9. Pork Buns

What do you think of the story so far, Dear Traveler? Our mediocre hero is not so mediocre when he’s in his Immortal State, is he?

Yes, that’s what we call it – the Immortal State. In fact it has many names. Ascension, the Radiant State, the Resplendent Glory of the Highest Sun or the Glorious Resplendence of the Highest Sun.

Do I have an Immortal State? Well, of course I do. I am a sun clone after all.

Dear Traveler, did you notice how surprised the other characters were by Sun Ritsu’s transformation? There’s a reason for that. The journey to the Immortal State is not meant to be that immediate. Our Sun Ritsu is a bonafide freak of nature.

Why?

I have no clue why. Well I do, but I’m not telling you. At least not yet.

Ha! Because you haven’t earned it. So hush, and pay attention to the rest of the story.

~

~ Sun Ritsu ~

Sun Ritsu woke up to pain in his neck and pretty much everywhere in his body. He felt wet and sticky in some places and cold all over. He blinked his eyes open and looked around.

How did I wind up on the roof?

Something at his elbow snorted. He looked to his left to see the pig from before curled up beside him. The sweat coating his body glistened under the morning sun. The pig’s warm pink hue reminded Ritsu of the peach he bit into last night.

Was it even last night? How long have I been asleep?

Well, however long it was, he definitely had to pee. Sun Ritsu went to the back of the noodle house to take care of his business. He was startled by the body lying there among the jagged boulders. The tide of the liquid void lapped at the spirit’s heels.

“Hey man, be careful. That stuff burns after a while.”

There was no response.

In mid-piss, Ritsu squinted at the spirit. Oh, he’s asleep. He stared harder. And . . . he’s not a spirit.

Since returning to the spirit world, Ritsu had not met very many humans. Still, he knew that some were capable of gaining access to the Ninth Heaven. This one appeared to be a monk.

Whoops.

Ritsu got control of his aim. The monk was already covered in bruises and dirt. It was clear that he — or she??? — hadn’t bathed in days. Possibly months. A little urine wouldn’t make things that much worse.

“Lawful, benign monkey! There you are!”

Caught off guard by the pig, Sun Ritsu turned, spraying the monk even more.

The pig snorted and leapt back. “Watch it!”

“Sorry.” Ritsu zipped up his pants.

The pig waddled over on four stumpy legs. “Were you just pissing on that monk? If you had a soul, you would go to hell for that.”

Ritsu touched his temple and leaned against the wall of the restaurant. “How did we get here? Where did Anari go?”

The pig sniffed in the direction of the monk and violently sneezed. “You mean the she-spider? Oh, she ditched.”

Ritsu slouched against the wall. “Oh.” Was it something that I did? Something I said?

The pig trotted up and rested a sympathetic hoof on his ankle. “I wouldn’t get too hung up on the spider, monkey. She had no need for you anymore. So she left. Such is the nature of most spirits.”

Ritsu sighed. “I know that. It’s just . . .” he stared at the pig. The memory of the spider momentarily dissolved. “So, if you’re not a wild pig, then where is your glamour?”

The pig gave a shuddering oink, as if in pain. “I don’t have one.”

Ritsu opened his mouth to ask why, but the pig piped up first. “Can we . . . talk about something else, please, monkey?”

Ritsu shrugged. “Uh, sure. I don’t think I ever got your name.”

The pig sat on his haunches and flared out his batlike ears. “Ham Song.” Then he held out his little hoof. Ritsu knelt down and gently shook it.

“Sun Ritsu.”

Ham Song shook Ritsu’s hand and smiled as much as a pig possibly could.

“My dear Sun Ritsu. You don’t remember anything that happened last night, do you?”

Still smiling pleasantly, Ritsu confessed, “I do not.”

Ham Song spun the tale of Sun Ritsu’s victory over the Yingchi Bastards. He assumed that because of his unnatural amount of Luck, they were not detected on the roof.

“You were unbelievable, monkey.”

Ritsu groaned. “I can’t believe I lost my job.”

“To be clear, you quit,” Ham Song corrected. “Right after you called your boss ugly and putrid.”

Ritsu groaned again. This is what you get for trying to go on an adventure without thinking things through!

“Lawful, benign monkey,” said the pig, “We have to get out of here before Gong-jon realizes we’re still around.” His tone was patient, but his words were urgent.

Ritsu nodded as he rubbed his face a few times. From between his fingers, he caught sight of the monk again. Lowering his hands, he said, “We have to bring him.”

Ham Song’s ear twitched. “Who? The monk? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why? The void sea could burn his skin enough to send him to the Lake of Ninefold Darkness.”

Ham Song stomped his hoof. “Sun Ritsu, I’m sorry, but look at him. He’s a drunk.”

Ritsu tilted his head. “I think he looks more like a she.”

~

~ Bodhi ~

Bodhi became aware and pulled themself upright in – they looked around – a restaurant booth?

So I never left the noodle house? Fantastic. Hold on . . .

Their vision came into better focus. This wasn’t the same noodle house. In fact, it looked more like the inside of a floating snack depot. The walls and furniture were painted orange and white with accents of green. Sitting across from them was the monkey and the pig from the noodle house.

The pig blurted, “Are you a boy or a girl? Sun Ritsu thinks you’re a girl, but I disagree.”

Bodhi looked around. There was a pork bun sealed in clear plastic on the table next to a styrofoam container of instant ramen.

The monkey said, “I didn’t know which one you wanted. I know monks are vegetarian, so I got the noodles, but you also smelled like you had a lot to drink so I thought maybe you weren’t a real monk and got you the pork bun too.”

Bodhi cocked an eyebrow at the pig, who was also chowing down on a pork bun.

The pig licked his single tusk. “Don’t ask.”

Warily, Bodhi went for the bun. “I am a real monk.”

The pig turned to the monkey. “Now that the monk’s awake, I agree with you, monkey. She does look more like a girl.”

Bodhi went for the ramen after swallowing the pork bun. The monkey stammered, “So that was actually supposed to be mine– ”

As if they hadn’t heard him, Bodhi broke the seal on the chopsticks and barked, “Waiter! Can we get some hot water over here?”

When it was clear that the monk had no intention of handing over the noodles, the sun clone got up and wandered down an aisle. The pig stretched his plastic wrapper out over the tabletop with his little hooves as he licked it clean.

“We found your sloppy ass down by the ditch behind Gong-jon’s. You practically had one foot in the Lake of Ninefold Darkness.”

Someone dropped off a kettle of boiling water. Bodhi poured some of it into their container.

“And, pig?”

“Ham Song is my name,” he said. “And you could show a little gratitude to the monkey. He’s gentler than the average spirit.”

Bodhi drank the scalding broth first. “So what you mean is, outside of his Immortal State, he’s an idiot.”

Ritsu sat down. “It’s okay. I just got another one.” He cheerfully opened the pork bun sealed in plastic. “But that was the last of my money.”

~

What’s wrong, Dear Traveler? Don’t you want to know what happened to Anari?

Don’t worry, we’ll return to this riveting conversation over pork buns. Trust me, our lackluster hero has nowhere to be but right here in this snack depot until we get back.