Advice / アドバイス

During our homeroom period, Yokoyama noticed we were clearly taking opposite paths, as if something was going on between us.

“Umm, Ueno? Is it just me, or are those two avoiding each other?”

“So it seems…,” he slowly articulated.

“Any idea why?”

How the mighty have fallen. The same shoujo and romcom manga expert who had on multiple past occasions wildly inferred we were dating or liked each other now failed to see the obvious.

“How should I know?”

“Aren’t you his best friend? I assumed you were aware.”

“There are things he doesn’t tell me. Perhaps Kimura knows. Ask her instead. Also, what do you take me as, a Yuki Ishida database?”

“Sorry. Albeit you are, indeed, a valuable database for all things school related.”

“That is an entirely distinct matter. Plus, don’t underestimate me, I’m more than a mere repository. You should know this well. A database is useless without processing power. A database can’t draw conclusions by itself.”

“Yes.”

That affirmative answer marked the end of their chat.

A few days passed. When I was wandering the corridors after leaving club activities earlier than usual, I unfortunately came across the worst person at the worst time. Having read this far, chances are you’ve ascertained who I’m referring to by now.

A terrestrial being marginally taller than me quickly shortened the gap between us, following me to where I was heading, my safe refuge—an empty classroom. But don’t be fooled—it was no ordinary classroom. That was precisely the location where the meetings of the almighty science club took place.

I hurriedly unlocked the door—I was tasked with the keys today—and opened it, slamming it after entering holy grounds. It proved to be ineffective, however, as that frightening presence made it just in time to prevent the sealing of the room.

The door met its left foot. She fully opened it, looking for something. Not any something, me. Carefully probing each and every inch of that sacred shrine.

“Hey, are you here?”

She examined, and examined, and examined.

“He’s got to be here, I followed him here,” she reflected with a pensive face.

Hearing a metallic noise, she easily realized where it came from.

Crap! She discovered where I was hiding! I had been cornered, there was no mistaking it.

Step by step, she got nearer to the metal closet. Tension kept rising, and so did my inability to figure out a way out of this mess.

Inevitably, she undid the superficial locks and my shamefaced silhouette was at last revealed.

“Found you.”

When we were sitting on opposing sides of a table, facing each other, she kickstarted the conversation.

“Why did you run from me?”

“Me? Running from you? No, you got it all wrong. I was fleeing from a mosquito.”

“Ah, I see. They’re terrifying insects.”

“So, can I go now?”

“No. I have a topic of utmost importance to discuss with you.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

In reality, I just wanted to get it done with as soon as possible.

“The other day, I secured top secret intel.”

“And?”

“I couldn’t believe it at first, but…”

“Spill it.”

“I got word you’re dating someone.”

How in the hell did this rumor come to be? Is talking with someone else on school grounds, away from any unwanted attention, the same as asking them out these days? That was the only possibility that occurred to me since we did do exactly that two days ago. Even still, what we talked about couldn’t be farther from the matters of love and romance. And it surely had nothing to do with what Natsuko and I did that night, during our trip to Kyoto.

“O-Oh, is that so? That must be fake news, I can thoroughly confirm that isn’t the case,” I casually deflected the claims.

“I assumed the same too initially, but then I connected the dots. You’ve been acting weird lately, therefore I concluded this must have been why.”

“U-Umm, I can explain…”

I really wanted to clear this mess up, since I wasn’t really dating anyone yet, however—

“No, no, this is no time to apologize. This is a day to celebrate!”

She got up and patted me on the back.

“Y-Yes.”

“Ishida, you finally did it! I’m so proud of you!”

“Kimura, please stop it.”

“Alright, alright,” she went back to her seat and started tearing up a bit, “It's just that I never thought you'd get a girlfriend, I am so happy…”

“Huuuhhhh? Did you really think that little of me? I'm perfectly capable of getting a girlfriend, as you can now clearly witness.”

“Sorry. This brings me memories of our conversation a year ago. You've grown so much, it's incredible!”

Coincidentally or not, about a year ago, we met in this same room. Same layout—we sat on the same chairs, in the same positions, at the same table. It was a consensual and peaceful meeting though, unlike the one I was stuck in right now.

On that day, I had remained slightly longer inside the club room. My upperclassmen and fellow second-years had already left for reasons of their own, leaving me by myself. Lights were already off, I was about to close the door when an unexpected visitor showed up seemingly out of thin air—it was Sakurai Kimura, still fresh from her volleyball activities.

An early evening sun lit up the otherwise dark classroom.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Urgent matters I’m afraid.”

“Is that so? Something about the Cultural Festival preparations? Granted it’s still too early for that. Furthermore, that’s something you should discuss with Kohei, not me.”

“A matter of an even higher gravity.”

“Oh, understood…,” I pronounced the final word increasingly slower as I reached the end of it, indicating respect for the unknown topic at hand.

She grabbed a scarlet red HB pencil and began spinning it through her hands’ fingers, stopping to hit the table with its black convex back each time it had completed a full 360 degrees spin.

“You're seventeen already, Ishida. How can you still possibly be a virgin with zero to minus infinity experience in dating?”

“You're one as well, you know?”

“How can you be so sure? I could be currently dating, you simply don't know about it.”

“You're bluffing.”

“Am I?”

“You tell me.”

“Spare me from that laziness of yours. Put your male detective skills to the test, use your head!”

“...”

“Don't ‘...’ me, get acting!”

“I honestly can't quite get where you want to get with such a call to action. Just what do you expect me to do?”

“‘The writing's on the wall.’”

“I see no characters on either or our surrounding walls. Albeit, I’m glad there aren't any, it's categorically against the school rules to do so.”

“Stop playing dumb. You should be well aware that wasn't meant to be taken literally. It’s an English proverb.”

“I will when you realize I'm not the kind of individual who’d stalk a woman to uncover her darkest secrets, the likes of whether she's currently taken or not.”

“I guess you're right, that'd be a pretty uncouthly manner to approach the issue.”

“So are you going to suggest a different way to tackle the problem at hand?”

“No, drop it altogether.”

“Finally, we can reach a conclusion. So—”

“However, I'm not just giving up on the former issue.”

“Which is—”

“The abysmal lack of love in your life.”

“Hey, just who do you think you are? Last I checked, having a girlfriend isn't a requirement for one to achieve happiness.”

“Perhaps it isn't, but it bothers me enough to prompt me to discuss these matters with my esteemed friend!”

“You have my sincerest thanks, but I don't think you're helping.”

“You'll change your mind after this heart-to-heart conversation, I'm sure.”

“I'll fully state my point—while I do indeed hold a desire to have a girlfriend, to be one hundred percent honest, I find it to be too bothersome to actively seek one, at least right now.”

“And how do you intend to get a girlfriend?”

“I’ll deal with it when the right time comes.”

“How careless. What, do you seriously think a girl is just going to fall out of the sky and land on your arms while you stand frozen at the school's staircase?”

Well, it has certainly worked for some people.

“Or, don't tell me, are you patiently waiting for the girl of your dreams to save you from getting ran over by a truck by the moonlight?”

Well… I mean… I wouldn’t mind that. I would prefer that to being randomly transported to another world.

“Anyhow—you're a hopelessly lost cause, but, worry not. Unlike Ueno, I'll lend you a hand. I promise I'll get you a girlfriend! Or a boyfriend if you swing that way.”

“Which part of ‘I don’t need one right now’ did you not get?”

“What if I volunteered to be your girlfriend?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not interested. Also, that’s not how relationships work.”

“Even if it was just a test run?”

“I’m not about to waste time playing couples.”

“Fine. But I still stick by my promise to get you a girlfriend.”

“I said I don’t need one!”

It continued for a bit more. Despite all that talk, nothing changed. Oh well, things are pretty different now. I got one, through my own effort.

Concerning our current dialogue, a partial climate of curiosity had taken over the room.

“Who is it, who is it?”, she asked, leaning forward without abandoning her seat.

“There’s no way I'm telling you. Figure it out yourself.”

“Is it Nishimura from the science club?”

“No. You're approaching it the wrong way. For all you know, it could be any of the hundreds of girls studying here like us. I could be dating someone from a different class, unbeknownst to you.”

That was obviously a lie. I hadn't even garnered the courage to ask Natsuko out yet.

“Right. Then… is there a hidden reason behind it?”

Her face gained blatant smug contours.

“What is the logic behind that?”

“Think of this whole situation as some sort of hangman game. Guessing random words is a reckless move and often a waste of time unless you are extremely close to the real deal, due to the limited number of attempts available. Therefore, the logical way to tackle it would be to guess letters, namely vowels, as they're more commonly present in words. In this case, any preferences you may have for girls or features of who you’re dating, which should drastically reduce the sample to choose from.”

“What are you? A school register with all the names of the students in there?”

“You can call it a leap of faith. I'm betting it is a friend or acquaintance of mine.”

“Ah, understood. To answer your previous question, no, not really. And yes, it is. Which means…,” I grabbed a paper sheet and a pencil, drawing the four dashes, acting as support, and a circle, stuck onto that very structure, “your hangman now has a head. Six body parts left to draw.”

“Okay! Let’s start! Do you have a fetish for femme fatale? You know, like that red-haired one with big boobs always in black and white attire.”

“That's oddly specific. Also, no.”

I drew a vertical line from the circle’s bottom.

“Oh, would you look at that, he's got a neck now.”

“I see. Then, is she a tsundere? You know, like that German-speaking one-quarter Japanese auburn-haired girl.”

“That's scarily specific! Still, no. Keep trying. And look, it's got an arm now!”

For someone who wanted everything but another talk with Kimura at that time of day, I was starting to have my share of fun.

“Ah, damn!”

“Think carefully, four more mistakes and the poor little guy here dies.”

“Yes,” she adopted a posture analogous to that of The Thinker, “Hmmm, is it a cute kouhai?”

“Not really, though she's certainly cute,” I ended the sentence pridefully.

Another arm. Three dashes remain.

“Is she... a third-year?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, I’m starting to get the hang of it!”

No, you definitely aren’t. If she isn’t an underclassman, it’s obvious she’s a third-year, no? Not like it matters, it can be seen as a double-check to make sure it is what she thinks it is. The answer was guaranteed to be affirmative, nonetheless.

She went forward with her next question.

“Does her first name consist of two or more characters?”

“No.”

I drew a vertical straight from the intersection of the two arms.

“Aaahhhh, crap! This is getting dangerously close! Well, at least now I know it’s one.”

Wrong. It could very well be composed only of hiragana or katakana.

“You can only be wrong once more, think wisely.”

“Mhm!”

A small recap. It’s one of Kimura’s friends or acquaintances, but it can’t be Nishimura. It’s not a femme fatale, a tsundere, or a cute kouhai. It is a fellow third-year whose first name isn’t written with two or more characters, however.

“Ah!”, she had an idea, “Is she from our class?”

“Well played. Yes, it is.”

“Phew… alright, I think I know who it is!”

“Go ahead.”

We had arrived at that part of the game. Kimura was ready to start guessing names, recognizing the amount of information gathered was enough. Therefore, only one choice remained.

She confidently aimed at the center of the target… and shot the arrow.

“Is it Ai?”

I picked up the pencil and drew the second to last straight from the endpoint of the previous straight, what you could call the left leg of the stick man.

“No.”

“Okay… focus, Sakurai. I can’t get this one wrong.”

Wasn’t she taking this too seriously? Not that I cared. If anything, it only made it more amusing.

“Aaahhh, I was being so dumb! It was obvious from the beginning!”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

There it was again. That smug, overconfident face.

“It’s Natsuko, isn’t it,” she monotonously recognized, utterly disappointed in her intellect.

“Yes.”

An equally monotonous response from me.

“So, for how long have you two been dating?”

“Well, I can’t really say we’re dating, we haven’t gone on a date yet…”

“Ah, ok.”

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone. Well, it’s fine if you tell Yokoyama or Naoto, but no further than that, understood?”

“Yes, don’t worry. My mouth is tightly zipped up.”

“Thank you.”

“So… what is it that you like so much about her?”

“Ummm… I like how... she looks, her personality…,” noticing my hesitation, she giggled, “H-Hey!… Don’t look at me like that!”

“That’s the unmistakable sound of love. In other words, you're Love-struck Rose-Gemini Head-over-heels for her.”

“You really didn't need to use a pleonasm just to say that.”

“Better safe than sorry. I didn't want to come across as uncouth or anything similar.”

“Saying someone's in love with another person is perfectly fine, no need to overdramatize it,” I giggled.

“Fitting for the occasion, in my opinion.”

“So, can I go now?”

“Yes. I’ll accompany you until the bus stop.”

And that’s what we both did on that late September ninth afternoon, following that supplementary conversation, eventually parting ways somewhere along the path.

At a later time of day, when that afternoon had already become a memory of the past, I found myself sitting atop my bed, remembering quite possibly Kimura’s best piece of advice this year.

“Ah, so that’s why you two avoid each other. You’re both at a standstill after confessing to each other. Wait,” she became aware of the scale of the issue, “how could there not have been any progress for a whole month?”

I stayed quiet, acknowledging I didn’t have an answer for it.

“Anyway, while I cannot claim to have any more experience than you in the affairs of love, I’ll tell you one important thing. Right now, what you need is confidence. Start by asking her out on a short date. Little by little, your relationship will progress further, and before you realize it, you’re married!”

“Kimura, that’s not the slightest bit funny.”

“Sorry, I momentarily forgot how faulty your sense of humor is. What I’m trying to say here is—if she doesn’t, take the first step, no matter how small it is. You got an amazing girlfriend. Don’t waste the chance. Don’t do something you’ll regret later.”

Back in my bedroom, I was crafting a plan to ask her—my in-house neighbor—out on a date.

“Is a restaurant date too bland? Last thing I’d want to do is disappoint her, especially after not having asked her out for this long!”

Adopting a better posture, I engaged in deeper thought.

“Something simple yet good enough to satisfy her…”

I remained there for a good while, in deep thought.