Salut d’amour

The music for this chapter: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5C2wgiyvB0LwUi6aPbEqI3?si=e497a9fbfd8a4037 (copy-pastable version in the comments)

Being here in this classroom was extremely tiring for me, I could feel why Tine told me to rest, but Aleksei acted like he did not notice it. So, I plowed myself through teaching the couple of cello students that were on the planning today.

The first thing that I found to be problematic was that Aleksei did not allow me to use my own cello to explain stuff as he had done with me and forced me to do everything through the scores. The only one where he allowed me to use my cello was Sara. So, most of the time I was forced to think about every little thing that I wanted them to play differently and on how I should note that down. I realized that I would have to study up on my musical notation if I wanted my students to get what I was saying, since I could not just show them.

I could see that some of them did not trust me, and I could understand them. Even I thought Aleksei was messing around a little too much. I had no confidence at all that I would be able to make them listen to me. I wasn’t a charismatic figure like my father. I dreaded my initiation into conducting for that very same reason.

When I returned to my dorm room exhausted, I laid myself on my bed. I wanted to rest for a little while before practicing my own music, but I wasn’t allowed even this short bit of rest because again, I was disturbed by a knock at the door.

“It’s open!” I shouted a bit irritated.

The door opened and I noticed Nastya looking into the room. She smiled when she noticed me on my bed and walked toward me. Instantly I felt self-conscious about letting someone enter while I was in this messy state. I needed to get with the program and realize that I wasn’t at home anymore.

“I am glad to see you are feeling better.” She took a seat on the side of the bed. The first thing that went through my mind was everything Tine said Nastya had done for me while I was out, and my heart was suddenly imitating a metronome on presto.

Now that she had stopped avoiding me, I wanted to finally have that talk with her that we failed to have, and I really needed to thank her for taking care of me. But first things first: “Thank you for finding my hair clip,” I said while touching it.

“I would not want to lose a memento from my mother either. Those things are important.”

She then removed her necktie and started unbuttoning her shirt.

“W-What are you doing?”

Seeing me all flustered, made Nastya giggle. “Relax, I want to show you something.”

I know you are about to show me something! But was she really doing this?

My nervousness seemed to have set her at ease. Seeing me all flustered made her giggle. After opening the top three buttons of her shirt I could see a beautiful necklace hanging around her neck with a little locker at the bottom.

“I also carry a memento from my mother.” She then said. I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time that she was just showing me her necklace. Wait… Why was I also feeling disappointed?

“This was an engagement present from my dad to my mother. I always keep it close to my heart. It even has a picture of both of them inside.” She clicked it open to show me the picture. My eyes turned big immediately. That man… I recognized him immediately. He was the wraith that attacked me!

“So, you see, we are the same. I would not want to lose something so precious either.”

“Seeing that picture, makes me feel like I have seen your father before,” I said. Maybe I could find out more about him for Lise and Rosalinde.

Nastya smiled at me and said “You have seen him before. Don’t you remember? I think it was when we were both 5 years old. We played together during the entire summer of that year.”

As I tried scanning my memories a sharp headache assailed me. Inge had taught me that feeling was my body resisting diving into painful memories. This happened a lot when I tried to bring up memories that had my father in them. Inge also taught me that if I wanted to bring back these memories, I needed to try and dig for them via another road. A bit like how the direct route at a glance isn't always the fastest or safest route to get somewhere.

Seeing that it didn’t ring any bells, Nastya started to expand on her memories.

“I called your dad Uncle Tim, and you called my dad Uncle Serge. My dad used to drive us around when he was with us during the weekend. My grandpa and Uncle Tim were working all the time, and your mother took care of both of us during the week, so my dad tried to make up for it during the weekends.”

It hardly rang any bells. When I was small, we traveled all over Europe, staying a few weeks or months at the same place before moving on. It was only when I needed to start elementary school that our residence became fixed in Brussels.

I wanted to apologize for not remembering, but then Nastya said “When dad took us to Disneyland Paris, I dropped my ice cream, and you gave me this to comfort me.” She showed me a little snowball glass key hanger with one of the Disney princesses singing inside that was connected to her purse.

A rush of memories started flooding me. I remembered wanting my friend to stop crying. “You’re a lot prettier when you smile,” I whispered.

“So, you do remember!” Nastya said excitedly.

“But it’s strange… I don’t remember going to Disneyland, but I remember the pretty crying girl.”

Nastya started blushing at that remark.

“Wait, I just remembered something!”

More and more memories started to come back. I felt as if a giant wave engulfed me. I jumped up out of my bed a bit excited and picked up my cello and started playing the theme of “The sorcerer apprentice” by Dukas. “Didn’t we watch this together in the evening? A live concert while they projected Fantasia?”

Nastya started giggling “That was Uncle Tim’s and grandpa’s big concert. I remember you were so scared that you held my hand during “A night on Bald Mountain”.”

Now it was me who started blushing. I used to be such a crybaby. I still was… But luckily I had Lise to help me these days. Her presence in the cello felt soothing although right now, it felt like she was a little irritated. Didn’t she like Ducas?

“Just a second.” Nastya got up and left the room for a second and she came back with her violin in her hand.

“Remember this?”

She started to play a joyful tune on her violin that I remembered immediately. Elgar’s Salut D’amour (Love's greeting). Images of my dad on the piano, A younger (but still old) Aleksei on the cello, and Uncle Serge playing the violin for mom, Nastya, her mom, and I in the living room started pouring in. It was a cozy evening full of laughter and music. I remembered Aleksei as a very warm and friendly man who even let me play his cello. How could I have forgotten this moment? It was the moment that I decided I wanted to learn to play the cello. I remembered how glad dad was that I showed interest in playing classical music too.

While a tear started rolling down my eye, I brought my bow to my string and started playing with her, doing my best to bring that atmosphere of a group of people that would never be together in the same room again back.

Instead of the laughter and joyous atmosphere, our version had a deep melancholic undertone, but I was happy nevertheless to share this moment with someone. It was a memory we both shared, and we had both lost just as much so it was easy to connect.

“He’s here,” Rosalinde whispered in my head. I turned my head to see my dad and Uncle Serge watching the two of us play. But Nastya’s dad wasn’t exuding that wraith aura this time.”

“Try to find out more about him... It will empower us enormously.”

“Wait,” I replied in my mind.

“What do you mean? This is our chance to get the power to get rid of him forever.”

“I can’t lie to Nastya about this.”

Lise sighed. “This is so typical of you. She does not even need to know but you can’t help but feel it’s wrong. It is part of why I fell in love with you. That honesty of yours. But I am not so sure she will take the whole ghost thing well.”

“Can I talk to Aleksei about it first?” Rosalinde had made me keep everything secret to Aleksei as part of our pact. I think it was mainly because she did not like him and wanted to spite him. She appeared to have quite the history with the Fjodorovs.

“Fine, fine, I get it. I wouldn’t want you to ruin your chances with her. You can talk to the father.”

“What on earth are you talking about? I just don’t like lying to my friends.”

“Hmph!” The both of them let out a scoff at the same time, and I could feel it was the end of our conversation.

While Nastya and I continued our duet I could not help but feel a little more self-conscious after Lise’s jealous outburst. Was I really looking at her that way? Slowly we started digging a little deeper, entering a place where it was just me and Nastya and the feelings and sentiments over a time that would never return that we were sharing. When the song started to slow down and looked we looked at each other to play the final note, I could see that I wasn’t the only one crying.

I put down my cello and walked over to her and embraced her in a hug.

“Why did he not want to be with me? Am I not enough? Why does everyone always leave me?”

Even though I knew the pain of loss, this was a pain that I could not imagine. Her father chose to die and leave his loved ones including her behind. It was different from losing someone in an accident. I could feel her sobs, so I caressed her hair and tried to be the best friend I could be “It’s alright, just let it out. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you.”

In response, Nastya hugged me tighter and looked up sheepishly into my eyes.

Just at that moment Sara and Axelle burst into my room “Do you girls want to go and have dinner with us?” Sara shouted jovially. Before Both Axelle and Sara’s eyes turned big from astonishment. “I’m sorry. We’re interrupting. I thought it would be okay after you finished playing the song. I should have known with something like "Salut d’amour"…” Axelle quickly said.

Seeing Axelle’s face that looked exactly like Lise’s made me immediately loosen my grip and I looked downward. I felt like I just got caught doing something wrong, but Nastya just kept on holding me.

Axelle grabbed Sara by her hand, who was looking at me with her mouth agape and dragged her back out of the room. Before she closed the door again, Axelle gave me a thumbs up. Did I just witness the birth of an enormous misunderstanding?

“I hope they didn’t get the wrong idea…” I said a bit troubled.

“Why? Would that be so bad?” Nastya asked. It seemed that the ruckus had cleared her emotional state. Seeing my shocked face, she started giggling. “You should see the look on your face!” Phew, she was just teasing me. I felt relieved but an uncomfortable feeling washed over me at the same time.

“L-let’s go and join them for dinner before the gossip gets out of control,” I said still a little flustered.