Under Cool Lights

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had time to work on my training and experimentation, and one thing that I’ve learned is that I’m rather strange. Then again people have been saying that since my first day of school when I was still only knee high, maybe I’m a bit slow on the uptake.

My unique mana drain ability is apparently not something that others can learn, even after some time practicing and trying to cheat using our Chips no one can copy it. It’s nice to be unique, but I’d like for others to pick up the ability, pulling mana from the trash isn’t really the sort of task that an Empress should be undertaking, but at the moment I’m the only one who can efficiently go about the task.

I can use my tag ability to borrow a person’s sight, as can others, but where they need to have close contact with their target, I can reach just a little beyond my flesh. The same range as my mana drain.

Our current theory is that my unusual mana form can reach out beyond my flesh, this is likely caused by how I destroyed it and reformed it early on and continue to do so today.

Inspired by that, I attempted to flow mana outside of my body, but the result was what I can only describe as a magical tumour that sickens me to the core with just the thought of it. Clearing my head as we walk through the street, I try it again.

Mana spins up and through my fingertip, I push it out and try to maintain control over it as I pull the flow back into my body. I struggle to maintain it for a moment, but even as it stabilises, I feel disgusted by the sight of it, the feel of it. An extension of me, malformed and purposeless, a lump that isn’t right, isn’t me.

I unravel it quickly before it can burst, as it has in the past. There’s more I can do with this, but with so many other potential topics to study I don’t have the time for it. I can reach a little further beyond my flesh than others and that’s enough for now.

Practically speaking, the result of this is that I can walk through a thick crowd and tag people by the dozens without even rubbing shoulders. As such, Nel and I are casually walking through the busiest streets to spread my sight as far as possible.

Rapidly my understanding of this city is growing deeper, my sight expanding, but even so, it’s not even nearly as clear as my perception of my own city. I can still achieve a vague feel for every street and the people moving through them. By second nature, I can feel where there’s violence, and where there’s peace. Thankfully, I see nothing that demands my intervention.

This perception Skill is quickly becoming something more for me than just another Skill, it’s almost like a phantom limb that extends out into the world around me. My city is truly a part of me, and now I’m spreading my consciousness out into this city too. Only now, as my tendrils spread out through this town, do I realize how uncomfortable I’ve been without this sense.

“It’s nice here.” Nel says, sitting across from me as we settle in at the small restaurant. There are only a few people passing through the street beside us, and they’re mostly on the quiet side of things.

We strayed from the main thoroughfares after I stole enough eyes to establish myself here, and we were drawn in by the soft sound of a string instrument played on the street corner. After throwing a tip at the talented young insect, we noticed the fancy furniture and pleasant scents coming from here and found ourselves a table.

“It’s not bad.” I agree with Nel, as a waiter comes by with a dish of appetisers and a pleasant smile. With a few words we have meals coming, and a chance to relax, our adopted little insect kids are set up on tables around us, eagerly digging into their own meals, which we paid for.

The air is cool, and the lights slightly brighter than a full moon night, there are no insects bugging us, not mosquitoes nor assassins. As the meal arrives, I feel myself finally calming down and embracing the moment for what it is.

Nel delicately works her knife and fork, but there’s still a slight tremble to her motions.

“Nel?” I ask, reaching out to her hand.

“It’s fine. We’re fine.” Her voice is firm but the reply comes a little too quickly.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Do you want a list?” She replies with a quiet chuckle. “The assassins, the threat of another war, the kids… I rushed this pregnancy; I know that I did. It seemed the right thing to do in the moment, but I didn’t talk with anyone, and… are we really prepared for this?”

“You’re worried about our kids?” I ask, meeting her gaze while she tries to avoid mine. “Is anyone ever ready? We’ll do fine.”

“Will we?” Nel asks. “You’re still missing half the time for combat classes, and at any moment the Unified States might decide that we’re too beastly to live in civilisation and try to put collars on us. I haven’t properly attended my work up on the surface, I’m not sure that I’m even welcome up above anymore.”

“We’ll do fine.” I reply firmly. My mind racing through all the problems, and potential solutions. “We’ll give up being students when the kids are born. I’ll make sure to steal all the Skills and recruits we can find before then, and we can hide down here until we’ve figured out space magic.”

“Kyra.” Nel shakes her head. “I can take care of them, I chose this, and I want this family more than anything. I don’t want to burden you with more, just stay with me and make sure that you’re around often enough to-”

I sneak around the table and press a finger to her lips.

“Nel. I’m sure about this.” I reply. “It’s fine. There’s no reason to stay at the academy forever. I’ve always planned to move forwards, this is just setting a schedule, okay?”

“Okay.” She replies, relaxing a little and holding my hand tightly as the next wave of food is delivered to our tables, they’re not so smooth as Nel, when she does this sort of work.

“I’m scared.” Nel admits, cutting right to the point of the conversation. “I’m scared that I’ll lose this family. Through violence, through your passion and love fading, maybe you just get too busy with your wars, or any number of awful things and nothing you can say will make those fears go away.”

“I’m the same.” I reply, “It’s not as bad now as it was, but I worried about the same things. I’m still worried that Adler is going to change her mind and leave.”

“It’s not the same.” Nel replies, her voice distant as she grips me tightly. “I don’t want to ever let you go. I don’t want you to ever look away from me. When you’re all gone and I’m alone, I’m just left anxiously waiting for all of you to return home again. Even know I’m stressed because the others aren’t with us.

“Everything I do, is to reinforce and protect our family. I obsess over everything that could go wrong.”

“And we’re stronger for it.” I reply, resting my other hand over hers as her fingers press painfully into my arm. Her gaze cuts right through me, but she doesn’t let me go. “Nel?”

“Sorry.” She releases my hand and returns her attention to the food between us. “It’s just… I’m fine.”

“It’s okay, if you’re not okay.” I say, relaxing into my chair as I trace the swirling scars on my arms. The red finger marks that Nel’s fingers have left on me interrupt the flow. “The assassins were a surprise, and it’s not something that I’ll ever get used to.”

“The assassins…” Nel whispers looking down at her meal. The meat is still warm from the ovens, and I know that there’s no secrets buried in it that deserves as much consternation as she’s focused down upon it.

“Our children, and our family will be targets.” She says, cutting into the meal. “A weakness that others will want to exploit, just as I was today. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to be a warrior, but if I can’t fight then I can’t protect our children when the time comes.

“These assassins were bought off of the street and they were that close to us. Could you have protected us the same if we had our kids with us? Mewling babes, able only to scream?”

“I’d have used my magic.” I reply, “I could’ve killed them all in a moment if we needed to get reckless.”

“Perhaps, but perhaps you wouldn’t be there. Too slow, too far, any of a dozen things.” Nel replies. “I… don’t think we’ll ever be strong enough.”

“I’m plenty strong enough by now. Arduelle and Frey are looking out for us, too.” I say, “It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it. I’m sure there are Skills that I can pick up that will help me see through illusions so that this doesn’t happen again. I’ll look into it.”

“It won’t be enough.” Nel whispers, her hands flat against the table. “Every day I struggle to make things perfect, but we can never have perfection, as we can never have safety. It’s eating at me, Kyra. I’m struggling to give our children a perfect life, but I’ll fail them in a million different ways no matter how I try. No matter how much we struggle, bad things are going to happen to us.”

“They will.” I concede, struggling to find the right words to calm her down. I know the same fears, the same worries. My own obsessions and terror at the thought of losing my lovers, of my life being stripped of it’s meaning because of my own weakness and failures.

“We’ll be ready for anything.” I say to her, holding her hand tightly. “We still can’t stop everything bad from happening, we can only do our best. It’ll be enough.”

Nel shakes her head firmly, her eyes sparkling under the cool lights.

“I want to do better.” She says. “My mind is constantly stuck on those thoughts, and my heart is forever caught in a panic, trying to find every problem before it’s a problem. Yet, I still didn’t see the assassins.”

She slouches over the table, poking at the warm steak on her plate.

There’s only so many times I can say that we’ll be fine before it gets pointless, so instead I offer her a hand and pull her from her chair.

“Kyra?”

“I can’t stop you from worrying, but I can offer some distractions.” I say, as we leave the soothing music behind and head into the busier parts of town.

If there’s any recognised form of night here, then I don’t yet see signs of it. The music is replaced by chatter and footsteps, a mess of voices and sights all blending together. We missed this on our first pass through town, which I’m sure was the intention of our guards, but now it’s much more useful to rub shoulders and steal eyes.

Our slayer guards have not left us, but stay at the ready nearby, watching us and the people near us with great care.

“What do you think we should do about the insects, and the others who reproduce beyond control?” I ask. “We have to ensure that our people have enough food, and enough room to grow, what do we do?”

“I’m not sure.” Nel answers, her grip tightening around my hand.

“What’s it like at your home? Are there rules about how many children you can have?”

“We… do not have such rules, no.” She replies. I can see that her thoughts have spun in a new direction, but no less unpleasant than the worries that bothered her before.

“Our people are in a unique position.” She replies steadily. “It is difficult to maintain. Our extended relatives breed massive violent swarms, and they have no desire to curry favour with the Unified States and their officers. There is… conflict between us.”

“How bad?” I ask, knowing that it has to be difficult.

“I haven’t personally experienced it.” She replies. “I’m… distant from it. In order to fight without fighting, any third child is sent out to the great barriers. As you know, we cannot kill and maintain our position as a second-grade civilisation, but we work around that rule through traps.

“The great barriers extend around our colonies, and are so heavily trapped that our neighbours, and the wild beasts, both know to keep a distance. Still, to maintain the furthest traps, men and women are forced out into dangerous lands. It is costly, but necessary.”

“You’ve lost friends?” I ask.

“Never.” She replies, whispering quietly. “I told you that my great, great grandfather established my family, but I failed to explain just how long ago that was. There is no rank in our society, there mustn’t be or else the welfare officers view us poorly, but even they allow for certain people to experience more privilege than others.

“My family is one such privileged family.” She replies. “I’ve never lost anyone, and I hope never to.”

I nod slowly, while slowly digesting the revelation that my lover is an equivalent to a princess. I swear that she called her family normal at some point, or was I imagining that? Then again, what is normal in this strange, twisted universe.

This certainly would explain a few things.

“I wouldn’t wish for you to take advice from my home. Not on this. To send out our children to die so that there’s food enough for those who stay… it’s an awful thing.”

“It is.” I reply. “I don’t know what we’ll do, but not that.”

“We still have some time.” Nel replies, easing her grip on me. I think her anxiety has eased at some point, discussing her home and family might have made her slightly more comfortable. The thought that our children will have a better future with us than they would elsewhere, it’s soothing to know that we aren’t going to be awful parents.

“I want an empire where everyone can be free and happy.” I say, “But maybe we’ll have to make a few concessions. Ensure that we limit how many children people can have depending on how much food and land we have to spare.”

I still don’t like the thought, but every alternative is sounding worse by the day. I’m vaguely aware of China’s one child policy, and some complaints levied against it, but it seems as though I should take some time to study all the arguments involved, and examples from other societies, because I don’t want to make a mistake that could’ve been avoided by a little studying.

“We’ll do okay.” I say. “As parents, and leaders of this brewing civilisation, we’ll do alright.”

“We’ll have to.” Nel agrees, nodding her head slowly, her eyes closed.

“I love you.” I tell her, the words coming to mind unbidden.

“I love you, too.” She replies, a little more relaxed than she was as she pulls me a little closer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Skills & Stats

~Mana Form:

Current mana density: 18481 units

~Mana distribution:

Defence: 20/100%

Offense: 20/100%

Mana sense: 20/100%

Recovery: 20/100%

Gluttony: 10/100%

Misc.: 10/100%

Efficiency: 100/100%

~Favourited Skills:

-Tag and Film

-Trapping

-Stealth

-Mana surge movement

-Annihilation defence

-Annihilation flame burst

-Annihilation net

-Eyes of an Empire

Adaptions:

-Quick perception mind

-Annihilation Heart

-Clean bowels