Chapter 53:

Frozen Heart, Empty Thoughts

(Outdated) Simular Beings


Whenever Bread felt trapped or distressed, he’d made it a habit to watch the wild dandelions dry out in the hot, summer sun. It was better than trying to rummage through his records to find some kind of solution. It was calming. But this time around, there just wasn’t enough. Not enough dandelions, nature. Just not enough of anything.

Instead, he wandered off to the place Coach had shown him before. He climbed his way up atop the abandoned tower to watch the bloodstained sunset fall past the obsidian haze of burning smoke coming from the gym.

Val was right. He didn’t belong. Not here, not anywhere. He was the source of all her problems. He was the reason all of this was happening in the first place.

There was a part of him that just wanted to go back. To the beginning when nothing mattered. He just wanted to go back to that secluded, white room and watch the fake sun set every night over that fake city. Because out here, he couldn’t do anything right. He never even tried to save Coach. It was so certain in his mind, just like his common sense had dictated—

Coach was dead.

It was true. He was dead. None of what he did would’ve mattered, but he could’ve at least tried. Why didn’t he? The memories were clearly not his own. It was that person, Rictor’s memories. He could tell. But then why didn’t he at least try to save Coach? Was he not important to him? Was that what his common sense had dictated that time around? The memories could’ve been fake! Why did he immediately believe it to be true?

Inner records, common sense, and now all these memories… He felt trapped. Like he was still in that blank room, overlooking that fake world below. Even out here, he wasn’t free. He still couldn’t be the clouds or the birds. He couldn’t explore the world the way he had initially dreamed. All he did was blindly follow through with his thoughts as if they were the ones in control, never really questioning what he’d seen in his mind. Was it true? Was it real? Was he real?

And finally, Bread came to a conclusion—Dad was right. Dad was giving him purpose. He could still learn and follow his dreams when he was there in that room. He could cook, paint, create… It was enjoyable even without his life having to be out here. It was better there. In there, he wasn’t hurting anyone.

Tears suddenly welled up in his eyes. What? Was he crying? Why? He wiped them away quickly. He didn’t deserve to cry.

Maybe he shouldn’t go back to the gym after all. He’d just stay here and watch the sun come up and down. Everyday. Until his body deteriorated and rusted away. He’d just wait here and watch. Like what he should’ve done from the very beginning. He should’ve never interfered. But far below, closer to the ground, he heard cries that would try and break him out of his resolve—

“Bread? Bread!”

It was Val.

“Bread! Please, answer me!”

He stayed quiet.

“I’m sorry!”

He’d just let it go. Just like what he’d promised himself he’d do. They weren’t family. They were strangers to begin with. He didn’t deserve that life.

“Please, come back!” her voice croaked. “Please… Don’t leave me too!”

He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks. Why? His hands trembled. I don’t deserve it… If he went back, he’d just ruin everything again. But why did it hurt so much? She was just a stranger. She wasn’t even his sister. He wasn’t even her real brother…

“You’re all I’ve got! Bread!”

He wanted to yell. So badly. But he held his voice in. He closed his eyes and quietly lied down. He’d just sleep through it. He’d just hide, and eventually, she’d forget.

Just like how Dad had forgotten about him.

Bread woke up. Something gently brushed across his hair. Like soft… fingers? Fingers? What? He suddenly tensed up. What was brushing his hair?

The place was abandoned the last time he’d checked. There were no signs of someone having lived there, and it was supposed to be dark. But there was a light source shining from behind his back. A blanket over his body… Someone was clearly there.

Blanket?

He slowly turned his head…

“Oh, did I wake you?” The voice sounded rough but familiar. “My bad.”

Then he finally saw her face. “Val?” Her face was puffed up, and her eye was so bloodshot he could see the red even through the darkness.

“Hey, kiddo.” She continued to brush through his hair. “Please don’t do that again.”

“Val?” he repeated. Coach had mentioned that only he knew about this place. “How did you find me?”

“You really think Coach could keep a secret?” She grinned, but her expression quickly wore off. “Why didn’t you tell me? I know you heard me.”

“Sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry.” She gently patted his chest, swaying side to side. “I’m the one who said all that. I don’t hate you. I just said that in the heat of the moment.”

Bread didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you. For stopping me.” Her voice was so quiet. It almost sounded like a whisper. “I don’t regret ever finding you.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, duh. We’re family. If Coach said so, I’m sure it’s true.”

“My—I think I can see memories.”

“Memories, huh?” She chuckled. “I can see them too.” She tapped on her head. “Right up in this noggin of mine.”

“No, when I zap them. I saw Coach…” His voice wavered. “T-that’s how I knew…” His eyes started to water. And his lips trembled. “Coach said…” He grabbed onto her shirt, hiding his face deep below all the guilt. “I didn’t do anything… to help…”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” She stroked through his hair. “Don’t let it get to you.” She started to rock back and forth. “Just let it all out. Don’t hold any of it in.”

He looked up. “Do you… still believe me?”

“About what?”

“That I saw his memories…?”

“Yeah, I believe you.”

“Are you sure? W-what if I was lying?”

“And why would you do that?”

“Well, maybe I just—just didn’t want you to kill Rictor.”

She smirked. “I can’t believe I took you on a damn heist.” Then she looked away. Her breath faintly wavered under the soft glow of moonlight. “You’re kind. Just like Coach…” She gazed up at the night sky and sighed.

“Are you… okay?”

“I’m okay.” She ruffled his hair. Then she pulled him in closer. “For now.”

Bread followed her gaze and admired the bright, twinkling stars. From here, it was more visible than when they were at the gym. And it was quieter too. His guilt finally started to melt away. And he thought maybe… just maybe…

He could still belong.