7. A Baneful Monkey

~ Ham Song ~

Dear Traveler, you may have remembered from our last telling that the pig barfed when he saw the previously underwhelming sun clone become resplendent and godlike. For clarification, he barfed real barf this time – there was nary a peach in sight.

Well, you could only imagine Ham Song’s joy when he saw that the gold lotus the monkey was branded with grew even more pronounced and intense.

I’ve never seen a sun become so respendlent in such a short amount of time. He’s the one! He has to be.

In that moment, the pig vowed that he would not leave the monkey’s side. No matter what.

Ham Song watched on as the Radiant Nameless Sun crouched before the body of fuming trolls and rocked on his heels like one tender and juvenile.

Legendary peaches and monkey spirits. The combination was truly as awesome as it was unpredictable. Somehow the monkey’s dirty apron and serving uniform transformed into luxury activewear. His feral essence gave him a manuka honey complexion. The hair on his head and face resembled a texture closer to fur.

The golden brown of his eyes did not change; however, all the minutiae of muscles surrounding them were knowing, mischievous, yet at the same time idle and wandering.

“You there, troll.” Radiant Nameless Sun pointed to the leader as if he hadn’t just pitched him across the room moments ago. “Have you seen my staff?”

The trolls made no indication that they heard what the monkey had said.

“Kill the baneful monkey!” The leader roared as he drummed his club against his thigh. The troll minion closest to the sun clone volunteered to impress his leader first.

“Have you seen my staff?” the monkey repeated as the troll barrelled in his direction. When the troll got close enough, the monkey dodged the swing of his club, took hold of his wrist, and flipped him onto his back.

Then he stepped over him. “Thanks anyway.”

One troll after the other launched themselves at the Radiant Nameless Sun. He evaded their attacks without pausing to anticipate how the troll would move. He just reacted. After which, he immobilized his attacker. It was really quite a fascinating scene to behold. None of the customers would dare root for the baneful monkey in the presence of the troll gang, but you could tell by their faces that they were eager to see what he would do next.

The radiant clone made his way to the table where the spider spirit was being held captive. He struck up a conversation with her as if there weren’t a dozen trolls attacking him from all sides. Ham Song could not catch what the monkey was saying, but he suspected that it was more than just “Have you seen my staff?”

The leader of the Yingchi Bastards barked a harsh warning at the monkey to get away from the spider, but the chances of the monkey even acknowledging him was laughable at this point.

In the end, the monkey helped the spider to her feet and after a few evasive flips and cartwheels he escorted her through the front door of the noodle house. A grunt came from the troll outside, who had been stationed to guard the door.

“Lawful, benign monkey!” Ham Song wailed after him.

So even with the mark of the gold lotus, this ape is no different than the rest, Ham Song realized. Once he gets his hands on some Luck and a few peaches, he’s off to increase his rank.

The trolls hesitated as their master roared at them to pursue the monkey spirit. Some complained that they could not stand. Some did not even bother to rise from the floor.

The tension in the room that radiated from the customers deflated as soon as the monkey left. They eased back into their own conversation. Several called over waiters for their checks.

Gong-jon took advantage of the distracted trolls. Ham Song squirmed as he approached.

“Come here, pig. Back into the pantry with you.”

For once, Ham Song did not want to return to the dark guest room and binge on yummy junk.

“No!” He squealed. Although his hooves were still bound, he bounced away towards . . . towards . . .

There was nowhere for the pig to go. He flopped over onto his sensitive, fleshy snout and cried out. Tears collected around the pink pockets lining his bright, dark eyes. The monkey hadn’t just been his means of escape from the noodle house. He might have been something more.

Ham Song’s eyes pinched closed. I don’t want to be alone anymore.

“There he is!”

The doors burst open in time with the pig’s eyes to see the monkey cartwheeling back inside the belly of the restaurant. Ham Song gaped in disbelief as the monkey whistled past his trollish oppressors.

When he came face to face with the pig, he scooped him up just like he had the spider. Ham Song didn’t know what to do except sob in gratitude.

“Oh, my little porky companion,” the monkey cooed as he skipped atop the skulls of the trantrumming trolls, “you didn’t think I would leave you here in this derelict noodle house, did you?”

The fly boss pursued them, surprisingly nimble despite the stampede of trolls in his way.

“Sun Ritsu! You better drop that pig right now or I’ll –”

The monkey leapt onto the nearest rafter, paused and swiveled until he was facing Gong-jon.

“Or you’ll what? Fire me?”

Gong-jon’s glamour quivered. “MAYBE!”

The Radiant Sun Ritsu threw back his head and laughed long and deep.

“Goodbye, Gong-jon, you ugly, putrid fly.” The monkey backflipped off the rafter onto the second layer of the noodle house and crashed through a window.

A shower of broken crystals fanned around Ham Song, but he was protected by Sun Ritsu’s warm, furry embrace. The air was damp, but satisfyingly chilly as the monkey sprinted through the fog across the rooftop.

“Lawful, benign monkey,” Ham Song said, “not be rude, but where are we going?”

Another low, uncultivated laugh. “My plan was to ride a cloud through the Ninth Heaven until I found my staff.” He came to a stop at the edge of the roof. “But I need my staff in order to cloud-somersault. So that won’t be happening.”

He put Ham Song down and knelt beside him. After using his canines to tear off the rope binding the pig’s feet, he said, “And the spider lady disappeared somewhere. So I can’t ask her for directions . . .” He began to curl up beside Ham Song.

“Monkey, what are you doing?”

Sun Ritsu yawned. “Even though they were covered in your belly milk, those peaches were so good. Let me know when you have more, ‘kay little pig?”

Ham Song nudged the monkey spirit, squealing, “We haven’t even left the noodle house!”

But it was no use, for Sun Ritsu was fast asleep.

~

Dear Traveler, you need to ease up on our half-baked hero. It takes a lot out of a sun clone to hold his own against a family of trolls with just the aid of three immortal peaches.

No, Sun Ritsu and Ham Song are not out of the woods yet.

What happened to Anari, you ask? Oh wouldn’t you like to know.

Bodhi too?

I can’t talk about all of them at the same time. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m not that talented, nor do I get paid enough to even try.

So how about this: I’ll tell you about the spider and then we’ll move onto the drunk.

Yeesh, Dear Traveler. You are impatient as you are brainless.

But worry not, we’ll work on that together.