council… are the assassins!!”

Eh? He didn’t make any jokes? “Explain it a bit, inspector!! Let me hear your explanation!!”

“I’m sorry, Matsugeta. But we are running out of time!!”

“Out of time?? Sir, what do you mean?? How could we be running out of…”