Chapter 13:

Can I have it?

School For The Mediums

Click!Bookmark here

I hurriedly slammed Dr. Satori’s office behind me and sped forwards. Bookmark here

Did I hear her correctly? Or am I hearing things again?Bookmark here

It is the ferryman to the lake of the those living not dead.Bookmark here

That cryptic message…it sounds just like what Fuji-san said. I swallow and gulp, but nothing I can do is keeping my head on straight. My heart is thumping, my face is burning, and I feel every hair on my skin standing up. Bookmark here

‘Then maybe soon you will.’Bookmark here

What does that mean? What does any of this mean? First the voices were saying strange things and now in real life I’m hearing even more stranger things? Bookmark here

What is going on? Bookmark here

“Hadiza?” Mom jumps out of her seat the moment she sees me coming form the hall. “Out so soon already---?”Bookmark here

“---I’m ready to go.” I cut through her speech. Bookmark here

“Huh, what’s wrong---?” Bookmark here

SLAM!Bookmark here

I slam the clinic doors and hurry to the car. Bookmark here

I can’t stand this anymore. Bookmark here

I don’t understand what any of what happening means, and I’m at my limit here. I can’t stand anymore of this. Bookmark here

“Hey! Hadiza?” Mom grabs me tight by the arm, stopping me from going any further. “What is going on?”Bookmark here

I sniffle, trying to hold myself together. “It’s nothing.” Bookmark here

Her brows pinch and her eyes soften. “It doesn’t look like anything. What happened back there? You can’t just go storming out of places like that.”Bookmark here

My lips scrunch up a little as I try get the flood gates back. “I’m sorry.” Bookmark here

“I know you are.” Her grip loosens and her free hand gently rubs my shoulder. “And I know this isn’t like you. You aren’t yourself right now.” Bookmark here

I can’t help but to pull my eyes to the ground. Bookmark here

“We’re going to figure what’s wrong with you. Don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.” That what she’s telling me, but I don’t hear any amount of conviction in her voice. Bookmark here

With a frown, I give her a weak, “Sure.” Bookmark here

“Alright.” She tries to grow a reassuring smile. But it’s not exactly working, because what I get instead is a lopsided smile. “Now,” Mom continues locking her elbow with mines, “how about we get something sweet before we head home?” Bookmark here

“It’s a school day.” I walk with her towards the car. Bookmark here

“Oh, I already told your school you’d be out for the day…and a few more.” She has her eyes straight ahead.Bookmark here

“Why?” I keep my pace matching hers. I know the answer is because she thinks I’m crazy.Bookmark here

“It’s just while sort things out, Hadiza.” Bookmark here

“Sort out that I’m going crazy?” I bluntly say. Bookmark here

We’re only a few steps to the car, but every foot forward the beat of our feets hit heavy. Bookmark here

“You’re not crazy, Hadiza.” She hugs my elbow a little closer towards her.Bookmark here


“…But what do we do if I am?” Bookmark here

Mom stops and drops my elbow. Bookmark here

For a second, her eye lids droop, her lips firm and stiffen, and that disappointed disheartened look I see so many times around me, happens. Bookmark here

My chest stings the instant I see it. Bookmark here

“You’re not crazy, Hadiza,” she says again in a quiet mutter. Bookmark here

I know I hear those words but I don’t think I believe those words. Bookmark here

“Now, come on. I want ice cream.” She turns from me and takes the last few steps to the car. Bookmark here

With a sigh, I follow behind her and slide into the passenger seat. Bookmark here

Click!Bookmark here

I slam the door and settle into my seat. Bookmark here

“Ice cream is fine with you?” She puts her keys into the ignition.Bookmark here

“Yeah.” I tug my seatbelt. Bookmark here

“That’s doesn’t sound very excited.” She glances at me from the cut of her eyes before focusing on driving onto the road. Bookmark here

“Yeah.” I lean my head against the car window. The slight and bump and wobble of the car my head vibrate and bob against the glass. Bookmark here

“Want some music?” I can hear Mom fiddling with the radio. Bookmark here

Out. Out. Let me out. Out. Out. Let me out. OUT. OUT. OUT. OUT. OUT. Bookmark here

My shoulders raise up into a natural shrug. “It doesn’t matter.” Bookmark here

“Well, alright Miss Grumpy. I just thought you’d want some judging how much you’ve been listening to music on your earphones.”Bookmark here

“Please don’t call me Miss Grumpy,” I reply.Bookmark here

The name gives me cringing shivers. All I can picture is Dr. Satori in her weird clown get up. Bookmark here

Mom lets out a little chuckle. “Why not, Miss Grumpy?” Bookmark here

“Mom, I’m serious.” I give her a side eye. Bookmark here

She peeks at me. “Oh, you’re not fun these days, Diza.”Bookmark here

Ugh.” A heavy groan leaps from my throat. “No nicknames please.” Bookmark here

Mom softly laughs. “Why not?” Bookmark here

“Because I just don’t want to hear it.” I position myself a little more comfortable against the car door. “Also, that Dr. Satori in there was a con.” Bookmark here

Hara Hadiza, do not badmouth people,” she scoldingly says. “Besides you should be more grateful. Dr. Satori is very well known. We were lucky to have been able to fit on her schedule for free. I was speaking to the other nurse from the hospital and she said, most consultations with Dr. Satori cost thousands of dollars. Can you believe that?” Bookmark here

“No.” Bookmark here

Hadiza.”Bookmark here

She’s not going to believe me if I say Dr. Satori was dressed as a clown. So, I fold my arms tightly over my chest. Bookmark here

“I can see you’re making a face, Hadiza.” Bookmark here

Momentarily, I feel her eyes swipe past me. Bookmark here

“Did the session not go well?” Bookmark here

I shrug. Bookmark here

“What did you two talk about?” Bookmark here

I shrug again. Bookmark here

“Did you feel like it helped?” Bookmark here

HEY, YOU.Bookmark here

That answer is clear. Bookmark here

“Well, however it went. Dr. Satori has offered to give you a few more sessions.” Bookmark here

I lift my head from the car window. “I don’t ever want to see that woman again.” Bookmark here

Mom stops at a red light and turns to peer at me with wide bulbous eyes. “Those are some strong feelings. Did the session go that bad?” Bookmark here

HEY. CAN I HAVE IT?Bookmark here

“Yeah.” I lean my head back against the window. Bookmark here

CAN I HAVE IT?Bookmark here

“Are you going to explain?” Bookmark here

The light turns green and Mom cruises down the streets. Bookmark here

“Do you really think I need a psychologist?” Bookmark here

“Hadiza, come on,” Mom painfully sighs. Bookmark here

“Who knows? Maybe I have a brain tumor or something?” I keep my voice low and as a weary whisper. Bookmark here

“Hadiza.”Bookmark here

“Maybe I’m missing pieces of brain after my heart stopped.” Bookmark here

“Hadiza, you know the doctors already said you’re healthy. This is not your brain…it’s…” She lingers. Bookmark here

CAN I HAVE YOUR BODY?Bookmark here

Something mental. We both know that. Bookmark here

Mom glances over to me again. “Look, what I’m to say is that whatever’s going on. We’re going to figure it. It can be fixed. I’m sure.” Bookmark here

That’s what she says. But is it convincing?Bookmark here

CAN I HAVE YOUR BODY?Bookmark here

Sighs.” I rub my forehead. Sometimes I get voices like these that just don’t give up. Bookmark here

“I mean, Hadiza,” Mom tells me. Bookmark here

“I’m not sighing at that.” I adjust my head. Bookmark here

“Oh.” Bookmark here

“Yeah.” Bookmark here

Suddenly, we dip into awkward silence as Mom stops at another red light. Bookmark here

Tick! Tick! Tick!Bookmark here

The clicking of the car’s turning signal echoes in the car. Bookmark here

“Maybe they’ll have you’ll favorite ice cream today.” Mom tries to fill in the silence. Bookmark here

“Sure.” I look out the window. Bookmark here

“I don’t know about you, but I am craving something extra sweet like a banana split.” Bookmark here

“Mhm.”Bookmark here

Mom knows her small talk isn’t working, but she continues to speak anyway. Bookmark here

“Maybe I’ll get some chocolate bits on top. Switch things up a bit. And I know you’re going to get the Neapolitan.” Bookmark here

“Yeah.” Bookmark here


Sighs.” I wince. “Maybe some music would be nice.”Bookmark here

“Yeah, I think so too.” Mom eagerly reaches for the radio. She’s more than happy to fill in my cold boring responses. Bookmark here

A part of me wants to feel bad for responding this way. I know she’s trying. But I am too. Bookmark here

I SAID LET ME HAVE IT.Bookmark here

Huh.Bookmark here

“I’ll find a good station, while this red light takes forever,” she playfully sighs. Bookmark here

Why do I feel so cold?Bookmark here

HAVE IT?Bookmark here

A violent trembling is staring in my body. A chilly glacial freeze my skin. Bookmark here

Schhhhrhhh!Bookmark here

“Ouch, no static!” Mom quickly swaps through the station. Bookmark here

I can’t feel my hands. Bookmark here

What’s happening?Bookmark here

Click.Bookmark here

“Hm, Hadiza?” Mom looks over to me. Bookmark here

What…am I doing?Bookmark here

Why am I unbuckling my seatbelt?Bookmark here

“Hadiza what are you doing---?”Bookmark here

---CLICK! Bookmark here

What am I doing?Bookmark here

My body moves on its own. Bookmark here

I open the car door and step into the road. Bookmark here

Miao Miao
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