Elicit Emotions: Cole

As Madison, Lucas, Hazel, and I made our way over to our stuff, our melancholy vibe was multiplied as we saw our other teammates.

Even before we spoke, from the captain’s hunched posture to the silence in our corner, it was obvious what the result of the match was.

Four wins, two losses.

As we all compared notes, it was obvious that the captain lost due to his lack of focus on grappling. His opponent apparently took him down to the ground with judo before quickly finishing the match in their specialty.

Our captains were completely defeated.

Even with our team’s previous four wins, the two losses from our best competitors were heavy enough to overpower the victorious feelings we had felt.

As Lucas excused himself to say goodbye to his “friend” and the rest of the club joked with the captains to cheer them up, the suffocating atmosphere forced me to go outside once again for some fresh air.

As I basked in the overcast sun, a nostalgic voice suddenly called out to me as an arm wrapped around the back of my neck.

“Is that the Cole Miles?” He spoke enthusiastically as if we were best friends.

Ughhhhhhhhhh.

“Hey Blake, I didn’t know you were here.” I replied in a forced friendly tone.

“Well, I decided to leave the west coast for university but, to my surprise, I found a familiar face!”

“What a wacky coincidence.” The fake smile on my face began to make my muscles sore.

“If you hadn’t already guessed, I’ll be competing in this little tournament.” He continued, completely oblivious to my discomfort, “By the way, I couldn’t help but notice you weren’t listed as one of the advanced competitors, what’s up with that?”

Here we go…

“Oh yeah, about that. I’ve decided to not compete anymore.” I replied awkwardly, distancing myself from his hold. “Been focusing on other stuff and not really feeling up to competing, y’know?”

After a moment of confused silence, he continued as though nothing phased him.

“You do you, Boo.” He replied, giving me a wink, “Makes my fights easier if I don’t have to compete against you. I was worried when I saw you at first.”

“Good luck with that…” I said, still barely masking my discomfort. “Speaking of, I should head back to my team. Let’s catch up sometime later.”

As I finished my sentence, I already began walking back into the building, not waiting for his response.

Instead of going back to my group, I took a hard right directly into the bathroom as I fiddled with my phone.

As I paced awkwardly in the single restroom, the dial tone was abruptly interrupted by a click and worried voice.

“Cole, what’s wrong? You never call me out of the blue like this.” My mom spoke with a mildly panicked voice.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” I assured her before continuing, “I’m just calling to ask what you think about transferring schools.”

After a deafening silence, she spoke up again.

“What happened Cole?”

“Nothing happened really.” I replied quietly, “I just ran into Blake again.”

“Your MMA tournament buddy?”

“That would be him, yeah.”

A long, digitized sigh came through my phone speaker.

“Honey, you can’t just run away as soon as someone recognizes you.” My mom began sternly, “I let you move across the country despite everything going on because I knew how you felt but you can’t keep running from your past like this.”

“I’ve heard the London has excellent weather this time of year.” I replied jokingly, uncomfortable with the conversation.

“Cole…” I could feel my mom’s disapproving gaze through the voice call.

“Sorry.”

“Haven’t you made friends and had fun there?”

“Define friends…”

“Cole, you’re going to have to talk to me if you want my help.”

After a brief silence, I replied solemnly.

“I mean, I have had some good times and have gotten familiar with a few people…”

“But?”

“But we aren’t super close or anything.”

After another digitized sigh, my mom began talking again.

“Is this about your health?”

My stayed silent.

“Cole, you can’t push everyone away from you because of stuff like that.” My mom began sounding more and more sad as she spoke. “I know it’s hard but not making friends or caring about anything will only cause you more pain.”

I continued to wallow in my silence.

“Promise me you’ll actually try to get ‘super close’ to those people you were talking about before. For me.”

“I’m not worried about my own suffering.” I finally replied in a whisper.

“I know.” My mom said softly. “I know.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too Cole.”

I hung up the phone and remained motionless for a few more moments.

My trance was only broken by my phone suddenly vibrating in my hand.

“Wya? We’re going to leave soon.”

Lucas’s message brought me back to reality, in this small bathroom.

God, it smells awful.

After gathering myself mentally, I opened the door and rejoined the group.

“There you are!” Lucas rushed over to me as I came close. “We were just talking about where to go next.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, since we won most of our matches, we need to go out to celebrate!” Lucas said excitably. “Plus, none of us have eaten since this morning aside from the occasional energy bars.”

I stared at him blankly as he finished.

“Any suggestions for where to go?” Lucas elbowed me expectantly.

“I guess I could go for a smoothie right about now.”

Despite his enthusiasm, as soon as I offered a suggestion, he couldn’t hide his surprise.

“So that means you’ll be joining us then? Right?”

“I guess so.”

His smile widened to the point where it hurt to look at. Instantly, he was running around the group and vigorously searching for places nearby with good smoothies.

Idiot.

I assimilated into the group as we decided on a place to go and began walking back to our van.

As I began falling out of step with everyone, Lucas came back to assure me.

“I know it can be a bit suffocating at first but don’t worry, our club socials are a blast once you get into it!”

I couldn’t even muster up a counter argument.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” I replied jokingly, slowly being absorbed by the atmosphere.

With all the joking and joy in the group, I could barely remember how downtrodden everyone was after the last matches.

Maybe I needed this.

As I was spacing out, basking in the breeze and sun, Lucas called out to me from the van.

“We’re going to leave without you!”

“You better not!” I yelled back as I ran over to the van.

As I took my seat in the van, I could feel a smile forming on my face.

This time, it was real.