Hopeless Act

"Ice cream is better than I thought." I sigh laying in bed and getting under the sheets.

"I told you you'd love it!" She giggles as she joins me.

"Yeah, hah, I had so much fun, I'm dead… But not completely."

She chuckles way too much, I don't see what's so funny.

As she's done, she looks into my eyes with a little smile, I'm not so used to her staring back like this. Shamefully I have no guts, and look away all red.

"Did you know that, every morning when I wake up, I stare at that portrait on the wall?" She says.

I wasn't looking at her face, but the smile she kept on still sent shivers down my spine.

"...I did notice today." I chuckle lowly, too embarrassed to talk. "...But yeah, me too. I think about that portrait all the time. It's by far one of the best things I ever seen." I smile, proud that I could say it.

"And today was by far one of the best days I've ever had." Her smile grows.

"R-Really?" I blush staring up at the ceiling. "You liked that show that much?" I tried to hold my laughter, but I clearly can't.

"No, you imbecile." She says. I start laughing before she does. "It was because I got to spend an entire day with you..."

Controlling her chuckles way better than me, I can't avoid looking at her, smiling as I felt my heart come undone.

"Me too. It was the best day of my life. It feels like it's been ages since we've had so much fun togethe--" My eyes open wide. Everything goes numb for a second. Again, I remember exactly where I'm at.

Forgetting what's real and what's not without even realizing is driving me insane.

"We should do this more often..." She whispers.

"...I agree."

Even if it hurts, I keep looking at her face. She's silent, thinking about something.

Takes her a while to process what I said before, but then she looks in disbelief at me with a cute frown.

"Today was the best day of your life?! What about our wedding?!"

"OH." I've never blushed so hard in my entire life. "No, it w-wasnt happier than our wedding, stupid..."

It was something about hearing her say it, but also the crushing wish to know what it was like. The wish to have lived through every moment of this reality leading to it...

But it's never going back, and it's never going to happen.

"...I'm glad we're married. Really glad." I say with my heart in my throat. Not used to any of it. "It really is the best thing to have happened to me... You have no idea. No idea of how much you mean."

I thought saying those words would be hard enough, but watching her uncontrollably tearing up while not taking her eyes off mine was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do with a straight face.

"Me too. Me too." She says still staring into my eyes, crying her soul out in between her words. "You also have no idea of how much this means to me. I swear."

I can't take any of it anymore. I pull her in, I hug her head tightly once more, not standing to see her like this, not wanting her to see me cry.

"I have. I promise you I do." I do my best so that Hiro doesn't hear me sob, but I know she can still feel the uncontrollable trembling and the shaking voice.

She cries even louder, I hug her tighter. This is destroying everything that is still left of me. Thankfully, she slowly starts calming down. I caress her head as gently as I can until we're both left in the comfortable silence of each others arms.

I kept silently crying, but for now, it was easier to hide.

"...So... You want to put that DVD box on a golden frame too?" She says very lowly.

I can barely hear it, but it syncs in, and I laugh really loud. It wasn't that funny, but I desperately needed the relief of being taken out of my head. She could probably hear it.

"No, fuck you." I say still laughing. "That's a stretch. Let's sleep, stop being so dramati--"

She holds my face, making me look into her eyes again.

She stared surprised at how red were my eyes and how wet was my face. I close my mouth tightly, trembling frightened in place as she looked fixedly at how broken I am.

I really wasn't expecting her to see just how ugly I was crying.

"...You're right. Let's go to sleep... You seem pretty tired."

We stare into each others eyes as she holds me. The deafening sound of my heart trying to burst out of my body seemed to be at it's limit, but without a warning, she gently pulls my face closer to hers. I don't fight back, nothing was needed for me to give in.

On the inside, I learn that all the times I've been exploded, decapitated, killed, are nothing compared to this. I've been through death and back more times than I know numbers. The eternity of restless nights, the heavy burden of the sword, the decades of disrespect... I've seen the worst.

Yet, somehow, no pain is greater than the one she set on my chest.

But from the outside, it was nothing but a goodnight kiss.

I feel the entire weight of all those things I've been carrying drifting away for a short moment. She takes her lips off mine, I'm frozen staring at her face. It felt more real than most the things I've ever felt.

"...Good night." I mutter, so weak even I worried I'd shatter.

"Good night, my love." She smiles.

I hug her once more, taking a deep breath. My chest pounds like crazy, I'm not ready to go back to live without a heartbeat again.

Knowing I was eager to wake up from it made reality even worse.