Hellish bullets falling like raindrops, part 2

In any kind of activity, the mind plays a fundamental role, as important as the body or even more. You can be great in a sport, but if your mind is against you, you will screw it all.

In videogames, it happens the same thing. If you lose a life in a moment you know is easy, your frustration grows. “I’ve been playing this game for so long, and I still lose at this part?” you think.

“This is just a game” you say. But your brain does connections. Yes, maybe is just a game, but if you can’t get better at a mere game, how are you going to overcome the real important things in life? Then you start to believe you’re useless, you’ve born to be defeated. It’s okay you say. Some people is born to win, other to lose. But even if you say “it’s okay”, you know it’s not.

At least, that’s what happened to Ken.

And having someone telling things like:

—Haha, you lost a life. You weren’t so good as you claimed to be, are you?

wasn’t helping at all.

“It’s fine, it’s just one life. I know this game very well, so it should be fine even if I lose stupidly two or three lives.”

He had been trying to play brave in order to impress Mirena, but he was done with that. Right after losing that life he decided to use the perfect tactical gameplay for a danmaku game: bomb-spamming. Hoppou games were famous for being difficult, but also for giving the player a lot of resources. As long as he used a bomb in every moment of doubt, he would be fine.

Doing that he defeated the 3rd boss and went to level 4. However, Mirena didn’t stop talking. His calculations were wrong, so he made his mind to the idea that she wouldn’t stop talking until the end.

The hands were sweaty, but thanks to a clean level 4, he regained confidence. Thanks to that, the 4th boss was defeated only losing 1 life.

—Wow! That looked pretty difficult! —she said.

—It was, the first time. Now, I’m used to this.

—For you, this is so natural as for me to go for adventures, isn’t it?

—I guess.

—I never imagined you had such talent.

Talent. That word echoed in all his head.

“I never saw it that way. Yes, it’s a talent, but since never saw me doing it, I was never praised for that. And the first person who does it, is Mirena. Heh…”

He cracked his knuckles. That word was the only thing he needed to boost his confidence to levels never reached before. His mind was clear and the fingers ready to react properly.

The patterns at that stage of the game were so visually stunning that made Mirena speechless. That allowed him to finally be 100% in the game.

The level 5 was easily defeated, and so the level 6. And then, after the last boss fainted, the “All clear!” sign appeared on the screen.

Ken turned away from the screen and gave the hands a good rest. He released a big breath of air and said:

—Done. —He was feeling more relaxed than exited. After all, he had beaten that game tons of times before, and with better scores. But he was happy of seeing Mirena so amazed.

—That was incredible! I feel so much respect for you right now.

—I’m glad to hear that.

He actually wanted to manifest his happiness more, but he couldn’t do it without breaking the character. So he just gave her a confident smile that didn’t reflect his joy at all.

—What is that, by the way? —she asked watching curiously the screen.

—What is what?

—“Extra stage”, it says.

A cold air passed through his neck, giving him shivers. He had a bad feeling about it.

—When you clear a 1cc run, an extra stage is unlocked.

—I want to see it!

All the happiness was destroyed in a second. The warmth in his heart froze, to the point that his body was more of an iceberg than a body.

—The extra stage? I don’t know…

The extra stages were famous for being extremely hard. The biggest challenges you can suffer in a shoot ‘em up are to be found there. Ken had no way out. If he said no, he would look like a coward.

—Please, please, please… —she insisted.

—O-okay, I can try it. I warn you, I’ve never beaten an extra stage before.

—Eh? Really? Is it that hard?

—That hard and even more.

He placed his shaking hands in the gamer position again.

“It’s fine, everything is fine” he thought. “As long as I give a good fight, there is no shame in losing. My hands are already warmed up, my mind is focused, I have no itching in any part of my body, and my eyes can still handle the situation. I can do it!”

Pichium. The sound of a life lost.

Every attack of the extra stage was so fast that only by remembering you could avoid them. And since Ken hadn’t played that extra stage since a long time ago, due to how frustrating it could be, he completely forgot the patterns.

—That was so fast! ­I couldn’t see it at all! —said Mirena.

—Yeah, it took me for surprise too. But that won’t happen again!

“I just have to use my bombs” reminded himself.

The plan was easy, but not the execution. Especially because of how that first hit destroyed his confidence. By consequence, he ended up losing another life without using a bomb.

—God!... dammit. —He wanted to punch the screen, but refrained himself. Mirena shouldn’t see him like that.

The mid-boss appeared. It was the same girl from the level 4, but this time with more convoluted attacks. So fast, dense and weird that Ken lost his last life in the first patter. The game over screen appeared, increasing his feeling of humiliation.

—Did I lost the respect you had for me? —he asked.

—Yes.

His head down suddenly raised. It was an awful run, but he could do better. Maybe he never cleared that stage before, but for sure he could do better. He was oxidized, but if he was able to re-remember the patters, he had a chance not to clear it, but to give a decent show.

Pichium. Pichium.

The lives were consumed like the money of a compulsive gambler. At that point, Ken had forgotten about impressing Mirena. He was doing it for himself. To prove to that part of him that always underestimate him that he can do it.

“She probably thinks I’m a loser, but its fine. I don’t’ care anymore.”

He was wrong though. Seeing him losing and losing, over and over, didn’t make her think like that at all. Now she was not only amazed by his skills, but also by his perseverance. And that’s why she was glued to the screen, watching how in every new try, gradually, he was getting farther.

After 5 tries, he defeated the mid-boss. And after 8 tries, he reached the boss of the level.

—There she is. The little sister of the final boss —he said with a voice that sounded as tired as the day in the gym.

—She doesn’t look intimidating at all. How many attacks does she have?

—18.

—18?!

—Yes. This is just the half of the level.

All the menacing aura the design didn’t have, had it the music. An ominous OST began to sound when the dialogue finished and the first pattern appeared.

—The music is terrifying —said Mirena—, but it’s really good! Oh, you already died.

Ken’s jaw was trembling with rage. He took a deep breath and exhaled with the mouth.

—I only wanted to see the extra boss, you don’t have to keep going.

—Don’t worry —replied Ken—, I’m just starting here.

He rested the hands and the eyes a few seconds before starting again. However, he was feeling tilted. In the next 2 tries, he was unable to beat the mid-boss. And then, those thoughts appeared again:

“I’ve been playing this game for so long, and I still lose at this part?”

“Some people is born to win, other to lose.”

“If you can get better at a mere game, how are you going to overcome the real important things in life?”

“You’re useless.”

—What are you trying to prove? Why are you pushing yourself so hard? —asked Mirena.

—Eh? I don’t…

—Don’t lie to me. —Those words fell harder and sharper than a guillotine.

The streak was over.

That time, Mirena saw right through his lies, and there was no way to fool her. He never realized how many sentiments he put into the videogames, and how easy would be for her to see behind his façade in a moment of vulnerability like that one. He lowered his shoulders, maybe because he was giving up, or maybe because he was finally letting out the stress.

—I… don’t know. I just feel like, if I can’t do this, I won’t be able to do anything. If I can’t beat this game, how will I help you?

—Don’t be stupid, these things have nothing in common.

—I know, but is always like this. In everything I try, I make progress but, at the end, I fail.

—At the end you fail? This is not the end. This is the end only if you give up. As long as you don’t, every mistake is not the end but the way!

—But I don’t want to try so hard and lose at the end.

—You already tried hard. If you give up now, all the effort will have been in vain.

—That’s why I should stop now before is too late.

—So you going to abandon me too?

—Huh?

—You said it. If you can’t even beat this game, how are you going to help me? If you give up in this game, will you give up on me too?

She stared him right into the eyes, so he couldn’t lie. The eyes always say the truth.

—I… I… I don’t want to give up on you. But…

—But nothing! Then just don’t give up and keep going!

Ken smiled. Her words moved him, but also the mere fact of talking with someone about his feelings and worries was relaxing. Any weight is lighter carried by two.

Pichium. Pichium. Pichium.

Every time he heard that sound, it was like a knife in the heart. But with Mirena next to him, and his new growing confidence, he was strong enough to endure the pain. He just focused in having fun. If he forgot about winning, dodging bullets was very fun. Especially with someone who he loves right at his side.

That way, even if he kept losing, every try was better than the previous. He was sweating and his heart was beating very fast when he reached the penultimate attack. In that one, instead of shooting the boss down, he had to survive 40 seconds. The last 10, along with a strong and exasperating sound marking each one, felt eternal. But at the end, with one life left and no bombs, he did it. Then, he paused the game.

—What happens?

—I-I never reached the last attack before.

—Eh? Really? —Ken nodded.

—I won’t be able to do it, but I’m happy with this result.

—Don’t!

—Hah?

—Don’t be happy just with this. Go to the victory!

Again, Ken nodded. He placed the hands, one more time. The heart was beating faster than ever when he resumed the game.

The last attack started slow, so it was easy. When the boss had the 75% of her HP left, it began to go faster and denser.

Having bombs is good, but psychologically, it has an adverse effect. Having bombs adds more pressure on you. If you screw it up, you not only lose one life but also waste the bombs. So having no bombs and still one more life made Ken confident enough to successfully dodge the second part of the attack.

At 50% of HP, it became even more faster. He was moving the fingers as fast as he could, impressing even himself. He even dodged some of them by luck, but eventually was hit.

No lives and three bombs he had when the boss’s HP went down to 25%, and the attack speeded up way more. Since the extra stage boss is immune to bombs, he wasn’t sure he could do it. However, the bomb was great for cleaning bullets and winning time. Losing without using all the bombs would completely destroy his spirit, so he played safe.

His left pinky finger was shaking so much that he was unable to keep pressing the shift. Due to that, the shaman’s movements were faster, and in that attack, the precision was the key. Noticing this, Mirena jumped to the rescue and pressed the shift for him.

—Don’t let it go! —said Ken.

—I know!

Second bomb. All the bullets were cleaned, and Ken used those seconds to shoot with all his power to the boss. He was pressing the “Z” so hard that it felt like the whole keyboard was about to be broken.

The third bomb wasn’t necessary. The extra boss exploded in magnificent colors, like new year’s fireworks.

“All clear!”