The One Night

There I was.

In the middle of a situation I had never been in before. I felt like I was supposed to acknowledge I had just made mistake – but I didn’t. My head was spinning through a multitude of emotions and regret was not one of them.

Warm.

Comfortable.

What was that feeling?

Was that happiness?

I wouldn’t know, I hadn’t felt it in so long I couldn’t even remember what it was supposed to feel like.

At home, that is all I could say, it felt like being at home. It was like lying in bed with the fire on, watching some obligatory show on Netflix, cuddled up next to a loved one with a nice cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter's night.

It was safe.

Safe like the arms of a long-lost friend, which, like that friend, I welcomed with a warm embrace.

How could I feel like that?

Her motionless body strewn across the bed – put there by me.

This is the culmination of everything in my life, but how did it get to this point?

It feels like a dream, where were we?

We were at the bar, we were drinking.

Yes, we were having a nice time – a very nice time with friends.

Then the trivia came on, I remembered the trivia – I didn’t get a single question right, which was totally out of character for me.

Why was that?

All I could remember was her face, there was nothing else there – maybe I just had my attention set on one thing. There was nothing else I could think of; a man's muffled voice rang in the background.

“What is the capital of Mexico?”

Yes, Mexico; it’s a trick question because the capital of Mexico is just Mexi-

God, she’s beautiful.

What was I thinking?

Who cares, I wonder what she was thinking.

We seemed to get along; did she like me?

Should I have been infatuated like that? What was wrong with me?

My phone vibrated. Mood lost.

It was the third missed text from her in the hour, she was getting pushy again. I couldn’t just go out and have a nice time.

Screw the phone; in the backpack it went.

It wasn’t useful there anyway.

She put her arm around me and whispered in my ear.

“I might have to stay at yours for a while after this, my ride doesn’t arrive ‘til much later – is that okay?”

I clung to every word, every syllable – yes, of course it was okay, she could stay for as long as she wanted.

But no.

My mind formed more than just words of lunacy and casually told her that would be fine, yes, that would be just fine.

I wanted her to myself; I told her I was going home quite a while before I had originally intended.

It was almost midnight; that was when her ride came, and I wanted her to spend just a little bit of time alone with me before the night ended.

Yes, I was being selfish – but I did it so rarely so I let myself have just that one time.

Home.

Yes, I would never get used to that phrase but I was going home.

Limping.

Why was I limping?

Oh yes, I forgot, my foot hurt.

I had impaled it on my bed only two nights previous – I got caught off balance.

Our hands touched.

The world stopped; and as I slowly stood upright, our hands detached – the most unnatural feeling in the world.

I went back to grab her hand, that time not by accident. I lead her to my door and we went inside.

Tired.

Bed.

Home.

We felt these things in synchronisation.

I leaned over her on the bed.

Kiss.

I opened my eyes; she was still lying on the bed.

Beautiful.

She smiled at me – I stopped thinking; something I don’t do often.

I crawled up to her and kissed her on the head.

She smiles.

“You’re an idiot. I love you”

I loved her too, but I was almost too speechless to say it.

I was terrible at using words at a time like that, so I just embraced her.

She knew what it meant; it was everything from “I love you more than anything in the world” to “Please never leave me”.

That moment was perfect.