[2086] Nil/growing up/forbidden love

January - February, 2086

Koh Kaew Phitsadan was a tropical paradise. Many would think Sudsakorn lucky to grow up in a place like this, but the boy did not to agree.

“I’m so bored, mom.”

“There are many things you can do, though. See, you can help me scrape the scales off this fish…”

“I don’t wanna! And I’m out of prank ideas!” Sud pouted. “I’m going fishing!”

“Oh, I’m glad you found something to do.” She said without a hint of sarcasm.

“But I’m still bored!” The boy stomped. His mother gave him a dry laugh, as always. She always laughed whenever anything happened, and it was annoying.

Sud went fishing, but it was even more boring, so he went back to the house and rummaged through his toy box. He dug to the bottom of the box, and found a carp weaved from palm leaves. His brother Sin made it a long time ago and gave it to him.

The boy brought the carp to the back of the house, where his mother was busy cooking some fishes.

“Mom, is dad ever going to come back?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about Sin?”

“I don’t know either. Maybe they will come back together.”

Sud squatted down and watched his mother stir the fish soup.

“Don’t you miss them?”

She smiled. “Yes, I do, but I will stay here and wait for their return, no matter how long it takes.”

“What if they never return?”

“I don’t know.”

The boy frowned. He got up and thought of going to the Old Master’s house, but found that the old man had come down to the village and was headed this way.

“Hello.” Sud greeted him. The old man looked around the area, as if trying to find something.

“Hello, young man. Have you seen anything unusual around here?”

“Nothing. What are you looking for?”

“Well, I thought something unusual turned up around here. Perhaps there was an error in the system. Stay safe, then.” The old man walked a lap around the beach before heading back.

Sud watched him, and having nothing better to do, decided to explore the familiar island in case something unusual really did turn up.

He walked around the beach and the forest, then went down to the beach on the other side of the island. There was a seaside cave there. The island’s guardian spirit was said to reside in the cave, so people dared not head inside and only rarely come here to place offerings.

Sud was told to not go there, but the boy wanted to take a quick peak and headed inside.

It was cold and quiet. He could hear his own breathing and the waves rolling. Then, he saw a glint. Something moved. Was it an animal? Sud walked further inside.

He walked in as far as he could see, then stopped.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

Silence. The boy thought he must have imagined hearing something. He turned around and decided to leave, before hearing a metallic voice.

“Hey…”

The boy spun around looking for its source. He heard some scuffling noises, before something dragged itself out from the dark. He screamed.

“Oh, shut up!”

Sud fell on his butt. He took a good look at the…creature in front of him. It was a horse with black scales, like a dragon, and atop its head were two deer antlers. Its mane was glossy but disheveled. Its eyes glowed in the dark.

“Don’t eat me… I don’t taste good.” The boy scooted back. The creature made a motion akin to rolling its eyes.

“I don’t eat people. That’s cannibalism.”

“Huh? Can…?”

“Cannibalism. It means eating one’s own kind. And before you ask, I am not a dragon-horse or Qilin or whatever you’re thinking of.” The creature tried to get up, but fell down again. Only then did Sud realize that one of its legs was broken, with wires and broken pieces of plastic jutting out.

“You’re like dad! You’re a cyborg!” He gasped.

“Oh, thank goodness this is not some backwater isolated island. Your dad’s a cyborg? Can you bring him here? I can’t really walk, and I don’t want the tide to trap me here.”

“My dad is not around, but I can bring the Old Master here.” Sud replied, getting up and brushing dust off his pants. “Why are you here, anyway? Who are you?”

“Call me Nil. And save the questions for later.” The cyborg dragon-horse replied and tried to get up again. This time, they managed to limp forward with three legs. “Are there people outside?”

“Nobody but me. People don’t usually come to this side of the island. I’m gonna go get the Old Master now.”

“Wait!” The cyborg called out. “Take this ring around my neck.”

“Why?”

“Just take it with you. It’s not dangerous, I swear. And don’t leave it lying around somewhere on the ground. This is some expensive shit, and I’ll know immediately if you throw it away.”

“Alright.” Sud clicked his tongue. He was going to leave it hanging on a tree branch, but the cyborg was smart for a horse.

The boy took the golden ring, and it shrank into a bracelet that fit around the boy’s wrist. He whistled.

“Yeah, go now. And thank you. If I make it out of this mess, I’m going to find a way to repay you somehow.” The cyborg nodded.

The boy’s eyes lit up. He hurried to the Old Master’s house, then led him to where Nil the cyborg horse was.

Nil was at the cave’s entrance, trying to keep still and blend in with the surroundings.

“You didn’t run away after all. And greetings.” Nil gave the Old Master a quick bow. The old man raised his brows.

“What’s going on here?”

Nil said they got in a fight and drifted all the way to the island. They used to have a normal human appearance, but decided to get a horse frame to hide from old enemies from the port.

“So, the radar wasn’t off… there were vessels around the island.” The Old Master nodded. “Can you walk? My house is up the hill. If you can get there, I can get you patched up.”

“I can try.” Nil got up and limped after the two islanders.

The Old Master managed to get Nil patched up within a week. Sud got to ride on his new friend’s back and boast to the others on the island. His mother smiled and did not object, though he wished she at least said that it was dangerous to ride a cyborg around.

Nil’s hooves allowed them to walk on water. Sud did not understand when they explained the principle, so he just thought of it as cyborg magic.

Although Nil kept complaining about having to babysit and being constantly pranked by Sud (that included being poked in the butt with a stick, getting constantly splashed with seawater, being fed chilis, among other things), everyone could see that they got along very well. Nil was Sud’s solution to boredom.

As they ventured out to sea one morning, Sud saw a vessel approaching.

“Nil, let’s take a closer look.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea? What if they’re pirates? What if they’re after me? You’ll drown trying to reach land on your own.” The cyborg was reluctant, but the boy kept kicking their sides with his ankles.

“Come on! Quit being such a bore!”

“I’m just concerned for your wellbeing. Oh well, if you die, that’s none of my business.”

Sud felt that the yacht looked somewhat familiar. When the duo approached, they could see a mop of curly hair, then a face of an exhausted young man appearing from the yacht’s lower room.

“Hey! Who are you?! What are you doing here?!” The boy waved, and the young man returned the gesture. He stopped the yacht as Sud approached.

“Hey, long time no see, Sud! You’ve grown so much! What’s going on here? Where did you get this pet horse?”

“I am not a horse!” Nil shook their head, almost like a real horse.

“Do I know you?” Sud raised his brows.

“Right, you were three when I left. I’m your older brother.”

The boy gawked.

“You’re Sin?! I dunno, you look nothing like the Sin I remember.”

“Well, people grow up, so there’s that. When you were younger, you used to pinch my toes with crabs or pour fish sauce into our drinks, remember?”

Sud looked at his brother from head to toe.

His curly hair remained the same, but he grew so tall and muscular that Sud did not make the connection. He also had a yaksha tattoo on his back in black ink, its round eyes glaring at whoever stood behind him.

“You’re really Sin?! What happened?! Where’s dad?! What’s going on?! Why are you here?! Can I get on the boat too? I miss you! I think.”

“Hey, hold your horses. I missed you too, Sud, but I’m not sure my boat can fit your not-a-horse. Why don’t you go on ahead and wait for me at the beach? We’ve been apart a few years. Surely you can wait a few more minutes?”

“Nope, not doing that. I’m going to follow you!”

Nil walked along as the yacht sailed to the island. When they reached land, they found the Old Master and a few islanders, including Sud’s mother, waiting for them.

Sin froze when he saw the woman. He stared at her, taking in her every detail. His brother had to yank his arm to get him to move.

“Sin!” The woman hugged him tight. “I’ve missed you. Where is your father? Is he coming as well?”

Pain flashed across the young man’s face, but it quickly gave way to a smile.

“No, I’m the only one coming. I just wanted to see you. Things have been… rough.” He sighed. “Save that for later. How are things over here? Everyone healthy? And what’s up with that not-a-horse?”

“My name is Nil!”

“Let’s talk inside, unless you want to stand in the sun forever.” The Old Master said, then he and the family went to Sud’s house.

To Nil’s surprise, Sin had heard of the port’s mafia that drove them to abandon their flesh.

“They’re the local mafia, and they have dealings with some big shots. I’m not going to ask what you did to get on their bad side, but it’s better you don’t set foot in their territory ever again. They can track you down, even in that not-a-horse frame.”

“I’m not going to live on this island forever, though.” Nil huffed. “I want to go back to being human.”

Sin’s mouth formed a straight line. He was thinking of someone, Sud could at least tell that much.

The young man updated them on how Apaimanee was doing. For the past few years, his father was deeply involved with Crystal’s big plan, whatever that was. To be more specific, it was Malee’s big plan. Langka’s boss, Huren, also funded the plan, but was not involved in its execution. Whatever it was, it was big.

“I felt that I needed to come back and visit before whatever they’re trying to do actually happened.” The young man tapped his knees absentmindedly. A black bird flew in through the window and perched on his shoulder.

“Su?! You’re Su, aren’t you?!” Sud pointed a finger at the bird.

“I’m surprised you remember me, brat.”

“Su, language.”

“Wow, I like this bird already.” Nil chuckled. “Are you a robot or are you human?”

“I’m a bird, bitch. Chirp, chirp.”

“They are Chan’s twin.” Sin answered. “Chan is also a cyborg, but with a human frame.”

Sin left Su to chat with Nil and his brother, while he talked to the girl who became a woman.

She was always the most beautiful person on the island, and the most beautiful person in his eyes. Time did not change that. Although her skin was weathered by the sun and wind, she was still beautiful, and her smile still charming.

He sat down beside her on the bamboo bed in front of the house.

“It’s been a while.” He spoke after a long pause.

“I still remember the time all of us lived together like yesterday.” She laughed. “I’m so glad I got to see you again.”

“Me too. Say…you remember the time we talked through the fence, right? I was a kid, and you weren’t so much older than me. I was just wondering… have you ever seen me as a friend?”

“I think so.” She tilted her head. “I’ve never been able to see you as my child, though. You’re not like Sud.”

“Really? You really think so?” Sin shot up. “What about my father? Have you ever seen him as your husband? Do you really, really love him?”

“I do.” It was a plain, simple answer.

Sin winced. He sat back down; shoulders slumped.

“Will you still say so after I tell you that he doesn’t love you anymore?”

The sounds of the ocean suddenly seemed very loud.

“Huh? What do you mean? Does he not love me anymore? Is that why…”

Sin took a deep breath, and words that were bottled up inside him for the past few weeks… no, past few years flowed out.

“He doesn’t love anyone. He forgot all about you. As I grew up and met more people, I came to understand that he never loved you. He just hungered for a ray of sunshine, and that’s what you were when you showed up at the fence. You were sweet and kind and innocent, and most importantly, you were unlike Madame Butterfly, the woman my father was manipulated to love. That’s why he made you his wife. He made you think you love him when you didn’t. You were just entranced, weren’t you? Both of you were just entranced with each other. It was the thrill you mistook for love, kind of like me being entranced by the first coffee I drank because I didn’t know any better coffee.”

She listened on, not saying a word.

“And even if you really do love him, he won’t come back to you. He’s done playing family. Will you really keep waiting for him forever?”

Sin waited for the answer. It was a long wait.

“I don’t know, but I’m already too old to change.”

“You’re not. To me, you’re still as beautiful as you were when we first met.”

“That is nice of you. Thank you.”

“I mean…” Sin sighed. “You’re really… I don’t know, you’re not like the city girls. They’d go for another man, go out and do what they want, get a dog, I don’t know. They won’t wait. But… I like this part about you, too.”

The woman only smiled. Sin was not sure how much she understood. To him, she will always be that beautiful, tan-skinned woman, but to her, he might still be that funny boy across the fence.

“People say I should find Sud a new father, too, but I don’t think I can marry anyone on this island.” She said, stretching her arms. She almost seemed bashful when speaking about love.

“What about me, then?”

She turned to him wide-eyed. Sin repeated the question and continued.

“What is it that you want to do? I don’t think all your life revolves around tending to the house and taking care of Sud. You had dreams, right? You must have someone that you wanted to be. You told me you wanted to be a florist, or a mermaid, or…”

“I am Sud’s mother and Apaimanee’s wife. That’s all there is, and that’s what everyone calls me.”

“What about you, yourself? It’s been so long and I don’t even know your name. I’ve always called you big sis, because you told me your parents didn’t name you. Isn’t it about time you give yourself a name?”

“I don’t think I need one, though. They call me ‘nong’ or things like that. Are you angry that I don’t have one?”

“To be honest, yeah, a little, but it’s not your fault.”

They sat in silent, watching the waves.

“One day, I’ll take you away from my father.” Sin stood up again, and took a step onto the sandy beach. “You’re his wife, Sud’s mother, your parent’s daughter… and that’s how you define yourself, but the more I thought of our time together at that apartment, I remember seeing something else. You wanted to become someone. You wanted to own a flower shop. You told me so, and you forgot all about it.” He clenched his fists. “I want you to know that you’re not defined by other people, just as I’m not defined by being Madame Butterfly’s son.”

“Did something happen?” She asked, and he sighed.

“You’re not going to say anything to the fact that I just told you that I want to be your husband?”

The woman lowered her head.

“I’m sorry…I…”

“It’s fine. I’m the one who has to apologize for dropping this on you out of the blue.”

Sin walked to the shoreline. The cold water touched his feet.

“One day, I’ll come back for you…and I hope one day, you’ll decide to give yourself a name.”

He spoke to himself and gazed at the horizon, where the mainland was. Then, he looked up at the sky.

His godmother’s life’s work is up there, orbiting, and soon, she would show it to the world. However, he had no business up there or anywhere but here.