Chapter 4 - the deciding moment in life

Days has passed, nothing in life moment in life and boredom. Learning school with Malay is hard. 2 days before the ‘orientation’ day is the thing they all talked about. Seeing them brimmed with excitement. 

“Finally the orientation day”

“This is going to be fun”

“I will be part of the tradition”

“My family will be proud of this”

I wonder what that will be. I rather not to get involved. The teacher announce the time for the orientation.

“This Saturday at night all of us will be involved, attendance is compulsory”

Lucas announce to us

“This is the time we the leaders faction, must show the followers who will lead this school…”

Everyone shouted together. My gut feeling telling me not to join this orientation. Lucas called me

“Alex this is a compulsory event and no other excuse other than real emergency, you better learn and experience because this is part of the tradition”

“fine…”

Lucas announce “including the primary is also involved”

My gut feeling came to a reality, a premonition that is really bad. Everyone look at me as if I must join them. Lunch time and I meet with Hana and she had already been close to Steward. Sylvia however has tame a bit, and she tend to look away from me. Did I done something to make her like that? Steward pull my shirt

“Brother Alex, thanks for helping my sister…”

“No prob kid, just be cool with my little sister for me ya..”

Sylvia and Hana still going on ranting

“Bad girl!! Stay away from Big Brother!! I warn you”

The more she is angry the cuter she gets. Sylvia become even closer to her. Steward tried to talk to me again while reading his books.

“Don’t let Hana join the orientation…”

“Let me guess, mobbing…”

Steward just nod. I knew it, something is really wrong about this school. It's really pisses me off!! Those student in the elites is doing something. Damien what would you do, if facing this kind of discrimination between your race? Shit!!

“If anything happen to me in school, I hope you look after Hana for me”

Steward wonder why and I just smile at him.

“Sylvia look after sister for a while, I want to meet Mr Rahman for a while”

“Sure but why?”

“Just do it”

“Big brother…”

“You better be back to class, squirt”

At least, I’m relief that Sylvia is looking after my little sister, because Hana is in the common class. If anything happen to her, I don’t care anymore and I’m going to destroy everything. I approach Mr Rahman’s room. One of the prefect tried to stop me.

“There is a meeting right now”

“Move asshole…”

I barge in the meeting room I saw Halim and another girl who is a prefect.

“Hey, we are having a meeting here!!”

“I’m not talking to you bitch”

“That murderous look means you want to ask something, meet me outside near of the hostel”

“You better be…”

I walk off, and straight towards the place that he wanted to meet. The gangsta spirit in me came back again because something is going to happen to the one that I cared.

“Want do you want to know?”

“Mobbing…”

Mr Rahman flinch his eye brow, seems spot on. I really can’t wait to punch him, after that I’m going to punch my dad after this.

“Maybe or maybe not”

“Don’t play games with me”

“This is not America where you shoot whatever you could see”

I’m really burning with rage right now. But suddenly I remember Natalie is crying when I was in cuff from the cops in LA. where Damien and me join a gang that is called the ‘102’

“You should think with your head for once, even if you kill me, someone will take my place. By Allah only knows what will happen. Give an answer to me when on the orientation day”

Mr Rahman hold my shoulder and leave the place. I kick the wall really hard that it crack. That is my feeling right now. Someone was behind me, suddenly hug me. It is Hana, she is crying.

“Stop it Big Brother!! You scaring people now!! I don’t want you to disappear again, ahhhh!! Waaaa!!!” I was gripping my fist and shaken in anger. Sylvia and Steward were there as well and they are afraid. That is expected, you don’t know me, you don’t know what I went through only Allah knows what I went through. Hana crying begging me to stop.

“I promise I will listen to you Big Brother, I want the gentle big brother that cared for me!! Waaa!!!”

I calm down a bit, and my sanity started to came to my sense.

“Hana”

“Yes big brother?”

“Promise me, don’t become like me”

“Yes I will, but I want you back”

Sylvia seems terrified yet I know she is trying to talk to me, Steward tried to touch my scar that I got from Hiew.

“Is it painful?”

“Yeah, like hell”

“Alex…”

“She beg for me to find you, she told us that you going to become a monster again”

“Yeah, I am monster…scared of me?”

Slyvia shook her head and said to me

“No, but I know you are a knight in armor”

Huh?! What is she doing. Her lips kiss my cheek. Hana was shocked and tried to push her away. She tried to protect me again

“Bad girl get away from big brother!!”

Steward tried to lecture Sylvia. I begin to smile. I could not hold it.

“Hahahahaha!!”

Yeah, I’m better than this. Thanks Hana, you really cool me down when I’m really at loss.

I knock her head

“You going to missed the class, come on I’ll sent you with Steward”

“Sylvia you better head back later you going to miss class”

Sylvia did not listen and said to me

“You better take responsibility, escort me back to the class like usual”

“Fine..”

“Brother Alex…thanks for being my big sister friend”

“Yeah”

Sylvia brighten in delight and clutch my arm and Hana pull her back

“Let my brother go!!”

We reach their classroom and I escort Sylvia back to her classroom. They look in their eyes annoys me. This commotion is going to give me a strange rumours. On the way back to the classroom I see Amin looking at someone and called him.

“Hey Amin…”

“Alex what’s up”

“What are you doing?”

“See that girl?”

I just saw the strangest thing that I have ever seen. A dancing girl all alone in the school yard.

“She is Mariam, she is child prodigy in performance arts. She’s in class 3 Melissa. She rejected the elite class…wow…”

I know 99% that Amin is in love.

“Then go ahead meet her”

“No way, I did that approach she is like a fairy who runs away from guys like us”

I head towards her

“Hey!! Alex!! Come back here!!”

“Hey Mariam”

Mariam stop dancing and look at me

“This guy wanted to talk to you”

“Hey Alex…”

Mariam observing me and said

“You are interesting…but what do you want Amin?”

“Umm….”

Mariam gets closer to Amin

“Huh…what is it?”

“Uhh….”

“….”

Amin began to mumble

“Just say it Amin!!”

“I like you!! Mariam!!”

Amin face turn red and Mariam look at him and said

“I like you too…”

Proud of you Amin. Now you are a man

“I like you too as well”

Huh!? What?! Ain’t that confusing me. It’s not me you should said that. Its this guy! he took his courage just to confess to you.

Amin was also shocked that he froze himself.

Mariam then hold her head to his chest.

“Hello! Earth to Amin?”

This strange girl is a natural airhead, god damn I feel sorry for Amin though. Well, I leave them be. I see Mariam waited Amin. Well at least she doesn’t walk away. Since there is no class for these two days. I wonder what is the teacher is doing, pretty boring even if I wanted to be back to class. But I’m just annoyed going back to that class. When I arrived in the classroom. It was self study. I sat at my table and someone mumbling to each other.

“That guy Alex suddenly barge in to the teacher Rahman’s office.

“I heard he scared and insulted the prefect”

“He doesn’t look like a model elite to me”

“His vulgar attitude, doesn’t deserved this class”

That noise is what I called, peer pressure. Something that I learned during my time in America. But I’m used to it, even in America they look at me like I don’t deserved to be there. But meeting friends that had chemistry is what i had become now. Someone is calling me, Amin? And Mariam? What the hell?

“Can I talk to you?”

“What the hell you want to talk to me? Is Amin wanted to be with you..”

“Amin is already mine”

“And…?”

“I need to talk to you”

Mariam whisper to my ear

“You know, I had a friend that always talk about you Alex”

Surprised, curious, and confuse at the same time. Who is this girl? Natalie never told me about anyone except that? Is that what it is? Although i did remember when Natalie tried to beat me every time I talk about New York during her fashion design exhibition. But I just let it go with the flow then. I stand up and I agreed to talk to her.

“Maybe after school at the podium”

“Podium got it”

I pick up Hana and head straight to the podium, since today is also Mom will be back late, maybe we could hang around for a while. I saw Amin and Mariam sat there together and KISSING!? Hana saw it with her eyes shining.

“Just like big brother and big sis”

“Don’t look squirt!!” I close her eyes

Her style and attitude is not something like those normal student in this school. Like a familiar feeling back in the states, straight forward talks, and she spoken American slang English. This is getting me curious like hell. Maybe I could find out what is going on. I waited for them and Mariam shouted at us.

“Do you want to watch it like a porn video?”

Oi!! There is my little sister here!! She’ll hear it!! She is definitely under American influence.

“Then when are you going to talk?”

Mariam point her finger to wait while she is intimately kissing Amin. Are you trying to ruin Amin? The way she is leading like she is in control. After for a while, she had stopped kissing and said to Amin.

“There, is enough to convince you that I really like you a lot, got it my boy”

Amin froze instantly again

“Hello, earth to Amin? Not again”

“He is an idiot…aint that right Alex?”

“Whatever as long he loves you right?”

“Yep he does…”

“Now what do you want to talk about?”

Mariam suddenly getting closer to me. And she smelling me. What on earth? She look at me like I’m guilty.

“I smell it…”

“Huh?! What are you talking about?”

She whispered at my ears

“You’re not a virgin…”

That just jolt my head, what is she? A psychic? Hana push her away

“Another bad girl, get away from big brother!!”

I started to become curious and ask her

“Before this damn place, which school did you went?”

“International school of performance arts, New York”

Should I need to ask her a bit more? But maybe its not Natalie

“That crazy and out of this box, cosplay girl, she was there during the art performance event in New York. The only one that is wearing a victorian dress”

It's Natalie!! Wait… maybe she did know her? Should I tell her? Or maybe going deep? Damn it!!

“Last week I called her you know…” Mariam smile at me. It has to be it! Just maybe at least I would find out what happen in New York.

“You really good at making a girl cried, she is madly in love with you”

Now what which girl? How the hell I could figure it out if she keep playing games like this. This really pisses me off!! For fuck sake just tell me the name already will ya! My mind is going crazy like this!

“Enough games!!”

Mariam did not even flinch or react. That means she is use living in that environment. If its New York then she had live there longer.

“Harlem is always my home.”

“So..”

“I just got to know her for a while but she really is a talker, she always called me Mar, that Nat”

“Nat…there is a lot of Nat there…”

“Natalie Felicity Hawk, ring any bells?”

Fuck it is her! Then she must known her. I become excited and hold her shoulder.

“Then…” Hana kick me

“Big brother stop holding her!!”

“Then you must be Hana, she talks a lot about you as well”

I felt comfortable talking to her maybe that is the reason why. She is also lived in America before.

“You have been in a better place there but why living in here?

“Family..what a bummer…when mom started to explain to me that we need to return back to Malaysia, I was really upset about that. I got friends there as well!!

“Right! My mom also suddenly ask us to return back home. 6 years I have been there!”

Amin look at me feeling jealous, and Hana ask her

“Do you know big sis?”

“Yep, since we in the same place, at least we had a circle of friends that understand”

Mariam pull Amin hand and clutch his arm.

“Hey Amin, do you feel jealous?”

“Huh, uh…no….I…okay….its Alex…..but I never knew that you know him”

“Huh..if Nat keep ranting about him everyday of course I will remember from how he look, how he talk and many more”

What! What did Natalie share with her, I wonder how deep did she share, I’m sure she did not share that! That really making me embarrassed. I wonder what else she is trying to say.

“Would you be my friend?”

“Yeah”

“Cool, homeboy”

We did a fist pump. And Mariam smile. I really wanted to sent a message to Natalie but what the heck, this is a good start.

“So, where do you hang out during lunch?”

“The podium looking after my little sister”

“Then me and Amin will hangout there as well, Right Babe?”

“Ah..yeah will, at least got to hangout with Alex”

“Mariam, I wanted to sent you back to home, okay?”

“Right on Babe, see ya!!”

Mariam and Amin walk back out of school. Me and Hana waited for Mom back from office.

“Honk!! Honk!!”

“That’s Mom, come on lets go Hana”

“Got it Big Brother!!”

We return to our prison, our home which is dad is there waiting for us. Another annoying day for me. Mom ask me to carry Sam from the car seat, Dad looking at Mom and looks like they are arguing again. What is going on right now? I took out Sam, Hana and head towards the neighbour house. Dad shouted at me

“Where are going?!! Bringing all of them outside”

“Well if you want to shout at all of us, in the first thing you arrive here, I rather bring them to me”

I walk off, while Mom continuing arguing with Dad. I reach the neighbour house since its almost asar, I beg her to teach us Quran while waiting for my parent done with what are they doing. I’m not letting them listening to Mom and Dad arguing. But I’m also worried as well, after I have done my Quran class. I ask the teacher to let them stay with her while I’m going back home to see them.

Just as I’m arrive, I heard a loud noise inside. I’m instantly entered the house and saw Dad hitting Mom. Mom is laying down in pain. That fucker!! I lost it and started beating my dad. I punch his face and he flew off, slammed at the drawer.

“Fucker!! Is that all what you think treating Mom like a punching bag!!”

“Alex stop it!!”

“That’s it Mom!! This man is the reason Mom like this!! Get the hell out fucker!!”

“Is this what you teach him!!”

“Stop it Man!!”

I punch him again, my sight just set at that fool of a man that beat Mom. I did not care anymore, all I know that this asshole is not part of my family. First trying to make me like him! Then taking control of Mom and now this.

“I don’t care if you want to beat me, if you touch Mom, Hana and Sam like this”

I shoved my middle finger at him and kick him.

“Get out from this house!!”

I lost it, my anger took control and lucky that Hana and Sam is at the neighbours house. Mom however is scared at me. She suddenly slap me.

“Is that how you treat you father!!”

I felt that sharp feeling from Mom’s hand. But I couldn’t help, there is no way I could just stand there looking at Mom beaten like that. From that day, he is not my dad but just another asshole that trying to rip my family apart. Mom tried to console Dad, why Mom!? Dad pushes her away, I instantly kick to his body.

“Asshole!!!”

“Stop it Alex!!”

“Come on Man, let me treat your wound”

Dad and Mom gone upstair.

“Clean this up Alex, please…”

“Fine…”

I clean up the living room, and throw all the broken stuff into the bin. Then I pick up Hana and Sam. The teacher ask me what have happen. I lied to her.

“Nothing just that Dad fell down from the drawer and accidentally hurt himself”

“Well then, but if there anything happen again, just come to this house”

“Thank you and sorry to burden you teacher”

I carried Sam, and Hana. I hope that they did not hear that just now. I clean up Sam, and Hana. Mom went out from her room. She did not look at me, and begin to cook dinner.

“Alex…”

“Yeah Mom?”

“Sorry…but I really had a glimmer of hope that Dad will change”

“I don’t want to hear that man’s name again”

“He is your father, that you must respect that”

“By letting you beaten down, that not how I see it”

“Sometimes, a wife had to obey the husband even though how rough it is”

“No..no way…..I don’t want to accept, if Mom ask me to apologise him, there is no fucking way”

“That is not how us muslim act”

“I made a promise Mom, that I’ll look after all of you”

“Alex when you grow up and had a family please…don’t be like Dad”

“I plan not to..”

I had a feeling of regret right now. Bringing them back to Malaysia is a bad idea now. But I what I can do, I’m just 15 year old boy. Money… hah I had none, power nothing. Damn it, if I had superpowers I just flies off and bring mom, Hana and Sam back to the States. Mom brought food to that asshole. But I lost my appetite. Hana and Sam is eating right now. I waited for them finish their dinner. Hana suggest to me.

“Big brother, let us stay together in your room”

“Okay”

“Yay!”

I brought Hana and Sam in my little room and setup the bed, Hana and Sam sleeps in my bed and I sleep on the floor. It is small but I felt safer and secured looking after them. I heard a door have been open. I lock this room making sure no one entered this tiny paradise of mine. I open my computer and begin writing my journal there. There is no wifi so had to wait until dad leave home or I had to go to a cyber cafe. I’ really sleepy now.  Gotta sleep.