Atmosphere / 空気

Not much than a day later, I was now leaving the doorstep of my house. I told my parents I was meeting up with one of my friends tonight, when, in fact, it was my first date with anyone, be it a woman or man. To be fair, I’d get embarrassed just by stating I have a girlfriend or boyfriend in front of them. Hence, I was avoiding it at all costs for now. Fortunately for me, there were still buses around that time of the day, 7:30 PM. And that’s what I did—I took advantage of the availability of public transportation in order to arrive at my desired destination.

By the time I got there, Sora was waiting for me, sitting on a bench’s right side, as if reserving the remaining part of it for a special someone. As I got closer, she noticed me and waved.

“Hi! You can sit next to me. Here.”

She put the palm of her hand on the other half of the bench, signaling it was free and also where I was supposed to sit.

“Okay.”

Once we were both sitting next to each other, she put an end to the brief period of silence and directed her speech to me.

“Umm, I guess we’re both embarrassed.”

“Yeah… sorry. It’s my first time on a date and—”

“Really? Then I’m the one who should apologize. You see, this is not my first time on a date and you’re not the first person I have dated. I just assumed the same applied to you, sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

A tense silence took over the atmosphere. However, my date sought to end it right then and there.

“I take it you’re hungry, right?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Then there’s only a way to fill that gap in your stomach! Let’s find a restaurant to dine at. I don’t want to be stuck here doing small talk.”

“Yes!”

Our next stop was decided. We left the park and walked around our surroundings, seeking places where we could have a nice evening meal. Luckily, it didn’t take us long to find one.

Now inside, a waitress escorted us to a table yet to be reserved, as pretty much every remaining one was either occupied or accompanied by a folded piece of paper on top with a “reserved” message written. We both took a seat at a round table with two opposing chairs.

As the waitress left, Sora was quick to pick up the menu and see what the restaurant had to offer. Finishing rapidly, she handed it over to me.

“It’s your turn now, Natsuko, I already picked what I want.”

“And what did you pick?”

“Carbonara.”

“Ah okay. I promise I’ll be quick to choose.”

“No need to rush. Just because I was quick, doesn’t mean you have to be as well.”

“I know.”

As I made my choice, I put the menu in the center of the round surface. Noticing it, Sora raised her hand, and the same waitress who welcomed us approached our table.

“Misses, have you decided on what you’ll have?”

“Yes. I’ll have a Spaghetti a la Carbonara.”

“A Lasagna for me, please.”

“What about the drinks?”

“Matcha tea for me.”

“Same here.”

The woman in formal clothes noted all of it down.

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

The waitress left.

Frankly, I was surprised. In all three questions, she rushed to express her request first to the waitperson, excited. She, the one who commented on my apparent rush to pick what I was going to eat and drink, telling me I didn’t have to be as fast as her.

“Kisen, you truly didn’t strike me as a Carbonara kind of person.”

“Yes, I’m a big fan of it. And you chose a Lasagna. Isn’t that a bit too basic?”

“Maybe, but I really like simple things such as that. Carbonara’s also a common pick. Which would make the both of us just as basic,” I let out a small laugh.

“You’re right,” she laughed along.

She grew even more impatient.

“Man, I hope they don’t make us wait much for our food.”

“Look who’s in a hurry right now.”

“Ehhh? I am simply starving, that’s all.”

“If you’re not patient enough, it’s on you. After all, you were the one who chose our dining place.”

“I guess you’re right,” she sighed.

Thankfully, our dishes and drinks were somewhat quick to arrive.

The food was tasty, and the tea was worth the wait. Turns out my date partner knew the area well enough to select just the right restaurant. We had a great time.

After that date, as time passed by, Sora and I started meeting at school more often and went on a few more dates. However, just as our relationship evolved, the rumors about the ever-popular Sora Kisen dating someone like me grew beyond background noise and became the most talked about topic in the student body by the end of the first half of March. I could often hear “is Kisen really dating her?” and “I can’t believe she’s dating such a low-tier student, she deserves better” in the corridors.

Time passed, and it was now March twenty-first. My second year of senior high school was nearing its end, however, something else was also about to meet a similar fate, unbeknownst to me at the time.

As the tiny ten minutes break began, Sora and I headed to a place within school grounds where we could talk alone, as she requested earlier that morning.

When we arrived—albeit neither of us noticed—there was a girl watching us both behind a wall. She had the look of someone who was witnessing the same scene again. A déjà vu.

The popular girl started the conversation.

“Natsuko, you’re probably wondering why I called you here so suddenly. I… have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I… want to break up with you.”

As soon as the sound waves from “break” reached my ear canal and hit the eardrum, pure shock took over my facial expression. My next words carried an intense mix of worry, surprise, and disappointment.

“Huh? What… do you mean? Why?”

“Over the last two months, I became a laughingstock for most of the student body. They mocked me for dating not only a girl but also a complete nobody like you.”

Nobody.

As she stated that word, having heard it loud and clear in her hiding spot, the observing student was starting to feel bad for me, witnessing things play out the same again.

I, on the other hand, was still as shocked as ever. She had chosen to show her true colors at last. I muttered my response, in a half lifeless tone, no longer taken over by surprise or indecision.

“Nobody? Is that what I always was to you? Someone you can discard as soon as you get tired of playing with them?”

“Natsuko, I am sorry but—”

“Popularity speaks louder, doesn’t it? I was too blind to see the truth. How could someone so popular ever truly love me?”

Seeing herself ever more cornered, she attempted to raise her tone over me and sugarcoat the whole situation.

“It’s not what you’re thinki—”

“Stop lying already. I don’t even want to know how many lies you’ve shoved in my head. But, please, can you at least be honest this one time? Please, tell me. Was all of this a lie?”

At that point, I couldn’t hold my tears anymore, so I burst out crying.

Sora changed her composure.

Just this once. She owed me that, at the very least.

Or that’s what I thought at that moment. Was either of us really in the wrong? Wasn’t I being too greedy, demanding someone else’s love? Was it wrong to pick everyone else’s approval over mine? I wasn’t able to answer it back then and I still can’t.

“I loved you and still do, but... my reputation is more important to me. Sorry.”

“Thank you for being sincere. However, I still hate you. I hate you for not having the courage to go against the atmosphere. I hate you for being selfish and not caring enough about me. I really, really, hate you!!!”, I shouted desperately, letting all my anger out. I could never ever forgive her for what she did.

“Thanks. I would forever hate you if you didn't hate me,” she strangely smiled.

For some reason, she was relieved to know I hated her from the depths of my heart. Maybe she thought that's what someone like her deserved after doing what she had done.

In the classrooms, a handful of students heard my shout very well, and so, the rumor of the break-up spread like wildfire throughout the school that same day, with Sora confirming everything later that day. Things eventually went back to how they used to be, normal.

The mysterious observer made herself visible to me after the popular student left. It was my loyal friend, Nakano.

“Are you okay?”

I wiped the tears streaming down my face.

“I don’t know. Were you watching us both from here all this time?”

“Yes. I’m very sorry.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Ever since the day she asked you out, I suspected this would happen. I had heard from other people in class that she had rejected guys before for similar reasons and wasn’t trustworthy. Still, I believed it’d be different if she was dating a girl, so I never intervened. The truth is that the fact she was dating a girl instead only made the rumors of her dating worse. I was too blind to realize the same situation would repeat. Sorry.”

Hearing that, my instant reaction was to stretch out my arms and hug her.

“Thanks for worrying about me, Nakano.”

We both returned to the classroom to avoid being late for class.